


The Hottest Fires Burn Blue

by KallistoGray



Category: The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Emma is super oblivious, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hand Jobs, Humor, Julian always knows what to say (and when to keep quiet), Kit is so far gone for Ty, M/M, Mangos, Porcupines, Rimming, Seriously the girl has no idea what’s up, Slow Burn, That one fic that will make you want to adopt a pet rock, Ty is blindly in love, Ty is sexy AF, and also, pet rocks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-26 00:30:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 129,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13846263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KallistoGray/pseuds/KallistoGray
Summary: Kit forgot how to speak.Words. To speak you must say words.But he completely forgot how to say words. How does a person say words again?Open your mouth and let words come out.This seemed like a good tactic.“I like mangos.” He managed to say. Ty just stared at him.Seriously?! Those are the words you chose to say?*****We follow Kit and Ty’s relationship after the events of LOS. Fluffy moments, sad ones, funny ones, and explicit ones. But mostly – a true, honest love between the lost Herondale and the Blackthorn boy who changed his life.And here's another preview:*****Ty lifted his gaze, and his eyes met Kit’s for half a second. It was enough for Kit to lose all sense of control.“Do you want me to get down on my knees and beg?” he asked. “Because I will. Do you want me to plead? I will. I don’t care. I just want to be with you.”





	1. On Top of The Alicante Tower

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first fic :) Also, English is not my first language so feel free to message me if you found grammar mistakes.  
> Note: Ty is going through a rough time in this chapter, so if you have any triggers with suicide please skip this one and start reading from ch. 2.

_“There is a bridge adored and famed_

_The Golden spine of engineering_

_My falling shake will draw a line_

_Between the blue of sea and sky_

_I’m not a bird_

_I’m not a plane_

_I took the taxi to the gate_

_I will not go to school again_

_Four seconds was_

_The longest wait_

“Jumpers” (Sleater-Kinney, 2005)

4:30 AM

Ty’s alarm clock went off. He turned it off sleepily and forced himself to sit up in his bed. Over the last few months Kit and Ty developed their own routine. They would get up at 4:30 AM, make breakfast together, and then go to the training room. It left them a few hours of quiet before the others came in to train. It was Ty’s idea, seeing as Kit was too embarrassed to train with everyone since he was so far behind. Now, Ty suspected Kit enjoyed training. Although he still sometimes made up ridiculous reasons to get out of it. Once, he claimed a duck looked at him funny the day before, and he couldn’t train due to severe PTSD.

In the afternoon, they would sit together in Diana’s classes. Diana assigned Ty with the task of tutoring Kit, as he hated these study sessions but for some mysterious reason he studied obediently whatever Ty told him to. Kit was actually getting pretty good at Latin and three demon languages already, but he was still having trouble drawing runes. As Shadowhunters usually do, Ty would take off his shirt and instruct Kit to practice on his back and on his chest. Kit’s hands would always shake and the runes he drew were miserable-looking and faded almost immediately. But Ty was optimistic. _We’ll get there._

After eating dinner with the whole family, each would go to his room to shower, and later Kit would always come knocking on Ty’s door. Ty was always filled with joy at that moment. The evenings were his favorite time. They would lay on Ty’s bed, and Kit would read out loud from Harry Potter, the book series he introduced Ty to. Ty liked it when Kit was reading, since he made silly voices and funny comments (“Harry, you moron, he’s a goddamn _werewolf_ , how are you missing that?! See, this is exactly why you were not chosen for Ravenclaw.”). Later, Kit would go to sleep on a small mattress on the floor beside Ty’s bed. Not too late, as Ty would inevitably wake him up at 4:30 AM the next morning. He did give Kit Sundays off, though (“I am a generous god” he told him).

Ty yawned and looked down at the blond boy sleeping on the floor. Kit was sleeping in a fetal position, mouth open and curls spread on the pillow. His hair looked so soft, Ty wanted to tangle a curl between his fingers. He chased away the thought.

Kit has been sleeping in his room since they got back from Alicante. When they first returned, Kit waited outside Ty’s door for days, just as Ty had done when Kit first came to the institute. Kit would bring him food, ask if he could stay, and when Ty said no, he would go and wait outside. Although Ty did not want anyone in the room with him, he felt better knowing Kit was always there, sitting outside, leaning against his door.

Ty remembered how one night he opened his door, and apparently Kit was fast asleep against it, because he fell at Ty’s feet with a shout of surprised. He then immediately stood up in attack mode. Whatever Kit might say, he was a born Shadowhunter.

“Come inside.” Ty told him shyly. “I’ll give you a pillow.”

Kit followed him. Ty gave him a pillow and a thin blanket. Kit laid down on the floor beside Ty’s bed.

“Thank you” Ty whispered in the dark.

“I am always here for you.” Kit replied.

The next day, Kit brought a mattress and laid it by Ty’s bed. From this day on, he always slept by Ty’s bed. Ty liked it. It made him feel protected. It was ridiculous, of course. He had more training than Kit. He could fight better. But somehow Kit’s presence made him feel calmer, safer. Whenever he woke up screaming from nightmares about a bleeding Livvy dying in his arms, Kit was there to hold him and whisper in his ear “I’m here. You’re safe. You’re with me.”

*****

“Kit.” Kit heard Ty’s gentle voice.

“Mmmm”

“Wake up, Kit.”

“Mmmmmmm”

“Kit, don’t make me throw my pillow at you.”

The threat worked. Kit slowly pulled himself to a sitting position on the mattress and looked up at Ty. He was beautiful in the morning. Well, he was beautiful at every hour of the day if you really came to think about it. With his dark hair and his eyes the color of a storm. Kit blushed and looked away.

“Come on, let’s go get you a healthy breakfast. Today I plan to focus on falls.”

At that Kit flinched. True, he was reluctant to learn the correct way to fall from the beginning, when Jace tried to convince him that it would be “fun” and “badass”. _Hell no. I’d rather be a wimp if it means I still get to keep my blood inside my body,_ Kit had thought at those statements.

However, there was a deeper reason, now, as to why the thought of falling gave him a feeling of panic.

Kit’s thoughts drifted to the night of Livvy’s death.

He was sitting on a chair at the Consul’s quarters looking at the painted ceiling, wondering why anyone would bother to climb this high to draw a bunch of fat babies with wings. Didn’t Shadowhunters have better things to do, what with demons roaming free and what not? Diego (or Douchey-Diego as Kit came to call him) and Kieran just left to go to the Scholomance, Diego promising Kieran safety there. Suddenly, Kit heard screams coming from the Council hall. His mind was immediately filled with one thought. _Go to Ty_. He got up quickly and ran towards the noise.

He found the Council hall in chaos. Julian, crumpled on the floor, holding a lifeless Livvy. Dru, on the ground, sobbing, being held by Mark and Helen. He managed to push himself through the crowd and reach Emma.

“Where is Ty?” he asked in an alarmed voice. Emma was clearly in shock. She did not respond.

Kit grabbed her by the shoulders.

“Where. Is. Ty?!” He was shaking her more violently than he intended.

“He…” She mumbled “he ran outside… I don’t…”

Kit started to panic. Livvy was not only a sister to Ty, but a part of himself. Losing her meant losing half of himself, and Ty could not bear it. He would try to follow her.

Kit did not have to think twice about where to run. He remembered that day at the London institute when Livvy was hurt, and Ty ran out to the roof, frustrated and lost. Kit bolted out of the Council hall and looked around. He immediately saw the entrance to the nearest glass tower, swung the door open and found the stairs.

He ran the stairs two-by-two, cursing out those damn Shadowhunters with their stupid tall towers with no fucking elevators. _Typical. Making life unnecessarily hard_.

His whole body ached but something in the back of his mind insisted that if he stopped to catch his breath, something terrible would happen. _What? What would happen?_ His brain refused to process the deepest, darkest fear that nested in his heart.

He reached the roof breathless, on the verge of collapsing, when he saw Ty’s slender figure on the edge of the roof. He was looking down, but Kit could not see his face. The wind was blowing his cloths and dark hair. His hands were spread away from his body, as if trying to fly.

A renewed feeling of panic was seizing Kit. He remembered reading somewhere about the concept of “negotiation tactics”, but he did not know how to use them. Why the hell didn’t they teach _that_ in mundane school, instead of crap like the fact that mitochondria is the fucking powerhouse of the motherfucking cell. What should he _do_?

He decided to gently notify Ty of his presence. 

“Hey Ty,” he tried to sound calm, but his voice came out coarse and shaky. “What are you doing up here?”

For a while, Ty did not answer. Kit was watching his back, terrified that in any second Ty will throw himself down. Finally, bless whichever angel was watching over them, Ty spoke.

“I can’t do this, Kit” he sounded distant, as if his body was here, but his mind was already somewhere else. Kit felt as if his blood had frozen in his veins. “I can’t live without her.”

Kit was silent for a moment. He did not know what he should say. Or even, what he _could_ say. ‘I understand’ would be a lie. He never loved anyone as much as Ty loves Livvy. ‘Everything will be alright’ would also be a lie. Nothing is going to be alright now, and Kit knew that.

“I am here, Ty” he finally said. “I am here with you. Talk to me.” Keeping him talking was his top priority right now. He knew that gaining a position to try to tackle a jumper is a high-risk maneuver that has a very low level of success. Especially knowing that Ty, being raised and trained his whole life as a Shadowhunter, was faster and stronger than Kit. Physically stopping Ty was not possible.

But he could convince Ty to live. He _had_ to convince Ty to live.

“I can’t live without her” Ty repeated. He moved closer to the edge. Kit felt tears streaming down his cheeks. He knew Ty for only a few weeks now, but he was sure beyond any doubt that if Ty were to disappear from his life, Kit would be completely lost. He did not know what is was about Ty, but he knew he could not bear to lose him.

“Ty, think of Julian” he said. “Losing you will be like losing a son. Think of him.”

“But I can’t do this, Kit”, Ty’s shoulders were shaking now. “My whole life, I didn’t fit in. I am not normal, Kit. But Livvy was always there, and she made it OK. Now…” he couldn’t finish the sentence, he was sobbing so hard.

“You are perfect.” Kit blurted out without any filters. “You are perfect, you are exactly what you are supposed to be. You are the smartest person I know, and the kindest. I am begging you, Ty, turn around and look at me.”

Ty didn’t turn around. Kit was hyperaware at how close he was to the edge.

“Ty please, I am begging you. Look at me.” Kit's face was wet with tears. “Please. Please, Ty. Please”.

Slowly, Ty turned around. “Don’t come closer!” he warned Kit. The warning was unnecessary though, as Kit was sure that if he tried to move his body would betray him and he would crumple on the floor like a rag doll.

“Ty, I know you’re hurting. But think of your family. Think of Julian. Of Mark. Think of Helen, and Dru, and Tavvy, and Emma. They love you. Please come back to me. For them.” He stretched out his hand, slowly, trying not to scare Ty. “Come back to me, Ty.”

“I can’t, Kit, I can’t. I can’t live without her. I can’t. I can’t.” Ty’s crying broke Kit’s heart. He did not lower his hand.

“Come to me, Ty. I am here for you. I will always be here for you.”

“You’re lying!” Ty turned away from Kit and looked down to the ground again. For years later, Kit would have nightmares about this moment. This horrible moment, in which he was sure he was going to lose Ty forever.

“You will run away. You hate Shadowhunters. You hate life here.”

“I am not lying” Kit said, truthfully. “I am here with you. We will get through everything together. I will always be here.” Ty turned back around to look at Kit, whose hand was still outstretched towards him. “I am not going anywhere, Ty. Come back to me”.

They stood facing each other like that for several minutes. Kit, with his hand stretched forward, and Ty, looking not at Kit’s face but at his hand.

“Do you promise?” Ty finally asked, and Kit dared to hope.

“Yes Ty, I promise.”

“You will always be here? You will not run away?” Ty continued.

“I promise.” Kit whispered.

Ty took a hesitant step towards him. Kit did not dare to breath, remaining as motionless as a statue. Ty got closer to him, finally taking the hand Kit reached out to him. When their hands touched, Kit felt a jolt of electricity run through his body.

“Hold me” Ty asked, and Kit put both of his arms around Ty’s body, and pulled his body against his. He held Ty tightly and started sobbing uncontrollably.

*****

“Kit?” Ty’s voice pulled him back to reality.

Kit looked up, confused. “What?”

“Are you getting up or are you trying to come up with an excuse to miss training again?” the corners of Ty’s mouth where slightly curved up.

“Well my hair hurts,” he replied in a tragic voice. “But I’ll make an effort.”

“Good.” Ty smiled, and Kit was left speechless. “Let’s go get some breakfast.”


	2. Of Porcupines and Mangos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During the last few weeks Ty began making intentional eye contact with him. It took Kit’s breath away. Every time, without fail. Ty’s eyes were so bright, their color reminded Kit of a polished dagger. If you looked closer, as Kit was doing now, you could see swirls of glittering black, dark as the ashes of a dying fire. Kit was mystified. 
> 
> ____
> 
> Also, we'll be solving the parabati curse of Emma and Julian in a sly way :)

_They were back on the glass tower in Alicante. Ty was standing with his back to him, near the edge, arms spread. “Ty, come back to me!” Kit shouted. Ty turned to look at Kit. “Come back, please!” he yelled, but Ty turned away from him and walked towards the edge._

Kit woke up from his nightmare sweating and panting. He sat up and looked at the boy sleeping on the bed. He had to see Ty, make sure he was OK. Although it has been months since that night at Alicante, Kit still had nightmares about that moment in which he thought he might lose Ty forever.

He looked at the alarm clock on Ty’s nightstand. It read ‘4:23 AM’. He still had 7 minutes before he had to get up. He laid back down and closed his eyes.

He was supposed to train with Emma today on some Krav Maga moves. Ever since she and Julian became heads of the institute, she got even more energetic - and by “energetic” Kit meant “insane”. Every time he trained with her, he came back exhausted and bruised. He told Ty he was beginning to develop an Emma-phobia.

But Emma was cute, in a way. She and Julian were insanely happy together, it almost hurt Kit to see it.

He remembered with a smile the day they told them that Emma was moving to Mexico.

It was dinner time, and everyone was taking their place at the table. Kit, as usual, sat next to Ty. Julian and Emma stepped into the room looking sorrowful.

“We have something we need to tell you guys.” Julian said gravely.

“What is it?” Dru sounded stressed. Kit immediately looked over at Ty. His only thought being _I need to stay with Ty_ , fearing, as always, that something would come to separate them.

There was silence. Weirdly, it was an awkward silence, not a threatening one. Kit’s shoulders relaxed.

“There is no easy way to say this.” Julian continued.

 _Oh, god. Now is the time we find out he was a lunatic all along. I bet he trains porcupines. He has the face of a guy who trains porcupines for fun._ Kit didn’t know why he made up his mind around porcupines and not another mammal, but he was already smiling to himself, imagining Julian making porcupines jump through hoops.

“Emma and I…” Julian mumbled.

_Man, was Emma in this too? It’s like a mad house here._

There was an awkward silence again, this time broken by Emma who said impatiently “We are in love.”

“Oh my” Mark sounded delightfully surprised “a shocking revelation!” Dru began to giggle. Kit noticed that Christina remained suspiciously unmoved.

“But you are parabatai.” Ty remarked.

“Yes. That’s why Emma will be traveling with Christina to Mexico for a year. We need to weaken the parabatai bond.” Julian said. “We… well, we want to be together.” He looked over at Emma with loving eyes.

 _Oh,_ Kit thought, _and here I was, thinking his love was reserved for porcupines._

“As a couple,” Julian emphasized. “Not as parabatai.”

“Oh.” Ty said simply. “Why don’t you just change your name?”

“What?” Julian looked at him.

“You don’t want to be parabatai. Just change your name.”

“What?” Julian and Emma said together, rather loudly. Ty looked at them with pity in his eyes, the way you would look at a three-year-old trying to eat a banana with the peel on. Kit wondered what it was like to be so smart, that literally everyone around you is dumber. He suddenly became very self-conscious. Did Ty find him stupid? He glanced at Ty quickly.

“Well, the clave doesn’t advertise this, clearly, but the parabatai oath can be broken.” Ty said slowly. “It is taken from the book of Ruth: ‘Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me’. You swear this to your future parabatai, who you call by his name. Change your name – the oath doesn’t hold any longer.”

“But what about women getting married?” Asked Julian.

“If a woman has a parabatai”, Ty said, “he or she is the one to give her away at her wedding. She swears her oath to her parabatai again during the ceremony. You know that. You witnessed such weddings.” He looked puzzled.

“Oh, I always thought that was just for show, you know,” Emma said. “Like, ‘here I am marrying the man of my dreams, but I remember that it’s always ‘chicks before dicks’’ or you know, ‘pricks before dicks’, if you have a guy parabatai”.

Ty ignored her obscene slogans and simply stated “nothing the clave makes Shadowhunters do is for show. Everything is intentional.”

Kit silently agreed.

“Then the solution is simple,” Ty began. But he was suddenly cut off by Julian.

“I have to go.” Julian said, rushing out of the house. He got into the car and drove off so quickly, that if Kit had blinked he probably would have thought that Julian was a rare case of spontaneous human combustion. When Kit glanced back at the table, he noticed Emma had left as well.

The next morning, Julian called everyone to the kitchen again. This time, he and Emma were smiling like a couple of idiots.

They told everyone, completing sentences for each other and smiling like crazy, how yesterday Julian made a picnic for Emma near the beach, and asked her to marry him. The would marry in a small ceremony, and Emma would not renew her parabatai oath to Julian under the name “Emma Blackthorn”. They looked so insanely happy, it infected everyone. Even Kit couldn’t stop beaming.

It also meant that Christina would remain in the institute, and not go to Mexico herself. Kit had a weird suspicion that Mark was very pleased with this turn of events.

*****

Kit was brought back to reality by the sound of Ty’s alarm clock.

“Kit.” He heard Ty’s gentle voice. “Wake up.”

Reluctantly, Kit got up. Yeah. He was positive he had Emma-phobia.

 

*****

Emma was kicking his ass. No other way to put it.

“Get up!” Emma shouted at him, for the twentieth time today. “Let’s go again!”

Kit got up. He picked the wooden dagger he dropped on the floor. He ran towards her quickly and tried to hit her chest. Almost effortless, she caught his hand, twisted it, and kicked him in the chin. He fell on the floor. Again. He didn’t know which was worse: the way his body ached from all the falls he endured today, or the embarrassment he felt as Ty looked at him with pity in his eyes.

“Get up!” Emma never let him catch his breath. _Is she aware that normal people need oxygen to survive?_

“Emma, Ty!” Julian’s voice echoed in the training room. Never in his life was Kit so happy to see him. He sat on the floor, exhausted.  

“Croucher demons were spotted in a bar downtown. Ty, I want you to come with us. It’ll be good practice for you.”

Kit was suddenly filled with fear. He was scared at the thought of Ty going there without him, though it wasn’t very rational. Ty was well-trained, and he went there with Julian who was a good shadowhunter, and Emma who was basically a killing machine.

Emma and Ty ran out of the room to change into their gear. Kit picked up the wooden dagger and put it in the box standing in the corner of the room. He took a deep breath, trying not to think of the worst possible outcome. That was Shadowhunter life, and such missions were routine. Kit had to get used to that.

“We’re leaving!” He heard Julian’s voice. He ran out of the room and caught up with Ty in the hallway.

“Ty –“ he began.

Ty was dressed in the Shadowhunters black gear, headphones around his neck. He looked taller and more intimidating than he did with his everyday clothes. He lifted his gaze and his eyes met Kit’s. During the last few weeks Ty began making intentional eye contact with him. It took Kit’s breath away. Every time, without fail. Ty’s eyes were so bright, their color reminded Kit of a polished dagger. If you looked closer, as Kit was doing now, you could see swirls of glittering black, dark as the ashes of a dying fire. Kit was mystified.

“Yes?” Ty asked him.

“What?” Kit looked at him, dazed.

“You said my name.” Ty said. “Did you want to say something to me?”

Kit forgot how to speak. _Words. To speak you must say words._ But he completely forgot how to say words. How does a person say words again? _Open your mouth and let words come out._ This seemed like a good tactic.

“I like mangos.” he managed to say. Ty just stared at him. _Seriously?! Those are the words you chose to say?_

Ty was still looking at him, confused. It made it worse. Now Kit was starting to sweat. _OK, let’s do some damage control._

“Just a fun fact about me.” Kit added. _Wow. That’s was some lame damage control._

“OK.” Ty replied, puzzled. “Now I know that fact.”

Ty’s expression made him even prettier in Kit’s eyes, which didn’t help one bit. Kit was overwhelmed with emotions, and a new kind of fear was beginning to place itself in his heart. _What is happening to me?_

“Well, I have to go now.” Ty continued. “Go study, I’ll quiz you on demon classification when I get back.” He turned around and walked out of the house.

*****

Kit could swear his mind has turned to mush. He was studying for six hours straight. Spina's classification of demons, Agrippa's classification, Binsfeld's… And all the individual demons and demon-relative traits. He even made index cards and quizzed himself. He was determined not to disappoint Ty.

Dru was sitting at the table next to him for the last hour, practicing runes on a sheet of paper. Kit didn’t have any siblings. He spent most of his childhood alone, playing video games. Since he came to the institute, he and Dru developed a brother-sister relationship. It was kind of nice, actually.

“Can I practice on you?” she asked.

“Sure.” Kit was happy at whatever excuse to take a break. He extended his forearm to her. She took her stele and began tracing an Equilibrium rune. Kit was used to runes at this point. He didn’t even flinch at the burning sensation on his arm.

“Well it doesn’t fade. That’s a good sign. Did it work? Do you feel like you have more equilibrium?”

“Let’s find out.” He stood on one leg. “Try to push me.”

Dru laughed. “That’s not how you test for equilibrium.”

“You’re just scared to find out if your rune worked or not.” Kit teased her.

She quickly used a Muay Thai sweep, placing her ankle below Kit’s leg and tripping him. He fell on the floor and Dru began to laugh. Kit joined her.

“Now me.” he said, and took his stele. He drew the equilibrium rune on Dru’s arm. His hand was steady, and the rune he drew was symmetrical and dark. It didn’t fade. For some reason, it was easier to draw runes on Dru than it was to draw on Ty. Whenever Kit’s hand touched Ty’s skin, he felt a jolt of electricity running through him. Maybe it was easier to draw on Dru because he wasn’t determined to impress her. Ty was tutoring him, and Kit wanted to make him proud. It was probably just the added pressure.

Suddenly they heard Julian’s voice. They looked at each other, smiled and got up.

“A nasty Behemoth.” Julian was telling Mark and Christina. “We took him down and cleaned the scene. Now I have got to take a shower, I’m disgusting myself.” He ruffled Dru’s hair and went to his room. Emma followed. Ty was standing quietly behind them. When they left, Kit caught sign of him and was filled with relief at seeing that he was unhurt.

“Did you guys have fun?” Kit asked him with a smile.

“Not really.” Ty answered honestly. “Behemoths are some of my least favorites.” Kit thought that that’s an understatement. He didn’t have _favorite_ demons. Just ones he hated less than others.

“I’ve got something for you.” Ty continued.

“What?” Kit sounded less nonchalant than he intended.

Ty handed him an oval-shaped object, colored in red, yellow, and green.

“What is that?” Kit asked, puzzled.

“It’s a mango.” Ty looked at him confused. “This morning you told me you liked them. So, I got you one. You don’t want it?” He sounded distressed, the way he sounded whenever he understood that he just did something that was considered weird by most people.

“No, of course I do. Thank you, Ty.”

Kit couldn’t stop himself from smiling a huge, idiotic smile.

“Well then. I’ll take a shower and come quiz you.” Ty was smiling as well.

“I can’t wait to discuss Agrippa's classification with you. It speaks to me on a personal level.” Kit joked. With one last smile, Ty turned around and headed to his room. Kit went to the kitchen to get a knife for his mango. _It really is a pretty damn good fruit_.

*****

Ty crossed the long corridor and reached the staircase leading to the sleeping quarters. He climbed the stairs and headed to his room. He planned on showering for exactly 10 minutes, and not a second longer. He wanted to go quiz Kit as soon as he could. It was weird, he was out for only a few hours, but he felt as if he hasn’t seen Kit for an entire day. It made him feel empty, in a way. He just really needed to see Kit in front of him. To talk to him. To hear his laugh.

Ty stepped into the shower. He tried to rationalize his thoughts. _Like a computer_. He thought. An unplugged computer could only last a few hours. Kit’s presence filled him with strength and happiness. He needed Kit to charge him.

He got out of the shower and dried himself quickly. He put on a pair of grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt, then ran to the library.

Ty heard Dru and Kit laughing from the corridor. He entered the room and found them sitting in armchairs near the great window. Kit had a book in his lap, and Dru was pointing her stele at him.

“You know, Dru.” Kit said. “I grew up without any brothers or sisters. I spent most of my childhood alone. And whenever you’re around,” Dru looked at him in concentration. “I swear I miss those days.” Kit finished with a huge grin, clearly pleased with himself.

Dru laughed. “You keep talking and I’m putting a silence rune on you.” she threatened.

“Those don’t work on Shadowhunters, only on inanimate objects.” Kit objected.

“Are you sure about that? Let’s try. I’m sure many people would thank me for it.” she tried to take his arm.

“Hey.” Ty said.

Kit dropped his book. It fell on the floor with a loud noise.

“Hi dearest brother!” Dru smiled at him. “Well, I’m gonna go. Good night boys!” She left the room.

Slowly, Ty walked towards the chairs. He picked Kit’s book from the floor and handed it to him.

“Thank you.” Kit looked up at him. His blue eyes were fascinating to Ty. He never felt the need to look people in the eye when he was talking to them, but he found himself staring at Kit’s eyes a lot lately.

The first time Ty saw Kit was in his Kit’s home, when Ty held a knife to his throat. He caught a flash of a cold blue gaze. At that moment, he thought Kit’s eyes looked like a glacier. Now he knew he was wrong. Kit’s eyes were not the color of ice. They were the color of a flame. _The hottest fires always burn blue._

“She’s was just trying to scare you. Silence runes _do_ only work on inanimate objects.” He continued. “Ready for me to quiz you?”

“Yes. I studied like crazy all afternoon.” Kit said.

“Then let’s go.” He took his notebook from the table and sat next to Kit. “Name the Princes of Hell.”

“Come on, that’s easy. Give me a tougher one!” Kit exclaimed.

“OK. But if you don’t know the correct answer I’m making you write in your notebook ‘I must not be arrogant’ 20 times.”

“And if I do?” Kit asked.

“You get eternal glory.” he offered.

“I accept your conditions.” Kit said with a smile.

“Of course you do.” Ty smiled back at him. “No one can pass on eternal glory”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A comment for the science-enthusiasts:  
> In the most common type of flame (hydrocarbon), the most important factor determining color is oxygen supply, which determines the rate of combustion and thus the temperature. So, more oxygen, the higher the temperature, the smaller the wavelength of the emitted spectrum, and you get a blue flame. That’s why the inner core of a candle flame, for example, is blue.  
> However, you can create flames of specific colors by introducing excitable species with bright emission spectrum lines (we did a colorful-flame Christmas tree using metal ions in my research lab once).


	3. Yareakh

Kit was sitting under the front portico of the house, flicking through Ty’s music player. Today he was scheduled to go on his first mission. His first time as a Shadowhunter. This was real, not another training session in the institute.

Under Ty’s strict training schedule, Kit almost leveled up with Dru already. It was decided that he could start his evaluation period, meaning that he would go on missions and patrols, always accompanied by a senior Shadowhunter (so, Emma, Julian, Mark or Christina). At the end of the evaluation period, he was to take a mandatory exam at the Shadowhunters Academy. If he passes, he would be certified to go on missions alone. Dru had started her evaluation period a month ago, and Ty had already finished his and successfully passed the exam, meaning he could go on missions without supervision. If he was being completely honest with himself, Kit wasn’t very fond of the idea of Ty going without him, but realistically there was nothing he could do about it.

So, Kit’s first mission was scheduled for today. Originally, Emma was supposed to take him, but Julian surprised him by announcing that he would take him instead. Kit was too stressed to ponder at the change. It was all suddenly becoming so _real_. Being a Shadowhunter. The responsibility it entails. How was he supposed to keep mundanes alive, when a year ago he couldn’t even take care of a damn cactus?

Ty had noticed his stress this morning. He offered Kit his music player and headphones.

“It helps me. Maybe it could do the same for you.” he simply told him.

Had Kit not been on the verge of a nervous breakdown, he would have perhaps realized the significance of this gesture. Ty’s music was his shield against a world that was always too loud and fast. He was willing to give it away. For Kit.

Kit already knew that Ty liked classical music best. Most of songs on his player were classical, mainly piano pieces. But Kit found a folder titled “Miscellaneous”. In it, he found the song “Superman” by five for fighting. He played it.

 _This is going to be my life. A Shadowhunter, sworn to protect this world from the darkness._ What if he couldn’t do it? What if it was all a huge mistake?

The song ended, but Kit didn’t move.

Someone opened the door behind him. He didn’t have to look around to know it was Ty. He could recognize his footsteps in his sleep.

Ty sat down quietly next to him. For a while they sat in silence. Even when silent, Ty’s presence was comforting.

“I can’t do this.” Kit finally said. “I can’t. I’m not-“ he stopped. He didn’t know what he meant exactly. _I’m not what?_ _Not ready? Not good enough? Not a real Shadowhunter?_

But apparently Ty knew what he meant.

“You are.” he simply said. “You are brave, and you are strong.”

Kit remained silent.

“And you are the brightest person I know.” Ty continued after a while. Kit raised an eyebrow at him. _Has he met himself?_

“You are sharp, and perceptive. You see through everyone’s motives. I pity any being, be it human or demon, that will ever make the mistake of messing with you.”

The corners of Kit’s mouth rose unwillingly. Ty had always believed in him – had always thought so highly of him.

Kit desperately wanted to be the person Ty thought he was.

The institute’s door swung open. Julian stepped out in full gear.

“Are you ready?” he asked Kit.

Kit glanced sideways at Ty before replying. “Yeah. I am.”

*****

Julian started the car. “There’s chatter amongst the werewolves that a gang from Sweden recently came to Los Angeles and started selling drugs infused with demon blood to mundanes. We are meeting with the head of the Los Angeles clan today.”

“Lovely.” Kit replied sarcastically.

“The drug itself appears in the form of black powder. The mundanes say the street name of the drug is ‘dark angel’, because it and takes you to your own heaven.”

“Poetic.” he replied with increased sarcasm.

They remained silent for a while. Julian remembered the first time he and Kit went on a mini-mission alone. He had thought about strangling Kit then. He glanced at the blond boy beside him. Kit was staring out the window, a thoughtful expression on his face.

“So, how are you?” Julian finally asked.

“Great.”

“You nervous?”

Kit didn’t answer. Julian wanted to reassure him, tell him he is going to do great, and that he’s got his back. At least, get him to talk a bit. Julian thought it might help him calm his nerves. But Kit didn’t seem to want to talk at all. _Unless…_ Julian formed a theory.

“Ty has been training you well.” He said.

“Yes, he has.” Kit turned to look at him. Julian caught a flash of his bright eyes. _Jackpot._ Kit was not willing to talk - unless it was about Ty.

“So, what has he planned for you this week?” Julian asked him. Kit began detailing Ty’s plans: Ty’s thoughts about his future training, his comments about his performance, and his insistence on quizzing Kit on Shadhowhunter history and demonic languages every other day.

Julian listened with a smile. When Livvy died, he was scared he would lose Ty as well. But then, there was Kit. Julian thanked the angels every day that the lost Herondale found his place with the Blackthorns.

He closely observed the interactions between Kit and Ty. He was amazed to see that Kit had a way of reading Ty, of understanding him, the way Julian always wished he could. At dinner time they seemed to talk without using any words. Just little things. Kit would glance at Ty, and Ty would immediately pass him the Ketchup. Or Ty would look at Kit, and both stood up and left the table.

But also, when Kit spoke… he always had an arrogant tone, mixed with sarcasm. But whenever he was addressing Ty, his harsh tone was replaced with a calm, soft one. Seeing Kit talk to Ty was like seeing a completely different person. His guard was down, and naïve honesty took its place.

Julian wondered if Kit was aware of that.

They reached the night club that was owned by the Los Angeles pack leader. Julian parked the car.

“Let’s go.” he said.

*****

Kit stepped out of the car. They were standing in front of a nightclub. The blue neon sign read “Yareakh”. _The Hebrew word for moon. It appears in the Book of Genesis._ Kit was proud of himself for knowing that. Although, the club was owned by werewolves. _Anyone could have guessed the meaning, really_. _These guys are not super creative._

Covered in glamour runes, they went around the long line of people and got in.

Kit felt a little dazed. Loud music, men and women slumped on the bar or moving on the dancefloor, couples making out in the corner, drinking games, shot glasses, laughing, swearing, pushing. Kit felt trapped in an endless sea of people. He was glad Ty was at home, probably reading a detective’s book. Quietly.

Kit felt claustrophobic. There was noise everywhere. Julian seemed to know where he was going. Kit followed him, pushing and shoving just to get near.

They reached a door at the back of the club. Julian used an opening rune, and the door opened to reveal a spiral staircase. The descended it and reached a large hall. At the back end there was a heavy looking door, guarded by two huge-looking men. _Werewolves_. Kit recognized the fierce expression. One of them had dark hair and a scar in the shape of claw marks running down the left side of his face. The second had long blond hair and an impressive beard. He reminded Kit of a Viking.

“Hi. We’re here for Lóegaire.” Julian said.

 _Wow, his mom must really hate him, to give him such a stupid name._ Kit thought.

For a second Kit feared they were going to rip Julian apart. But they stepped aside.

“You stay here and guard the door.” Julian instructed him. He entered the room and closed the door behind him.

 _What the hell am I guarding the door for, there are two human mountains here for this exact purpose._ Kit grumbled silently.

“So,” Kit asked the Viking-looking one. “Do you come here often?”

The werewolf turned to him slowly.

“One more word and I'll skin you alive with a cheese grater, then cut off your arm and beat you to death with it.”

“Wow. That is _very_ descriptive.” Kit was impressed.

He took a few steps back and started at the closed door. He kept a balanced stance, his left foot extended towards the werewolves and his right behind him. He slightly twisted his left shoulder towards them. His hands, while not in a position of defense, were carefully resting near his waist, ready to grab the sword strapped on his back.

Kit could still hear the faint music from the club above. He glanced at the werewolves facing him. _How can they remain so still?_  He was getting bored. He wondered what Ty was doing right now.

“Máel! Brennus! They’re here!” A girl ran towards them from a side corridor Kit hadn’t noticed before, her dark brown hair floating behind her.

Kit heard the door being kicked from upstairs. A dozen werewolves came running down the stairs. Each looked bigger than the other. _What the hell do they feed them here?_

Julian stepped out of the head of the Los Angeles clan, followed by Lóegaire himself. Kit looked at him in surprise. He expected another human mountain, even larger than the pair standing in front of the door. Instead, he saw an old man, with grey-white hair a back slightly hunched. He had a penetrating gaze, and a face wizened by the years.

One of the incoming werewolves stepped forward. He was tall and muscular, with a messy beard. _Their leader._ Kit realized. _He looks pissed. Maybe his mom gave him a stupid name too_.

“So. Ratting us out to the Shadowhunters, are we?” he spat on the floor.

“By the clave’s orders I command you to surrender now.” Julian said.

The werewolves laughed. Kit looked around. _They have a point - they are outnumbering us._

“Surrender? Nah. I think we’ll kill you instead.” At that he leaped at Julian, transforming to his wolf form mid-air. The rest of the werewolves quickly followed.

Kit had only ever seen Julian at home. Julian, making pancakes, hugging Dru, putting Tavvy to sleep, kissing Emma. He would have never thought him so ruthless. There was no hesitation in his eyes. He worked his sword methodically, a craftsman at his craft, and the werewolves fell screaming one after another.

Both human mountains, Máel and Brennus charged forward in their wolf form, clawing and tearing at the intruders.

“Take Lóegaire to safety!” The girl yelled at one of them. “We’ll stop them.”

The wolf turned around dragged the old man through the corridor through which the girl came. A large wolf of the opposite clan took advantage of her momentary distraction to jump at her throat.

Kit leaped quickly, striking the wolf with his sword. He jerked his sword free and charged the rest of the werewolves. Julian darted from place to place, confronting the werewolves trying to get past them toward the side corridor.

Eventually, they retreated. Julian caught the head of the clan and pinned him to the floor. The rest ran away.

“Cuff him.” Julian instructed. “We’ll take him for questioning.”

“But we lost the rest!” Kit exclaimed.

“Doesn’t matter. They are bound to the alpha, so whenever he’ll call them they’ll have to come.”

 _Well isn’t that convenient._ Kit cuffed him, and Julian took him outside. Kit and the werewolf girl followed. Julian got to the car and instructed the werewolf to get inside.

“Thank you.” the girl suddenly said.

“Sure.” Kit glanced at her. She had long dark hair and deep brown eyes.

“I’m Jael.”

“Kit.”

“Kit! Let’s go!” Julian called him.

“How come Shadowhunters are always so hot?” Jael wondered out loud.

“Don't get too excited.” Kit replied. “The guy is married.”

She took a step towards him.

“I was talking about you.” she said.

“Kit!” Julian called again. “Come on!”

With one last glance at Jael, Kit turned and walked to the car.

*****

“Ty, they’re back!” Dru announced.

Ty practically ran out of the library and through the long hallway until he reached the entryway of the institute. The rest were already there, clearly curious to hear about Kit’s first mission. A first mission was considered a big event in a Shadowhunter’s life; something to be celebrated.

He caught sight of Kit. He was dressed in black gear, his hair messed up, blond curls intertwined into beautiful chaos. Kit gained muscle mass over the last year. His jacket was snug around his shoulders. His v neck shirt uncovered the marks of a rune on his collarbone. People were always commenting that he looked like a young Jace now. Ty didn’t see it. He still saw the same Kit, with his gold curls and flaming blue eyes. The same Kit who could make him laugh when no one else could, and who understood him even when he didn’t understand himself.

“We were attacked by the gang, but we caught their leader. He’s in the sanctuary.” Julian told them. “Kit fought well.” he added.

Ty noticed Kit’s small smile. He was trying to fight it, Ty knew. Kit always tried to look tough. His attitude always seemed to fool other people, but not Ty.

“Let’s go question him.” Julian turned to Emma. “I think he might have intel on ‘dark angel’.”

They left, and the rest went back to their business. Only Kit and Ty remained.

“Tell me everything.” Ty meant it. He wanted to hear everything Kit had to tell him. Every single detail.

To his surprise, Kit reached out and took his hand. He held it in his and slowly traced his fingers over the back of Ty’s hand. Ty liked the feeling. True, he usually didn’t like people touching him. But this was Kit, and everything was different with Kit.

“Thank you.” Kit whispered.

“Don’t thank me. I knew you were going to be amazing.” Ty said honestly. “Now come on. I want to hear everything.”


	4. The Key to Not is to Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (If you have time - I recommend rereading ch. 3 before this one)

Kit and Dru have been chasing an Eidolon, a shape-shifting demon, on foot for almost an hour. Kit didn’t feel tired though. Running made him feel free, and the chase excited him. _Side effect of having angel blood,_ he realized.

Last night, Ty connected two seemingly unrelated reports of missing girls and realized it was not human doing, but rather an Eidolon demon taking the shape of an elderly lady in need of help carrying groceries. Kit was impressed at Ty’s deduction, but he just shrugged.

“It wasn’t that complicated. All I had to do was interview their families, find out when they were heard from last and what they planned on doing, collect security footage from the nearest grocery stores, watch them and find a pattern. That demon is not very smart, picking up victims in surveilled areas is rather stupid.” he told Kit.

Kit was impressed nonetheless.

Both Dru and Kit successfully passed their certification exam a few weeks ago and could now go on missions alone. Dru was ecstatic to pass another milestone of the Shadowhunter life, but Kit didn’t care much about any of that. He was just happy he could start patrolling with Ty.

Tonight, Dru and Kit were scheduled on the night patrol around the area which Ty thought the demon might attack next. They were glamoured, searching the area for demon activity using their sensor. It was finally activated near a sweet-looking old lady, who immediately began to run. The trouble with these shape-shifting demons was that while you were chasing them, you could not lose them from your sight for even one second, or else they might change their appearance without you noticing - which is exactly what this one was trying to do. Over last hour he changed his disguise so many times Kit began having a headache.

The Eidolon ran inside an abandoned building.

“Let’s split up and meet out back!” Dru told him.

Dru entered the building while Kit circled around it. He reached a back alley. He looked around.

_He probably entered the building, hoping to ambush us._

But suddenly he heard movement. From behind a trash can, a girl stepped forward. She was wearing ripped jeans and a leather jacket. Her long brown hair floated around her. Kit recognized her. Jael. The werewolf girl he saw on the night of his first mission with Julian.

Suddenly an identical girl leaped at the one standing in front of him and pinned her to the ground. Kit was startled for a fraction of a second.

“Quick!” she yelled at him. “That’s a shapeshifting demon!”

Kit clutched his seraph blade in his hand.

 _How can I know which one of them is the demon?_ He pondered, annoyed.

The girl that was pinning the other to the ground sounded exasperated.

“Why are Shadowhunters always so hot?” she repeated the question she had asked him when they first met.

Kit thrust his blade in the back of the girl lying on the ground. The demon shrieked and shifted to his original form, a greenish-gray blob with a glowing black core, before disappearing.

Jael got up.

“I remember you.” she said.

“Well I don’t blame you. I’m unforgettable” Kit smirked.

“You’re cocky.” she smiled. “I like it.”

Then suddenly she was kissing him.

Kit broke away from her. It felt wrong somehow. But it didn’t make any sense. He couldn’t think of one reason not to make out with the attractive girl standing in front of him.

He pulled her to him and kissed her. Her lips felt warm, and she tasted of salt. She pressed her tongue to the seam of his lips and delved inside his mouth. Kit jerked away.

_What would Ty say?_

Why was he thinking about Ty right now? What does it matter what he would say?

Kit held her face in his hands and pulled her into a fiery kiss. Her hands worked their way around his body, feeling each line.

Kit remembered the day he held Ty on the roof of the London institute. How long did they stay tangled together like this, hearts beating fast, as if they were the last survivors of a sinking ship? He wasn’t sure. Time stopped at that moment.

Why the hell was he thinking about that right now?

Kit chased the thought away. He picked Jael up and pinned her back to the wall of the alley. She wrapped her legs around his waist and moaned as he began kissing her neck.

“Please tell me that’s not the Eidolon.” Kit heard Dru’s amused voice. He and Jael broke apart.

“No, I -“ Kit began. “She helped me kill it.”

“How noble.” Dru mused. “And then you guys decided to have an after-party?”

To his surprise, Jael seemed amused.

“Of sorts.” she said. “I’m Jael, by the way.”

“Dru.”

“Delighted to meet you Dru.” she smiled at her. “See you around.”

At that, she turned and walked away.

*****

“So? Tell us about the mission you went on last night. I hear you killed the Eidolon?” Christina asked them curiously.

It was Pancake Day, everyone was sitting at the table eating the pancakes Julian and Mark made. More accurately, they were eating the ones made by Julian while avoiding the ones made by Mark. Ty suspected Mark confused salt with sugar.

“Well _Kit_ surely enjoyed himself.” Dru said, smiling sweetly at Kit who was sitting opposite her.

Ty looked over at Kit. He had a terrified expression on his face, Ty could tell. Kit was the only person whose facial expressions Ty could understand 90% of the time - 95% on a good day. It was relaxing to be around Kit. He made him feel almost normal. Actually, no; Kit made him feel better than normal. He made him feel as though he was special, but in a good way. Not in the usual way people called him “special” when in fact they meant “weird”. Kit made him feel… what exactly? Ty was searching for the right word. Accepted? Wanted?

“What do you mean?” Emma asked curiously, and Ty lost his train of thought.

“She meant nothing.” Kit said very quickly. “Nothing.” He added, throwing Dru a threatening look.

“False.” Dru said, amused. “I caught him – ow!” Ty suspected Kit kicked her under the table.

“I caught him,” she continued, unaffected, “making out with a werewolf girl.” She finished the sentence with a wide smile. Ty could not tell, though, if the smile was happy or mocking.

Ty looked at Kit. For some reason he was hoping Kit would deny it. But he didn’t. He just became very red and looked down at his plate.

“Oooh” Emma gasped. “Getting to know the opposite sex, are we?”

Kit mumbled something incoherent.

“Well don’t forget Kit, safety first” Emma said. “The key to not – “she interrupted herself and looked at Julian as if for help.

“Is to not – “Julian began but stopped mid-sentence as well.

“What are you talking about?” Ty asked. He wasn’t sure if indeed they didn’t finish their sentences or if it was some sort of widely-accepted expression he did not understand.

“They are talking about _sex_ , Ty.” Dru said, still smiling at Kit, who buried his head in his hands.

Christina quickly tried to cover Tavvy’s ears, but he pushed her hands away saying “I know what sex is! Julian explained it to me.”

“When two grown-ups love each other,” he recited, “they –“

“Please, for the love of god, stop!” Kit took his head out of his arms. His face was red. He reminded Ty a bit of a tomato wearing a blond wig. “I swear, if you don’t stop I’m burning this house down.” With that he left the kitchen and headed towards the training room.

Dru started giggling, and was soon joined by the rest of the table. Ty did not get the joke.

He got up. He wasn’t sure why, but he was suddenly feeling sick.

*****

He found Kit in the training room, throwing daggers one after another without even trying to aim properly.

“Your form is off.” Ty said quietly.

Kit didn’t seem to care too much about it. He continued to throw daggers until he had no more left in his hands. He then turned around to look at Ty. He had an expression that Ty couldn’t read. _Sad?_ He looked sad, but Ty couldn’t think of a reason he should be. _Maybe he’s angry because they all laughed at him_. That made more sense, so this was the theory that Ty adopted.

Kit just stood there facing him, and Ty didn’t really have anything to say, so he kept quiet. He looked at Kit’s hands. They were tanned from the Sundays they spent at the beach. Ty liked looking for small crabs and starfishes, taking them in his hand to get a closer look, then gently placing them back exactly where he found them. Kit would accompany him, his blond hair glistening in the sunlight. Sometimes Ty caught Kit looking at him, his eyes the color of the inner core of the candle flame. Ty found them beautiful.

Now, however, Kit wasn’t looking at him, but at his feet. Ty desperately wanted to make him feel better, but he wasn’t sure how, so he just asked

“Want to practice a one-on-one fight?”

“Yeah, sure” Kit mumbled.

He walked to the wall opposite them and took two sticks that were usually used for training instead of actual swords. He threw one to Ty who quickly caught it and went to place himself on the mat. Kit joined him.

“Go” he said. Kit was getting better, although Ty could block all his attempts pretty easily.

“Keep your guard up!” Ty told him after he successfully landed a hit on Kit with his stick.

“Hey, Kit!” Dru’s voice stopped them. Kit looked over Ty’s shoulder at the door.

“What.” Kit replied in a flat tone.

“Come on, don’t be mad at me.” she said. “I’m sorry.”

“OK.” Kit’s voice made Ty suspect that it wasn’t really OK.

“Come on. You can’t stay mad at me. You adore me.” she smirked. It made Kit chuckle.

“Well ‘adore’ is a strong word.” Kit was smiling now. “But I don’t plan on strangling you in your sleep, so there’s that.”

“Aw, you sweet talker!”

She headed to the targets, freed the daggers Kit threw before, and started practicing.

“Let’s go again.” Kit said to Ty. They placed themselves in fighting stances.

“By the way,” Dru shouted at them over the noise of her throwing the daggers. Both turned to look at her. “she’s really cute.”

Ty was filled with a sudden, inexplicable, overwhelming rage. He had no idea why, but what Dru just said made him want to hit Kit on the head with his stick.

So, he did.

“Ow!” Kit yelled. “Why would you do that?”

“Your guard was down.” Ty said. He placed his stick back on the wall and walked out of the room.

*****

Ty ran outside towards the beach. He didn’t get to the water though, choosing instead to climb the rocks. He finally found a flat rock that was hidden from view. He sat on it and gazed up the sky. He felt overwhelmed with emotions and was breathing fast, hysterically. He needed Livvy.  He missed her so much it hurt. What would she say if she were here? “Take deep breaths. Analyze your feelings one by one.”

First, he felt sick to his stomach. He had no idea why. Shadowhunters usually didn’t get sick. Also, he felt angry. _Really_ angry. At Kit. Again, he had no idea why.

“Ty!” He heard Kit’s voice. He should have expected Kit to come looking for him. From his rock he saw Kit running on the beach yelling his name. He remembered the night on the Alicante glass tower, and suddenly felt bad that he made Kit worry.

“I’m here!” he stood up and forced himself to shout. Kit turned around and caught sight of him. He climbed the rocks until he reached the one Ty sat on. He sat down next to him.

“What’s going on?” he asked Ty.

Ty didn’t answer. For a few minutes, both were silent. They were gazing at the ocean, and Ty was grateful that Kit didn’t pressure him.

“I don’t know.” Ty said honestly after a while.

“That’s OK.” Kit replied quietly.

They sat in silence for a while afterwards.


	5. You’re Running Away From Something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really recommend reading ch. 4 again before this one, to get into Kit's head.
> 
> In ch. 4 Kit kissed a werewolf girl, while thinking of Ty. When he found out, Ty became furious at Kit - with no apparent reason.

Kit was sitting at a desk in the library, studying for a Latin quiz Diana had scheduled for tomorrow. He looked out the window. The sun set hours ago, he could only see darkness now. Ty was sitting in an armchair near the great window at the opposite side of the room, reading a Sherlock Holmes book with his headphones on.

It wasn’t like Kit and Ty to sit on opposite sides of a room. They usually sat next to each other, whether it was at dinner or in Diana’s classes. Even worse, it wasn’t like Ty to put on his headphones when he was around Kit. “I think he doesn’t want to miss anything you say”, Livvy had told him once.

But things were tense between them lately - ever since they sat together in silence on the rock near the beach, after Ty had hit Kit with a stick.

Their usual long late-night talks became short and dry. Patrolling together became insufferable - they would just spend hours in tense silence. Ty put his headphones on more and more, and Kit even went as far as to avoid training with him, choosing to practice with Dru instead.

“Want to practice your Stamina rune?” Ty suddenly asked. Kit glanced over at him.

“Sure.” he replied, although he really meant “no”.

Ty sat next to Kit. He smelled of ocean water and soap.

 _He is too close_.

Ty’s proximity never bothered Kit before. On the contrary, he usually craved it. But now it just made him nervous and irritable. Ty pulled up his sleeve and stretched his forearm to Kit.

Kit took his stele out of his pocket. He reached his hand to Ty’s forearm and began drawing the Stamina rune. The tip of his fingers gently brushed Ty’s skin. Kit jerked away. Ty’s skin felt too hot, he felt as if he got burned.

Ty’s grey eyes scanned Kit’s face, but he said nothing. Kit returned to the rune, careful not to touch Ty’s skin again. His hand was shaking slightly, and the rune ended up miserable-looking and faded almost immediately.

“You’re not paying attention.” Ty said. “Concentrate.”

Kit traced the rune again. It faded.

“Concentrate.” Ty commanded him.

Kit traced another rune. This one faded even faster than the last.

“Concentrate.” Ty repeated.

“Will you stop saying that?!” Kit exploded with anger. “I can’t hear that anymore!”

He got up, kicked the chair and walked out of the room. He stopped when he reached the stairs leading to the sleeping quarters.

_Fuck that._

He turned around, walked the long corridor and reached the entrance of the institute. He got outside and slammed the door behind him.

_Fuck. That._

Kit wanted to kick something. He had no idea why he was so mad at Ty, but he just was.

He started walking aimlessly. He didn't know where he was going; but he needed air. He needed to be far from the institute. Far from Ty. He looked up, studying the black curtain draped over the sky, the stars shining like a million daggers against the blackness. He was alone. Alone with his thoughts.

He stared at the moon. Its silver glow reminded him of the silver in Ty’s eyes. He looked down at his feet. Tears of frustration were starting to form at the corners of his eyes. He knew where he was going now.

*****

Loud music. Dancing. The smell of cigarettes and sweat. Kit sat at the bar at the “Yareakh”, the club owned by the werewolf gang of Los Angeles. A couple was making out on his left, a drunk was slouched on the bar on his right. Kit drank his third shot of vodka.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around to see Jael. She looked simultaneously pretty and scary, wearing her ripped jeans and a black top.

“Hey, you.” she smiled.

Without a word, Kit pulled her to him and kissed her. She put one hand on his neck and the other on his waist and kissed him back.

“Come.” she said.

She took him by the hand and led him through the door he and Julian entered the last time he was there. They went down the spiral staircase and entered an empty room. It looked like an old office. A large desk was placed in the center, and file cabinets were stacked along the walls. Jael pushed everything off the desk - papers, empty glasses, an old-looking phone - and sat on it.

She pulled Kit closer and kissed him again. He ran his fingers through her brown hair.

_Ty’s hair is deep black. Like a starless night._

Angry at himself, Kit grabbed Jael by the waist and bit her lower lip. She opened her mouth under his and their tongues met. She was warm and tasted of salt.

_What does Ty taste like?_

What the hell was he doing, thinking about that at a moment like this. He circled Jael’s tongue with his. She moaned and took off his jacket.

_What would Ty say?_

Who the fuck cares what Ty would say, Kit wanted to reply to the voice inside him angrily. But he knew the answer. _He_ cared what Ty would say.

Kit grabbed Jael’s face in his hands and kissed her again, but she stopped him.

“You’re running away from something.” she said.

“What?” Kit’s voice came out hoarse.

“You’re not kissing me because you want to kiss me. You’re kissing me because you are running away from something.” she simply stated.

Kit was silent. He sat next to her on the desk.

“I am too.” she admitted. Kit looked at her.

“What are you running away from?” Kit was curious. Jael took a deep breath.

“I am not attracted to you.” she told him.

“Well, you should be running away from that feeling. It goes against the laws of nature.”

Jael laughed.

“I am not attracted to men.” she said. “I didn’t want to admit it, because I was scared of what my family would say. So, I tried making out with you. And you’re cute…”

“Clearly.” Kit agreed.

“But still, it doesn’t do anything for me.” she finished.

“I am sure your family will accept you for who you are. Even if it takes them some time to get used to the idea.” Kit said.

“I hope so...” She sounded thoughtful. “Now you. What are _you_ running away from?”

“I am not running away from anything.” he lied quickly.

“But you are.”

Kit didn’t answer. What _was_ he running away from?

“OK.” she said. “Let me rephrase that. _Who_ are you running away from?”

That was an easier question. He knew the answer. He was running away from Ty.

“There’s this guy…” he mumbled.

“There’s always a guy.” She smiled. “So, what’s up with this asshole? You don’t like him?”

_Of course I like him. How can anyone not like Ty? He’s a genius. He is so beautiful angels should be jealous. He has the biggest heart, and the loveliest smile. He smells like the ocean, and his skin shines like the moon. And when he talks… his voice is so rich and warm, you just want to listen to it forever. And if you’re lucky enough, if life blessed you, he would make eye contact with you and you could see the deep grey, the color of a flash of metal hitting the bright rays of the sun. Not a person on earth, in heaven, or in the nine realms of hell could be unmoved by his gaze._

“Worse.” Kit heard himself say. “I am in love with him.”

*****

Kit and Jael remained silent for a while. Kit’s sudden realization did not make him feel any better. Actually, it made him fell much, much worse. He was in love with Ty. Deeply, insanely, blindly in love.

In love with someone who would never love him back.

Ty would never fall for a guy like him. Kit was a liar, and a crook. He was only shoved with the Blackthorns because no one else had wanted him. But Ty… Ty was in another league completely. And - he never gave any indication that he might see Kit as anything more than a friend.

“I can’t be with anyone else.” Kit finally broke the silence. “I keep thinking about him. I don’t want to touch anyone else, I don’t want to hold anyone else. If it’s not Ty, I just don’t want to.”

“Ty, huh? Cool name.” Jael smiled. “As for your problem, the solution is simple.” Kit stared at her in disbelief.

“Just tell him.” she continued. Kit kept staring at her.

“Go to him. Tell him: ‘listen, dude. I can’t be with anyone else when I keep thinking about you.’ Problem solved.”

“He doesn’t feel that way about me.” The thought broke his heart.

“Maybe he doesn’t, maybe he does. You need to be brave. What is life worth without courage?”

Kit smiled faintly at her.

“In any case, I’m sorry.” he said.

“Well, you did just break my heart,” she said in an exaggerated tragic tone. “but you can make it up to me.”

Kit raised an eyebrow at her.

“Give me Dru’s phone number.” she said.

*****

Kit opened the door of the institute quietly, hoping he wouldn’t wake anyone up.

“Kit!”

Kit jumped at the sound of his name. He saw Julian, or rather a furious-looking Julian, facing him. _Has he been waiting for me here?_

“What are you doing? I was worried about you! I was just about to go looking for you!”

“You… You were?” Kit was surprised. He didn’t think Julian cared about him at all, to be honest.

“Yes. I told Ty that you were asleep hours ago, so he wouldn’t worry, and I waited for you to come back. Why wouldn’t you answer your cell phone?”

Kit didn’t take his cell phone with him, but he didn’t think that pointing that out would help his situation.

“Where have you been? And why do you smell like an ashtray?”

“I was at the Yareakh.” Kit admitted. He didn’t see the point in lying. Also, he wasn’t used to drinking and he was starting to lose focus. Hopefully Julian wouldn’t notice.

“Have you been _drinking_?” Julian asked him. _Oh. So he did notice._

“Yes,” Kit retorted. “What are you going to do about it? Ground me?”

He looked at Julian defiantly.

“Yes.” Julian calmly answered. “And also – make you some hot chocolate.”

Kit stared at him, confused.

“Come.” Julian led him to the kitchen. Kit sat on the counter and watched as Julian heated up milk and took out cocoa powder and sugar from the cupboard. He filled two mugs with steaming hot chocolate.

“Here.” Julian handed him one.

They sat in silence for a while. Kit took a sip. It was delicious. Amazingly, Julian could somehow simultaneously be a ruthless fighter, a great cook, a loving brother, an amazing painter, and probably lots of other things Kit was unaware of.

“What’s going on?” Julian finally asked him.

Kit remained silent. What could he say? _I fell in love with your brother, but he will never feel the same about me? I doomed myself to a life of disappointment? I’m an idiot?_

“I know you had a fight with Ty. He told me.”

Kit didn’t reply, so both remained silent. Julian didn’t pressure him, and Kit was thankful for it. Eventually he tried to talk.

“It’s… I’m just – “ Kit mumbled. Tears were forming in the corners of his eyes again. He didn’t want Julian to notice so he stared down at his mug.

“I understand.” Julian replied calmly.

Kit looked up at him. He _did_ understand. Julian spent years in love with Emma, with no one to share that with, with no hope that she would ever love him back. He spent years watching her go out with other guys, while he yearned for her, and only for her.

 _But the difference between us is that Julian got what he wanted_. _I never will_.

They drank their hot chocolate in silence. Julian’s calm presence was reassuring, even if he couldn’t say anything that would make things better. Kit finished his hot chocolate and put the mug in the sink.

“Thank you” he mumbled at Julian.

“Good night, Kit.” Julian replied, sounding thoughtful.

*****

Kit knocked slowly on Ty’s door. He was sure Ty was already asleep and didn’t want to wake him. Still, he knocked slowly, for the tiny chance that he wasn’t asleep, and the even tinier one that he wanted to talk to him.

“Yes?” He heard Ty’s deep voice. It sent shivers down his spine.

Kit opened the door slowly. Ty was sitting on his bed, reading a book. He lifted his face and focused his gaze on Kit’s collarbone. Kit studied his face, strong and defined. He gaped as he observed his sharp jaw, his chin, the long lashes fluttering on his cheeks. Ty’s dark brows were graceful, but currently furrowed in a frown.

Kit remembered the Sundays the spent at the beach. It seemed like an eternity has passed since they last went together. Ty seemed so happy then, like a child, studying small crabs he found between the rocks.

Once on a walk they had found an injured bird. Ty carried it gently in his hands and took it back to the institute. There, he placed it carefully in a cardboard box and put a towel over the top. “Birds go into chock when injured” Ty explained. “It just needs time to regain its senses.” He gave the bird water and took the box outside every thirty minutes to see if it was able to fly. Kit was very skeptic, but kept his mouth shut. Ty was right, though; after two hours the bird flew away. Ty looked at Kit with a dazzling smile.

Kit admired Ty’s kindness, the gentleness of his heart. Ty was handsome alright, but inside he was beautiful. Kit was sure that as each year passes he will be more beautiful still.

_His soul shines through his skin._

Kit realized he was still standing in Ty’s doorframe.

“May I come in?” he asked quietly.

“Yes.”

Kit entered the room and closed the door behind him.

“What are you doing up?” he asked.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

Kit felt ashamed. Ashamed that he snapped at Ty, ashamed that he ran away from him instead of being honest with himself, ashamed that he hurt the only person in his life that mattered. It wasn’t Ty’s fault that Kit was stupid enough to fall for him when he clearly didn’t stand a chance.

“I am sorry.” he whispered. “I am so sorry, Ty.”

“What happened?” Ty simply asked.

“I don’t know.” For the first time in his life, Kit lied to Ty.

No, he couldn’t lie to him. He didn’t want that.

“That’s not true.” Kit admitted. “The truth is, I felt angry and sad, and I tried to run away from what I was feeling. But it was stupid. And I am sorry. I will never do that again.”

“Why did you feel angry and sad?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me.” Ty stated. “You know you can tell me anything.”

_But I can’t. Not everything._

“I am still figuring it out.” Kit avoided a direct answer.

“I am here if you want to talk. You’re my best friend.”

 _Friend._ Kit suddenly hated the sound of the word.

“I know.” he looked at Ty. His long black hair fell on his eyes. He hasn’t gotten a haircut in a while. Kit liked his hair that way. He wanted to touch the long strands that fell on his eyes. Touch his face. His lips. He chased the thought away. What use did it serve to think about things that will never happen?

“Kit?”

“Yes, Ty?” he looked at him, dazed.

“You smell like an ashtray.”

Kit snapped out of his dazed state and laughed.

“I’ll take a shower and come back.” he told him.

When he came back ten minutes later, Ty was asleep. Kit lay down on the mattress beside Ty’s bed and listened to his breaths. His wished he could lie next to Ty on his bed, hold him tight and fall asleep tangled in him. Wake Ty up in the morning with a kiss. Run his fingers through his hair and whisper his name. Tell him he loved him more than he ever loved anyone. More than he loved himself.

But he knew that it was impossible.

_He will never fall for someone like me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this chapter – let me know what you think in the comments :)
> 
> The next chapter is titled “Unfortunately, That’s Illegal”. We’ll have a visit of from the Ashdowns, resulting in funny moments and Kitty fluff :) 
> 
> ***  
> He was about to put his headphones back when Paige gasped.
> 
> “Kit is so cute! Is he seeing anyone?”
> 
> Ty thought that it was an incredibly stupid question. Given the fact that Kit was talking to Mark, and that Mark wasn’t invisible, obviously Kit was seeing him. Perhaps Paige was not very bright, he concluded, and was trying to understand if Kit was a very well-adjusted blind person.
> 
> “Yes” he said very slowly, so that even a girl with a mental capacity as low as Paige Ashdown’s could follow. “He is seeing Mark”.
> 
> “Oh, that’s too bad” Ty could detect from the tone of her voice that she was either upset or disappointed. Was she hoping Kit is blind? People are confusing.


	6. Unfortunately, That’s Illegal

5:00 AM

Ty and Kit were making breakfast in the kitchen together. Kit was in charge of cutting tomatoes and cucumbers, while Ty made an omelet. Kit set up the table and watched as Ty cut the omelet into two perfectly equal parts, putting each on a plate.

They sat in silence. A comfortable, morning silence. It would end soon, Kit knew, since Paige and Cameron Ashdown were coming in to train with them today. Training together is common practice among Shadowhunters, but Kit wasn’t looking forward to it whatsoever.

Emma had notified them yesterday that they would be coming. He glanced at Julian when she said that - he did not seem very happy about it either. Who could blame him - Cameron was his wife’s ex. As for Ty, his face was unreadable.

They finished eating. Kit did the dishes while Ty cleaned the table. Kit loved their morning routine; the way their moves harmonized.

“Let’s go watch the sunrise before training.” Ty suggested. Kit readily agreed. He needed to watch something soothing.

They stood on the institute’s roof. The sun rose before them like a blooming flower, shining the first orange hued rays. Kit stared at Ty. He was watching the tangerine sky, the sun kissing his face and shining in his charcoal hair. Kit felt a sudden yearning for him. He didn’t wish for much. Just to hold Ty’s hand. Say his name.

Ty looked down at the sea, lost in the rhythmic percussion of waves on sand.

_What is he thinking about?_

His lips were slightly pulled out at the corners, just enough to show that he is enjoying his thoughts, whatever they may be. Kit felt as if every ounce of breath was stolen from his lungs.

The sun was now hanging high above them, blinding.

“Let’s go.” Ty said. With one last look at the sea, he turned around. Kit followed him.

*****

Kit was practicing the use of chakrams.

“Fun fact: this weapon is also known as ‘chalikar’, meaning ‘circle’ in Sanskrit.” Ty informed him.

“What’s the point of them?” he lamented to Ty. “All throwing weapons are useless. You throw them - then you have none left. It doesn’t make any sense.”

“Another fun fact,” Ty continued. “you are supposed to retrieve them after you throw them.”

“See. This is why I prefer swords. Less nonsense - more damage.”

The sound of the doorbell cut off Ty’s reply.

_Joy. The Ashdowns are here._

Kit walked out of the training room and along the corridor leading to the entrance of the institute.

“Look alive, Kit.” Diana told him as he passed her in the corridor. “It will be healthy for you to meet other Shadowhunters.”

Kit was positive that it would not, in fact, be healthy for him to meet Paige Ashdown.

He reached the door and opened it warily to reveal a girl with small brown eyes and strawberry hair.

“Hi, I’m Paige Ashdown.” she held her hand out to him with a smug look. Kit immediately hated her little troll-like eyes. Arguably, other people might consider her attractive, but Kit was more willing to kiss a cockroach than to keep his eyes on her for more than two second straight.

He did not forget the story Livvy told him about Paige Ashdown. She made fun of Ty for talking about cars and called him “stupid” when he came to her house.

 _Well guess what, Paige Ashdown,_ Kit thought, _cars are fucking awesome, and you’re a bitch._

He was planning on saying it out loud, too, but Paige’s brother just stepped forward to introduce himself.

“Hi man, I’m Cameron.”

 _And I don’t give a fuck_. Kit wanted to say.

But sadly, social convention dictates that when another human introduces themselves, you are to reply with ‘nice to meet you’.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Kit” he replied unenthusiastically.

“Oh, I should have guessed! You look like a younger Jace.” Cameron said happily.

 _What are you so happy about, moron. This is how shared DNA works._ Kit thought, disgruntled. He was actually not entirely sure why he hated Cameron so much, seeing as it was his dumb sister who was mean to Ty.

“Cool”. Kit said. He turned around back into the house, while promising himself he’d try to be more civilized.

*****

The institute’s habitants and the Ashdowns were all gathered in the training room. Ty sat in the corner of the room and opened a book, headphones on. He had trouble adjusting to new people, especially ones as loud as Paige Ashdown.

“Let’s practice a one-on-one.” Cameron suggested to Emma.

“Why sure, I would love to!” Julian said enthusiastically before Emma had a chance to answer.

Ty suspected he wasn’t truly enthusiastic about training with Cameron. He knew that sometimes people would fake certain tones to convey hidden messages. In this case, Ty had a theory that the message was “get away from my wife”.

Julian and Cameron positioned themselves on the mat.

“Ready?” Julian asked.

“Go.” Cameron barely had time to reply before he was kicked to the ground by Julian. He stood back up with some difficulty.

“Nice one.” he managed to say before Julian applied a headlock on him and leaped forward, driving Cameron’s face into the mat.

Yeah, Ty was pretty sure that Julian was sending Cameron a “get away from my wife” message.

On the opposite side of the room, Christina was showing Mark some butterfly knife moves. They were standing very close, Ty had noticed.

In the center of the room Kit and Dru were throwing daggers. Or rather, Dru was throwing daggers, and Kit was _trying_ to throw them only to be distracted by Paige who kept giving him tips on his technique. Somehow her “tips” constituted mainly of touching his biceps.

Kit shook her off and went to practice fencing with Emma. Paige followed him. She watched their battle and cheered him on. _By the Angel, she’s loud_.  Ty was glad he had his headphones on, at least they drowned her shouts out a bit. Ty saw Emma knocking Kit down, and Paige running over to him and helping him get up (by touching his biceps some more).

Kit got up, cursed, and went to the corner where Mark and Christina were standing. This time Paige didn’t follow him, but rather advanced towards Ty. He took off his headphones. Not because he wanted to, but because she seemed to want to talk to him, and Julian had told him once that whenever a person addressed you the polite thing to do was to take off your headphones.

“Why aren’t you practicing like everybody else?” she inquired.

Ty didn’t answer. He kept his gaze fixed on her shoes.

“Why are you wasting your time on mundane books?” she continued. “Shadowhunters are not supposed to be interested in mundane culture.”

Ty considered putting his headphones back on to drown Paige out. People like her always made him feel that he was weird. Not normal. Not wanted for who he was.

He thought back to that night in Alicante. “You are perfect.” Kit had told him then.

Perfect.

_Does he really think that?_

Ty was about to put his headphones back on when Paige gasped.

“Kit is so cute! Is he seeing anyone?”

Ty thought that it was an incredibly stupid question. Given the fact that Kit was talking to Mark, and that Mark wasn’t invisible, obviously Kit was _seeing_ him. Perhaps Paige was not very bright, he concluded, and was trying to understand if Kit was a very well-adjusted blind person.

“Yes” he said very slowly, so that even a girl with a mental capacity as feeble as Paige Ashdown’s could follow. “He is seeing _Mark_ ”.

“Oh, that’s too bad” Ty could detect from the tone of her voice that she was either upset or disappointed. _Was she hoping that Kit is blind?_ People are confusing.

*****

Kit was wondering how to get in touch with the people in charge of the Thesaurus and get them to put “Paige Ashdown” as a synonym for “obnoxious” and “worst person ever”.

From the moment she stepped in the institute, she didn’t leave him alone for a second. Worse, she didn’t _shut up_ for a second.

“I am _really_ good at knife throwing. I can teach you.” she told him after he hit the target mid-center. She then tried to put her hands on him.

“I’m good.” he said dryly. Dru giggled.

“But you, Dru,” she turned to her. “you could really use some practice. How did they certify you, with an aim like that?”

Dru looked as if she was going to aim the next dagger at Paige instead of at the target. Kit really hoped that she would.

“Well like I said, I am really good at knife throwing. And fencing. I also excel in one-on-one fights. The examiners at my certification exam at the academy said I was one of the best they ever saw.”

“Show us, then.” Kit had enough.

“What?” she choked.

“Here,” he put a dagger in her hand. “throw this dagger.”

“I would,” she smirked. “but I don’t want Dru to feel bad about herself.”

_I want to kick her. By everything that is holy, I want to kick her._

Instead he took a deep breath and walked over to Emma.

“Practice fencing with me?” he asked. “ _Please?_ ” he emphasized, while nodding at Paige’s direction.

“Sure.” Emma smiled.

She handed him a wooden sword and held hers in front of her. She studied Kit's pose.

"Put more weight on your back foot." she said. "That way, you can push off when you attack."

They began. The rhythmic motion calmed Kit’s nerves. The adrenaline made him forget his anger. Emma swung her sword swiftly and methodically. She was light, dancing around the floor. Kit had a hard time following.

“Go Kit! You can take her!” Paige’s voice filled his ears.

_Great. There’s Paige. Again._

Paige cost him a moment of distraction, which Emma took advantage of. She managed to disarm him and knock him down.

“Oh! Poor Kit!” Paige run to him. “Let me take care of you!”

Kit cursed under his breath. He didn’t bother answering her, choosing instead to join Mark and Christina. He enjoyed a few quiet, blessed, Paige-less minutes, before daring to look around the room to see where she was.

She was taking to Ty.

Kit didn’t like that. At all. He walked over to them. Ty kept his head down.

_Did she say something to upset him?_

“Paige,” he managed to keep a civilized voice. “let’s practice a one-on-one.”

She looked pleased.

They stepped on the mat. Half an hour ago Julian kicked Cameron’s ass on that mat. Kit wasn’t really upset about that fact, to be honest.

“He is so weird.” she said.

“Huh?” Kit stared at her.

“That Tiberius guy. He’s weird.”

Kit felt his temper rising.

To calm down, he listed in his head things he would rather do than spend time with Paige. _Setting myself on fire. Getting hit by a bus. Getting a paper cut on my eyeball._ Yes, all of these activities sounded way more appealing than listening to Paige’s smug voice for another second.

“He is not weird.” he said dryly. “He is…” he was looking for the perfect word to describe Ty. _Kind. Smart. Beautiful. Funny. Amazing._

_The most perfect being currently walking on the face of the freaking earth._

“He keeps looking at us.” she complained.

 _He is?_ Kit’s face felt hot.

“Please tell him that I am not interested in him.” she snickered.

Her comment sparked his rising temper to something dangerous.

“I don’t think you have to worry about that,” Kit said dryly. “he usually avoids the company of people with below average intellect.”

“When I was a kid my mom made me hang out with him and his sister, you know?” Paige said, clearly oblivious to Kit’s insult. “He was always so weird and boring. Once he even came to my house to talk about _cars_ – like, what the hell. He only left after I yelled at him. What an idiot, right?” she laughed.

His control, already worn tenuously thin by the day spent with the Ashdowns, snapped.

Mundane men are taught to “never hit a woman.” Luckily, this rule doesn’t apply to Shadowhunters.

“Go.” he said.

Before Paige realized what was happening, Kit jumped forward and knocked her over her back. He then sat on her waist and pinned her in body scissors.

_That’s not enough._

So, he moved his legs quickly and wrapped them around her neck, choking her. She gasped for air.

_What a lovely sound._

Sadly, Emma saw what was happening.

“Kit! Let her go!”

 _I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear that._ He strengthened his hold. Paige’s face turned a bit purple.

“Kit! Now!” Emma ordered.       

Reluctantly, Kit released his hold. Paige sat up, panting.

“I thought you were great in one-on-one fights.” he smirked at Paige.

He left her on the floor and walked over to the corner of the room, where Ty was sitting.

“That’s not funny!” Emma scolded him in a hushed tone as he passed her.

“It kind of is, though.” he smiled sweetly at her.

Kit walked along the training room. He stopped about three feet from Ty, to give him space. Ty looked up at him, his bright gaze scanning Kit’s face, and took off his headphones. Kit felt very warm suddenly.

“Hey.” Ty’s deep voice melted him.

 _You are perfect_ , Kit wanted to tell him. _Don’t ever listen to anyone who says otherwise. They are too blind to see that if all Shadowhunters were like you, the world would have been a much better place._

He sat down next to him.

Ty smiled at him. He didn’t smile often, so Kit had learned to cherish the rare occasions in which he did. But, and Kit wasn’t sure if he was imagining it, it seemed to him that most of Ty’s smiles were reserved for him.

_That’s just wishful thinking. Don’t be stupid._

Kit craved such small, silly gestures. It made him feel so lame. All he wanted was to be able to hold Ty’s hand and tell him how amazing he is.

_I am such an idiot._

*****

It was a long day. Ty was lying on his bed, reaching out for his copy of the “The Order of the Phoenix”.

Kit’s favorite Harry Potter character was Hermione, because, according to him, she was “not fucking around” and “getting shit done”. Ty admitted Hermione was pretty awesome. Especially when she slapped Malfoy (“That prick had it coming.” Kit had said). Ty’s favorite character was Luna Lovegood. When Kit asked him why, he told him honestly that he liked her best because she was kind, and she questioned things that other people took for granted. “And,” he added quietly, “other characters think she’s weird”. At that, Kit looked at him understandingly. He did not push the subject any further.

Ty opened the book and started reading the chapter he and Kit finished the night before. After a few minutes, he heard Kit’s expected knock on his door.

“Come in.” Ty said.

Kit entered the room and closed the door behind him. He had just showered - his blond curls were dangling around his face, still wet, as he filled the room with a strong smell of shampoo. It smelled pleasant, but Ty liked Kit’s smell better when they were training. It smelled more like _Kit_. Once during a one-on-one, he pinned Kit to the floor and restrained him for a few minutes to give him the chance to try and free himself. Being so close to Kit made him feel a bit nervous, so he focused on his smell. He tried to name all the things Kit’s smell reminded him of. Rosewood, leather, musk, and maybe a bit of vanilla?

Kit sat on the bed next to Ty.

“That was a long day.” He made an annoyed face, which Ty found very amusing. Kit’s face was usually very expressive. Ty learned to map his expressions into general categories (sad, angry, happy…) and sub-categories (for example: the annoyed and irritated expressions fell under the category “angry Kit”). But recently, he found he knew Kit so well, he could map individual expressions. Now, Ty knew, Kit’s expression was a combination of 30% tired from what truly was a long day, 30% annoyed at the fact that he fell a lot during training today, and 40% happy because he was looking forward to reading Harry Potter together. Ty was pretty sure he got the numbers right.

“I hope these two are not coming back any time soon.” Kit continued, and Ty knew he referred to the Ashdowns.

“Paige is not particularly bright.” Ty shared with Kit the new fact that he had gathered today.

“She’s a complete moron.” Kit said savagely.

“She thought you were blind.” Ty informed him.

“She – what?” Kit looked confused.

“She thought you were blind.” Ty repeated. “She asked me if you were seeing someone, while you were talking to Mark.”

For some reason, Kit began smiling. Now Ty concluded that he was only 5% tired and 95% amused, though Ty wasn’t sure why.

“What did you tell her?” Kit asked him curiously.

“I told her you were seeing Mark. Because you were.” Ty replied. “She sounded disappointed.”

Kit smiled at him.

“It’s an expression,” he told him. “she meant, ‘is he seeing anyone on a constant basis in a romantic way’. She asked you if I am dating someone.”

Ty was grateful Kit didn’t laugh. He was embarrassed enough as it was.

“I’m… I’m sorry.” he mumbled. He suddenly felt miserable. “I can call her tomorrow and explain…”

“Oh no, don’t do that!” Kit exclaimed. “Let her think I am dating Mark. I don’t want her coming anywhere near me. I don’t trust myself around her.”

“Why is that?” Ty inquired.

“Because I might very well set her on fire, and unfortunately that’s illegal.” He answered with a laugh.

Ty looked at him in surprise for half a second, before bursting into laughter himself. Ty didn’t understand most jokes people made, but he thought Kit was hilarious.

“Next time,” Ty finally said, “I will tell whoever is asking me that you are not dating anyone.”

Ty suddenly felt very cold. He got up to get himself a hoody.

Kit had stopped laughing. His expression suddenly became stern. He didn’t say anything for a few moments.

“You can say whatever you want.” he finally mumbled

“What do you mean?” Ty picked up the grey hoody that was thrown on the chair in the corner of the room.

“You can say whatever you want, it doesn’t really matter.”

Ty put the hoody on and took his place on the bed. Kit was looking down at his hands.

“Why?” Ty asked him. The hoody didn’t help. He was still cold. _Should I draw a heat rune?_

Kit was still looking at his hands, interlacing his fingers and untangling them over and over. Ty found this behavior quite odd. He had never seen Kit do that before. This was the kind of thing that Ty would do. Julian once said “when other people are nervous they get butterflies in their stomach. You get them in your hands.” Perhaps he should add another category? “Behaviors and expressions that should have been Ty’s”?

“I just don’t want to date anyone right now.” He said eventually. “Come on. Pass me the book. I want to see what will happen during Harry’s detention.”

Ty passed him the book. Kit opened it at the relevant chapter and began reading out loud. Ty was staring at Kit’s hands, slowly turning the pages, the Herondale ring shining on his finger. Kit’s blond curls fell on his eyes. They looked so soft. Ty had always wanted to tangle a curl in his fingers. Maybe one day he’ll have the courage to ask.

The fact the Kit didn’t want to date anyone made him feel as if a huge weight that was pressing on his shoulders for a while was suddenly lifted. He was scared to ask himself why. Perhaps he was so used to spend all his time with Kit and didn’t want to share him with anyone. Maybe he was just egoistic.

_Could it be something else?_

No, of course not. What could bother him about Kit dating someone, expect the fact the it would mean Kit would spend less time with him?

But then he thought about how he felt that day Dru told everyone that Kit kissed some werewolf girl. Then Emma started talking about sex.

_Did Kit…?_

Ty blushed. Of course, he realized that Kit was extremely attractive. Everyone attributed it to the Herondale charm, but Ty thought that Kit was attractive because he was simply _Kit_. With his golden hair and his eyes the color of a burning flame, Kit reminded him of the sun, pulling Ty into his orbit.

But Ty never really thought about Kit… in a sexual way.

Well _now_ he was.

“What the hell, Umbridge!?” Ty was brought back to reality by Kit’s shout. “That’s so messed up!”

Ty realized that he hadn’t heard anything Kit was reading for the last ten minutes. Kit looked at him.

“Ty, I thought you’d be pissed right now.” he said.

“Yeah, I am!” Ty quickly agreed, though he had no idea what Kit was talking about. “Umbridge is the worst!” he added to sound more convincing. He made a mental note to read that part again tomorrow while Kit took a shower, so that he would know what they had just agreed upon.

Kit continued reading, and Ty curled up next to him, keeping a safe distance between them. He felt sleepy and warm. Soon he drifted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, hope you liked this chapter (and hated Paige as much as Kit does!)  
> Let me know what you think in the comments.
> 
> The next chapter is titled “I Just Hate Seeing You Get Hurt”, here’s a snapshot:
> 
> ***  
> “I just hate seeing you get hurt, that’s all. I wasn’t thinking, I dove on instinct. I’m sorry.” Kit turned away from him.
> 
> Hesitantly, Ty put a hand on his shoulder. He felt Kit’s warmth through the fabric of his t-shirt, the shape of his muscles. He has touched Kit’s shoulders before during training, when he corrected his form. But this felt different somehow.  
> Kit turned around, a surprised expression on his face.
> 
> “I hate seeing you get hurt too.” Ty admitted.  
> ***


	7. I Just Hate Seeing You Get Hurt

07:30 AM

An intricate network of rafters intersected the interior of the training room’s pitched roof. Ty was balanced on a rafter and looked around. He chose another one at random and jumped to it. He then rolled along it, stopped at the other end and looked down. Kit was doing pushups on the floor. Ty remembered how skinny Kit was when he first arrived at the institute, the night he picked an empty room at random and slammed the door. He filled up a lot since then. When he first came to the institute he probably couldn’t do more than ten pushups. Now he was doing hundreds of them. With one hand.

Ty caught Kit glancing at him, then quickly looking away.

He jumped from beam to beam, practicing equilibrium and agility. After a few minutes he stopped and looked down again. Kit was still going strong on those pushups. He lifted his head, met Ty’s gaze and quickly looked at the floor again. Kit could try and pretend he wasn’t watching Ty’s every move, but Ty knew he was.

And he knew why.

Kit still carried a deep mental scar from that night on top of the Alicante tower. The night in which Ty tried to follow Livvy. Kit thought that Ty didn’t know.

But he did.

Ty knew that almost a year had passed, but Kit still had nightmares about that night. He would wake up in the middle of the night crying out for Ty, sit up on his bed and look at Ty, make sure he was okay.

Ty never told him he knew.

Kit was always scared whenever Ty climbed on the rafters, or whenever they chased a demon and Ty would follow him on the rooftops. He tried to pretend that he was fine, but Ty knew that if heights were involved, Kit would not let him out of his sight. Ty felt a weird mixture of guilt at causing Kit so much stress, and gratefulness to have someone who cared so much about him.

Kit saved his life. He saved his life that night in Alicante. But also, and Ty was sure Kit wasn’t aware of that, Kit saved every day since. Ty gravitated towards Kit. Towards his gold curls and his blazing eyes, his warmth, his ability to contain Ty, to light him up, make him shine. _He is my own, personal sun._

Ty rolled along another rafter. He stood up and planned his landing on the floor of the room. A landing roll is the best way of absorbing shock from a fall. Thus, Ty planned on landing, then pushing himself into a roll with his right foot. He jumped, preparing himself for the impact with the floor.

To be caught in Kit’s arms.

Ty let a small cry of surprise escape his lips. Kit was holding him like you would hold a bride – one arm around his back, the other around the bend of Ty’s knees. Ty quickly scanned Kit’s face.

“Kit, what are you doing?” he finally managed to ask.

Kit made a weird choking sound and looked away.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know.” he mumbled. He still hasn’t put Ty down. _His hair looks so soft._ It was getting harder to stop himself from passing his fingers through Kit’s golden curls. _He smells like rosewood and vanilla._ Ty’s heart began beating fast.

Kit seemed to realize he was still holding Ty in his arms. He quickly put him down.

“I’m sorry.” he repeated.

Ty was silent. They were standing only inches apart, but he didn’t take a step back.

“I can handle myself.” Ty finally said.

“I know.” Kit looked down at his shoes. “I know, Ty. It’s just…”

“Just what?”

“I just hate seeing you get hurt, that’s all. I wasn’t thinking, I acted on instinct. I’m sorry.” Kit turned away from him.

Hesitantly, Ty put a hand on his shoulder. He felt Kit’s warmth through the fabric of his t-shirt, the shape of his muscles. He had touched Kit’s shoulders before during training, when he corrected his form. But this felt different somehow.

Kit turned around, a surprised expression on his face.

“I hate seeing you get hurt too.” Ty admitted.

It was true. Every time Kit would get hurt during training, which admittingly was a lot during the first few months, Ty would run over to put an Iraze on him as fast as he could. He wanted to minimize Kit’s pain as much as possible. Kit broke bones and bled, and Ty would always heal him. He never told Kit, but whenever he was bleeding, Ty could swear his heart was bleeding as well.

Kit lifted his gaze and looked at him. Ty’s heart skipped a beat. The blue flame in Kit’s eyes burned him.

“Ty.” Kit whispered. He lifted his hand, as if to touch Ty’s face, but quickly lowered it. “Ty, I –“

“Good morning guys!” Emma’s delighted cry made them both jump. Kit quickly stepped away from him

Emma and Dru stepped into the training room. Emma looked fierce as usual, but Dru had a huge grin.

“Morning guys!” she said gleefully.

“Morning.” Kit nodded in their direction.

Ty studied his face carefully, but he could not decipher his expression.

*****

7:18 PM

Kit was sitting at his regular spot in the library - his favorite armchair near the great window. Dru was sitting in the chair next to him, texting and giggling. Ever since she started dating Jael, she spent much more time on her phone.

Kit had a book on his lap. He was supposed to read the chapter on Vetis demons for tomorrow’s class, but he found himself staring aimlessly at the pages without absorbing a word. He lifted his eyes every couple of second to look at the door.

Ty had left an hour ago. One moment he was reading quietly next to Kit, the next he put his headphones on and left the room. Kit was anxious. _Is something bothering him?_

He kept glancing at the door, hoping that Ty would enter the room. It’s crazy how the same library looked completely different when he was not here. Whenever Ty was present, he made everything look bright and beautiful. Now the library just looked dark and dull.

“Don’t worry, he’ll come back.” Dru lifted her eyes from her phone and smiled at Kit.

“Yeah.” Kit hoped she was right.

“You are so whipped.” she laughed.

“I’m – what?” he looked at her in disbelief.

“You heard me. You are completely whipped.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Kit felt himself blushing.

“Oh, come on, Kit.”

He didn’t answer.

“You are totally in love with him.” she smiled and got back to her phone, giggling some more at Jael’s texts.

“How did you know?” Kit finally asked.

“I read minds.” she replied.

“Jael told you, didn’t she? By the Angel I’m going to kill her.”

“She did.” Dru admitted. “But I already knew.”

Kit began to sweat. _Why is it so goddamn hot in here?_ He felt his face getting red. _So embarrassing._

“I –“ he muttered. “Does he...?” _Does Ty know?_

“No.” she smiled.

“But does he...?” Kit stopped mid-sentence. _Does he feel the same way about me?_

“I don’t know.” she sounded thoughtful.

Both were silent.

“No one understands him better than you do.” Dru added after a while.

“I don’t know what he’s thinking, Dru. It’s killing me.” he admitted.

She came to sit next to him and put her hand on his shoulder empathetically.

“Why don’t you just ask him?”

Kit took a deep breath.

“Because I think his answer will be ‘no’, and I just want to keep living in a world in which the answer is ‘maybe’. At least for a little bit longer.”

“So, you would rather live in denial?” she asked.

“Don’t bother telling me how lame it is. I am already aware.”

There wasn’t much she could say to make him feel better. She put her head on his shoulder, and he rested his head on hers.

“I’m rooting for you, though.” she said.

Kit never thought he would have a sister, let along one as great as Dru. He really lucked out. In that area, at least.

*****

Ty had been wandering aimlessly around the institute for the past hour. Walking around usually helped him focus his mind whenever he was working on a case. The last case he worked on was the Eidolon demon one, and it was solved a while ago. Lately, however, it felt as if his subconscious was trying to solve some puzzle whose exact details were unknown to him.

The music helped calm him down, and his mind began to wander to the events of that morning. The way Kit caught him, the way he held him close. Ty felt the warmth of his hands through the fabric of his t-shirt. He liked the feeling of Kit’s arms around him. _Does that make sense?_ He wasn’t sure anymore.

He walked along the long corridor leading to the library. There is no point in walking around the institute trying to solve a puzzle that doesn’t exist.

He reached the library and leaned on the doorframe, glancing inside. He saw Kit and Dru sitting together in an armchair. They looked a bit upset. If Ty was reading the situation correctly, Kit was comforting Dru – or was it the other way around?

“Hey guys.” he said. “what’s going on?”

Kit straightened himself.

“Nothing much. Dru is upset because she just realized that Jael is a whole two leagues above her.” Kit told him.

“What? No.” Dru exclaimed.

“Yes, yes she is. Don’t lie to yourself, Dru. It ain’t pretty.”

“Kit, shut up. By the Angel, just stop talking.” Dru sounded exasperated.

“And now she realized that she will probably dump her for someone else.” Kit continued. “Someone much, much better.”

Dru threw a pillow at him.

“There’s no one better than you.” Ty reassured her. “You are the best. She’s lucky, and I’m sure she knows it.”

“Why thank you, Ty.” Dru smiled. “Nice to know that someone appreciates me.”

She got up to leave.

“Perhaps one day someone will appreciate you as well, Kit.” she winked at Kit before she left the room.

Ty knew that winking is used either to flirt (which he immediately ruled out) or in a conspiratorial manner, when two people have an inside joke. Although he wanted to know what it was about, he knew that the polite thing to do was to ignore it.

He studied Kit’s face. He looked exhausted. Dark circles were forming around his eyes and he looked a bit pale.

Over the last month the two largest vampire clans in Los Angeles were at a diplomatic crisis – which is a fancier way of saying that they were at war, each side retaliating for murders caused by the other. To keep the situation under control, the institute habitants set a patrol schedule around the area. The presence of the Shadowhunters was enough to deter vampires from committing more murders. They were patrolling all night, until the crack of dawn, when there was no possibility for vampires to leave their residence. Ty and Kit kept missing each other this week – Kit was scheduled to patrol with Emma, and Ty was teamed up with Julian - and whenever they weren’t patrolling they were sleeping.

Tonight, Christina and Mark were scheduled to patrol, so Kit and Ty had the night off. Ty had been looking forward to this night all week.

He sat down next to Kit.

“Is something bothering you?” Kit quietly asked him, looking at his hands.

“Yes,” Ty admitted. “I feel like I have an open case, but my brain doesn’t know the details.” Ty knew he didn’t make any sense. Yet, he also knew that Kit would understand nonetheless.

“I’m here if you want to talk.”

“I know.” Ty got up. “Come on. Let’s watch the new Marvel movie. You promised.”

Kit got up as well. For a moment, they stood facing each other. Ty was slightly taller than Kit. He looked down and studied his face. Adrenaline coursed through his veins as he watched his own reflection dance in Kit’s electrifying blue eyes.

Kit smiled and walked towards the den. Ty followed him. Kit dimmed the lights, while Ty put the movie on, and placed the remote on the coffee table. They curled on the opposite ends of the couch and Ty put a blanket over them.

“Ty, you’re hogging the blanket!” Kit complained and tried to pull it towards him.

“This is factually incorrect,” Ty declared, “the blanket is divided equally. I am already tutoring you in Latin and history, do I need to tutor you in first-grade math as well?”

“Do _I_ need to tutor _you_ in kindergarten material? Has no one taught you to share?” Kit smirked.

“Wow. Since you made such a compelling case,” Ty gave him another inch of the blanket, “there you go. Knock yourself out.” He looked at him with an angelic smile.

Kit laughed. Ty was mesmerized. He wasn’t used to making people laugh. He was never funny around other people, never told any jokes. But with Kit… he felt so comfortable. Kit brought out sides of him Ty didn’t even know existed; it was like he was discovering himself through Kit.

Ty caught himself staring and quickly looked away.

“Remind me again why I’m putting up with this?” Kit asked him.

“Because I’m your best friend, obviously.”

“Yes, you are.” Kit wasn’t smiling anymore.

Ty played the movie and lay back on the sofa. His feet were slightly touching Kit’s. He liked the feeling, so he didn’t pull his knees closer to him. He wondered if Kit was bothered by the touch – he seemed not to mind it. Or maybe he didn’t notice.

The movie was enjoyable, and combined with Kit’s proximity it made for the perfect night off. When the credits began to roll, he looked over at Kit to find him asleep, his blond curls spread on the pillow. Ty made sure to watch the after credits (as Kit taught him), then turned off the TV and got up.

He studied Kit’s face. When Kit was awake he was fierce and energetic, sarcastic and sharp. Now he looked so peaceful, and… small. Ty smiled.

He debated with himself whether to wake Kit up so he could go to bed, or let him sleep in the den.

He then decided on a third option. He slowly took the blanket off him and picked him up in his arms. Kit was so exhausted he didn’t wake up. Ty turned off the light and carried him out of the room. He walked along the corridor with Kit in his arms. The smell of Kit’s shampoo dazed him. It made him want to caress his hair.

_Don’t._

Kit felt warm in his arms. Ty held him closer and looked at his face. Sleeping in his arms, Kit reminded him of a lion cub. He looked… cute.

 _Stop._ _It doesn’t make any sense._

“Ty.” Kit mumbled.

“It’s okay. I’m taking you to bed.” Ty told him softly.

Kit didn’t protest. Ty scanned his face, the dark circles below his eyes. Kit had been killing himself this week, somehow managing to do all the extra study assignments Ty has given him, in addition to patrolling and the usual training.

Ty climbed the stairs and reached his room. He stepped inside, closing the door quietly behind them. He was about to put Kit down on the mattress spread on the floor beside his bed, but suddenly stopped.

He wanted to hold Kit for just one more moment.

_It doesn’t make any sense._

Slowly, he put Kit down on the mattress and covered him with a blanket. He lay in his bed, and his mind drifted to the events of this morning. Kit had started to say something, before being cut off by Emma. _What was he going to say?_  

Ty listened to Kit’s slow breaths and wondered if he would have nightmares about Ty jumping tonight. He wished Kit would have a night of peaceful sleep.

His mind began to wander. It felt nice to be this close to Kit today, to lie on the opposite ends of the sofa, feet touching. It felt nice to carry Kit in his arms. To feel his warmth. Smell his hair.

Ty found himself wanting more.

He craved Kit’s proximity. He yearned to hold him close, feel the heat of his body. To bury his face in Kit’s neck and get lost in him. To graze his lips against Kit’s skin. He wanted to run his fingers gently over Kit’s face, down his neck, along his collar bones. He wished Kit would not sleep on the floor tonight, but next to him, his head on Ty’s chest, their legs intertwined.

Ty blushed at his own thoughts.

And then, the pieces of the unresolved puzzle that haunted him came together in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ty discovered something about himself today :)  
> Hope you liked the chapter - tell me what you think in the comments.
> 
> The next one is titled "Kallisto and Gray" (these names are the origin of my user name ^^)  
> Kit and Ty will get to know each other even better. Here's a snapshot:
> 
> ***  
> Their knees were grazing now, and Kit could feel Ty shivering slightly. He took his stele out of his pocket. 
> 
> “Do you want me to draw a heating rune on you?” he asked softly.
> 
> “I can do that myself.” Ty reached his hand to take the stele. His fingertips brushed the back of Kit’s hand, sending a jolt of electricity thought his body.
> 
> “I want to.” Kit whispered. “If – if you want.” He added quickly.  
> ***


	8. Kallisto and Gray

Ty’s scream woke Kit up.

Kit immediately lifted himself up to a sitting position; he was used to being woken up by Ty’s nightmares.

“It’s alright. I’m here.” he whispered. “You’re with me.”

Ty’s was shaking, letting out little gasping sounds, his eyelashes wet with tears. No matter how many times Kit has seen him like that – it always broke his heart. Kit approached his bed and settled down just within reach, making sure not to touch him. He knew that his touch is not welcome right now, so he reached out his hand - as he always did - to let Ty know that he can take it if he wanted to.

Ty never did. It was not Kit’s hand he wanted in his.

“It’s okay. I’m here.” Kit said softly over and over. Usually, Ty would stop shaking after a few minutes and let Kit tuck him in. He would let Kit dry his tears and speak to him softly until he fell asleep again.

However, sometimes the nightmares would be so terrible, so violent, that Ty would cry for hours. This seemed to be one of those times. Ty was whimpering, rocking back and forth, and Kit felt his heart being ripped out of his chest.

“I’m right here baby, I’m right here.” He whispered, and then realized what he just said. _Did I just call him...?_

Kit did his best to repress the feeling of misery that spread through his heart like an ice storm at the realization that no, he most definitely couldn’t call him anything but “Ty”. Even “Tiberius” felt like crossing a line. He looked over at Ty. He didn’t seem to notice how much of an idiot Kit was being, so there was that at least.

But Kit’s heart broke again when he looked at Ty who was still shaking, miserable and broken.

“Ty,” Kit said softly. “What do you need?”

“Air.”

“Come.” Kit got up. He waited for Ty to get up as well, and then they both put on their boots and stepped out of the room. Ty led the way through the institute with his witchlight. They climbed on the roof and sat down next to each other, knees barely grazing. Tears were slowly streaming down Ty’s cheeks.

 _I wish I could take the pain away_.

But he couldn’t. He watched Ty suffer helplessly.

“I miss her.” Ty said quietly after a while.

“I miss her too.” Kit replied softly.

He looked over at Ty. His eyes were burning with tears, but his breath was slow and even.

“I also miss my dad.” Kit let out without thinking.

He looked at the night sky. If his dad could look down on him right now – would he be ashamed of the man he has become? A Shadowhunter.

In love with a Shadowhunter.

“What was he like?” Ty asked quietly.

“A liar.” Kit exhaled. “A cheat. He would sell people potions with supposed healing powers. They were just water with some food coloring.”

Ty remained silent.

“His favorite saying was ‘never attempt to win by force what can be won by deception.’ It was his guiding principle.”

“That’s a quote from ‘The Prince’, by Niccolò Machiavelli.” Ty smiled.

“It was my dad’s favorite book. When I was a kid he would sometimes read it to me before bed.”

“What other books did he like?” Ty asked curiously.

“He read everything. Poetry, prose, history books… We had a huge library, filled with – “ Kit stopped. He would never go back there; would never see his father books again. He took a deep breath. “My dad used to say that books are the wisest of counselors, and the most loyal of friends.”

“And you?” Ty asked him.

“Me, what?”

“Which books do you like?”

“Depends.” Kit smiled. “Are you asking me which books I would gladly read again, or which books changed me?”

Ty hugged his knees and looked up at the sky.

“The second.” He said.

Kit thought about that for a moment.

“There’s this one book, by Oscar Wilde, ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray’, have you ever read it?”

Ty shook his head.

“It’s about a man, his name is Dorian Gray. An artist is so impressed by his beauty, that he paints a full-length portrait of him. Dorian realizes that his beauty will fade, so he wishes to sell his soul and ensure that the picture, and not him, will age and fade.”

Ty looked at Kit, a curious expression on his face.

“The wish is granted,” Kit continues. “and Dorian begins a life of sin, staying young and beautiful, while his portrait ages and records all his wrongdoings. This book made me question my own motives. Do I want to live a life of sensation and pleasure, or do I want to live a life of conscience? Do I want to leave a life of gratification, or search for meaning?”

“And what did you choose?” Ty asked quietly.

“A life of meaning.” Kit answered. He didn’t need to ask Ty - he already knew that this would be his choice as well.

Kit gazed up at the sky. Matte charcoal black uncontrollably covered in thousands and millions of bright specks. Even with the city lights, he found that he could see star, after star, after star, a never-ending void of light. It was due to his Vision rune, the first one he got. Ty put it there.

“Why does the Vision rune help us see the stars?” he wondered. “I mean, it helps me see ghosts, but that makes sense because it’s helpful. What use is it for Shadowhunters to always be able to see the stars clearly?”

“Combined with the True North rune, they can guide you if you are ever lost. The skill is less useful today than it was a thousand years ago, but it’s still good to know, if you find yourself without a phone. I’ll add this to your studies curriculum.”

“Yay, more quizzes!” Kit teased him.

Ty smiled at him wearily.

“I don’t want to go back to sleep.” he admitted. Kit understood. Ty was scared to close his eyes and see Livvy dying again.

“Then let’s not.” Kit replied.  “Tell me about the stars.” He asked, hoping to see the familiar shine in Ty’s eyes that appeared whenever he talked about a topic that fascinated him.

“Did you know that every atom in our bodies came from a star that exploded? We are all stardust.” Ty said. Kit stared at him, fascinated.

“You have nitrogen coding your DNA, iron flowing in your veins, calcium building your bones.” Ty continued, gazing at the sky. “These elements weren’t created at the beginning of time, they were created in the cores of stars. We are all made of stars. The entire universe is in us.”

Kit was mesmerized. Ty’s words were beautiful. The spark in his eyes was dazzling. _He is too good, too pure for this world._ He thought, looking at him.

Every day, Kit wakes up and thinks that he has reached his maximal capacity. That from now on, his feelings for Ty will shrink.

And every day he’s wrong.

His feelings grow. And for the dumbest reasons. The way Ty uses a pen, the way he laces his boots, the way he says Kit’s name. Ty does the stupidest things and Kit falls more deeply still. It doesn’t even make any sense, but Kit feels the unbearable pressure of his infatuation rising yet another level. He had seriously started to consider the possibility that he’s lost his sanity and should be hospitalized and not left to wander among normal, mentally balanced people.

Ty focused his gaze on Kit’s collarbones.

“Tell me a secret.” He said.

“Does it have to be an embarrassing one?” Kit asked him, suspicious.

Ty considered for a moment.

“No. Just something I don’t know about you.”

“Okay. I sometimes dream in black and white.” Kit said. “Now you.”

“When I walk I sometimes like to follow certain patterns. The simplest rule is not to walk on the lines between tiles, but I also like to invent complex patterns.”

“I do that too sometimes.”

“You do?” Ty’s gaze was scanning Kit’s face.

“Yeah. Usually before tests or other stressful events. Like, if I step on the line between tiles with my left foot, I also need to do it with my right foot to make it even. Otherwise it’s bad luck. Stuff like that.”

Ty smiled, and his whole face lit up. Kit’s heart skipped a beat. He tried not to stare, but to no avail. Whenever Ty smiled it was as if a million invisible strings pulled Kit towards him.

“You.” Ty’s voice snapped Kit out of his dazed state.

“I just told you one!”

“No, you can’t jump on my confession.” Ty declared. “You need to tell me a new one.”

“You’re strict.” Kit laughed. “Okay, I got detention once for skipping gym class.”

“That’s not much of a story.” Ty pointed out.

“The reason I skipped class in the first place,” Kit continued with a smile, “is because my friend just bought a large bag of bird seeds and we went on the roof to feed the pigeons. We wanted to train them to come inside the school as some sort of prank.”

“Did it work?” Ty inquired.

“No. They just ended up getting really fat.”

Ty laughed. _I did that_ , Kit felt a sense of pride. When he first came into the institute, he noticed that Ty would rarely smile; and never laugh. Yet lately Kit could swear Ty smiled more, and he even laughed at Kit’s comments or jokes sometimes. It felt like a huge accomplishment, to be the only person who could make Ty do that.

“When I was little,” Ty said. “whenever I got bored in Diana’s classes I would count in my head. I got to ten thousand once.”

“Counting is more boring than Diana’s classes.” Kit stated.

Ty shrugged. “Yeah, I don’t know why I would do that.”

“I only recently started to like mangos.” Kit admitted. It felt very intimate to share this with Ty, even though he would never know that the reason Kit likes mangos now is that he sometimes can’t think straight when Ty’s looking at him.

“Once, when I was eight, Emma was cleaning weapons or something – I don’t remember. She asked me to give her a hand.” Ty said. “I thought she meant it literally, so I run to Julian’s room crying and told him that Emma wanted to cut off my limbs. I kept crying for hours afterwards.”

“Emma makes me want to cry even without the threat of her harvesting my limbs.” Kit admitted. “She’s scary.”

“Terrifying.” Ty agreed.

Kit took a deep breath before admitting his next secret.

“Sometimes I think I don’t know who I am.”

It felt as if a war was raging between different voices inside his head. One of them sounded like his father. It kept telling him that being here is a mistake, that Shadhowhunters lie and cheat and abuse even more than the rest of the world. It kept telling him to run. Another voice told him that this is his home, his destiny. This is where he is supposed to be.

“Then you are free to become whoever you want to be.” Ty smiled.

Ty had the ability to calm Kit when no one else could, to make him believe that everything will be okay, that things will work out. To put a mirror in front of him and show him how happy he can really be.

Their knees were grazing now, and Kit could feel Ty shivering slightly. He took his stele out of his pocket.

“Do you want me to draw a heating rune on you?” he asked softly.

“I can do that myself.” Ty reached his hand to take the stele. His fingertips brushed the back of Kit’s hand, sending a jolt of electricity thought his body.

“I want to.” Kit whispered. “If – if you want.” He added quickly.

In response, Ty handed him his forearm trustingly. Kit reached his left hand to hold Ty’s wrist. The touch of his skin sent a wave of adrenaline in his veins. He lifted his right hand slowly. He looked possessively at the back of his own hand, at the Vision rune that Ty had put there. Kit loved it. He loved the fact that wherever he may be, something of Ty’s is always with him.

He began tracing the rune, deliberately slowly. If he had tried to draw a rune on Ty a month ago, he would probably shake, and the rune would end up miserable-looking and fade immediately. However, the realization that he’s in love with Ty made drawing runes on him easier. Somehow, being aware of his violent, nearly uncontrollable, attraction to Ty made was easier to contain it.

When he finished, his fingers lingered on Ty’s wrist for a moment. It was getting hard to stop himself from interlacing his fingers in Ty’s, so he let him go.

“Thank you.” Ty mumbled.

Kit asked Livvy once why the angels don’t come down to earth and assist the Shadowhunters in their battle against hell.

“The stories say that the angels are jealous of humans. They despise us for our ability to fall in love.” she told him.

_Well, the angels must be laughing now._

Kit was in love alright. Deeply, desperately, painfully in love. With someone who would never return his feelings.

_If angels are looking down right now, they must relish on the pain caused by the human ability to fall in love._

“Tell me about the star constellations.” Kit asked, mainly to shift the focus of his attention.

“The constellations revolve round the pole star. Most of them are seen to rise in the east and set in the west, but the few closest to it seem to travel at night in an eternal circle.” Ty began. “The Greeks imagined the heavens as a great, solid dome forged of bronze, and upon which the heavenly constellations were fixed. The Titan Atlas was said to spin the dome around upon his shoulders, causing the stars to rise and set.”

Kit loved listening to Ty whenever he spoke. His deep voice melted him, and the warmth of his tone grounded him.

“Are you bored?” Ty asked, as he would always do.

“Never.” Kit replied honestly. It was his usual answer, and it was true. He was _never_ bored listening to Ty.

Ty suddenly got up. _Don’t go_ , Kit wanted to tell him.

_Stay._

To his surprise, Ty sat down behind him and took Kit’s hand in his own. Kit’s heart began fluttering in his chest.

“Look over there.” Ty pointed Kit’s finger at the sky and used it to trace the pattern of a constellation. “This one is called Ursa Major, or the Great Bear.”

Kit tried to look at the sky, he really did. But Ty was so close, he could smell his shampoo. He held Kit’s hand in his, and Kit didn’t want him to break apart from him. Ever.

“According to Greek mythology,” Ty continued. “A nymph named Kallisto, one of the followers of the goddess Artemis, attracted Zeus. She didn’t want him back as she was in love with Artemis. Zeus transformed himself into the figure of Artemis and seduced her in this disguise. When his wife, Hera, found out – she transformed Kallisto into a bear.”

Ty still didn’t let go of Kit’s hand. He interlaced and freed their fingers, absent mindedly. Kit wished this moment would never end.

“Later, just as she was about to be killed by her son when he was hunting, Zeus set her among the stars as the Great Bear. Hera was furious at this honor bestowed on Kallisto and convinced Poseidon not to ever let her set in the sea. Thus, the Great Bear constellation travels at night in an eternal circle around the pole, never setting.”

Kit let out a small laugh.

“Greek mythology is messed up.” He said.

Ty let go of Kit’s hand and sat back next to him.

“I think the reason that these myths survived thousands of years is that they are stories with a purpose and a reason.” Ty said thoughtfully. “A deeper look at them reveals morals and human desires. Sometimes even warnings.”

Kit glanced at Ty. He was gazing at the sky again.

“Kallisto was so deeply in love with the goddess Artemis, that when the goddess kissed her she lost all sense of judgement and control. She didn’t recognize it was Zeus until it was too late.” Ty said slowly. “Do you understand?”

_I understand what’s it like to be so in love that you lose your sense of control._

Kit froze. His face felt very warm suddenly, and the air was pulled out his lungs. Was this Ty’s way of telling him – of _warning_ him – that he knew that Kit has developed dangerous feelings towards him?

He glanced at Ty, but he was still gazing up at the sky, unfazed. No, he didn’t realize Kit’s feelings. That was just a story; there were no hidden messages. Kit took a deep breath.

“Now tell me an embarrassing secret.” Ty asked.

“I’ve got plenty of those.” Kit laughed.

They kept talking for hours afterwards, until finally the brilliant gold and orange hues of the rising sun bled like fire in the sky. When the first slither of the sun peeked over the skyline in a radiant, yellow form, Ty focused his gaze on the sea below. Gradually the sun rose, but Kit kept his focus on Ty - on his defined cheekbones, his red lips, the charcoal black hair falling on his eyes. Ty was focused on the rhythmic motion of the waves, and Kit was lost in Ty’s silent beauty.

At last, when the sun stood high in the sky, beating down on their skin, Ty yawned and stood up.

“Let’s go?” he asked timidly.

Kit got up as well. He looked up and studied Ty’s face. The yearning to grab his cheeks in his hands and kiss his full lips was almost unbearable. Ty was gazing absent mindedly at the ocean, clearly not sharing Kit’s desires.

Ty turned around and began climbing down the pointed rooftops. Kit followed, looking carefully at his every move. He looked so much happier than he did last night, that Kit’s heart fluttered and twisted in his chest, each beat painful and too hard.

He kept studying Ty’s every step. He didn’t want to admit it to himself, but he hated the combination of Ty and heights ever since that night in Alicante. He was sure that Ty didn’t know – and he wanted to keep it that way. He then noticed Ty’s left boot.

“Ty.”

Ty turned around to look at him with a questioning expression. He stood still, waiting for Kit to join him. Kit’s heartbeat was loud in his chest, in his ears.

“The lace of your boot came undone.” He said sheepishly.

Without thinking – and damn, he really _should_ be thinking more about his actions and not act on impulse – he dropped to his knees in front of Ty.

Hesitantly, he Ty’s laces in his hands, not daring to look up at his face. He tied them, taking some time since his hands were trembling, hard. He finished and looked up, expecting to see Ty gazing at the sky, or at the sea, or at some random distant point.

But Ty was looking directly down at him, meeting his gaze.

It was the single most captivating thing Kit had ever seen. He kept staring up at Ty, unable to break his gaze even if he tried. He wondered if this is what looking at him is going to be like now - all agonized desperate longing - or maybe it will get easier over time.

Ty lifted his hand and for a wild insane moment Kit thought that Ty was going to place it in his hair, pass his fingers through his blond curls, run his hand over the nape of his neck.

Ty quickly moved his hand back to his side, and the spell shattered.

Kit immediately got up. He couldn’t stand it. He let himself get carried away when it was clear how Ty really felt. When he did not give Kit even a distantly flickering beacon of hope to hold on to. Ty’s eyes scanned his face, but his face remained unreadable.

They got down from the roof in silence. The institute was lit by sunlight, and the inhabitants were rising, starting a new, regular day.

When they reached Ty’s room, Kit opened the door to step inside, but Ty didn’t follow, choosing to stand in the hallway instead.

“Are you coming in?” Kit asked him.

“In a few minutes. I need to talk to Julian about something.” He mumbled and hurried towards Julian’s room.

Kit shrugged and closed the door behind him. He had no idea what Ty could possibly have to tell Julian this early in the morning, but he was glad to be left alone for a bit. He lay on his mattress, and for some reason his mind wandered to the story Ty told him about Kallisto and Artemis, about the danger of loving too much.

_I can’t go on like this._

Loving Ty was like breathing. Kit did it without thinking, and without having any idea how to make it stop. He had two choices, really: confess everything to Ty, be inevitably rejected, and ruin their friendship, or suppress his feelings until they vanished. Maybe get away for a while. Isn’t there a saying? Far from the eye, far from the heart? He could go to Jace and Clary’s for a few weeks. Being far from Ty might make him start thinking rationally for a change.

No, he couldn’t leave Ty. Who would take care of him? Sooth him after a nightmare? Read him Harry Potter until he fell asleep? Make sure he doesn’t try to… hurt himself (Kit could never bring himself to say - or even think - about what Ty really tried to do that night, the worst night of Kit’s life).

Kit muffled a bitter laugh in his pillow.

_What am I going to do?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked the chapter, let me know what you think :)
> 
> The next one is titled "Let My Soul Die With the Philistines". I'm not giving you a preview this time as I think it will reveal too much :)


	9. Let My Soul Die with the Philistines

The war still raged between the vampire clans of Los Angeles.

“Once, there was only one clan in Los Angeles, led by a 517 years old vampire named Caedmon.” Ty had told Kit. “Caedmon was a cruel tyrant. He kept his position by oppressive means, controlling everything happening in the clan. Any vampire who spoke against him was beheaded and burned.

“Twenty years ago, a young vampire named Vilma Espín launched a revolution against Caedmon while he was out of the country. The revolution failed, and Vilma was tied to a rock outside and killed by sunlight. The rebels fled and formed a rival clan. They had reached a peace treaty, but during recent months this peace is being threatened by Caedmon who wants to conquer the second clan.”

To keep the peace, the institute’s inhabitants were on a tight patrolling schedule around the abandoned hospital that serves as a residence for Caedmon’s clan. They were ordered to kill any vampire who leaves the hospital without authorization.

Tonight, Kit and Dru were scheduled to patrol together. They have been circling the area for hours.

“I have a plan,” Dru told him. “to help you with Ty.”

“No.” Kit said immediately.

“You haven’t even heard it.”

“And I don’t want to.” he replied. “Your plans are always terrible.”

“Name one plan I had that wasn’t a success.”

“Well, off the top of my head – that one time you thought it might be a good idea to stun that Shax demon because you thought our daggers wouldn’t pierce its armor, and it only made him angrier? He nearly laid eggs _inside_ me.” Kit said, shivering at the memory.

 “That was just bad luck, who could have predicted that he was so bad tempered?”

“Everyone. Literally everyone could have predicted that.” Kit said. “And what about that time you decided to jump on top of a Kuri demon thinking you could tame him? That almost cost me my leg. And that time you made me bond with that mermaid, so she would give us info about the ‘Dark Angel’ drug, and she took it as a sign that I wanted to go home with her and I nearly drowned? And that time when-”

“I feel like we’re getting off subject here.” Dru cut him off hastily. “My plan is great this time, I swear. Just listen.”

Kit mumbled something incoherent that sounded a lot like “terrible”.

“Tonight, I return alone to the institute. You hide outside.”

“I already don’t like that.” he grumbled.

“Then I tell everyone that you were killed by vampires. Ty is devastated. Just as he begins to cry, you walk inside and announce that a miracle happened and you’re alive. Ty is so happy, he runs into your arms, kisses you, and you two live happily ever after. Genius.” she concluded.

“Are you being serious right now?”

“Obviously. I dare you to find one flaw in my plan.”

“Well for starters, I don’t want to make Ty hurt." he pointed out. “Also, thinking I’m dead won’t make him suddenly fall in love with me.”

“Okay, how about this: we send you both on a fake mission in a romantic restaurant. Before he realizes what’s happening, he’s already on a date with you. Bam! Instant romance.”

“Ty hates crowded places.” Kit reminded her. “But more importantly, I want him to go out on a date with me because he wants to, not because I tricked him.”

“You are impossible.” she smiled at him. “Don’t worry, I’ll come up with the perfect plan.”

“I doubt it.” Kit smiled back at her.

“It’s almost dawn. Let’s wrap this up?” she took her phone out of her pocket and typed a text. “I am going to Jael’s.”

“I’ll walk you.”

*****

They reached Jael’s apartment building. It was old and small, the paint peeled off the walls. Kit has been here several times before, walking Dru to or back from Jael’s.

Dru rang the doorbell with a huge smile. She had been dating the werewolf girl for two months now, but still got excited like a child at the prospect of seeing her. Kit smiled at his adoptive sister.

Jael opened the door wearing sweatpants and a tank top.

“Hi, beautiful!” she kissed Dru. “Hi, ex-lover.” she nodded at Kit.

“That’s not funny.” Kit mumbled as he stepped inside. The apartment was small and cozy. A large blue sofa was placed against one of the walls. Above hung abstract paintings that Jael made. During the day, the room was lit by direct sunrays. Now, the sky was still covered by a black velvet sheet.

They sat at the kitchen table. Jael made them tea. Earl Gray for Kit, Oolong for Dru.

“How was your patrol?” Jael asked.

“Terrible.” Kit answered. “Not only was it boring, but I had to do it with Dru.”

“Don’t pay attention to him,” Dru mused. “he’s still moping over Ty.”

“You need to get back out there.” Jael stated. “I know lots of cute guys I can introduce you to – or girls – I’m not sure actually, are you bi?”

“No,” Dru said. “his sexuality is defined as ‘Tiberius Blackthorn’. “

“Seriously man, you need to go out there. Meet someone else.” Jael continued.

“That’s what I was trying to do with you,” Kit reminded her. “the results were suboptimal.”

“I wouldn’t say they were suboptimal. It brought Dru into my life.” she smiled at Dru, who gently took her hand and kissed her.

“You guys are adorable.” Kit said honestly as Dru put her head on Jael’s shoulder. “I’m heading back to the institute. Call me if you need anything.” he told her as he left.

He stepped outside of Jael’s apartment. In an hour the dawn-light will bring the colors back to the streets. Kit took out his phone and texted Ty.

‘Dropped Dru off, heading back to the institute.’

He looked up at the night sky, charcoal black, covered in thousands and millions of bright specks.

“Every atom in our bodies came from a star that exploded. We are all stardust.” Ty had told him.

Kit looked at his phone. Ty hasn’t replied, he was probably still sleeping. Kit put it back in his pocket and hurried along the quiet, dark streets. In half an hour, mundanes will wake up, go to work, live their carefree lives - completely unaware that a war is raging.

Kit heard footsteps behind him. He turned around quickly; the street was empty.

_I must have imagined it._

He turned back – to face four vampires.

*****

“Hey guys,” he smirked. “dawn is almost here. Wouldn’t want you to reduce to dust.”

He turned around to find three more vampires behind him. They closed a circle around him.

_Well, that’s not the best situation I have ever been in_ , Kit admitted to himself.

Shadowhunters always fought in pairs, or small groups - like lions ( _lionesses_ , Ty would have corrected him if he was here). But Dru was with Jael. Kit had to think fast.

One of the vampires - a female, with dark red lips and silky black hair - stepped forward. Thanks to Ty’s insistence that Kit learn the names and faces of all Los Angeles Downworlders in positions of power, Kit recognized the vampire as Eija, the second in command in Caedmon’s clan.

“When will Shadowhunters learn not to meddle in our business?” she snarled at him.

“You mean, by keeping you guys from getting killed?”

His hand shifted slowly to the right, ready to draw his sword. Its blade was coated with silver, which is toxic to vampires – almost as much as it is to werewolves. According to mundane Greek mythology, the first vampire was cursed by Artemis to be burnt by the touch of silver since he stole her silver bow, and by Apollo to be burnt by sunlight. _All the stories are true. At least partially._

“We will send them a message,” she continued as if she didn’t hear him. “in blood.”

Kit scanned the circle, looking for the best breaking point – a wounded vampire, or maybe one that is momentarily distracted.

“We will take you to Caedmon. He will skin you alive and send your runes back to your family.”

“I hear you. I really do. But sadly, I can’t let you do that.” Kit tried to gain time. He thought he spotted the weakest member of the group.

“I don’t recall asking for your permission.” She growled.

“It’s not a good idea to kill a Shadowhunter. You don’t want angel blood on your hands.”

“I have lived a long life, boy. Three hundred and fifty-seven years. Twice I have killed Shadowhunters before.”

“And that’s such a nice word, ‘twice’,” Kit pointed out. “Imagine having to say ‘thrice’ instead. It just sounds… boastful.”

“Is this an attempt at humor, Shadowhunter?”

“Did it work?” Kit smirked at her.

“Chain him.”

_Guess not._

Kit leaped at the vampire on his left, which he thought would be easiest to stun, drawing his sword mid-air. He plunged his sword into his chest. It won’t kill him, but the silver will hurt and faze him.

He jerked his sword free and bolted, only to be stopped by a second vampire who grabbed his arm. Kit managed to graze his throat with his blade, drawing blood. The vampire screamed and let him go. Two vampires leaped on him at once. Kit managed to puncture one in the shoulder, but the second pulled him back and held a hand to his throat. He lifted Kit from his neck, like a ragdoll. Kit kicked his face and he let go, but the vampires were circling him again.

Everything went black.

*****

_“Ty!” Livvy stretched her hand to him. He stepped closer, but still couldn’t reach her. Blood dripped from mouth. “Wake up, Ty,” she told him. “you need to wake up.”_

Ty woke up from his nightmare, sweating and panting. He looked outside – it was still dark. He picked up his phone from the bedside table. Kit sent him a text telling him he was on his way home.

Ty got up and put on his regular gear. He didn’t want to go back to sleep, fearing nightmares again. He sent Kit a message, telling him he would meet him halfway home.

He stepped outside. Just before dawn, the sky fills with blended tones of rosy pinks and sandy yellows, welcoming a new day. Ty knew the way Kit would take back from Jael’s apartment. He walked along the quiet streets, slightly relieved that he was about to see Kit in a few minutes; he always knew how to calm him after a nightmare.

Over the last few weeks, Ty got used to his feelings towards Kit.

No, that was a lie.

He couldn’t even convince himself that it was the truth, not even in the worst moments, the most desperate ones, in which he wanted – _needed_ – himself to believe it. He didn’t get used to it. How can anyone? He wakes up next to Kit everyday – well, not _next_ to Kit exactly, but in the same room – stares at his blond hair, messy from the night’s sleep, stares at his biceps, at his hands, the Herondale ring shining on his finger. He wakes up every day, carrying so many feelings in his chest. It’s insane. It’s mad. It’s unbearable.

He had a talk with Julian about it. It made everything simultaneously much better and much worse. Better in the sense that it made him realized that he was in love with Kit.

Worse in the sense that it made him realized that he was _in love_ with Kit. And it wasn’t going away.

Ty looked at his phone – Kit still hadn’t read his text. He probably didn’t bother checking his phone since Ty shouldn’t have been up anyway.

A broken streetlamp suddenly caught his eye. It was oddly out of place. There hasn’t been a storm or anything, so it must have been human doing. He got closer. There were long marks on the grass near the sidewalk. A fight had taken place there, Ty realized.

_Kit._

He searched the area some more, and found Kit’s phone, broken to pieces.

Vampires got him. But which clan?

Ty knew Caedmon’s history. He memorized the heavy file, compiled by generations of Shadowhunters. He knew his work pattern, his way of thinking.

Ty ran towards the abandoned hospital.

*****

Kit woke up chained in a padded cell. The floor, the walls, the ceiling – everything was lined with cushion. Kit could tell they used to be white once, but now they were torn and full of stains, mostly dark brown. _Blood stains_ , Kit realized.

_I’m locked in the psychic ward at the abandoned hospital_.

The headache indicated an injury he received from being stunned. Kit’s head was spinning, and he felt nauseous. Checking himself, he realized that he was stripped of his weapons, his stele, and his cellphone.

Furious, he flung himself at the door, fully aware of the futility of the act. Still, he needed to do _something_. He yelled in frustration. His head was throbbing.

_Am I going to get a concussion again?_

He hoped not - the last time was not particularly enjoyable.

Movement was heard behind the door, and it opened slowly. Two figures entered the room. Kit identified them immediately as Subjugates. Kit knew that their skinny and pale appearance was deceiving - they are stronger and healthier than mundanes. They lifted him to his feet. His hands were chained, but he managed to kick one of them. The Subjugate seemed unfazed. Kit’s non-permanent runes have already faded, he felt weak and tired.

“It won’t help you.” Eija, the second in command, entered the room. She lifted him up effortlessly and tossed him against the padded wall. Kit groaned and stood up. His head was killing him. She punched his jaw, sending him back down, dazed.

“Take him.” she ordered.

The Subjugates dragged Kit on the floor through the corridor. They reached a large conference hall. The entrance was guarded by three large vampires in dark suits – members of Caedmon’s personal guard. The Subjugates pulled Kit to his feet. He looked around. Dozens of vampires were sitting in chairs in front of a large stage, on which stood a vampire dressed in a velvet suit, his hands covered with rings. Two vampires in black suits stood on either side. Kit recognized Caedmon, the head of the clan. His eyes had a deadness, a stillness, to them that caused Kit to shiver.

He was in the middle of a heated speech.

“For centuries, Shadowhunters have meddled in vampire affairs. No more!”

“No more!” the vampires shouted back.

“This stops tonight. We have captured a son of Nephilim. We shall skin him alive and send his marks back as a warning!”

The vampires cursed and spat as Kit was dragged on stage.

Caedmon hushed them with a wave of his hand.

“They will learn to respect and fear us!”

The vampires cheered.

_This dude is a lunatic. He will kill me and then have the clave hunting him down. What the hell._

A commotion in the back rows distracted Kit. Vampires began screaming.

“Get him! Get him!”

A dark figure ran through the hall - so fast Kit could not make out its features – followed by vampires of the personal guard. The figure leaped and landed on stage with a sound of clashing metal daggers, then got up, stele in hand, and lifted his grey gaze.

_Ty_.

“Stop or I’m blowing this place up.” Ty’s deep voice echoed through the hall.

The guards froze, looking at Caedmon for orders. The latter looked at Ty with great interest.

“I nearly finished an Explosion rune on my arm,” Ty brought his stele close to his skin. “one more line, and I blow up and take you all with me.”

Kit knew Ty was bluffing. There is no such a thing as an “Explosion rune”. The closest thing might be the opening rune Clary Fray used to break Valentiane Morgenstern’s ship a few years ago, but it could never blow up an entire building. Yet, the vampires didn’t know that; existing Shadowhunter runes and the limits of their power were kept secret, their reveal punishable by death.

Caedmon snarled.

“You will not let yourself be killed.” he said coldly.

“Let my soul die with the Philistines.” Ty quoted the famous verse from the book of Judges,  16.30. Shadowhunters are taught it as children: it is better to die and take the enemy with you than to run away.

“You’re lying.”

“Are you willing to take that chance?” Ty asked.

“We will not set this one free.” Caedmon pointed at Kit with his chin.

“I do not ask you to.” Ty calmly replied. “I suggest an exchange.”

“An exchange?” Caedmon repeated, with clear curiosity in his voice.

 “Take me instead.” Ty replied in an even voice.

“No!” Kit pulled on the chains. Eija punched his jaw. Blood dripped from Kit’s lips. He didn’t care. “Ty, go back!” he pleaded, desperate.

The head of the clan looked at Ty with interest.

“Release him. Kill me instead.” Ty repeated.

“No!” Kit yelled.

The vampire kicked him in the stomach, causing him to crumple to the floor.

“Please, Ty,” Kit begged him. “Please, go back.” He pulled the chains harder. They cut into his wrists.

Ty fixed his bright gaze on Kit’s shoulder

“I can’t live without you, Christopher Herondale.” the sound of his name on Ty’s lips sent shivers up his spine. “If you die – I’ll die.”

“Your offer is acceptable, Shadowhunter.” Caedmon said.

“No!” Kit cried out. He pulled the chains harder still. His wrists were bleeding. “I don’t want him to take my place! Kill me, let him go!”

“That is not your choice to make.” Caedmon snarled at him. “Drop your weapons.” He ordered Ty.

Ty took the sword strapped to his back and threw it at Caedmon’s feet. He took daggers and throwing stars out of his belt, dropping them with a loud sound. When he dropped his stele on the floor, Kit noticed its end was sharper than most.

Kit managed to kick the guard holding his chains in the knee. The vampire folded, and Kit drew his chained hand back and hit him vertically on the top of the head. He crumpled to the floor next to him. Before he could attack Eija, she threw an uppercut at him.

“Search him!” Caedmon commanded one of the guards, ignoring Kit’s escape attempt. The vampire searched Ty and found his phone. He dropped it to the floor and smashed it with his foot.

“Clean.” he announced.

“Chain him.” Caedmon ordered.

“No! Please, leave him alone! Kill _me_!” Kit begged. Eija held him forcefully.

Ty stepped forward and handed out his wrists, fearless.

“Take your filthy hands off him!” Kit tried to get up but was kicked again by another vampire. He watched helplessly as one of the vampires forced Ty to his knees and punched his jaw. They put metal chains around his delicate white wrists, then dragged him across the floor and threw him next to Kit. Kit crawled over to him.

“Ty…” he mumbled as he scanned him for injuries. Ty’s gaze was fixed on the floor, the dark strands of his hair falling on his eyes.

“Lock them both. We’ll strip off their marks and send them as a warning. We’ll feast on whatever’s left of them.” Caedmon declared. The vampires laughed and cheered.

“You promised you would release him!” Ty shouted.

**“** I do not negotiate with Shadowhunters.” Caedmon laughed. “Take them!”

His guards dragged Kit and Ty away from the main hall, vampires spitting on them as they passed.

*****

The guards threw Kit and Ty into the padded room. They chained them back-to-back and locked the heavy metal door. The only light entering the cell came from the slit between the door and the floor. Kit crumpled down in exhaustion and shock, dragging Ty with him. _They are going to kill us. They are going to kill Ty._

It was all his fault, he got Ty into this mess.

He felt the warmth of Ty’s back against his. Ty’s muscles were tense.

Kit stared at the wall in front of him. He felt the pain of his head wound, throbbing. Blood still dripped from his wrists. The chains cut in his arms as his chest rose up when breathing in.

“Is he stupid?” Kit finally cried out. “The second that word gets out that he killed Shadhowhunters, the clave will hunt him down.”

“No,” Ty replied calmly. “he plans to frame the rival clan and have the clave finish what he started.”

_Oh yeah. That made more sense._

Kit cursed. This can’t be the end, there must be something they can do. _Think_.

“Did you mean what you said before?” Kit suddenly asked. “About you not being able to live without me?”

“Of course I did.” Ty answered.

“Why?”

Kit knew they were about to die. He had to know the answer to that question. Now.

Ty took a deep breath.

“You saved me, that night in Alicante.” he said. “And you saved me every day since. The only reason I get up in the morning is you. I wake up for your laugh. I wake up for the fire in your eyes. I wake up every day for the sole purpose of spending more time with you. You are my sun, Kit. Without you the light will go out of my life.”

The air left Kit’s lungs. His blood has turned to fire in his veins.

“You get up in the morning because of me?” he managed to ask. “Why?”

He felt Ty’s back tensing against his.

“Because I’m in love with you.” Ty whispered.

For a moment, Kit forgot they were locked in a dark padded cell in an abandoned psychiatric ward. He forgot that they were about to be stripped off their marks and killed. He forgot the entire world, only he and Ty remained.

“You – “ Kit choked “you are?”

“Yes, Christopher.” Ty turned his head to Kit and murmured in his ear. “Insanely, irrevocably, in love with you.”

Kit was stunned. It can’t be happening. It must be a dream. A terrible, nightmarish, sweet, violent, perfect dream.

Ty was in love with him.

And they were both going to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked the chapter :) It was a long wait for one of them to be brave enough to admit his feelings :)
> 
> The next chapter is called "Through Fire and Smoke", but I'm not giving you any preview since I don't want to ruin it :)
> 
> On another note - yesterday I went with my SO to eat some fondue, and the flame was just the purest blue and I got super excited, saying "that's EXACTLY the color of Kit's eyes!!!" like a hundred times and taking pictures. He was all "aren't you going to eat?" but I mean come on, EXACTLY Kit's eye color. Focus on what's important here, man.


	10. Through Fire and Smoke

Kit stared at the wall in front of him in disbelief.

_So, this is how it ends._

“Why didn’t you tell me that you’re in love with me?” he suddenly asked Ty. “You know, at a more convenient time?”

“I think I did.” Came Ty’s immediate reply.

“What? When?”

“Remember when we sat on the institute roof, talking all night?” Ty said. “I told you the story of the nymph Kallisto who was so deeply in love with the goddess Artemis that she lost all sense of judgement and control. I told you that we can find warnings in these stories. I was warning you that I’m falling for you.”

“How was I supposed to understand that?!” Kit exclaimed.

“Through simple deduction.”

Kit wanted to yell at him that no, it most definitely was not simple to get the message, and why the hell wouldn’t he just be more direct. Before he could do that, however, came the realization that none of this mattered since they would both be dead within the hour

“I’m sorry Ty.” Kit felt tears streaming down his face. “I am so, so sorry.”

He felt Ty pulling on the chains.

“Why?” he asked.

“You are going to die because of me.” Kit wept silently.

“What are you talking about?” Ty mumbled, still pulling on the chains. Kit suddenly noticed he was talking with a lisp. _He’s injured._

“You came here to rescue me, but instead they got us both.” Kit felt himself panicking.

They are going to skin Ty alive and then kill him, and there is nothing he could do about it but watch. He felt his heart breaking at the thought.

“I planned this.” Ty told him calmly.

An entire spectrum of emotions went through Kit’s head and no articulate words other than “what the fuck”.

“You- “, Kit said slowly, “planned this?”

“I thought you realized that.”

“Why – “, Kit started.

“I knew they weren’t going to let one of us go. I just needed to get inside the cell with you so I could get you out.”

“Are you _insane_?” Kit yelled.

Ty mumbled something incoherent while pulling on the chains again. Suddenly, Kit heard a clicking sound.

The chains opened.

“How-?” Kit shook of the chains off and turned to Ty in disbelief.

“When I got your text, I decided to come meet you. I walked along the route I knew you would take, and then I saw signs that a fight had occurred, and I found your phone, broken to pieces. I realized they had taken you to the hospital. I knew that if they saw several Shadowhunters coming they would kill you instantly. So, I came alone.”

“But the chains…?”

“I broke my stele and hid the end piece under my tongue before I came in.” he showed Kit a piece of Adamas. He wasn’t talking with a lisp anymore, Kit realized.

“I handed them my weapons as they asked.” Ty continued. “They searched me but didn’t realize I could be hiding a piece of a stele - or maybe they didn’t know you only need the Adamas and not the entire structure.”

Kit stared at him, speechless.

“I let them chain me so I could get into the cell with you and get you out.” he continued. “I drew an opening rune on the chains using my mouth.”

_Genius._

“Use an opening rune on the door then, quick!”

“No.” Ty replied calmly. “If I do that, the guards will shout and notify everyone. We are going to sit back down and pretend to still be chained. When they come in to take us, we will stun them and escape.”

“That would never work, Ty. This place is like a maze. We will never find our way out.” Kit realized in desperation.

“We have a map of this place at the institute’s library.”

“Ty, the map is in the institute. We are here. Do you see the problem?”

“I memorized it a while ago.”

“You memorized,” Kit repeated his words, “the entire map.”

“Yes.”

“Like, for fun?”

“Yes.” Ty answered. “Now come on, I need to draw runes on you.”

Ty took the broken end of the stele and drew runes on Kit’s forearms. Power, Night Vision, Agility, Soundless… Kit studied his concentrated expression, his dark eyebrows, his long lashes fluttering on his cheeks, his sharp jaw.

Kit was attracted to him alright. How could he not be? Ty was gorgeous. But Kit was not only attracted to his looks – it was his mind that made Kit fall for him. He was without a doubt the smartest person Kit had ever met. And in his own way – the most ruthless.

Ty moved closer and Kit forgot to breathe for a moment.

“I need to draw a rune on your neck.” Ty said.

He slowly brushed Kit’s neck with his long fingers, pushing aside his blond curls. Every inch of skin he touched became fire. He began drawing the rune, tracing slowly over Kit’s skin. He was standing so close, Kit could feel his heartbeat. Every single pound in Ty’s chest.

He finished the rune and moved back an inch. _Too far._ Kit wanted to feel Ty’s body against his, feel his heartbeat again. Ty’s gaze was focused on the side of Kit’s face. His lips were slightly parted, his expression thoughtful. He looked as if he was debating with himself whether to say what’s on his mind.

“Tell me.” Kit whispered.

Ty looked down and bit his lip. Kit fought the urge to place his hand on Ty’s chin and lift up his pretty face to look at him.

Suddenly, they heard voices on the other side of the heavy metal door.

“Turn around and sit with your back to me.” Ty ordered him quickly.

Kit turned and sat down obediently, and Ty put the chains back around them.

“Don’t move until you hear me say ‘please’, got it?”

Kit was about to tell him that now was not the time to keep manners, when the door opened aggressively to reveal Eija, the second in command, followed by three Subjugates.

“Get them.” She ordered.

The Subjugates approached them. One placed his hands on the chains on Ty’s chest.

“Don’t!” Ty cried out. Eija seemed amused.

“Beg.” She said.

Another Subjugate grabbed Kit by the collar of his shirt.

“Please!” Ty pleaded.

Kit got the cue. In a swift motion he hit the Subjugate’s face with his elbow, breaking his nose. Hot blood spattered on Kit’s face. He got up and hit him on the back of his neck, stunning him. Ty had already taken down the other two.

Before she could cry for help, Kit leaped on Eija, grabbed her by her hair and lowered her face to meet his knee, then hit the back of her head with his elbow. She was out. Kit could not have taken her without Ty’s planned element of surprise.

“Man, I _really_ hate her.” Kit mumbled as he stepped over her limp body. Ty was already waiting next to the door.

“Follow me.” He said.

The hallway was deserted. Kit’s first instinct was to run along it, fast, until they found an exit. He had to admit to himself that without any weapons, their chance of survival was incredibly low. However, Ty was carefully opening doors along the way, looking inside and closing them again, looking for something.

“Ty, what the hell – “

“Shhh.”

They got to the middle of the hallway when Ty urged Kit into one of the rooms. It looked like a regular hospital room from the 1940s. Kit knew that the hospital was abandoned after World War II and occupied by vampires instead. The place was under warlock spells that made sure it remained unappealing to mundanes.

Ten beds made of solid cast metal were placed against the wall, below high windows. Large and heavy metal plates were blocking the windows, not letting the rays of the sun in (or Kit and Ty out).  A cart with dusty looking vials stood at one corner, and a few wooden stools were spread around the room.

Ty picked up one of the stools and ripped its legs off.

“I hardly think now is the time for vandalism.” Kit pointed out.

In response, Ty threw him one of the wooden stool legs.

“Here, now you have a stake.” He said. “To kill vampires with.” He specified when he saw the look on Kit’s face.

Next, he turned to study the dusty vials. He picked one after the other and read the labels.

“Potassium permanganate,” he mumbled to himself. “An oxidizing agent used as a disinfectant.”

“Ty, we don’t have much time. Soon they’ll figure out that we escaped.”

“I’m looking for Glycerin.” Ty answered. “They should have some here, it treats conditions in which there is increased eye pressure in patients.” he muttered.

“Have you lost your mind? Let’s go!” Kit lost his patience.

“Found it.” Ty placed one vial in his belt, the other in his jacket. “Can’t place them in the same location.” He explained.

Kit had no idea what he was talking about, and he didn’t care right now.

“Come on! We have to go!”

They quietly stepped out of the room, and continued along the deserted hallway, their steps echoing. Kit followed Ty without hesitation – Ty was the person he trusted the most. He was the first to put runes on him, the first to show Kit how to fight, how to handle weapons. The first to show Kit what real friendship was. What true love felt like.

The hallway curved to the left, and Ty glanced quickly to make sure no one was waiting outside their field of view. He then gestured Kit to follow. The narrow corridor and the dozens of doors gave Kit a claustrophobic feeling. His head injury hurt more than ever. In a way he was glad that the corridor was not well lit – he didn’t think he could stand bright lights in his state.

Suddenly, one of the doors opened to reveal two vampires. Without hesitation, Ty jumped forwards and plunged his stake into the heart of one of them. The vampire’s eyes widened in shock, and he let out a deafening shriek before crumpling to the floor, dead. The second vampire threw himself at Ty, fangs exposed. Kit kicked him mid-air, sending him flying to the wall. The wall cracked under the impact, and the vampire fell to the floor. He leaped again, but Kit moved quickly and impaled him.

“Come on!”

They ran through corridors until Kit could hear loud voices.

“Ty, we are near vampires. Lots of them.”

“I know.” Ty didn’t stop.

He led them near the large conference hall where Caedmon ordered to chain him in front of cheering vampires.

“Oh no.” Kit protested. “No, no, no.”

“Yes.” Ty said.

“Are you insane?” he asked for what felt like the hundredth time today.

“We’re going to create a diversion.”

No guards were standing at the door and no sounds came from inside the room. Ty crawled inside, silent as a cat, and Kit followed. He stopped near a large rug covering the wall at the back of the room, which depicted a battle scene. The main figure, riding a large black horse, seemed to be Caedmon himself.

“Stand back, Kit.” Ty said. “Near the exit. You’ll have to run once I finish.”

Kit did as he was told and watched as Ty kneeled below the rug and took out the vials he collected earlier. He took the caps off both and poured clear liquid from one into the other. The reaction was immediate: heavy smoke came out of the vial. Second later, tall flames burst out of the vial.

 _Be careful_ , Kit wanted to yell, but Ty seemed to know what he was doing so he kept his mouth shut.

Ty quickly passed the flames over the edges of the rug hanging on the wall, setting it on fire.

_Fire is one of the vampire weaknesses._

He then threw the vial on the carpet, setting in on fire. Ty jumped over the flames, grabbed Kit’s hand and led him out of the room. They ran as fast as their legs could carry them, the fire spread behind them, eating the wooden furniture and the carpets.

“When they smell the smoke,” Ty panted “the vampires will gather their forces here to contain the fire. It will clear the way for us to escape.”

They heard shouts ahead.

“In here.” Ty drew an opening rune on a door using the end piece of the stele he brought in with him.

Like an imbecile, Kit was looking at Ty instead of keeping watch.

A vampire leaped at Ty and bit his hand. His fangs did not pierce the material of Ty’s jacket, but it made him drop the piece of stele. Kit quickly impaled the vampirem and Ty pushed Kit inside and closed the door behind them. They waited in silence and Kit looked around – they were inside an old operation room. In the center stood a bed, covered in dark stains. Next to it stood a drip stand on which hung a near-empty IV bag which seemed to have contained blood in the past. A post anesthetic tray was placed by to the bed. Kit could recognize some of the objects placed on it: a vomit bowl, an injection tray, and some gloves.

They heard vampires shouting, running towards the conference hall. When the noise stopped, they got out of the room and kept running.

“Turn left!” Ty shouted when they reached an intersection. The smell of smoke reached Kit’s nostrils.

Vampires could burn, but they didn’t need to breathe, so the smoke itself would not kill them. Kit and Ty, on the other hand would not be spared that fate if they lingered inside the hospital much longer.

They reached a dead end.

“Turn around!” Ty hissed.

“I thought you memorized the map!”

“Clearly they have done some remodeling.” Ty snapped back.

They ran back to the intersection and took the right side instead.

“I just need to figure out where we are.” Ty mumbled.

The screams of burning vampires filled Kit’s ears. He could feel his heartbeat pound intensely in his chest.

An alarm sound went off, piercing their ears.

“They noticed we escaped!” Ty yelled over the siren blaring.

Kit noticed him tense – he hated loud sounds. Adrenaline was running in Kit’s veins. The angel blood spiking him with the battle anticipation. He hoped the noises won’t be too distracting for Ty.

“Right there! The main Lobby is over this corner.”

Kit leaned to look at the exit. It was blocked by eight guards armed with large swords.

“We have to go through them. There’s no other way.” Ty stated. “You take the ones on the left, I’m going right.”

Vampires may be fast – but Shadowhunters are faster. Kit and Ty ran forward. Before the vampires had time to react, Kit impaled one of them with his stake. The vampire let out a yell, barely audible over the sound of the alarm. Two vampires charged forward. Kit jerked his stake free and plunged it in the chest of one of them while sending a roundhouse kick in the direction of the second. The impaled vampire collapsed on the floor, but the second one managed to give Kit a deep cut on his arm.

“You,” Kit hissed. “ruined my jacket.” At that he sent a flying back kick towards a vampire he felt creeping behind him. He hit him in the face, blood spattered on the floor. He quickly impaled him, took out his stake and faced the vampire who cut him.

“Big sword you got there.” Kit remarked. “Are you compensating for something?”

“Are you mocking me, Shadowhunter?” The vampire snarled.

“Obviously I am.”

The vampire lunged forward, aiming for a gut attack. Kit dodged it, but the vampire quickly sent a downward strike. Kit blocked it with his stake. It was broken in half.

“And now you have ruined my stake. Have you no shame?”

He picked up a sword from a dead vampire. The vampire swung his sword again, but he was not as skilled as Kit, who quickly disarmed and beheaded him.

Kit looked around – no other living creature appeared at eye-level. All the vampires seemed to be dead.

_Where is Ty?_

He saw him. Collapsed on the floor, a vampire bent over him, ready to bite.

“No!” Kit lunged forward. The vampire lifted his head, and Kit beheaded him with one swift motion.

Kit knelt by Ty’s side, resting a hand on his cheek.

“Ty?”

Kit panicked at the lack of response.

The blade of a sword protruded from his chest, right above his heart. Blood was dripping on the tile floors from Ty’s wound. He pushed the hair back from Ty’s face – he was pale, the blood was drained from his lips, his eyes were closed.

“Ty! Ty wake up!” He cried desperately.

He held his wrist. He could feel Ty’s faint pulse under his fingertips; he was alive. But dying.

_The broken piece of the stele._

He fanatically searched Ty’s pockets, before remembering that Ty dropped the piece when he was attacked by a vampire.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!!!_

Kit felt the life leaving Ty’s body with every drop of blood he lost. The siren was still shrieking, smoke filled the air, vampire shouts sounded closer and closer. Amidst the cries, amidst the smoke and the flames, one thought filled Kit’s mind.

_I never told him I loved him back._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the chapter (and liked badass Ty).
> 
> The next chapter is titled "Six Basic Human Emotions", and I will only say this:
> 
> American psychologists Ekman and Friesen identified six basic human emotions: fear, disgust, anger, happiness, sadness and surprise. The rest, they argued, are combinations of those six.
> 
> ****  
> On another matter:
> 
> Please tell me I'm not the only one who does this, but every time I don't feel like working out or going on a run, I pretend to be a Shadowhunter in training to get some motivation. BTW today I went on a run and put "Monsters" by Ruelle, and man does that song make you feel like a badass. 
> 
> ****  
> On another matter 2:
> 
> I learned how to put pictures and gifs, so please feast your eyes on the fondue flame I told you about. EXACTLY Kit's eyes! What a time to be alive.
> 
>  
> 
> *** For the science enthusiasts ***
> 
> The chemical reaction that Ty uses is a Reduction-Oxidation reaction, in which glycerin loses electrons and KMnO4 gains electrons. This reaction produces great fire, but for it to occur the ambient temperature needs to be around room temperature or higher. While Ty has these conditions, trying to use this reaction in nature to keep warm will not work... Also, Ty is able to get the chemicals since they are located in a hospital, but these ingredients are not commonly found in first aid kits! So if you ever see this being used in TV shows and stuff - know that this is one of those times that truth and Hollywood just don't match up :)
> 
> *** Have a great week :)


	11. Six Basic Human Emotions

American psychologists Paul Ekman and Wallace V. Friesen identified six basic human emotions by studying the isolated culture of people from the Fori tribe in Papua New Guinea in 1972.

 

  1. **Fear**



Kit could barely see through all the stupid tears in his eyes, and Ty was still bleeding, dying slowly in his arms. Smoke began filling Kit’s lungs and vampire cries filled his ears. He picked Ty up and ran through the exit. He was exhausted, his muscled ached, his lungs burned from the smoke – but he kept running. He could hear the vampires closing in on him –

And he was outside; he reached the sunlight. They could not get him here.

They were safe.

He put Ty on the ground, panting. He was careful not to touch the sword piercing Ty’s chest. He knew that it could very easily be applying pressure on arteries or veins, preventing them from bleeding out more from the cuts. If he moved it, he would create more damage.

His short feeling of relief was quickly replaced with renewed fear. Ty was pale and unconscious, his blood dripping over Kit’s hands.

Ty was his love, and he had said that he loved Kit too, and there would never – _never_ \- be anyone like him again. Kit could not lose him like this. He could not lose him _at all_.

He didn’t have a stele or a phone, and he had to get Ty back to the institute. He only had one option: carry Ty until he met a mundane, then ask (or take, whatever works first) his phone and call Julian. They were miles away from residential areas, and Ty was dying. Through his exhaustion, Kit picked Ty up again.

_I have to make it._

He heard shouts from behind him.

 _Can Subjugates be out after us?_ He panicked and started to run.

“Kit you moron!” he heard Emma’s voice.

He turned around to see Julian’s car.

_Thank god._

“Get in!” Emma got out and opened the door to the backseat for him.

Gently, Kit placed Ty in the backseat of the car before getting in himself. Emma got back in, and barely had time to shut the door before Julian stepped on the gas.

“Stele!” Kit shouted.

Emma threw him her stele, Kit caught it mid-air. He had to pull the sword out of Ty’s back before drawing the rune, otherwise the wound would close on it, causing even more damage.

“I’m sorry, Ty.” Kit whispered in his ear, although Ty could not hear him.

He pulled the sword out, feeling tissue cutting and spraying blood all over the backseat. He pressed one hand over the wound to stop the bleeding and tore Ty’s shirt open with the other. He drew an Iratze on his chest as quickly as he managed. The rune looked perfect. Kit would not have been able to live with himself if he fucked it up.

“Please, Ty. Wake up.” he begged him in tears. “I love you. Please, wake up.”

“Was that sword poisoned? Do we need to call the silent brothers?” Julian asked, alarmed.

Kit heard an agonized sound and distantly understood that it came from him.

“No.” he choked, not breaking his gaze from Ty.

Julian seemed relieved.

“How much blood did he lose?” he asked.

“A lot.”

Kit was now crying quietly. His tears fell on Ty’s chest. Kit looked at him and saw that the wound was beginning to close. He slowly caressed Ty’s pale face with the back of his hand.

“I love you. I love you.” He repeated over and over. He was aware that Julian and Emma could hear him – and he didn’t care.

Through tears he saw that the wound was completely healed. Yet, Ty didn’t wake up.

_He lost so much blood._

“Ty please. I love you so much. I can’t live without you.” Kit whispered. “Don’t leave me. Please, don’t leave me.”

He lifted his gaze and saw Emma looking at him.

“The wound closed, Kit. He’ll be okay.” Her voice was soft.

“But he’s not waking up! Why is he not waking up?!” Kit panicked.

“He’s weak from the blood loss. He’ll be okay. Blood regeneration in Shadowhunters is three times faster than it is in mundanes.” She said soothingly.

“She’s right, Kit.” Julian told him calmly. “He’ll be fine. Emma once lost so much blood she was as cold as a corpse and her lips and nails were blue. And look at her now – healthy and scary as ever.”

Ty still felt a bit warm, and his nails were pale pink. Kit relaxed a little.

“I was so stressed then,” Julian continued. “I pulled out an entire eyebrow.”

“You told me you shaved it off because you thought it looked cool!” Emma exclaimed.

“I didn’t want you to know how worried I was.” Julian said, apologetically. “But really, Emma, why did you even believe that?”

“I don’t know, I wanted to be supportive of your choices.”

Kit was holding Ty’s hand in his right hand and caressing his cheek gently with his left.

“How did you know where we were?” he asked.

“Dru texted Julian to say that you finished your shift and that she was staying the night at Jael’s.” Julian said. “When I woke up, you and Ty weren’t home. I tried calling you both but it went directly to voice mail. We knew that vampires were involved, so Emma and I came to Caedmon’s hospital while Mark and Christina went to search in the rival clan. You texted them, right?” he turned to Emma.

“Yeah, as soon as I saw Kit outside.” Emma replied. “They’re on their way back.”

Kit turned back to look at Ty. It was almost painful to see his face. He was so sure he’d lost him. Painfully, agonizingly sure.

“You’ll ruin me.” He whispered again.

“So now that we’ve established that Ty is going to be alright,” Julian began. “I can yell at you.”

Kit held Ty’s hand tightly, preparing himself.

“What. The hell. WERE YOU THINKING?!” Julian shouted at him. “Why would you separate from Dru?”

“It was almost dawn.” Kit mumbled sheepishly.

“Almost dawn is NOT dawn! You could have been killed! Do you realize that?! I don’t EVER want to see you finishing a shift before the sun is high in the fucking sky, do you hear me?”

“Yes.” Kit muttered.

“And why the fuck would you go on a rescue mission _alone_ without notifying anyone?!” Julian continued, furious.

“That was Ty, though.” Emma quietly pointed out.

“Well he’s not conscious now, is he? So I can’t really yell at _him_!”

Emma put her hand on his thigh in a soothing gesture.

They reached the institute. Kit picked Ty up gently and got out of the car.

“Let me.” Julian put a hand on his shoulder. He seemed to be too relieved that Kit and Ty were alive to shout again.

Kit was reluctant to let anyone else carry Ty; he couldn’t let him go. He almost lost him today; every inch away from him seemed like too much.

“You’re exhausted. Let Julian carry him.” Emma said gently.

Reluctantly, Kit let Julian take Ty but followed them close. Julian carried Ty to the infirmary and placed him in a bed.

“He’ll be fine; he just needs to rest a bit. When he gets up, let him drink this.” He handed Kit a green potion, one of Magnus’s creations, and left the room.

Kit picked a chair from the corner of the room and placed it near Ty’s bed. He placed his elbows on the bed and let his head rest.

When he first came into the institute, he kept planning his escape. This was not his home, this was not the life he was meant to lead. But in the middle of his chaos, there was Ty. Kit forgot his escape plans the moment he realized that ‘home’ was not a place, but a person. And his home was Ty.

Kit closed his eyes, listening to the rhythm of Ty’s breathing. He was adapted to it now, after a year and a half of sleeping in the same room he was always aware of it, on some level. He drifted to sleep to that comforting sound that meant that his love was here with him.

 

  1. **Surprise**



When Ty woke up Kit was out cold, asleep in a chair near his bed, his head a warm weight against Ty’s thigh. His blond hair fell on his eyes. Without thinking, Ty reached his hand to touch it, but quickly withdrew back as if burnt.

Honestly, he was surprised to even be alive. He hasn’t told Kit, but his plan was never to get both of them out of the hospital alive. He planned to get _Kit_ out alive, and then - if possible -himself. But he was never a priority.

He studied Kit’s beautiful face. He was glad they were both here, but he couldn’t suppress the feeling of misery that spread through his chest like cold flames.

He told Kit he loved him, and Kit didn’t say it back. You don’t need sharp detective skills to realize what it means.

_He doesn’t feel the same way about me._

That was expected, of course. Kit had told him that he was not interested in seeing anyone. And why would he make an exception of Ty?

Kit is witty and charismatic. He is the funniest person Ty had ever met, and the most attractive. He is radiant like the sun; beautiful like a Michelangelo statue. People are drawn to him like fire.

And Ty? He is nothing but an outsider. A freak. He can’t handle simple tasks, won’t look anyone in the eye, gets stressed from the dumbest things: an unexpected touch, slightly loud noises, being around crowds. Kit deserved someone much, much better. He deserved to be with someone with whom he could go out to bars and restaurants, not someone whose idea of a nice evening is to stay at home and memorize maps for fun. He deserved to be with someone who doesn’t put his headphones on all the time because he can’t deal with the outside world. He deserved to be with someone who’s funny and kind and as amazing as he is.

Ty didn’t tell Kit that he loved him because he hoped to hear it back; he told Kit that he loved him because he had asked Ty why he came to rescue him, and that was the truth. Ty valued the truth. Additionally, Ty was 73% sure that he was not going to make it out of the hospital alive, and in that case, it wouldn’t even have mattered.

No, Ty was not surprised that Kit did not return his feelings. He was only surprised to be here, now, and having to deal with the aftermath of what he had said.

Exhausted, he fell asleep again, before he could sort out how to handle the damage control.

 

  1. **Anger**



When Ty woke up again, the first rays of sun were peeking through the window. He had slept for an entire day but he still felt tired and weak. He lifted himself up on his elbows and looked at the chair beside his bed to see Kit reading quietly.

Kit lifted his head up when he heard Ty’s movement.

“Ty!” he grinned at him.

“Hey.” Ty answered unenthusiastically.

He hoped Kit would not be in the room when he woke up. He knew what was coming, and he wasn’t looking forward to it one bit.

Kit is a good person, damn him. He would want to reject him nicely, in the kindest way possible. Make sure that Ty was okay, and that they could remain friends. Ty wished they could skip that part and just forget that he had ever said anything so stupid.

“Drink this.” Kit handed him a radioactive-looking potion.

Ty drank it in silence. It tasted like apples and grass and somehow, fire.

“Can I talk to you?” Kit asked slowly. “About what you said back at the hospital?”

Oh, starting right away with that dreaded conversation.

“No, Kit. It’s fine.” Ty said. He focused his gaze on his hands, not able to look directly at Kit.

“What’s fine?” Kit asked, sounding a bit confused. “Listen, I wanted to tell you that – “

“Can you just get me some water?” Ty cut him off.

Kit went to the bedside table and got Ty a glass of water which he took without looking at him. He sipped the water carefully.

_Why won’t he leave?_

He let out a small moan.

“Ty, I just really need to say something to you. Can you please just hear me out?”

And Ty suddenly realized.

_He’s insisting on rejecting me in the nicest way possible because he’s afraid I’ll hurt myself._

Who could blame him, after that night in Alicante. Yet, Ty felt his temper rising.

_I._

_Do not._

_Need._

_Your pity._

“You smell terrible.” He managed to keep a flat tone, even though he felt a sudden urge to slap Kit. “You really need a shower.”

“Yeah,” Kit said warily. “I didn’t get to do that since we got back… I just wanted to be sure I was here when you woke up.”

_Why? Because I’m at risk of suicide? You can’t leave me alone for one second for fear I might try to jump again?_

Anger boiled up deep in Ty’s system. Fires of fury, and rage, and _hatred_ were smoldering in his chest. If Kit were to open his mouth again, Ty was not sure that he would be able to stop himself from throwing his glass at him.

 “Go shower.” he simply said.

To his relief, Kit laughed and got up.

“Fine, I’m going.” he squeezed Ty’s hand and left the room.

The skin he touched turned to fire.

Kit was not aware of how much Ty had deducted from his behavior. He was oblivious to the fact that Ty had noticed him studying his every move when heights were involved; that he knew about his nightmares. Kit was not aware that Ty knew that the real reason Kit slept in his room every night was to make sure he would not leave his bed in the middle of the night and climb on the roof alone. Kit thought that he was good at hiding it, but he wasn’t. Ty knew everything.

And he didn’t need Kit’s pity.

 

  1. **Happiness**



Kit’s heart was racing, Adrenaline ran through his veins.

“Can I talk to you?” He asked Ty slowly. “About what you said back at the hospital?”

He studied Ty’s face. Ty’s beautiful face, with his long lashes and his sharp cheekbones. His red, full, kissable lips…

“No, Kit. It’s fine.” Ty said, looking at his hands.

Kit snapped out of his thoughts.

“What’s fine?” He was confused. “Listen, I wanted to tell you that – “

“Can you just get me some water?” Ty cut him off.

Kit handed Ty the glass of water he previously placed on his bedside table and watched in fascination as he drank it. It was, perhaps, the most sensual thing he had ever seen.

And then, Ty let out a low, almost inaudible moan and Kit came undone.

 _He’ll ruin me_. Kit smiled at the thought. He didn’t mind being ruined by Ty.

“Ty, I really need to say something to you. Can you please just hear me out?” he managed to say, not breaking his gaze from the captivating picture that was Tiberius Blackthorn.

“You smell terrible. You really need a shower.” Ty told him.

“Yeah,” Kit replied warily. “I didn’t get to do that since we got back… I just wanted to be sure I was here when you woke up.”

He couldn’t stand the thought of Ty waking up and him not being there.

“Go shower.” Ty said.

Kit laughed and got up. Taking a shower was not a bad idea. After all, he was about to tell Ty that he loved him and even though he had never said those words to anyone, he was sure that it is preferable that one should smell good when he confesses his undying love.

“Fine, I’m going.” He couldn’t help himself from squeezing Ty’s hand. It was a risk move – Ty usually did not like to be touched unexpectedly – but Kit ached to feel his warmth, to touch his smooth skin.

He practically skipped in joy out of the infirmary, his heart fluttering in his chest. On his way to his room, he accidentally knocked Dru aside, sending her flying.

“Ow! Watch where you’re going!” she complained.

“Dru.” Kit looked at her with loving eyes. “You are the best sister in the world. Do you know that?”

She gaped at him. Kit took her in her arms and twirled her around.

“Kit, there’s no easy way to ask this,” she said carefully. “But are you high?”

“Yeah, I think I am.” His mouth shaped itself into the largest grin he had ever held.

She shook her head, but Kit could see the corners of her mouth twitching up. He went around her and directed himself into his room.

“You smell terrible, by the way.” She shouted at his back.

He got into his room and closed the door behind him, heart still fluttering in his chest. He took off his clothes and got into the shower. As the warm water washed over him, and the smell of soap filled the room, Kit allowed himself – for the first time - to think about what he really wanted. And what he wanted was Ty.

All of him.

Kit washed the shampoo under the warm water, happiness and angst fighting with other, just as primal desires. He ached to kiss Ty, to catch his bottom lip with his teeth and gently tug it down. To swirl his tongue around Ty’s.

He pictured himself crawling into Ty’s bed at night, saying his name as he hovers over him. He would trail his fingers along his jaw and his collarbones, slide them down Ty’s chest. Pull his shirt over his head and throw it on the floor. Bite his shoulder.

Kit wrapped his hand around his cock, shuddering with the relief of it. It was already glistening with pre-cum, and his hand slid smoothly down his shaft **.** He imagined himself straddled over Ty, moving his hips against his, making him moan with pleasure.

Kit stroked himself faster. He tried to slow down but couldn’t find the strength. Picturing Ty moaning was too much.

He came to the memory of Ty’s small moan as he drank the water Kit had handed him. It felt amazing, and he shook for minutes afterwards, his hand wrapped loosely around his still-hard cock.

He cleaned himself and got out of the shower, rushing with anticipation to see Ty again. He put on pants and a shirt, and ran barefoot out of the room, not finding time to bother putting on shoes. 

He never told anyone he loved them before. His first instinct would have been to yell the words at Ty, but he decided to go with a more gentle approach. He didn't want to scare Ty with his intensity. He couldn't mess up the best thing in his life. Maybe he should ask him to dinner, and then say it?

Regardless, he was going to tell Ty he _loved_ him.

It’s amazing. It’s perfect. It’s everything he had ever wanted. He loved Ty, and Ty loved him back, and everything was going to be alright. Everything was going to be great, even.

 

  1. **Disgust**



Ty’s eyes were closed. He was exhausted but couldn’t go back to sleep. Too many thoughts were running through his head. He heard movement and opened his eyes to see Kit entering the room. He took his place on the chair beside Ty’s bed, filling the room with a nice smell of soap. Ty didn’t look at him, but he could feel Kit’s stare cutting through him.

“I wanted to tell you something.” Kit said softly.

There was an awkward silence. For a brief – _stupid_ – moment, Ty thought that Kit was going to say that he loved him back.

“So, about what you said…” he continued but stopped himself.

And Ty’s hope shattered. If Kit would have loved him back, he would have just said so.

This was a pity talk.

Ty knew pity talks well. Everyone around him made such conversations with him at least once in their lifetime. Conversations that were meant to tell him, in nice words, that he was too weird, that he was too much to handle. That being friends with him, that working or studying with him, was just too much.

This pity talk, however, was way worse. Ty may have been rejected from friendships he tried to form, but he had never been rejected by someone he was in love with. It hurt so much, Ty didn’t think he could handle hearing those words. Especially not from Kit.

Ty had never developed feelings for anyone. There had always only been Kit. Knowing he didn’t love him back was terrible enough, but the pity talk… It was unbearable.

“Kit, let it go. Let’s go watch a movie or something.”

“Oh, this is what you want to do? I thought you’d want us to go to… Er… dinner or something.”

“Dinner.” Ty repeated.

So, it seems Kit thought that Ty was going to ask him on a _date_. This conversation took an unexpected turn - to the worst.

“Well, yes.” Kit mumbled.

Loving Kit did disorient Ty a bit, that much was true. But Ty was certain that his detective skills were still sharp. Why would Kit even think that Ty was daft enough not to realize that the feelings he expressed were not mutual, and be so stupid as to ask him out on a _date_?

“I mean, after what you said… I thought you would want to… you know?” Kit continued.

Ty stared at his hands in silence.

“I thought you’d want us to be… together.” Kit finished sheepishly.

“You thought that I would want us to be together.” Ty repeated slowly.

He was beginning to realize what Kit meant, and he really, _really_ , hoped he misunderstood.

“Well, yeah,” Kit had an unreadable expression. “I thought that it would make you happy.”

“You thought,” Ty’s heart broke. “That it would make _me_ happy?”

The feeling was worse than anything Ty had ever imagined humanly possible. Kit wanted them to be together because he thought that this is what  _Ty_  wanted. He was not interested in seeing anyone, especially not Ty, but he was willing to do it for him because he thought that it would make _Ty_ happy. That it would prevent him from ending his life.

That was just… _disgusting_.

“This is what you think of me.” He mumbled. “This is what you think I want.”

“Yes..?” Kit sounded alarmed.

“Why?” Ty snapped. “Why would you think that this is what I want? Why would you think that I want us to be –“ he struggled to find the words. “like _this_?” he nearly shouted.

Ty felt physically sick. He would have never thought that Kit’s opinion of him was so low; that he would think that Ty was so mentally weak and pathetic that he would want to tie Kit to him out of pity.

“Ty, I don’t understand – “ Kit’s voice became high, panicky.

“Just let it go.” Ty managed to keep himself from throwing up, which in his eyes was a huge success. At least he won’t be covered in vomit.

“Let it go?” Kit repeated slowly.

“Yes, let it go!” Ty snapped.

“But – “ Kit looked at him wide eyed. “But why?”

“Because I want us to remain friends.” Ty was sure that if the conversation would go on any longer, there would be no turning back. And even though he hated Kit right now, he could not give up on his friendship.

“You want to remain _friends_?” Kit put a weird emphasize on the last word.

“Of course I do!” Ty exclaimed. Did Kit not understand how much his friendship meant to him?

“Of course you do.” Kit echoed.

The pain in Ty’s chest was excruciating; he hoped this conversation would end. Now.

“Can I at least just tell you – “ Kit began.

“No, I don’t want to hear it. It’s all behind us, we’re friends.”.

“We are.” Kit said quietly.

“Good.” Ty said.

“Good.” Kit answered.

“Good.”

“Great, even.” Kit sounded a bit angry now, though for the life of him Ty could not understand why he should be. Ty had just released him from the need to hold a fake relationship. He should be glad to be free.

“I’m really tired.” Ty said, hoping Kit would get the hint and leave him alone.

“Okay.”

Kit got up and left the room without looking back.

For a long time afterwards, Ty couldn’t sleep. He stared at the ceiling, trying to stop the tears that formed in the corner of his eyes.

 

  1. **Sadness**



Kit got into his room and slammed the door behind him.

_Why? Why?_

He paced around the room, then stopped in front of the mirror that stood in the corner. His reflection stared back at him. It looked like a lame version of Jace. A sad, tired, blue-eyed version of Jace. He hated his reflection. He _hated_ it.

Kit punched the mirror and heard it shatter from the impact. It hurt like hell, and his hand was bleeding. He didn’t bother to heal himself. He looked at the blood dripping on the floor. It didn’t matter.

He looked up at the mirror again. It was just like him now.

Broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked the chapter :)
> 
> *** For the science enthusiasts ***  
> Ekman and Friesen identified six basic emotions based on studying the isolated culture of people from the Fori tribe in Papua New Guinea in 1972. The tribe members were able to identify six emotions from pictures. After that, they took pictures of facial expressions of people from the Fori tribe with the same emotions and they presented these pictures to people of other races and cultures all over the world. They also interpreted the emotions on the pictures correctly.  
> Following, six basic emotions were identified: Anger, Disgust, Fear, Happiness, Sadness, Surprise. Gradually, many researches have confirmed that these emotions are universal for all human beings.


	12. Of Shirts and Fire Letters

Dru watched the sun sinking from the large window in the library, its color fading from orange to crimson red. She was looking for Kit all over the institute - oddly, he wasn’t at the infirmary with Ty. She hadn’t seen him since he bumped into her in the hallway, grinning like mad. Dru had never seen him so happy, which was rather odd given that he had just returned from vampire captivity. Either the vampires drugged him, or… something happened with Ty?

While pondering this question, she crossed Emma in the corridor, on her way to the training room.

“Have you seen Kit?” she asked her.

“No.” Emma said thoughtfully. “He’s probably at the infirmary with Ty.”

“He isn’t, I already checked. Weird.”

Emma had a thoughtful expression on her face.

“I suspect there’s something going on between him and Ty.” She told Dru.

Dru suppressed a laugh. _Bless her._ Emma was completely oblivious to anything that wasn’t directly related to training or fighting. She was especially blind to human emotions and honestly, one had to be visually impaired to miss the way Kit and Ty stared at each other when they thought the other wasn’t looking. It was hard to miss the way Ty would remove his headphones around Kit and listen attentively to anything he said. He would even laugh at Kit’s jokes – and only ever at Kit’s jokes. No one else could even get a smile out of him. It was plain to see how Kit followed Ty’s every movement, sinking himself with his rhythm. How he stared at Ty - especially at his ass - practically drooling over him.

“What aroused your suspicions?” she asked Emma, amused.

“When we drove them back from the abandoned hospital, Kit kept telling Ty he loved him. So, you know, I thought that maybe there’s something there.”

Dru nearly snorted. Kit had literally confessed his love and Emma still wasn’t sure she interpreted the situation correctly. Bless her little warrior heart.

“That does sound suspicious.” She mused. “I’ll keep looking for him.”

At that she turned away from Emma and directed herself into Ty’s room. She found it empty, so she went ahead to Kit’s.

She pushed the door open and met some resistance from a tide of objects that littered the floor. Kit’s room was a mess. It looked as if a cyclone had erupted spontaneously in his room and flung his books and clothes across the floor. She was alarmed to find that Kit’s mirror was shattered, as if someone had punched it. Glancing around, she noticed with a growing sense of unease that the mirror wasn’t the only broken object in the room. She stepped over what looked like the pieces of a broken vase and glanced at the wall on the opposite side of the room to find that the grandfather clock was destroyed.

Initially she thought Kit was not in there, but a thorough look revealed him sitting motionlessly on the windowsill, staring at the orange sky.

“Hey.” Dru said carefully.

“Dru.” Kit said without turning around.

The way he said her name made Dru freeze in her place. His voice sounded… defeated.

She decided not to acknowledge the state of his room - something told her that it would drive Kit to the edge.

“Just wanted to check on you, having been in captivity and all.”

Kit didn’t reply. Instead, he kept staring out the window in an unnerving stillness. Dru looked at his chest, searching for a rhythmic rise and fall as he breathed and not finding it.

She stepped over piles of books and clothes and sat on his bed, pushing aside hoodies and daggers.

The silent between them stretched, long and unsettling.

“You broke Emma, by the way.” She finally said, trying to keep a casual conversation tone. “She _suspects_ that there is something going on between you and Ty. Apparently, you kept telling him you loved him in the car.” she managed to keep her tone calm, even though she was dying to know if the long-awaited moment had finally arrived.

Kit didn’t react to Dru’s words, expect for a slight clenching of his hands over his knees. For a while Dru thought he was not going to reply.

“He told me that he’s in love with me.” He finally said, his voice distant.

“He did?” she exclaimed.

Kit was suspiciously quiet, given that the guy he was in love with – _obsessed_ with - confessed his feelings to him.

They remained silent for a while. Kit looking at the sky, and Dru staring at Kit, studying his face and trying to gather clues of what had happened. Eventually, Kit spoke again, voice shaking.

“When we were at the hospital.” he said warily. “He told me that he can’t live without me and that he’s in love with me.”

He looked as if he was about to cry. Dru had never seen Kit, the sharp, witty force of nature cry.  She froze. Crying was oddly contradictory to the words that just left his mouth.

“That’s good, isn’t it?” she asked quietly. Kit’s behavior indicated that something went wrong.

Kit was still gazing out the window. She studied his expression – he looked wary and miserable.

“Kit, what’s going on?”

“He doesn’t want me.” He said dryly.

Dru gave him a perplexed look.

“What do you mean?”

“I asked him if he wanted us to be together and he said no.”

Dru let Kit’s words sink in for a moment before replying.

“No.” she said decisively. “You misunderstood.”

At that, Kit shut his eyes and took a deep breath, but otherwise kept his daunting silence.

“It’s a misunderstanding.” She insisted.

“I asked him to dinner. He looked at me like I was insane. So I told him –“ Kit’s voice broke.

Dru got up and put a hand on Kit’s shoulder. He took a deep breath.

“I told him that I thought he would want us to be together, after what he said.” Kit continued. “He told me that he didn’t. That he wanted us to remain friends.”

Dru moved her thumb in circles on Kit’s shoulder.

“Do you still think I misunderstood?” he asked, voice trembling.

Dru had to admit that Ty’s answer did not leave much room for misinterpretation, yet it was incredibly strange. She saw the way her brother looked at Kit as if he’s a god in human form. It was common knowledge in the institute that Kit was the only one from whom Ty would break a smile. That he was the only one allowed to touch him. It didn’t seem platonic, at least to her.

“I don’t understand.” She said. “why –“

“I’ll fucking tell you why.” Kit turned to look at her in a snap. “Because he knows he deserves better.”

“Kit, what –“

“Look at me, Dru.” He cut her off.

“I –“

“Look at me.” He said coldly. “I’m just a lame version of Jace. I’m a poor copy of the greatest Shadowhunter of his generation. Ty is unique, there’s no one else like him and there never will be. So why would he bother with me? He won’t waste his time on a stupid crush when he’s clearly meant for someone else. Someone much better.”

Dru went silent at Kit’s words. It was incredibly strange to hear him talking like that – he who was usually radiating strength and confidence, brimming with self-assurance. Who always had a haughty air, a permanent “I don’t give a fuck” expression.

But Ty could break him. So easily. He could shatter Kit to pieces. Burn him to ashes. Reduce him to a miserable, defeated shell of a man at the blink of an eye. He had so much power over Kit, and he didn’t even know.

But still, Dru considered Kit’s explanation, and it didn’t sound right to her.

“There’s something you’re not telling me.” she said.

“Seriously, Dru? I just poured my fucking heart out to you.”

Dru studied his face. She didn’t buy Kit’s theory regarding Ty’s rejection. Her instincts told her that something didn’t add up, something was missing from the picture Kit had painted her.

“Why do you sleep in his room every night?” she asked him sharply. She wasn’t sure why she even asked.

“Because we’re friends.”

“I am your friend too, yet we never had a slumber party.” she pointed out. “Why do you sleep in his room every night?”

“He has nightmares about Livvy sometimes. I help him.”

“How often?”

“After we came back from Alicante, it was every night.”

“How often _now_ , Kit?”

His silence told her what she needed to know.

“Then why do you sleep in his room every night?”

He remained silent, avoiding her eyes by looking at the window again.

“You guys are sleeping together!” she exclaimed.

“No!” Kit exclaimed. “It’s not that!”

Dru smiled sadly to herself. She knew they weren’t sleeping together, she simply wanted to get a reaction out of him. And it confirmed her suspicions: there was something he wasn’t telling her. She didn’t know what it was, but she was certain that it had everything to do with Ty’s decision.

“Do you want me to get you a mango? It always cheers you up.” She asked him in a soothing tone.

A powerful booming sound made them both jump to their feet. They ran to the institute’s entrance.

*****

Kit and Dru reached the entrance, the sounds of explosions in their ears. The rest were already gathered there, including Ty. Kit’s stomach clenched when he saw him, but Ty’s gaze was fixed outside. Huge fireballs were being thrown against the invisible wards surrounding the institute.

“Someone is trying to break down the wards!” Christian shouted.

“Well, Kit and Ty did just piss off the most powerful vampire in the west coast.” Emma pointed out.

The fireballs did not break the wards but set the ground on fire. Yet, the fire did not spread.

“It’s magical fire.” Ty said.

The shooting stopped.

“Why would a warlock try to break down the wards?” Mark asked.

“And which one?” Emma added.

“I wonder why they stopped before finishing the job.” Julian said with a thoughtful expression.

“They weren’t trying to break down the wards.” Ty said quietly. “They were trying to get our attention.”

He stepped out before anyone could stop him.

“Ty, come back here!” Julian shouted as he ran after him. The rest followed him; Kit lagged behind.

Suddenly Ty stopped. Kit heard cries of surprise. He stepped closer to see what they were all looking at. On the scorched ground, letters were clearly forming by fire.

HE IS COMING FOR THE SHAPESHIFTER

*****

“What. The hell.” Emma exclaimed.

“Is someone after Tessa? Why would they think she’s here?” Dru wondered out loud.

“I have no idea.” Julian admitted. “I’ll text her to let her know.”

“What do we do now?” Mark alternated his gaze between Emma and Julian.

“We wait for them to make a move.” Emma replied. “And in the meantime, we ask around and gather intel.”

Mark said something in return, but Kit wasn’t listening anymore. He noticed Ty had left.

*****

Kit knocked slowly on Ty’s door. There was no answer, but he could hear the shower running. He opened the door hesitantly. It was ridiculous – it was practically his room as well. He had been sleeping here for a year and half by now, and never hesitated before opening the door.

He closed it behind him just as Ty stepped out of the bathroom, still drying his hair with a towel. He wore nothing but blue boxers. Kit gaped at the sight of his shoulder muscles and his abs, before lowering his gaze, blushing like mad.

That was not the first time he saw Ty in his boxers. Sleeping together in the same room meant seeing each other with and without clothes. Yet it had never been this hard to look away before, and Kit knew why. For months he had stopped himself from thinking about Ty in a sexual way, since he knew his feelings were unreciprocated and it would make it hurt so much more. But after this afternoon in the shower, when he let go… he couldn’t go back anymore.

Kit was screwed. Everything changed. Everything stayed the same.

From the corner of his eye, Kit could see that Ty hung his towel and put on soft gray sweatpants. Kit loved those sweatpants - Ty looked so cuddly wearing them. He tried to focus on his own shoes instead.

“Could you pass me a shirt?” Ty asked him.

Kit jumped.

“Yeah… sure.” He mumbled and opened Ty’s closet. He took out a black t-shirt.

“Here.” He tossed it, not looking at Ty.

“No. I don’t like that one.”

Kit looked at the closet again. It was about 90% black t-shirts. He handed him another one. From the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of Ty’s black hair. He couldn’t stop himself – for a moment he fantasied about passing his fingers through that black hair as Ty kissed him, sucked him, fucked him.

“I don’t like that one either.” Ty said.

“They’re all the same!” Kit said in an exasperated tone, but really – he would gladly stand there handing Ty black t-shirts for hours. He just missed him so much.

“No.” Ty insisted. “They feel different.”

Kit turned around to face him. The temperature of the room had lowered by a million degrees. His chest ached.

“I don’t understand you.” He said quietly.

Ty’s hands fluttered nervously at his sides.

“No.” he answered, studying Kit’s face intently. “You don’t.”

The tone of the conversation was too serious for it to be about the shirts anymore.

Having nothing to say, Kit turned back to the closet.

“Is this one okay?” he drew out another black t-shirt.

“Yeah.”

Kit handed him the shirt and turned back around, not able to face him again. Ty let out a small grunt.

“What’s wrong?” Kit turned around abruptly.

“Nothing. It still hurts a bit to lift my arms, that’s all.”

“Do you want me to help you put on your shirt?” Kit asked him carefully.

Ty seemed to weigh the pros and cons for a moment. Finally, it seems that getting help from Kit was more appealing than walking around shirtless.

“Yes, please.” He said.

Kit slowly crossed the floor and stopped in front of him. He took the shirt from Ty’s hands and their fingers brushed for a moment. Kit tried not to think about how soft Ty’s skin felt.

“Stretch your arms to the front.” He said quietly.

Ty did, and they ended up in an odd half-hug. Kit tensed. The skin on his arms felt warm and tingly. Ty was so close, he could almost feel the warmth of his skin.

Kit put Ty’s hands through the arm holes and then slipped the shirt around his neck. Ty was so close. He smelled of soap and ocean water, and Kit had to bite his lip to keep himself from fantasizing about being the person who gets to take Ty’s shirt off instead. It didn’t matter how much he wanted him; the only thing that mattered is that remaining friends is what made Ty happy. Kit would have to learn how to fall out of love - how to be Ty’s friend, and nothing more.

“Thank you.” Ty mumbled.

Kit meant to say “sure”. He really did. But when he opened his mouth other words came out instead.

“I almost lost you.”

Ty froze.

He lifted his gaze and scanned Kit’s face, and the flash of grey eyes made Kit’s heart beat so fast it hurt. Ty bit his lower lip and Kit already knew Ty well enough to realize he was debating with himself whether to say what’s on his mind.

 _Tell me. Please, I_ need _to know what you’re thinking._

However, Ty didn’t say anything for a long while. The silence became uncomfortable.

_Should I not have said that?_

Luckily, the tension was eased by the sound of Dru’s voice echoing in the hallway, breaking the interminable silence.

“Kit! Where are you?” she shouted cheerfully.

“In here!” he answered without breaking his gaze away from Ty.

Dru opened the door.

“Julian is sending us on a mission.” She mused. “I picked your clothes out for you. They’re on your bed. Be ready for a briefing in five minutes.”

At that, she left the room. With one last glance at Ty, he left as well. On his way to his room he looked outside. The words were still torched on the ground.

HE IS COMING FOR THE SHAPESHIFTER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter we'll follow Kit and Dru on the mission Dru was so suspiciously happy about.  
> Here's a preview:
> 
> *****  
> Ty’s brain could not process a coherent answer as he just saw Kit coming down the stairs.
> 
> He was wearing what looked like the tightest pair of black jeans humanity had ever created, and a skin-tight blue t-shirt with a V-neck. Ty had only ever seen Kit wearing black and grey. He was mesmerized by the way Kit’s blue shirt matched his eyes perfectly and made his blond curls shine like pure gold. Ty knew he should probably stop staring but couldn’t break his gaze for the world.
> 
> ****
> 
> and here's another one:
> 
> ****
> 
> And just when kit was starting to have fun, he spotted her. The worst person ever.
> 
> ****  
> As always - hope you liked the chapter, let me know what you think :)


	13. And That Limit Was Ty

Ty was pacing nervously along the corridor, occasionally sending quick glances at the staircase leading to the sleeping quarters. Kit and Dru were scheduled to go on a mission tonight. It was a simple routine mission: a mundane with the sight spotted a small Scorpios demon in the club he owned. He had enough sense to lock the demon in a room and call the institute, so Kit and Dru were called to kill it. Simple, yet Shadowhunter life meant living in constant fear for your loved ones. Even a routine mission can turn out to be deadly.

“Hey Ty-Ty!” he heard Dru’s gleeful voice.

She descended the staircase, wearing a pretty green dress.

“Are you not wearing your gear?” Ty asked, confused.

“No, we’ll blend better dressed for a night out.” She answered cheerfully.

Ty could not help himself from wondering what Kit would wear.

“So, did you find something about the warlock looking for Tessa?” she asked.

Ty’s brain could not process a coherent answer; he had just seen Kit come down the stairs.

He was wearing what looked like the tightest pair of black jeans humanity had ever created, and a blue t-shirt with a V-neck. Ty had only ever seen Kit wearing black and grey. He was mesmerized by the way Kit’s blue shirt matched his eyes perfectly and made his blond curls shine like pure gold. Ty knew he should stop staring but couldn’t avert his gaze for the world. He suddenly became self-conscious of the old gray hoody he was wearing.

Kit reached the bottom of the staircase and caught Ty’s gaze.

“Dru chose this outfit for me.” he explained, sounding a bit embarrassed.

_You look amazing_ , Ty wanted to tell him. He bit his lower lip instead.

“I don’t know why, though.” Kit continued, looking at Dru confusedly.

“It’s pertinent to the mission.” Dru answered without missing a beat.

Kit gave her a dubious look then turned to Ty.

“I’m sorry you can’t come.” he said uncomfortably. “It’s just… it’s a club. You know? Loud music, crowds…”

Ty’s stomach clenched. He felt his temper rising.

_I know. I can’t come because I’m not normal._

Kit and Dru were leaving him behind because he couldn’t handle the world like regular people. Loud music and crowds would frighten him to the point of being a liability to them; Ty knew that. Yet, it was painful to hear from Kit, the man he loved, and who didn’t love him back. The man who deserved to be with someone who can go to crowded places with him, someone who can live life to the fullest with him instead of pulling him back.

“Come on, Kit! Let’s go.” Dru pulled him firmly by his arm.

Ty stared at Kit’s back as he walked away. He wished he could be someone else. Someone Kit would want.

*****

“I don’t understand why we didn’t glamour ourselves.”

They were waiting in line to go inside the club for what seemed like ages, and Kit was getting restless. A large neon sign above them said “The Potions Bar”.

“Because it’s more fun this way!” she said happily.

“How?” Kit goggled at her. “We could have sneaked in instead of waiting here like dumbasses.”

“Kit.” She said gleefully. “I look amazing. You look amazing. And now everybody gets to see that.”

Kit shot her an annoyed look.

“Oh, come on! We spend our days at the institute training or outside battling demons while covered in ichor. We deserve that. And plus, everyone is staring at you. You like it, admit it!”

“No one is staring at me.” Kit mumbled. He felt himself blush a little.

Once inside, the job was easy. The owner spotted them immediately (“Why did you wait in line? You could have called me!”) then directed them into the room in which the demon was locked. Kit pierced its heart with his seraph blade, and that was it. The entire operation took less than five minutes.

“Home?” Kit asked.

“No.” she said with a smirk. “We are meeting Jael and her friends here.”

“We are?” he raised an eyebrow at her.

“We finished our mission, we are already out, and we are dressed appropriately.”

“You planned this.” Kit said accusingly. “That’s why you made me dress like that.”

“Yes.” She admitted shamelessly.

“Did Julian even plan to send us to this mission?”

“No, he meant to send Christina and Mark, but I overheard them and asked him to send us instead.”

Kit gaped at her.

“Wouldn’t it have been easier to just ask me to go clubbing with you?”

“Would you have agreed?” she retorted.

He remained silent.

“That’s what I thought. Let’s go.”

“You tricked me, though.” He mumbled under his breath.

“I did it for your own good,” she replied. “You should thank me.”

“Yet I feel so betrayed.”

“Kit, I do love you like a brother,” Dru was suddenly serious. “I saw you moping around for months because you were too afraid that Ty would tell you he’s not interested, and it broke my heart to see you like this. You should give yourself a chance to be happy. So just please, give yourself a chance tonight, will you?”

Kit glanced at his adoptive sister. Dru was looking at him with so much love and concern, and he found that he was unable to stay indifferent to her earnest plea.

“I will.” He promised.

*****

Dru and Kit still hadn’t returned from their mission, and Ty was pacing restlessly around the institute with his headphones on.

He hated himself right now. He desperately wished he could be like everybody else. Go to bars and concerts, not be dependent on his headphones. He wished he could understand facial expressions, maintain eye contact, not jerk away at an unexpected touch. But mostly – he wished he could be somebody who had a chance with a guy like Kit.

Determined, he headed towards his room, took his headphones off and put on his gear. He decided to join Dru and Kit in their mission. He had to prove to himself that he could go; that he could be like everyone else.

*****

The owner led them to a private sitting area farther away from the large dance floor. Kit and Dru sat down on the low black-leather sofas and looked around. The tables were bright red, the black-leather sofas around them were occupied with well-dressed people, and shining chandeliers hung from the ceiling. The club was fancy enough to make Kit feel uneasy.

“Hey babe!”

Dru jumped to her feet when she heard her girlfriend. Jael was wearing a sparkly silver tank top and tight jeans. Dru kissed her passionately enough to make other people around them almost uncomfortable.

“Guys, meet Dru and Kit!” Jael said happily. “These are my friends, some from school and some from work.” She told Kit as two girls in colorful dresses and three young men in tight t-shirts sat down at the table with them.

A waiter came by so fast that Kit was almost sure he was conjured out of thin air. They all ordered a round of cocktails, and then a second. By the third round, conversation was flowing easily, and some of Jael’s friends got up to dance.

And just when kit was starting to have fun, he spotted _her_. The worst person ever.

“Fuck no!” Kit gritted his teeth. “What is _she_ doing here?”

“I have no idea.” Dru looked stunned.

“Keep anything flammable away from me,” Kit warned. “I can’t be trusted around her.”

Paige Ashdown walked confidently over to their table, towering on tall heels and wearing a short black dress that stretched tightly across her thighs and displayed a generous amount of cleavage.

“Hey guys!” she said in an overly-sweet voice.

“Paige.” Kit said unenthusiastically. “What are you doing here?”

“Emma told Cameron that you were going on a mission tonight, and I thought you might need my help.”

“How very kind of you.” Kit said sarcastically. _Why is she really here?_

“Well, you know. I certainly fight better than Dru. Oh, don’t look at me like that, you _are_ aware of that I hope. So, I figured, why not drop by and help you.”

She sat down next to Kit, pushing away one of Jael’s friends – a brown-haired young man in a white t-shirt who somehow managed to keep a civilized expression.

“That dress does looks very practical for fighting.” Dru said, amused.

“And,” Paige smirked. “It’s very easy to take off.” She winked at Kit.

Dru hid a laugh in an unconvincing coughing fit.

“Just to be clear, Paige,” Kit stared at her. “I am _not_ taking it off.”

“So,” Paige continued, unaffected. “I hear Mark and Christina are dating.” She shot Kit a meaningful look which he didn’t get.

“They are.” Dru replied.

And Kit suddenly remembered - Paige was under the impression that he and Mark dated.

“Yes. It hurts so bad.” Kit said dryly.

So, Paige was here because she realized Kit must be single. _Lovely_.

“Oh, poor Kit.” She put one hand on his shoulder, the other on his knee. Kit tried to gently shake her off. “I can make the pain go away.”

_You are the pain_ , Kit wanted to yell at her.

“I’m not interested.” He said instead.

“Oh, playing hard to get.” Paige smirked. “Let’s see if this helps.” She planted a kiss on his cheek.

Dru laughed uncontrollably at the expression of horror on Kit’s face.

“Who’s your friend?” Jael asked before Kit could say anything.

“I’m Paige.” Paige answered enthusiastically and took the opportunity to put her hand on Kit’s knee again. He brushed her away. “I have known Dru for ages. I’m sort of a role model to her.”

“Funny, she never mentioned you.” Jael told her.

“Perhaps you should listen more, then.” Paige replied, then turned back to Kit. “I see you managed to shake off that creepy Tiberius guy today. Must be so annoying, the way he follows you around everywhere.”

The thing is, Kit’s self-control had a limit. And that limit was Ty. He could manage his irritation when Paige was groping him and not getting the clear message of “not interested”; but no one - _no one_ \- talks about Ty like that.

“DON’T EVER – “ he began.

Dru quickly realized what was going to happen. She pulled Paige away before Kit could commit murder.

“Ow, Dru, what the hell?” Paige exclaimed.

Dru held Paige away in a strong semi-hug, while mouthing “calm down” to Kit.

“Er… I just really wanted to hug you.” Dru said.

“I know you’re attracted to me - and I don’t blame you - but come on, pull yourself together,” she hissed. “Your girlfriend is right _here_.”

“Don’t you want to have a threesome with us?” Jael asked her sharply.

Kit was glad to see that Paige was taken aback, unsure if Jael was joking or not.

“I’m getting myself a drink.” She jumped to her feet and headed towards the bar.

Kit watched her go and remembered Oscar Wilde’s words: “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go”. Paige belonged to the second group, no doubt about it.

“Your girlfriend is very intense.”

Kit turned around to see the young man that Paige pushed when she sat down next to him. He was wearing a white t-shirt and his arms were covered in colorful tattoos. The darkness of the club made it hard to tell, but it seemed he had brown hair and light brown eyes.

“She’s absolutely not my girlfriend.” Kit grunted. “She just won’t take a hint.”

“Oh,” the brown-eyed man said thoughtfully. “Maybe I can help with that.”

He turned to a young man in a red shirt sitting next to him and said a few words in his ear, indicating Paige with a wave of his hand. The other man got up and walked over to the bar. He tapped Paige’s shoulder and said something to her, smiling, then led her to the dance floor.

“I promised to lend him my motorcycle if he distracted her tonight.” the brown-eyed man told Kit with a smile. He had a light accent that Kit could not quite recognize with the loud music in his ears.

“Thank you.” Kit mumbled.

“Sure.” He looked amused. “I’m Noah, by the way.” He stretched his hand to Kit.

“Kit.” He shook his hand.

Noah lingered his fingers over Kit’s hand for a brief moment.

“Are you a werewolf?” Kit asked sheepishly, because he did not look like one.

“No. Mundane with the sight.” Noah replied.

“I have never seen you around before.”

“I just moved here to study. I lived in France my whole life.”

Kit smiled at him. It was the first time he smiled since Ty had told him he wanted to remain friends, he realized.

“J'aurais dû reconnaître l'accent.” He grinned.

“Tu parles français!” Noah exclaimed.

“Enough to get by.”

His father used to deal with French customers frequently, so Kit had picked up some French. Mostly curse words to be honest.

“So how do you know Jael?” Kit asked him curiously.

“I took a job as a bartender at the Yareakh. Turns out we go to the same school as well.”

“That’s cool.” Kit said.

That could have been _his_ life as well. Studying, working. Instead he decided to remain at the institute as a Shadowhunter. That decision was easy – Ty was his home. But everything seemed to be changing lately. What if he chose wrong?

“Would you like to dance?” Noah asked him.

Kit considered it for a moment but couldn’t find any reason not to. Noah was charming and handsome, and Kit was single, and drunk, and he had promised Dru he would give himself a chance to be happy.

“Sure.” He heard himself say.

*****

Ty was glamoured. He skipped the line and stepped right inside the club. The loud music hurt his ears, the flashing lights blinded him. Hundreds of conversations spoken in loud voices, all of them competing with the music, felt like glass shattering in his head.

_Breathe_.

He could do it. He _had_ to do it. He had to prove to himself that he could be _normal_.

The smell of alcohol and cigarettes made him nauseous. It was weird that Kit and Dru hadn’t come back yet, this mission was supposed to be a simple one. Did something go wrong?

_Breathe_.

The deafening music was torturous. And the people - so _many_ people. All of them dancing and shouting, drinking and laughing. Pushing each other.

_Breathe_.

Being shoved between countless people, pushing and spilling their drinks at him, made him feel claustrophobic. White marble columns with an antique look were supporting a large arch above the dance floor. Being glamoured allowed Ty to climb one of them. He reached the top of the column and took a deep breath. The noise was unbearable in his head, but at least he was not drowning in the sea of people any longer. He looked around.

And then he saw him.

Kit was dancing as if he was alone in the club, body moving like an uncoiling rope, eyes on fire. He was grinning, moving, one with the music.

Dru and Kit had lied to him. They planned to go dancing but didn’t want Ty to feel bad about himself, so they hid it from him. Ty’s heart ached.

But worse than the lie was to see that Kit was happy without him. No, that he was _happier_ without him.

Ty couldn’t stop staring. Kit’s hair was slicked back, stuck at his temples from sweat, his skin glistened. He was radiating energy.

A young man in a white t-shirt brought him a blue drink with an umbrella in it and said something in his ear. Kit laughed, and Ty felt a sharp, agonizing flash of jealousy. He wished the obnoxious man would go away. Kit, however, did not seem to share Ty’s opinion. He leaned in closer to the white t-shirt man and said something back before sipping his drink. Ty noticed how close their bodies were. And then they were dancing together. The white t-shirt man put his hands on Kit’s shoulders, and Kit didn’t jerk away. He grinned and moved against him, dancing unselfconsciously.

It hurt to look at them, but Ty couldn’t break his gaze. A strange feeling of possessiveness filled him.

_Breathe_ , he told himself.

Because otherwise, he was sure he would aim a dagger at that man’s eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it - let me know what you think :)
> 
> The next chapter is titled "Never Like That". 
> 
> Here's a snapshot:  
> ****  
> Kit threw up into the toilet, then rested his head against the cold porcelain. Distantly, he realized that someone was patting his back.  
> ****


	14. Never Like That

Ty couldn’t break his gaze away from Kit.

And from that idiot dancing with him; that smiling moron who seemed to make Kit happy. Ty’s stomach clenched. For so long he had wished he could be somebody who had a chance with Kit. Somebody like that stupid, hideous guy in the white t-shirt who had his hands all over the man that Ty was so deeply, agonizingly in love with.

Ty’s heart was breaking; and Kit was dancing. Ty was bleeding; and Kit was sipping his blue drink. Ty felt his world shatter around him; and Kit was happy.

And then, Kit half turned and locked eyes with Ty.

He seemed unsure of what he saw, and Ty took advantage of him briefly looking away to climb down and disappear into the crowd.

*****

The night was going fine, though in Kit’s opinion a better night included much less loud music and alcohol, and a lot more Ty.

He spent most of the time on the dance floor with Noah, drinking, laughing and dancing closely. Noah was handsome and funny, and he was a welcome distraction from the one thing that occupied Kit’s mind constantly, about which he most definitely did not want to think right now.

“I’m having a really good time with you, but I have to get up early in the morning.” Noah said in his ear. “Do you need a ride home?”

“No. I’ll stay here and watch over Dru.” He glanced at his adoptive sister. She and Jael were dancing like mad near the DJ. People were moving away from them from fear of getting hurt.

“Can I have your number?” Noah asked.

Kit could not find a single reason to say no.

“Sure.”

He handed him his phone. Noah called himself and both saved the other’s number.

“I’ll call you.” Noah squeezed his shoulder and left.

Kit left the dance floor and sat back down at their booth. He drank too much; his head was spinning and at one point during the night he hallucinated Ty on one of the columns.

“Could I get some water please?” He asked the waiter who magically reappeared again.

He wondered what Ty was doing right now. Hopefully sitting in bed wearing his soft sweatpants that Kit loves, a book on his knees. Kit wanted so badly to be there with him. He wished he could be the man that gets to lie in bed next to Ty while he reads; he wished he would have been good enough to be the one who gets to kiss Ty, to hold him close.

Kit’s alcohol-soaked mind formed the realization that maybe he should call Ty. Tell him how desperately in love he is, how bad he needs him. Tell him that he sees his face every time he closes his eyes.

Maybe he should call Ty and beg him to give him a chance.

“Are you ready to head back?” Dru came to the table holding Jael’s hand before Kit had a chance to take out his phone and step outside to make the alcohol-driven phone call.

“Yeah.”

They stumbled drunkenly outside and got into a cab, not before Dru kissed her girlfriend senseless.

“You had fun tonight.” Dru said triumphantly when the driver stepped on the gas.

“I did.” Kit admitted.

“I saw you dancing with that guy… he’s cute. Jael told me he works at the Yareakh.”

“Yeah. I gave him my number.”

“Will you go out with him?” she asked.

“I don’t know. It’s so… soon.” Kit said.

“How is it soon? You and Ty never dated.” She pointed out. “Kit, you should get out there. Date someone else. If Ty doesn’t want you, you still deserve to be happy. And if Ty _does_ want you, but is stopping himself for some reason, then maybe seeing you with someone else would knock some sense into him. Either way, it’s for the best that you move on.”

Kit looked at her. He was so drunk he was seeing two Drus; but her words did make sense.

They reached the institute. The driver looked a bit stunned that they wanted to go inside an abandoned church, but simply shrugged and drove away when Kit paid him.

“I wish I could see the institute as it appears to mundanes, just once.” Dru said.

They walked towards the entrance. Kit froze in front of the door. Words were etched on the dark wood.

SHAPESHIFTER SHAPESHIFTER SHAPESHIFTER

SHAPESHIFTER SHAPESHIFTER SHAPESHIFTER

SHAPESHIFTER SHAPESHIFTER SHAPESHIFTER

“What the hell?” Dru asked.

“Oh good, you see that too. I thought I was hallucinating again.” Kit said as he opened the door and got inside.

“We’ll have to look into that.” She said alarmed. “First thing in the morning.”

They stumbled along the corridor and reached the staircase leading to the sleeping quarters.

“Was that staircase always so long?” Dru complained after what seemed like ages of climbing.

Kit’s eyes were unfocused.

“Fuck, we’ve been climbing it for like twenty minutes. And we only got half way.”  He mumbled.

“I think I drank too much.” Dru said thoughtfully.

“You _think_?”

They burst out laughing.

“Come on.” Kit made an inhuman effort and dragged her up the stairs.

After what Kit’s drunken mind estimated to be an hour, they reached the top.

“Good night Dru.” He said when they arrived in front of Ty’s room. “I think I’ll go throw up now.”

“Good night, Kit.” She replied. “Don’t throw up on anything too valuable.”

Kit quietly opened the door to Ty’s room and then realized that yes, he most definitely was about to vomit. He stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

He threw up into the toilet, then rested his head against the cold porcelain. Distantly, he realized that someone was patting his back.

*****

Kit looked miserable and sick. His eyes were red, and it seemed he couldn’t keep his head up - it was resting against the porcelain in between vomiting fits.

Ty hated to see him like that; he completely forgot that he should be mad at Kit for lying to him. He patted his back soothingly.

“I’ll get you some water.”

When he got back, he saw that Kit managed to throw up on himself as well. He was mumbling something incoherent.

“Here.” Ty handed him the water.

Kit drank two sips before throwing up again. Ty held his hair back as he did. In between fits, Ty moved his hand in a circular motion across his back.

After a few minutes the vomiting seemed to have stopped and Kit was breathing more evenly.

“I think I threw up on myself.” He said miserably.

“You did.” Ty confirmed.

“I need a shower.” Kit mumbled. “Can you help me?”

He sounded so pitiful, Ty felt his heart bleeding. He started the water in the bathtub and helped Kit get up on his feet.

“Take off your shirt.” He told him when it became apparent that Kit was completely at loss as to what to do next.

Kit just stared at him with big watery eyes.

“You look nice,” he told him. “And you smell nice. Like the ocean.”

Ty was going to have to take charge. Drunk Kit did not seem to be very independent.

“I’m taking off your shirt, okay?” Ty asked him.

“Yeah… Why do you smell like the ocean?” Kit inquired in a dazed tone.

Ty took off Kit’s shirt, which was less than pleasant since it was covered in vomit. The only reason he did it without even flinching was that it was _Kit_ , and he was looking at Ty with those huge puppy eyes which, it turned out, Ty couldn’t resist.

“Your pants.” Ty said.

“Ty, I think Julian trains porcupines.”

Having no other choice, Ty unbuttoned Kit’s pants and pulled them down, which was no easy task since they were incredibly tight. Underneath, Kit was wearing red boxers. Ty very carefully did _not_ look at the large bulge facing him. Kit finally decided to help by stepping out of his pants.

“Ty, do _you_ think he trains porcupines?”

“I need you to remove your boxers yourself. Can you please do that?” Ty asked him.

Kit seemed to agree, so Ty turned around and heard him yank down his boxers and step into the bath. He closed the curtain and Ty turned back around.

“Sit down.” He told him. The last thing he needed right now was for Kit to fall on his face. “And brush your teeth.” He put toothpaste on Kit’s toothbrush and handed it to him.

Kit did as he was told. He washed himself with soap and then called out for Ty.

“Are you okay?” Ty asked concerned.

“Can you wash my hair?” Kit asked in a small voice.

Washing Kit’s hair was always Ty’s fantasy, though he didn’t imagine it happening like that. In his daydreams, Kit would join him in the shower and blow him while he passed his fingers through his blond curls. Afterwards he would shampoo them gently, massaging Kit’s scalp, hugging him from behind.

“Wash it yourself, Kit.” Ty answered, not trusting himself to be able to handle that.

“I can’t, lifting my arms makes my head spin.” Kit complained. “Please?”

His tone was so endearing that Ty heard himself say “okay” before he could think about the plausibility of the anatomical problem Kit was describing.

Kit pulled the curtain aside and Ty did his best not to look anywhere besides directly at his head.

“Where do you think he keeps them?” Kit asked.

“What?”

“The _porcupines_.” Kit answered.

“We’ll look into that.” Ty said warmly. “Pass me the showerhead and the shampoo.”

Kit handed them to him, and Ty gently wet the blond curls, mesmerized by the darker color they got once wet. He squirted some shampoo on his palm then softly worked it into the roots of Kit’s hair, massaging as he went. He applied the shampoo thoroughly until he reached the nape of Kit’s neck, gently caressing it. Kit tipped his head back and closed his eyes, and Ty rinsed his hair with warm water, watching the shampoo leaving Kit’s soft curls and running his fingers gently along them.

“Done.” Ty’s voice came out as an embarrassing squeak. “I’ll get you a towel.”

He got up and fetched a towel, then handed it to Kit without looking at him. When he opened his eyes, Kit was standing on the cold bathroom floor with the towel around his waist. The breath rushed from Ty’s lungs, his heart was going a mile a minute. Ty thought back on the day Kit came to the institute. He was a skinny boy, furious at the world. Ty saw him grow up in front of his eyes, until one day Kit was no longer a boy, but a handsome, confident, charismatic man. Ty had no idea when the change had happened; and now Kit was standing in front of him wearing only a towel and Ty was unbearably attracted to him. He felt his cock trapped in his pants, hard and swollen.

He took a deep breath to calm himself down and went to his closet to get sweatpants and a shirt – it felt weird to give Kit one of his boxers – and put them in Kit’s hands, managing to keep enough blood in his brain to form a single question.

“Can you dress yourself?”

Kit nodded.

Ty turned around to give him some privacy, though it did seem a bit ridiculous given how intimate they had been a few minutes ago.

“I noticed he never eats his lettuce.” Kit mumbled. “Do you think he saves it to give to his porcupines later?”

“Could be,” Ty said, amused. “You found a good lead, we’ll follow that.” He desperately wanted to cuddle Kit at that moment.

A silence indicated that Kit was done. Ty turned back just in time to catch Kit stumbling forward. They ended up in an awkward half-hug and Kit hid his face in Ty’s shoulder, his wet curls dripping on Ty’s shirt. Ty put his arms around him and rested his cheek on Kit’s head for a short moment. They had never been as physically close as they were in this moment, and Ty didn’t want to break away from Kit for the world.

But then Kit pulled away and smiled at Ty, and it was the worst thing that had ever happened to him, because there was no way – _no way_ – that Ty could ever forget that moment. He would never be able to move past that one time in which he held Kit’s hair back when he was sick, and washed it, and Kit smiled at him like that.

Kit placed his hand on the nape of Ty’s neck and leaned in closer.

“Kiss me.” he said quietly.

Ty froze, heart racing. He knew that Kit didn’t mean it - he was drunk and unfocused. Still, Ty’s heart fluttered painfully in his chest as if trying to break his ribcage. How much he had wanted to touch Kit. But he couldn’t. Those words – they weren’t Kit. They were the alcohol talking.

“You’re drunk.” Ty managed to say. “You should get some sleep.”

“Don’t you want me?” Kit asked with an odd tone.

Not like that. _Never_ like that. Ty could take Kit’s body right now, but it was his soul that he wanted most.

“Come. I’ll take you to bed.” He said softly and picked Kit up in his arms. Kit didn’t protest.

Ty carried him out of the bathroom. Instead of putting him down on the mattress he usually slept on, Ty put him on the bed. Kit looked miserable enough without sleeping on the floor. Ty put a blanket over him and sat down beside him on the bed. He pushed the hair from Kit’s face and studied his expression. Kit was pale, but he seemed relaxed now. Ty was getting up when he heard a whimper.

“Do you need anything?” he asked anxiously. “A glass of water?”

“Don’t go.” Kit’s voice was pleading.

Ty was unsure what to do next.

“I want you to stay.” Kit said, his voice a bit shaky.

His hand moved, as if searching for something. Ty took it in his.

“I’m here.” He said softly.

“Lie next to me. Please.” Kit said in a small voice.

Ty found that he could not refuse anything that Kit asked when he used this small pleading voice. He lay next to him, still holding his hand. Kit turned on his side to face him, and Ty did the same. They looked at each other and for a moment, the intensity of Kit’s stare left Ty breathless.

“Thank you.” Kit whispered.

_Anything for you. Always._

“Don’t mention it.” Ty mumbled instead.

Kit was asleep seconds later. Ty lay awake, studying his face, for hours afterwards, wishing they could fall asleep together not because Kit was drunk, but because he wanted to. Ty was painfully jealous of that stupid guy at the club, who actually stood a chance.

He fell asleep somehow, and the first rays of morning sun found them curled in each other, Ty on his back and Kit’s head buried in his neck, their legs tangled together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The babies fell asleep together :')
> 
> The next chapter will be titled "Hungover", here's a preview:
> 
> ****  
> He untangled himself free from the blanket and noticed he was wearing Ty’s soft gray sweatpants, the ones he _absolutely_ loved when Ty wore. A sudden warmth spread in his body. He hugged his knees and rested his chin, feeling the soft fabric. He was also wearing one of Ty’s t-shirt. It smelled like him – like ocean water and home. Kit was surprised at the effect that wearing Ty’s clothes had on him. It felt like being hugged by Ty.


	15. Hungover

When Kit woke up he found himself alone in the bed. He stretched his hand over to the empty sheets at his side, searching desperately for Ty and not finding him there. The sheets were cool to the touch – Ty must have left a while ago.

Slowly, Kit sat down. He had an excruciating headache, and when he looked around, the room seemed to be spinning. He untangled himself free from the blanket and noticed he was wearing Ty’s soft gray sweatpants, the ones he absolutely _loved_ when Ty wore. A sudden warmth spread in his body. He hugged his knees and rested his chin, feeling the soft fabric. He was also wearing one of Ty’s t-shirts, and it smelled like him – like ocean water and _home_. Kit was surprised at the effect that wearing Ty’s clothes had on him. It felt like being hugged by him, and he hopelessly wished Ty would have thought Kit was good enough to be his boyfriend. He forced himself to stop fantasizing about things that will never happen. It wasn’t healthy for either of them.

On the bedside table stood a glass of water with a note that said: “DRINK ME”. Kit took it and sipped the water carefully.

The events of last night came back to him in flashes. He remembered a pair of brown eyes and a white t-shirt. Flashing lights and dancing. Dru kissing Jael. Blue drinks. Hallucinating Ty in the club. Oh, and fucking Paige Ashdown. How much he had wanted to strangle her. Laughing. Missing Ty. Neon signs. Throwing up in the toilet. Ty patting his back. And oh god, did he throw up on himself in front of Ty? Hands on his shoulders, dancing against a white t-shirt. Black-leather sofas and Paige Ashdown trying to grope him. Hugging Ty and asking him to kiss him. Ty refusing. Dancing to the music with his eyes closed, head spinning. Asking Ty if he wants him and Ty avoiding the question.

 _Fuck_. That’s twice that Ty had rejected him already. When was Kit going to stop making a fool of himself?

And where the fuck was his fucking phone?

Kit placed the glass back on the bedside table and saw that his phone was on it, charging. Ty must have put it there. Kit unlocked it and saw a text from Noah.

‘Good morning, Kit! It was great meeting you last night. Would you like to grab coffee sometime?’

Kit was not focused enough to deal with this at the moment. He needed caffeine first. Lots of it.

He managed to get up with great difficulty – the room was still spinning around him – and reached the door. He opened it carefully, blinded by the rays of sun illuminating the hallway. He stumbled along the corridor and nearly fell twice down the stairs, but miraculously reached the kitchen to find Dru sitting at the table, her head resting on her hands.

“Mmmmm.” He grumbled in her general direction.

“For the love of god, shut up.” She muttered. “Some of us have a hangover.”

The only coherent thought Kit’s mind could process was _coffee_ , so he made an inhuman effort and opened the fridge door. He could swear it weighed a ton.

“Where the fuck is the fucking milk?” He grunted.

“There’s none left.” Dru whimpered. “I’m going to die.”

“God, can this morning get any worse?” Kit grumbled.

“Yes,” Dru looked at her phone. “Paige just texted me.”

Kit sat down at the table beside her, elbows on the table and chin resting on his hands.

“Let me just point out,” he said accusingly. “that if _someone_ here had let me strangle her last night, we wouldn’t have had to deal with her ever again.”

“The clave wouldn’t have liked it very much.” Dru pointed out. “And as much as I dislike Paige, I would miss you while you were in jail.”

“Worth it.” Kit mumbled.

“Anyway, she says she danced with another guy last night to make you jealous. Did it work?” she smirked.

“Definitely," Kit stated. "I shall ask for her hand in marriage first thing tomorrow.”

Dru made a weird snorting sound.

“I’m so hungover I can’t even laugh.” She complained.

Kit rested his head on the table.

“Noah texted me.” He said.

Dru put her head on the table as well, though faster than she planned. It hit the dark wood with a loud banging sound.

“Ow!” she sounded agonized.

“Stop being so loud.” Kit mumbled. “I’m suffering here.”

Dru settled her head.

“So, Noah?”

“Mmmm.” was the only answer Kit could manage. His eyes were closed, so at least nothing was spinning around him.

“Mmmmmm.” Dru replied, equally unfocused.

“I’m going to die a little now.”

“Mmmmm.”

They remained silent for a few minutes, except for the occasional grunt, until they heard steps echoing in the hallway.

“Guys?”

Kit turned his head towards the sound and immediately regretted it - the entire world was spinning again. But he forgot about that the moment he laid eyes on him.

 _Ty_.

“Where have you been?” Kit planned to shout but merely managed a faint mumble.

“I went to the store to get you some ginger, because according to my Google search it helps with curing hangovers.”

Dru and Kit gaped at him.

“I don’t want ginger.” Dru whined. “I want coffee!”

“I thought you guys might say that, so I also got milk.”

Kit stared at the beautiful, milk-bringing, downright _amazing_ man in front of him. He was about to fall in love with Ty all over again before he remembered that Ty had rejected him on two separate occasions. _Screw that bastard_ , Kit decided, but then –

“I also got you some mangos, Kit.” Ty announced over the sound of a metal spoon stirring inside a ceramic cup.

_This man is the definition of perfection._

“What is it with you and this mango-obsession?” Dru grunted.

“What is it with you and this mango-hate?” Kit retorted. “It’s an amazing fruit.”

 _And it’s the first gift Ty had ever given me_. It seemed silly, and maybe it didn’t even qualify as a gift, but that was the first time Ty went specially to get Kit something he knew he would love.

“Why is my adoptive brother such a pain?” Dru wondered out loud.

“Why is my adoptive sister a mango-hater?” Kit retorted in return.

They smiled at each other.

“Here.” Ty put two cups of steaming coffee in front of them.

“You’re amazing.” Dru said, and Kit silently agreed. He was so fucking lost.

Ty sat down in front of them, his eyes fixed on Kit’s right shoulder.

“About last night –“ Kit began.

He figured that Ty must have found it weird that Dru and Kit went on a mission last night and came back at four in the morning completely drunk. He had to explain.

“Ew, Ty! Did you sneak ginger into the coffee?” Dru cut him off.

“Combining ginger with coffee improves its antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties.” Ty stated.

Dru looked at him in disbelief.

“It’s like I’m being punished.” She muttered.

Kit sipped the coffee slowly.

“It’s not that bad, actually.” He said.

Warmth spread throughout his body. The caffeine, Ty taking care of him... For a second Kit thought that maybe this morning was not so bad after all.

But through the haze he remembered: the man sitting in front of him, the one he was so desperately and embarrassingly in love with, had rejected him. Twice.

*****

After they finished their coffee, Kit and Dru dragged themselves unenthusiastically to the training room while Ty gracefully remained behind to do the dishes.

“Let’s skip the warm-up jog today.” Dru said.

“Agreed.”

They reached the training room. The rays of morning sun fell through the large stained-glass windows, the rays of brightness casting beautiful shapes onto the wooden floor, reflecting onto the daggers on the walls.

“Was it always so damn bright in here?” Kit grumbled.

“Let’s start with strength training. I don’t think I can do much more than that.” Dru mumbled.

“Push-ups.” He muttered in return.

They got down on the ground and placed their hands at a distance slightly wider than shoulder-width.

“Go.” Kit said.

He lowered himself until his chest hit the floor, then pushed himself back up.

“One…” he counted. “Two… Three… Four… Dru?”

Dru was lying on the floor, head resting in her hands.

“I did my best.” She said, not lifting her head.

Kit lay on the floor as well. He closed his eyes and listened to the footsteps of someone entering the room. They were quiet and graceful. _Ty_.

He kneeled next to Kit and rubbed his back soothingly, and Kit felt the ground shake around him.

“How about a nap?” Ty asked softly, his deep voice leaving Kit devastated, begging for more.

“Yes. Nap. Genius.” Dru got up and stumbled out of the room.

Kit was still lying on the floor with his eyes closed. Opening them seemed like too much of an effort.

“Do you want me to carry you to bed?” Ty was still rubbing his back, sending electric waves through his body and making his heart flutter.

A memory of Ty carrying him to bed last night flashed in Kit’s head. It filled him with cold anger.

_I can’t be imagining this._

“No, I’m fine.” He got up and stumbled forward. Ty grabbed him by his arm to steady him and they ended up closer than Kit could handle, and he was helpless – a slave to the feelings that he had tried to suppress for so long.

“Kit –“ Ty’s voice was so rich, so warm, and Kit had never wanted him so much as he did now. Fuck, he wanted to kiss him. To pull him by the collar of his shirt, press his lips on Ty’s and lick into his mouth. Ty’s hand was firmly holding Kit’s bicep, warm against his skin, and they were close enough to feel the pounding of each other’s hearts.

“Are you okay?” Ty continued, his voice concerned, and Kit was filled with a sudden rage because this is _not_ a tone one would use with a _friend_. They were more than that, he could not be imagining this.

“I’m fine.” He shook Ty off and left the room.

*****

When Kit woke up after a five-hour nap, the world wasn’t spinning anymore. Kit's mind was focused. And he was  _furious_.

He remembered the events of last night more clearly now. He asked Ty to kiss him and Ty refused. Yet, Kit saw the way Ty had looked at him when he came down the stairs wearing the clothes Dru chose for him - not breaking his gaze, biting his lower lip. Kit couldn’t be imagining it. Ty was attracted to him. And he pretended he wasn’t.

_Is he ashamed of being gay?_

Kit ruled out this possibility immediately. With a gay sister and a bisexual brother, Ty would never think that being gay is wrong. Additionally, Kit had confessed to Ty that he was attracted to both men and women a long time ago, during one of their late-night talks, and Ty wasn’t even slightly bothered.

 _He is not ashamed to be attracted to a man, he is ashamed to be attracted to_ me.

Kit was not good enough for him. He wasn’t smart enough, or interesting enough, or funny enough. He wasn’t unique like Ty was. And Ty was blunt about it; he wouldn’t even give Kit a chance to show him what he _could_ be. But the thing is, Kit would have dedicated his life to make Ty happy. He would have focused every thought on him, would have bled himself dry for him.

And it wouldn’t even have mattered if Ty didn’t love him back – Kit would have loved enough for both of them.

But Ty wouldn’t even give him a chance.

Kit had enough of the pretense. Enough of pretending not to be in love. Enough of pretending he was happy with the way things were. Enough of pretending he wasn’t slowly burning to ashes. Enough of Ty pretending not to desire him, enough of Kit pretending he could remain Ty’s friend.

He walked out of the room, determined to find Ty.

_And then what?_

Either punch him or pin him against a wall and kiss him. Whichever happens first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be titled "When Kit Finally Snapped" and damn, that's going to be intense..!


	16. When Kit Finally Snapped

Kit had had enough of being fucked with. He stormed down the hall and towards the training room, nearly colliding with Dru and Emma.

“We’re taking a break, want to join us?” Emma asked him cheerfully. “Although you didn’t train that much today so maybe you don’t deserve a break.”

“No.”

“Did you text Noah back?” Dru asked him. “Jael says he is completely smitten. He won’t stop talking about you.”

“I have to go,” Kit mumbled as he walked past them into the training room.

He spotted Ty in a corner and walked right towards him. Ty lifted his head when Kit approached and took off his headphones.

“How did you sleep?” he asked.

“I want to fight a one-on-one,” Kit said coldly.

“Are you feeling okay?” Ty had a concerned look on his face.

“I want to fight a one-on-one.” Kit repeated, then turned around and walked towards the large mattress at the center of the room. He stopped and placed himself in a fighting stance. Ty got up and joined him, his gaze scanning Kit’s face, a thoughtful expression on his face. His eyes met Kit’s and for a moment there was no one on Earth but them. Kit’s blood turned to fire in his veins, and he wanted to _scream,_ and he wanted to slap Ty, and he wanted to feel Ty’s lips against his, and he wanted to hold him close and never let go.

And then Ty looked down at the floor and all the built-up tension in Kit exploded in one white-hot rush. Without giving Ty a warning, he leaped at him, sending his fist in the air, aiming at Ty’s face. His strike was so forceful that it sent Ty flying back, blood spurting from his nose. For a long moment Kit stared at him in horror. Blood trickled down Ty’s lips, flowing down his chin, spattering the floor. He lifted his hands to touch his face and his delicate fingers came back covered in deep red. And it was Kit’s doing.

“I’m – I’m so sorry.” Kit’s hands were shaking as he took his stele out of his pocket. “I’ll heal you.”

“I got it.” Ty mumbled. “I’m more experienced at healing runes.”

It has been months.

Months of loving Ty. Months of pretending he didn’t. Months of aching to hold him. Months of staring at him, hoping he would look back. Months of trying to make Ty smile, because his smile is the most mesmerizing thing that Kit had ever seen. Months of feeling like his entire world is spinning to realign itself with Ty’s every movement. Months of praying Ty would reciprocate his feelings. Months of waiting, of hoping, of slowly burning. Months of wishing that he was someone Ty would want back. Months of hating himself because he wasn’t.

He couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t keep pretending that he wasn’t hurting every day. That he wasn’t bleeding and slowly falling apart. He couldn’t keep pretending that he wasn’t shattered by the fact that Ty didn’t want him because he wasn’t good enough.

He couldn’t do it anymore.

Kit finally snapped.

“I’m _sorry_ ,” he hissed. “For a moment there I forgot how much better you are than me.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Ty said, a puzzled look on his blood-covered face.

“I’m so sick of it!” Kit screamed.

“Of what?” Ty looked distressed as he wiped the blood over the sleeve of his shirt.

“Of you!”

Ty’s gaze was fixed on the floor, a hurt expression on his face, his hands fluttering restlessly at his sides. But Kit didn’t stop.

“I’m fucking sick of you!”

Kit wanted to scream at Ty, to rage at him, to fight with him. He wanted the pain and the adrenaline and the anger to drown the feelings that had been torturing him for months.

“I don’t understand,” Ty said quietly, voice trembling. “Are you mad at me?”

It was infuriating. Kit wanted Ty to yell back at him, but Ty wouldn’t even give him that.

“Good, you’re finally catching on!” he shouted, pushing Ty further.

“But… why?” Ty’s whole body was shaking. “I’m not the one who lied and said he was going on a mission but instead got drunk and danced with random people.”

Kit froze, horror-struck. _How does he know about Noah?_

“How – how did you know about that?” he stammered.

Ty’s expression went blank for a moment before he replied.

“I made an educated guess.”

 _Makes sense, people do go to clubs to dance_.

Kit’s rage returned tenfold.

“Of course you made an _educated_ _guess_ , because you’re so smart and perfect and too good for anybody else!” he yelled. “Fuck, I can’t even stand to look at you!”

Ty lifted his gaze and fixed it on Kit’s shoulder.

“I’m not perfect,” he suddenly said, his tone cold. “But at least I don’t lie to my friends.”

“Oh yeah?!” Kit shouted. “Well at least I don’t lie to MYSELF!”

Ty looked startled.

“Kit, what –“

“Don’t pretend with me!” Kit yelled louder still. “Don’t EVER pretend with me! You know damn well what I’m talking about! I’ve seen the way you look at me, you fucking liar!”

“Kit I don’t –“

But Kit had had enough. Enough of the lies. Enough of Ty pretending not to desire him because he was ashamed he could be attracted to someone like him. Enough of pretending they could remain friends.

Enough.

He launched himself on top of Ty. They tumbled down to the floor, Ty on his back and Kit on top of him, pinning him to the floor, breathing heavily. He felt Ty’s body beneath him, felt his heart beating like a caged bird. They had never been so close. Ty’s proximity, the warmth of his body, his scent – they drove Kit mad. He couldn’t look away from Ty’s face - so stunning it was almost blinding. Ty still had traces of blood on his chin, and Kit was guilt-ridden and excruciatingly in love and he just wanted to feel the suppleness of Ty’s lips against his own and lick the shape of his mouth with his tongue.

He pressed his body closer to Ty’s, and felt him panting against his throat, his hot breaths hitting his jaw. God, how much he wanted to rip all Ty’s clothes off right there in the training room and have him. He was so hard it almost hurt, and then he realized – feeling Ty beneath him – that he was just as hard as he was. And he didn’t push Kit away.

Kit’s control was already worn thin from months of pretense, but the way Ty’s hard cock felt against his thigh shattered it completely.

“Go on,” he hissed. “I dare you to say you’re not attracted to me.”

He knew he was crossing a line, that he was pressuring Ty, but he couldn’t stop. His entire world felt as though it was hit with an earthquake and nothing grounded him anymore.

“What?” Ty choked on the word.

“You heard me,” Kit said coldly. “Tell me you’re not attracted to me.”

He felt Ty’s body tense beneath his, shaking. He leaned closer, grazing his lips over Ty’s neck.

“Tell me,” he whispered in his ear. “That you don’t wish we weren’t separated by cloths right now.”

Kit regretted those words as soon as they left his lips; he pushed Ty too far.

Ty looked hurt, as if Kit had punched him again. Miserable and broken, he didn’t say anything for a long moment, and Kit was terrified that he may never say anything to him ever again, that their last conversation would be that one, in which Kit pushed Ty like a fucking idiot to the point that Ty broke in front of his eyes. He wanted to apologize and beg Ty to forgive him, and kick himself for hurting the man he loved, the compassionate and kind person that didn’t deserve all the terrible things Kit had shouted at him.

But it was too late. He could not take those words back.

Ty pushed Kit off of him and ran out of the room, nearly colliding with a stunned-looking Dru who had just entered the room with Emma.

“What have you done?” Dru asked Kit sharply. “What the hell have you done to him?”

“Is he upset because he lost a one-on-one to you?” Emma inquired naively.

“Kit, _what_ have you done?” Dru repeated the question, staring daggers at him.

Kit tried to get up but sunk immediately back to the floor. He rocked back and forth, his fingers clasping his head, pulling at his hair, and choked on a silent sob. It was only when he felt Dru’s arms wrapped around him that he broke down crying.

“Oh, Kit.” She sounded pained. “You fucked everything up, didn’t you?”

*****

Ty ran to his bedroom and slammed the door. He rested his back against it, eyes dripping with tears. The walls he had built around him ever since he asked Kit to forget about what he said and remain his friend, the walls that held him together just… collapsed. Salty tears fell from his chin, washing the blood out, drenching his shirt.

He punched the wall beside him and it fissured under the impact. He punched it again and again until his knuckles were bleeding and the pain almost overpowered his despair, then pressed his head against the wall, trembling.

Kit’s words still echoed in his ears.

_Tell me that you don’t wish we weren’t separated by cloths right now._

It’s unbelievable how wrong you can be about a person.

He thought that Kit was his friend. But over the course of a few days he realized how cruel he really was. Suggesting he dated Ty even though he didn’t want to, because he pitied him. Lying about going on a mission but instead going out dancing with other men. Mocking Ty for being attracted to him.

Kit’s derisive words crawled beneath Ty’s skin, ran is his bloodstream.

_I’ve seen the way you look at me, you fucking liar._

Ty would have never though Kit so heartless as to taunt him about the fact that even though Kit didn’t want him, Ty still desired him, still stared at him, mesmerized by his beauty, still aligned his entire world around Kit’s words and actions.

_Tell me that you don’t wish we weren’t separated by cloths right now._

Ty gave Kit his heart.

He got it back. In pieces.

_I’ve seen the way you look at me, you fucking liar._

He was still shaking, pressed against the wall for support.

_You fucking liar._

Why couldn’t he stop crying?

*****

Kit sobbed into Dru’s shoulder unceasingly, hands clutching at her jacket. She held him in silence, rocking him slowly as his tears soaked her shirt.

“Emma, could you please go get some tissues?” Dru asked.

“Sure.” Emma threw one last glance at Kit before she left the room.

Kit collapsed again, sobs broken by short pauses of recovering breaths.

“What did you say to him?” Dru asked him softly, her hand caressing the nape of Kit’s neck.

He just shook his head, trembling, unable to speak.

“Go talk to him,” she said firmly. “I don’t know what you said, but I think you should go talk to him.”

Without waiting for an answer, she got up and pulled Kit to his feet. She dragged him out of the room, through the corridor, up the stairs. Kit was grateful. Without her he wouldn’t have been able to take a single step. They stopped in front of Ty’s door.

“Go on.” She pushed him and left.

Kit knocked on the door, already knowing that Ty wouldn’t answer. He tried to open only it to find it locked, then took out his stele and drew an opening rune. That was the problem with Shadowhunters – locking your door was more of a request for privacy than a promise, since anyone could use an opening rune if they liked.

He entered the room and found Ty sitting on the bed, reading, his headphones on. His face was clean; he must have washed off the remains of the blood. Kit focused on the hand with which Ty held his book – it was bruised and bloodied.

_When did he get hurt like that?_

He slammed the door loudly behind him and Ty looked up. For a moment Kit thought he would have to force Ty to take off his headphones, but eventually he did.

“I’m sorry.” Kit choked. It was comforting to know that Ty would not look at his face; that he would not see the trails of tears on his cheeks.

“Get out,” Ty said coldly.

“Ty, wait. Please. I’m so sorry.” Kit’s voice was hoarse, broken.

“Get. Out.”

“Please, just listen to me. The things I said… I shouldn’t have. It was wrong of me. I’m so sorry, Ty. Please. Please forgive me.”

“We were supposed to be friends.”

If Ty had yelled those words, if he had thrown them at Kit’s face, it might have hurt less. But it was the low, miserable tone that he used that broke Kit completely. He crumpled to the floor and looked up at Ty.

“We _are_ friends,” he said, voice trembling, not sure if it was a statement or a question.

“No.” Ty’s voice was cold and hard. “We are not.”

“Please, Ty. I’m begging you. Please forgive me.” Kit was blinded by tears forming in his eyes again, and he was scared, utterly terrified, that he had ruined their friendship with no idea how to fix it.

He felt his heart shatter at the realization that he may have lost Ty forever. 

“I don’t want anything to do with you. Get out.”

“Ty, please –“

“Get. OUT!”

Kit froze; he had never heard Ty yell before. He realized that he had somehow managed to drive Ty to the edge, which was a whole other kind of scary.

Yet after the initial shock, his temper rose again. It has been months of ache and torment; Kit flared up.

“You know what? FINE!” He got up and yelled back. “I’ve had enough of being fucked with! You want to keep lying to yourself? Fine! Have it your way. I don’t give a fuck anymore!”

He walked out, slamming the door behind him.

*****

Kit got into his room. It was still a mess – scattered clothes and books, everything breakable was shattered.

He took his phone out of his pocked and texted Noah.

‘How about Wednesday afternoon?’

He had nothing scheduled on Wednesday, so why not go out on a date with Noah? He was nice, and  good-looking, and funny.

And at the end of the day, what the fuck does it matter who he ends up with if it can’t be Ty?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so sorry guys. The story, it just... wrote itself. When I read my draft my heart bled.  
> The best I can suggest is this: make yourself a soothing cup of tea, read the chapter again, make your peace with it, and know in your heart that the suffering _will_ end at some point.
> 
> Also, just wondering - which part did you find the most painful? 
> 
> So this chapter was titled "When Kit finally snapped"; and the next one will be titled "When Ty Finally Lost His Mind"...


	17. Four Days, Three Nights, Two Pictures, and One Emmanuel Macron

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter was supposed to be "When Ty Finally Lost his Mind", and it will still be published when planned (around Saturday). But your comments last time were so awesome and honestly I love you guys, so please enjoy this bonus chapter :)

**Sunday, 5:32 PM**

After sending the text to Noah, Kit looked around his room. It was still a mess from when he trashed it after Ty had rejected him. _For the first time_ , Kit reminded himself, since Ty was thorough enough to reject him twice.

Kit was folding an old hoody, given to him by Julian, when Dru knocked on his door.

“Kit?” she said carefully as she stepped inside. “How are you?”

“Great.” Kit muttered.

“Cleaning up?”

“Yeah.”

“Need help?”

“No,” he replied. “Thank you though. For everything,” he said earnestly.

She pulled him in a tight hug, caressing his hair. “I’m here if you need to talk.”

“I know.”

**11:28 PM**

Kit was sitting in the hallway, leaning on the wall opposite to Ty’s door and watching a movie on his laptop. Ty hadn’t spoken to him since their fight, and Kit didn’t try to engage either. He was still furious at Ty for leading him on. Ty told him he loved him and then took it back, embarrassed about having feelings for someone like Kit. That was just… vicious. No, Kit most definitely did _not_ want to talk to Ty, possibly ever.

Still, he couldn’t let Ty sleep alone. That night on top of the Alicante tower will haunt him forever, he was sure of it. Therefore, he decided to wait outside Ty’s room until he fell asleep, then go inside to sleep on the mattress on the floor. Since he would not be able to tell when Ty fell asleep, he decided that to be on the safe side, he would wait until 2 AM.

Emma and Julian were heading towards their room, when they noticed him sitting on the floor.

“Kit! What are you doing here?” Emma asked him, confused.

“I like it here.”

“Herondales are insane,” she mumbled as she walked past him.

Julian followed her, not before sending Kit a thoughtful glance. As always, Julian knew more than he was letting on, and Kit had no doubt that Julian was not ignorant as to why Kit was sitting there.

Julian was the only one who knew why Kit had insisted on sleeping in Ty’s room every night. When they came back from Alicante, Kit had told him everything. It was the most difficult conversation he had ever had, made worse by the fact that Julian was crying silently through it. Yet, it had to be done. For Ty’s safety, Julian had to know.

“I’m watching over him.” Kit had whispered then, choking on a silent sob.

“Thank you.” Julian’s eyes were full of tears. “Thank you, Kit.”

**********

**Monday, 8:42 AM**

A vile ray of sun was shining in Kit’s eyes. He opened them grudgingly, cursing the entire world and his own existence. He looked up at Ty’s bed. That bastard had already left and didn’t bother waking Kit up.

_Figures._

At least Kit got to sleep late, now that Ty seemed to have discharged him from his insane training schedule.

 

**10:23 PM**

Kit was sitting in the hallway again, playing on his phone. Ty hadn’t said a word to him today, choosing instead to put his headphones on and ignore him whenever they were in the same room.

Kit found that he missed Ty’s voice. The deep, rich, velvet voice that could ground him when his entire world was spinning, that could calm the chaos in his mind, that made him feel safe.

Kit only realized in retrospect how much he had meant to Ty. When they were still friends.

Kit found it odd, at first, that he hadn’t heard Ty’s voice at all today. Then it dawned on him – Ty usually never spoke to anyone else. He didn’t find any use in words if they weren’t needed to convey crucial information. The only person he would talk to, share his thoughts and his feelings with, was Kit.

Now Ty simply didn’t speak at all.

Kit was in the middle of a nerve-racking game of Candy Crush, when he received a text from Dru.

_‘What are you doing?’_

The honest answer would have been “waiting outside your brother’s door for him to fall asleep” but it sounded quite disturbing so he texted back:

‘Nothing much. You?’

_‘I’m at the Yareahk with Jael. You should join us!’_

‘I’m good.’

_‘Noah’s here.’_

Kit felt slightly nervous. He had agreed to go with him on a date on Wednesday, and if he was honest with himself – it made him a bit anxious. Before he could reply, Dru sent him a picture.

_‘He won’t let me take a picture of his face, so here are his hands instead.’_

_‘He says he's not photogenic.’_

_‘Maybe he’s scared that if the picture is bad you’ll cancel your date lol’_

_‘He blushes like mad when I mention you haha’_

Kit chuckled quietly. Then, a message from Noah appeared on the screen.

**‘What did Dru just tell you?’**

**‘Don’t believe anything she says. She’s a pathological liar.’**

‘She said that you look nice today.’

**‘As I was saying, you should always listen to her. She has a well-known reputation for being honest.’**

Another message from Dru appeared on the screen.

_‘Are you coming?’_

‘No.’

_‘Figured you wouldn’t. Killjoy.’_

‘Hey!’

_‘Don’t worry, I love you still. Also, I left something for you. It’s on my dresser.’_

Having nothing better to do, he went into Dru’s room and looked at her dresser. There, between a make-up brush and a makeup kit, sat a grey object. Kit took a picture of it and sent it to Dru.

‘What. The Hell. Is that?’

_‘You’re lonely. I got you a pet rock. You’re welcome.’_

_‘See you tomorrow!’_

‘What the hell.’

‘See you tomorrow. Have fun.’

 

Kit looked at his pet rock. It was sort of cute, actually. And Kit _was_ lonely, though he would never admit it to Dru. He sat back down in front of Ty’s door.

“We’re here because Ty doesn’t talk to me anymore,” he told his rock. “We’re waiting for him to fall asleep.”

He could swear the rock was judging him silently.

“I don’t talk to him either,” Kit quickly added, so that the rock won’t think he’s a loser.

“You need a name,” he continued. “What’s a good name for a pet rock?”

His phone buzzed again, showing a message from Noah.

**‘Dru is trying to convince me you have a pet rock. Will you bring him on our date?’**

Kit laughed out loud. It sounded scary in the quiet of the hallway.

‘As of today, I have. And obviously I need to bring him as a chaperon.’

**‘Never heard of a rock as a chaperon, but I guess this is one of the many differences between France and the US.”**

“I know how I’ll call you,” Kit told his pet. “Emmanuel. After Emmanuel Macron, the President of France.”

So, this is what Kit’s life has become. Sitting outside Ty’s door, talking to a rock.

**********

**Tuesday, 7:30 AM**

For the first time in over a year and a half, Kit woke up to the alarm he set on his phone, instead of being woken by Ty. He looked at Ty’s bed and was not surprised to find it empty.

**9:34 PM**

Kit was sitting in front of Ty’s door again, playing on his phone, Emmanuel by his side. Turns out Dru was right. As stupid as it was - this damn rock _did_ make him feel better.

He was starting to get used to the emptiness that followed him. He still glanced at his side a couple of times today when Emma said something ridiculous, out of habit, but Ty was not there to share a laugh with him. He still opened his mouth to share idiotic thoughts about unimportant things but closed it when he realized no one was there to listen. He learned to live without Ty in the same way one could learn to live without his right hand. He knew it was missing, but the world still existed without that hand and so did he.

A text from Noah cut his train of thoughts.

 

**‘How was your day?’**

In all honesty, it was a bad day, but Kit did not want to talk about it.

‘Boring.’

‘Yours?’

**‘Pretty terrible. But now I’m talking to you, so it got better :)’**

‘What happened?’

**‘Let’s see. First, I tried to impress costumers by doing a ‘flip to pour’ bottle turn.’**

‘It didn’t work?’

**‘Let’s just say that my boss was not amused, and it’s coming out of my paycheck.’**

**‘But on the bright side, the costumers pitied me and gave me a generous tip.’**

‘Which will cover the cost of the bottle you broke?’

**‘Not even close.’**

‘Being a Shadowhunter, I earn next to nothing. Does that make you feel better?’

**‘Not really lol’**

**‘Well you know what they say. The best things in life are free.’**

‘That’s only true if you steal them.’

**‘You are bad influence.’**

‘I’ve been told that before.’

**‘Anyway, after the bottle incident, a customer threw up on me.‘**

‘Marvelous.’

**‘And then he said it was my fault, since I’m French.’**

‘Can’t argue with that logic.’

**‘No, I suppose you can’t.’**

**‘They let me finish my shift early. When I got home I sat in the shower hugging myself for two hours, crying internally.’**

‘And you’re telling me that after all of this, talking to me managed to make this day better?’

**‘I know, I was surprised too.’**

**‘I’m going to sleep. I’ll pick you up tomorrow at 5 after my shift?’**

‘Great. Good night.’

**‘Good night :)’**

 

**1:14 AM**

Kit’s yawns were threatening to tear up his face. He would just wait until 2 AM. To be safe.

He was exhausted. Not only because he had barely slept in these past few days, but also from the loneliness. Who knew that being lonely was _exhausting?_

Ty was out of his life, and even a million tears would not bring him back. Kit knew, because he had cried them all.

Kit’s eyes threatened to close against his will. His eyes glazed over blankly, and his head nodded forward.

“Here again?” He jumped to the sound of Emma’s voice.

He saw Emma and Julian walking towards him, having gotten back from patrol.

“You know me. I love corridors.” Kit deadpanned.

She playfully kicked his chin as she walked past him. To his surprise, Julian didn’t follow her, but instead sat down beside him, brushing his shoulder against Kit’s. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to – his calm presence was comforting. Kit was thankful.

“I’m here until 2 AM.” he said, even though Julian didn’t ask.

Julian nodded.

They sat together in silence until 2 AM. When Kit got up, Julian got up as well and placed his hand on his shoulder.

“You are part of our family, Kit,” he said. “This is your home.”

Kit froze for moment, then – and he didn’t know what possessed him to do this - he pulled Julian into a hug.

“Thank you,” he mumbled as Julian patted his back soothingly.

**********

**Wednesday, 7:30 AM**

Kit woke up to the sound the alarm of his phone. He didn’t bother checking Ty’s bed, knowing that he had already left. Emmanuel was sitting next to his phone.

“Good morning, Manu,” Kit told him, accepting his fate as a rock whisperer. "Another day without Ty." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a preview for the next chapter:  
> *****  
> Kit did not, in fact, mention that he would be going out with Noah today. Dru glanced carefully over at her brother. He looked furious. 
> 
> “He didn’t.” Dru answered. “That’s great.”
> 
> “It is. Kit is amazing.” Noah said fondly.
> 
> At that, Ty made a weird choking sound.


	18. Four Lonely Days, Three Gloomy Nights, Two Googly Eyes, and One Confusing Herondale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, you marvelous geniuses asked to see Ty's reaction to Kit sleeping in his room, and since my SO works late today, and since I finished early the work I had to do today (thanks to the programming gods that watch over me and made sure I don't have any bugs) - here's a super short bonus chapter. 
> 
> Essentially this is the last chapter from Ty's POV. Enjoy :)

**Sunday, 5:32 PM**

Ty was laid back on his bed, eyes closed, headphones on. Mozart’s Piano Sonata No. 16 in C Major not able to alleviate his pain. In his hands he clutched an old cashmere scarf of Livvy’s; he loved the texture of the material. Livvy would always let him have it when he wanted.

_Livvy._

Her absence hurt more than ever, and Ty had no one to share his pain with. Tears were running on his cheeks again.

**10:41 PM**

Ty had spent the entire day in his room, not wanting to go out and face Kit. He hated Kit. He _hated_ him. All evidence pointed that the feeling was mutual. After Kit had yelled and slammed Ty’s door, he didn’t come back.

Ty closed his eyes and wished that he would fall asleep before he fell apart.

**********

**Monday, 6:00 AM**

Ty’s alarm went off, pulling him out of his dream. It was a nice one – Kit and he were walking on the beach together, laughing. It took Ty a moment to remember that the reality of his life was much gloomier. Kit mocked him for his feelings yesterday, and they were not friends anymore. Walking together on the beach would always remain a dream, never a reality.

He got up slowly, glancing around the room, and froze.

Kit was there.

He was sleeping, as he always was, on the mattress beside Ty’s bed. Ty studied his face, his long lashed, the faint freckles on his cheeks. Kit hated his freckles, but Ty found them beautiful. He loved to count them; to map constellations on Kit’s face.

_What is he doing here?_

Ty’s mind was a chaos, a blur of emotions. Confusion, sadness, anger, longing.

He ran out of the room.

 

**2:17 PM**

Ty couldn’t stay in the institute for another second. He and Kit were avoiding each other like the plague. Whenever Kit entered a room and saw Ty, he would turn back on his heels. Whenever Ty was forced to be in his presence, he kept his headphones on as a buffer; a shield.

Ty’s agony was crushing down on him, making even the smallest things like saying “good morning” to Julian or lacing his boots seem like a thousand-mile walk uphill. Crying did not make him feel better; the sadness stayed in his spine, in his blood.

He decided to take a long walk. A long, long walk.

**********

**Tuesday, 6:00 AM**

Ty’s alarm went off, pulling him out of a dreamless sleep.

On his walk yesterday, he found a cat that had just given birth. He went to the store, bought cat food and returned to the spot, then spent the rest of the day feeding the cat and its kittens. Animals were quick to trust him, and Ty understood them better than he understood people. Animals were _easier_.

Feeding the kittens made him feel better. Taking care of animals always did. When he went to bed yesterday the pain in his heart was fainter; he was able to fall asleep easier, though it was incredibly odd, falling asleep without Kit. He was so used to Kit reading him Harry Potter, to Kit talking about his day, to Kit making jokes and idiotic comments. Ty missed him so much.

No, he didn’t miss _Kit_. He missed the person he thought Kit was, before he found out that that was a lie.

Ty pushed the covers off him and looked down. He was astounded to find Kit there again, sleeping.

_When did he get here? What is going on?_

If that wasn’t weird enough, Ty noticed that on Kit’s pillow, resting against his cheek, was what appeared to be a rock with googly eyes glued to it.

A rock.

With googly eyes.

_Such a Kit thing to do. He’s probably friends with this rock. Bet he even gave that rock a stupid name, like Amadeus or Victor._

Ty missed this. Those stupid things Kit did that always made him laugh.

He slowly walked out of the room, careful not to wake the sleeping man that broke his heart and stepped on the bleeding pieces.

**8:52 PM**

Ty had spent the first half of the day in patrol with Dru, and the second outside, playing with the kittens he had found, _not_ thinking about Kit. But now, back in his room, he couldn’t help but wonder.

_Will Kit be here tomorrow?_

**********

**Wednesday, 6:00 AM**

The answer was yes. When Ty woke up, Kit was there, his golden curls spread on the pillow, the probably-named-Victor rock by his side.

For the first time in days, Ty dared to hope. Maybe Kit was there because he was not ready to give up on their friendship. Maybe he was there because he cared about Ty.

The cynical part of Ty’s brain shut down this idea immediately.

_He’s here because of that night back in Alicante. He’s doing it because he thinks he has to, because he loves to feel like a savior._

Yet, through the darkness that filled his mind, Ty hoped. He desperately wanted to believe Kit cared about him.

He made up his mind: he would talk to Kit today and ask him directly why he still slept in his room. He needed to know the truth, whatever it may be, and while he estimated at 0.5% the chance that Kit's answer would be the one Ty _hoped_ it would be, that chance still existed.

It was pitiful. Kit shattered Ty’s heart, yet Ty still loved him with all the broken pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay the next one will be "When Ty Finally Lost his Mind". And I've said that twice already, so what does that make me? lol


	19. When Ty Finally Lost His Mind

Rays of early afternoon sun shone on Dru’s face, warming her skin. She and Ty were on their way back to the institute, having finished an errand for Julian.

Dru studied Ty’s pale face and the dark circles that formed underneath his eyes. He looked as if he hadn’t gotten any sleep these past few days. Kit had the same look about him.

They hadn’t spoken since the _incident_ , as Dru came to call it. Kit still refused to tell her what he had said to Ty to drive him towards the edge, but it had to be something terrible. Something hurtful and brutal, and… honest?

“Do you mind if we stopped by Jael’s bar?” she asked Ty.

“Okay.”

As they walked in silence, Dru thought back about her conversation with Kit. “Look at me,” he had said to her. “He knows he deserves better.” But it didn’t make any sense. Her brother told Kit that he was _in love_ with him, you don’t take back something like that so easily. Something else was going on.  

Still, Dru firmly believed that Kit should start dating someone else. If indeed Ty didn’t want him – like Kit insisted -  Kit still deserved to be happy. And if Ty _did_ want him but stopped himself for some reason – like Dru suspected - perhaps seeing Kit with someone else would knock some sense into her headstrong brother. Either way, Kit should get out there.

“Oh, Noah’s motorcycle is here!” she said gleefully when they reached the entrance of the bar.

Ty was indifferent, of course, as he had no idea who Noah was.

They stepped inside. The place was nearly empty, as one would expect at this time a day. The bar itself curved into the room, high green stools placed along it. Only two were occupied. Along the wall were dozens of bottles filled with liquids in every hue of amber. The low round tables at the center of the room were vacant.

Jael was wiping the counter, a concentrated expression on her lovely face. Dru stared at the crease of her lovely brow and the curve of her full lips. She had been dating her for months but was still struck by her beauty every time she laid eyes on her - something radiated from within Jael that rendered her irresistible.

“Hey babe,” Dru said affectionally.

Jael lifted her gaze and gave Dru an adorable smile, the one that three months ago made Dru’s heart skip a beat and blurt out “I think I’m in love with you”. At that, Jael had kissed her gently and said: “I _know_ I’m in love with you”.

“Hey beautiful!” Jael stepped from behind the bar and pulled her in a tight hug. “Hi, Ty.” She nodded towards him, forcing a polite smile.

Dru had called her in tears after she found Kit alone in his room, broken from Ty’s rejection. She was worried sick about him, helpless, unable to pick up the pieces. Jael had listened, calmed her with her soothing words like only she could. But now, even though Jael had been tactful enough not to say anything, Dru knew that she resented Ty for leading Kit on and breaking his heart.

Noah appeared behind Jael, broom in hand.

“Hey Dru! What’s up?” he said with his charming French accent.

“Noah, meet my brother, Ty.” Dru introduced him. “Ty, this is Noah – he works here, and he goes to the same school as Jael.”

“Nice to meet you, man.” Noah said.

Ty didn’t answer. Dru turned around to look at him and found an expression of horror on his face, as if he recognized Noah from somewhere. It couldn’t be, of course. She must have imagined it.

“We do go to the same school, though he doesn’t go to classes as much as he goes to the beach,” Jael told them with a smirk.

“I’m finally living near a beach, I need to take advantage of it.” Noah smiled.

Dru noticed Ty’s hands fluttering restlessly at his sides. _What’s going on?_

“I just finished my shift,” Noah continued. “I’m going to pick up Kit. He probably told you that we are going out today?”

Dru glanced carefully over at her brother. He looked furious.

“Yeah,” Dru answered. “That’s great.”

“It is. Kit is amazing,” Noah said fondly.

At that, Ty made a weird choking sound.

“Noah is infatuated with Kit, so don’t wait up for him,” Jael said gleefully. “I think Noah plans for this date to go really well and Kit might not come home tonight.” She giggled.

“I have to go,” Ty said abruptly. He turned on his heels and left before Dru had time to shout after him. It was best to leave him alone, she concluded. This conversation was painful to hear, but Ty had to, at some point. He had to know that Kit could not keep waiting for him forever.

“Do you want a ride to the institute?” Noah asked her.

“Sure, thanks.”

*******

Kit stepped out of the shower and dried his hair with a towel. Noah was picking him up for their date in half an hour.

He was exhausted, but no amount of sleep in the world could cure the tiredness he felt.

*******

Ty walked the streets quickly, a thunderstorm raging in his heart, cold and violent and booming. Kit still slept in his room, giving Ty a faint ray of hope that maybe he did care about him. That hope was shattered now; Kit is going on a date with the hideous, simpleminded, insufferable guy he danced with at the club.

Ty was furious at Kit, hurt by his cruel mocking, broken from the loss of their friendship. Still, he couldn’t process the thought of Kit not coming home tonight. He couldn’t bear to think that Kit would spend the night in someone else’s arms.

*******

Kit opened his closet and glanced inside. Admittedly, it was a mess. The shelves were filled with piles of unfolded t-shirts and pants, and jackets were thrown carelessly on the hangers. Kit had never been able to keep it organized as well as Ty did.

Damn it… He didn’t want to think about Ty right now. He pushed him out of his mind.

He picked out a pair of black jeans, a grey t-shirt with a V-neck, and a leather jacket, then looked at his reflection in the broken mirror. He passed a hand through his hair, pushing it away from his face, hoping he looked decent enough.

*******

Ty had finally lost his mind. He was sure of it.

He absolutely, indisputably, unquestionably, lost his mind.

There was no other way to explain why he was heading, glamoured, towards Jael’s college.

*******

Kit’s phone buzzed.

‘I’m here.’ Noah’s text message said.

Kit got out of his room and went downstairs, feeling nervous.

*******

Ty walked the campus paths, avoiding collisions with passing students who were unable to see him through the glamour. Ty knew that Jael went to school here, majoring in Biology. Dru had told him that countless times, a proud expression on her face. He nearly bumped into two girls, holding books and chatting merrily about their last lab report.

_Kit and Noah. Noah and Kit._

Ty couldn’t stop repeating it in his head like some horrible mantra.

He glanced at the campus map on his phone and headed towards one of the buildings.

*******

Kit opened the institute door. The words “SHAPESHIFTER SHAPESHIFTER SHAPESHIFTER” were still etched on it, though the institute habitants still hadn’t figured out who placed them there and why. Emma and Julian were interviewing Downworlders but hadn’t gotten any useful intel so far.

Kit stepped outside and saw Noah on his motorcycle. Dru jumped from behind him and took off the spare helmet.

“Hey Kit!” she said with a knowing smile.

Kit smiled faintly back. Last time he saw Noah he was under the influence of copious amounts of alcohol. Now, sober, he felt rather awkward. Luckily, Noah didn’t seem to notice.

“What’s up, Kit?”

“Great.” Kit’s mouth was dry. “You?”

“Good.” Noah smiled. “Ready?”

Kit took the helmet from Dru’s hand and climbed behind him.

*******

Ty walked quietly along the corridor, glancing at the plates on the doors. He stopped in front of the one saying ‘BA Secretariat’ and looked inside. A middle-aged woman with Cat-Eye glasses and long painted fingernails was sitting in front of a computer, swiping her phone lazily.

He stepped inside, invisible to her through his galmour. A door connected the office to an adjacent room filled with file cabinets. Ty walked into the filing room and pushed two file cabinets. They fell with a loud banging sound, spilling documents all over the floor.

The secretary cursed and got up to find the source of the noise. Ty leaned against the wall, not breathing, until she passed him. He went straight to the computer and connected the USB flash drive he always kept on his keychain precisely for moments like this. The secretary was already logged in to the student database.

Ty had completely lost his mind, he was certain, because he typed ‘Noah’ in the search bar.

He found four students with that first name. He scanned through those personal files until he recognized the face he saw earlier at the werewolf bar and copied the file to his drive.

*******

Kit placed his hands hesitantly on Noah’s hips. Noah grabbed him gently by the wrists and pulled him forward so that he slid up closer behind him, sitting snug against his back. Noah stepped on the gas and the motorcycle surged forward. Kit squeezed his arms tightly around his waist, adrenaline flowing in his veins as they rode through the streets. He enjoyed the rush of air, the speed, the freedom of it, almost forgetting the pain caused by the absence of the missing pieces of his heart, the ones Ty took with him.

*******

Ty opened the institute door.

“Ty!” Dru leaped at him. “Where have you been?”

“Needed to clear my head,” he said as he walked past her.

*******

Noah parked in front of a cozy-looking coffee shop and both climbed off the motorcycle. Kit was about to enter the shop when Noah stopped him by gently taking his hand.

“Wait,” he said. “This is for you.”

He took out a red rose from his jacket. Kit started at him wide-eyed.

“What is that?“ he asked, then immediately cursed himself for not keeping a nonchalant appearance.

“It’s a rose.” Noah seemed amused. “It’s considered a romantic gesture in my country. Is it not so in the United States?”

Kit laughed and took the flower from his hand.

“Thank you,” he said.

“I planned to give it to you when I picked you up, but I was embarrassed to do it in front of Dru.” Noah admitted shyly.

One guy gave Kit a mango, the other gave him a rose. Only one was a romantic gesture.

*******

Ty connected his drive to the computer and downloaded Noah’s file. He had to read it.

He knew he was being insane. His love for Kit made him lose his mind, and the idea that Kit might spend the night with Noah was unbearable. It wasn’t fair of him to feel that way. Kit was not _his_. Ty was being crazy, and obsessive, and jealous. He was completely gone.

But he had to read that file.

*******

The waiter had brought their order: two cups of hot cappuccinos, each came with a small piece of chocolate. Kit ate his immediately.

“Sugar is my weakness,” he sighed.

Noah seemed to find it endearing. He smiled at Kit and handed him his own chocolate.

“Here. You can have mine as well.”

“Thanks.” Kit took it with a fond grin.

“If I had known that giving you chocolate is all it took to win you over, I would have done that a long time ago,” Noah said.

“You have only met me a few days ago.” Kit pointed out.

“Well…” Noah shifted in his chair. “I _might_ have seen you at the Yareakh a few times before, when you dropped off Dru to see Jael. And I _might_ have specifically asked Jael to introduce us.”

“I am shocked,” Kit said amused. “Both of you, plotting together.” Yet he felt himself blush a little at Noah’s attention.

*******

Ty was going over Noah’s file.

NAME: Noah Guillaume Dubois

Ty skipped ahead. Current address, names of both parents, date of birth… Then:

PLACE OF BIRTH: Nice, France

Noah was born in Nice, and according to his file he lived there until he moved to Los Angeles.

_That’s odd_.

Ty remembered Noah’s words earlier today: “I’m finally living near a beach, I need to take advantage of it.”

Nice is located on the south east coast of France. According to his file, Noah lived near a beach his whole life.

*******

Maybe life has made Kit bitter and has conditioned him to expect the worst, but he was surprised to see that the date was actually going great. The conversation between them flowed easily and they spent about half of it laughing.

“Are you training often with other Shadowhunters?” Noah asked.

“Usually no, but Paige Ashdown came to train with us once, and there is not enough alcohol and therapy in the world to make up for that.”

“Oh, I remember her!” Noah sounded delighted. “Your very obsessive girlfriend.”

“You call her my ‘girlfriend’ one more time and we’re going to have a problem.”

Noah laughed.

“I’m surprised you haven’t killed her yet.” He sounded impressed.

“I keep trying but nobody lets me finish the job,” Kit complained.

Noah smiled emphatically and let his hand brush Kit’s gently over the table.

*******

Having Noah’s full name from the file he stole, Ty googled him but found nothing - no social media accounts, nothing on the whitepages. No online presence whatsoever. Ty was not satisfied.

His need to continue this background search clearly resulted from his temporary madness. So, he chose the path of denial - and convinced himself that he _had_ to continue his research since something was off about Noah.

*******

“What do you miss most about France?” Kit asked curiously.

“Besides my family? The pastries probably.”

“Sounds reasonable.” Kit agreed. “What did your parents say about you moving here?” he couldn’t help but asking.

“My mom wasn’t too happy about it. She thought I came here to join a gang. Took a while to convince her that I am only coming here to study.”

“I’m sure you can still apply to gang though, if you changed your mind and decided to rebel.” Kit noted helpfully.

“You’re right. I do need a hobby.” Noah grinned. “I’ll ask around, maybe there are tryouts.”

“And if that doesn’t work out, you could always take up surfing as your hobby.”

“I think my mom would hate that even more.”

They both laughed.

*******

Ty called the Paris institute.

“Clément Winterwoods, Institut de Paris. Comment puis-je vous aider?”

“Tiberius Blackthorn, Los Angeles institute. I need access to the citizen database of the French government.”

*******

Kit opened the door for Noah as they left the coffee shop.

“Thank you.” Noah smiled.

“Well you insisted on paying, so I need to contribute my share somehow.” Kit elbowed him gently.

Noah stopped to put on some lip balm, and Kit took his phone out of his pocket and glanced at it. For some insane reason he thought he might get a text from Ty asking where he was. But he and Ty were no longer friends. They hadn’t spoken in days, and although Kit knew they would talk again eventually – living in the same institute does limit your options at social interactions – it would never be the same.

“Do you need to go home?” Noah asked.

Kit looked up from his phone.

“We can go to my apartment,” Noah continued. “If – if you want,” he added hastily.

Kit put his phone back in his pocket. Why not go to Noah’s? The date went great, and Kit is a Shadowhunter, he can take care of himself. Also, Ty clearly didn’t want anything to do with him, it’s not like he would miss Kit tonight.

“Yeah.” Kit answered.

*******

Ty was searching for Noah in the French government database.

In principle, Shadowhunters had access to governmental databases of all states. It was a violation of the privacy of mundanes, no doubt about it, but the clave deemed it necessary. But while every Shadowhunter could access these databases, one needed to provide a good reason. The clave did not check every request but selected some randomly at the end of every month. If by any chance Ty’s request would be randomly selected, he could get into some serious trouble.

But he had already crossed the line when he stole Noah’s personal file, so he might as well go all the way.

*******

Noah parked in front of an old apartment building, and both hopped down from the motorcycle. Kit took his helmet off and caught Noah staring at him.

“What?” He felt himself blushing.

“Nothing… It’s just… You look…” Noah mumbled.  “You’re very…”

“Will you finish that sentence?” Kit grinned at him.

Noah seemed amused by Kit’s confidence.

“No.” He smiled. “I think I’ll kiss you instead.”

*******

Searching through the database, Ty realized he was right. Something _was_ off about Noah.

He didn’t exist.

*******

Noah leaned in and gently pressed his lips on Kit’s. Their touch was firm and hot, and Kit eased into the kiss. He passed his tongue gently on the seam of Noah’s lips, feeling relaxed, and warm, and… drowsy. Yes, he should definitely go to sleep... But where is Ty? He was always there when Kit fell asleep.

His eyes felt heavier and heavier and his consciousness ebbed. Blackness came over him.

*******

One guy gave Kit a mango, the other gave him a rose.

Only one was a romantic gesture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omfg It was the mango all along jhsjhdfskhdsiyc *dying noises*  
> These babies are going to kill me.
> 
> ***
> 
> I'm sorry guys, but I have a big presentation to prepare for a scholarship I'm applying for, so the next chapter will probably be published in a week from now.
> 
> But on the bright side, here's a preview:
> 
> ***
> 
> “Herondales are a handful.” Julian sighed. “Spending your life with one may result in premature greying.” 
> 
> At that, Emma noticed that all eyes seemed to be focused on Ty.
> 
> “Why are we all looking at Ty?” she asked. “Is it because of what Kit said in the car when Ty got stabbed by vampires?”
> 
> Dru facepalmed herself and Julian shot her a warning glare which Emma did not understand. _What did I say now?_
> 
> ***  
> lol I love Emma. She is so oblivious.


	20. Mixed Signals, Darling

Emma was jogging along the beach, wearing the t-shirt Christina had given her for her birthday, that says ‘cute as heck but will break your neck’.

“It describes you perfectly.” Christina had told her with a sly smile.

Emma was feeling euphoric from the breeze on her face and the adrenaline coursing through her veins. Her mind was a blissful emptiness, and around her the sand blurred out, the shore fading into liquid gold. She was panting and sweating, seeing through narrowed eyes the flaring hues of the setting sun melting into the ocean. She loved running. It was her quiet, peaceful, _alone_ time.

It was cut short, however, by a phone call from Julian. That was Shadowhunter life: you could get a call at any moment, telling you to drop everything since an emergency had occurred.

“I need you in the library in full gear. Now.” Julian’s voice was urgent

*******

Kit slowly woke up. Sharp pain lanced through his head and colorful spots flashed in front of his eyes. He was chained to a chair in an unfamiliar old apartment. On the floor next to him lay his phone, smashed to pieces.

 _Damn it, that’s the second cell phone I lost this month._ _Julian won’t like it._

A figure entered the room, unidentifiable through the flashes blurring Kit’s vision.

“You’re awake, Shadowhunter.” Noah’s voice filled his ears.

“Is this some kinky sex fantasy of yours or did I get kidnapped again?” Kit snapped back.

Noah smiled, and for a moment Kit was sure his teeth were all pointed and black, but then he blinked, and they were back to pearly white.

“He’s coming to get you soon,” Noah said, his voice deeper than before and his French accent gone.

*******

Emma stepped inside the library in full gear.

“So, whose ass are we kicking today?” she grinned.

Her smile, however, vanished when she caught sight of the expressions of the others. Mark and Christina were bent over the computer, Julian was in the middle of a serious conversation with an anxious-looking Ty, and Dru was pacing the room looking worried.

“Em.” Julian turned to her. “Kit went on a date and never came back.”

 _Went on a date?_ Emma glanced at Ty, not able to decipher his expression. _I thought that Kit and Ty had something going on?_

People were always saying that Emma was oblivious when human emotions were concerned. Maybe she was, but it was only because other people were so confusing. Emma appreciated simplicity: you like someone – you bone them. End of story. You don’t go around talking too much or going on dates with other people or whatever today’s youth considered as courtship.

“Ty did a background check on the guy,” Julian continued. “He used a fake identity. We think he may have kidnapped Kit.”

“Let me just get this straight,” Emma said slowly. “In under two weeks, Kit had managed to piss off an entire clan of vampires, and get kidnapped twice?”

“Herondales are a handful.” Julian sighed. “Spending your life with one may result in premature greying.”

At that, Emma noticed that all eyes seemed to be focused on Ty.

“Why are we all looking at Ty?” she asked. “Is it because of what Kit said in the car when Ty got stabbed by vampires?”

Dru facepalmed herself and Julian shot her a warning glare which Emma did not understand. _What did I say_ now _?_

“What did Kit –“ Ty began, but was interrupted by Christina.

“I can’t locate his phone. His kidnapper must have broken it.”

*******

“What the fuck did you do to me?” Kit hissed at Noah.

“Drugged lip balm.” Noah deadpanned. “The oldest trick in the book, really. I could never take you in a fight – this human form is very limiting. So, I had to drug you. Which turned out to be surprisingly easy by the way. And fun. I will never complain about kissing a beautiful little angel.” He passed his finger on Kit’s jaw.

Kit jerked him away.

“This _human form_?” he repeated.

“Ah yes.” Noah looked at his hands. “I hate possessing mundanes. There’s no… power, in their bodies.”

“You have been possessing this body since the beginning.”

“Yes. I found this mundane hiking alone in the woods and I have been possessing him for two months.” He studied his fingernails with a bored expression. “I called myself Noah, because I figured it sounded sexier than Mannoroth.”

“Your name is Mannoroth? That’s stupid.”

“Not as stupid as falling for the oldest trick in the book.” Mannoroth pointed out.

“Fuck you,” Kit snarled at him.

Mannoroth punched his jaw and Kit tasted blood.

“You punch even worse than you kiss.” Kit smirked at him.

“Shut up or I’ll slit your throat.” Mannoroth warned, taking a knife out of his jacket.

“First you give me flowers. Then you kidnap me. Then you tell me I’m beautiful. Then you threaten to kill me. This relationship will never work if you keep sending me such mixed signals, darling.”

That earned Kit a stab in his thigh. He cried out as the pain radiated through his body, focusing weirdly on his back, below his shoulder blades.

*******

“Emma.” Julian looked at her. “True North.”

Emma didn’t need Julian to say complete sentences, she understood him well.

“Something of Kit’s?” She tunred to Dru.

“Emmanuel,” Dru answered.

“There’s _another_ guy?” Emma gaped at her.

“What? No! It’s Kit’s pet rock.” Dru placed a rock in Emma’s hand.

Emma stared at the rock; it stared back at her with large googly eyes.

_Herondales truly are a handful._

*******

“He’ll open a portal soon.” Mannoroth deadpanned.

“Who. The Fuck. Is _he_?” Kit hissed.

Mannoroth ignored him.

“The heads of the LA institute will come after you,” Kit warned him. “And you don’t want to mess with them, they’re insane. Emma is a human killing machine, and Julian…” Kit shuddered. “He’s a _porcupine trainer_.”

Mannoroth smiled. “Your sister adores me. She’ll think that your spending the night with me. By the time she realizes something is wrong we’ll be long gone.”

*******

Emma held Emmanuel while Julian drew the True North rune on the back of her hand.

“Are you getting anything?” he asked.

“Nothing,” she said anxiously. “He must be concealed behind warlock magic.”

She knew that Julian was beside himself with worry, yet he managed to keep a neutral expression, knowing that if he and Emma panicked – everyone would panic.

“It may have been one of Caedmon’s men,” she thought about the head of the largest vampire clan in LA. “Kit and Ty burned half of the clan to ashes. He might be looking for revenge. We should head to the abandoned hospital.”

“Let’s go.” Julian agreed.

Everyone got up and rushed through the door, except Ty. He was typing on his phone, a focused expression on his face.

“No,” he said. “I located him.”

“What? How?” Emma gaped at him.

“I put a GPS tracker on fake-Noah’s motorcycle after Dru and I met him at the werewolf bar,” Ty admitted.

“Guys, just a random thought – “ Emma started. Everyone stopped to look at her. “Do you think our family might be _overprotective_? I mean, tracking family members while they go on dates seems a bit excessive, doesn’t it?”

“Something was _off_ about him!” Ty seemed upset.

“Good catch, Ty,“ Julian said gently. “Now, get in the car with Emma and me and lead us there. Dru, you’re with Mark and Christina, follow us.”

*******

“Who is _he_?” Kit repeated the question. “And why does he want me?”

“Shut up!”

“Who the hell is _he_?”

Mannoroth stabbed his thigh again and Kit stifled a cry of pain. “I said shut up!” he pulled his knife from Kit’s thigh, tearing up tissue and spattering blood, and lifted it up again. Kit bit his lower lip, prepared to feel the sharp pain again –

The sound of breaking glass filled the air as the large windows shattered, raining down fragments. Julian leaped on Mannoroth and knocked him down with one well-aimed punch.

“Damn! He porcupine-trained your ass!” Kit shouted at Mannoroth’s limp body.

“What?” Julian turned to look at him.

“What?” Kit said innocently.

At that moment Emma barged through the window, followed by Ty. She hurried to draw opening runes on Kit’s chains.

Kit shook the chains off of him andlooked over at Ty, but he didn’t even glance at his direction. Instead, his eyes were focused on the body lying on the floor. It started shaking violently, its eyes widening. The mouth opened, letting out a loud scream, then thick black smoke poured out of it. Emma quickly struck it with her Seraph blade, killing the demon.

Ty leaned to check the vital signs of the unconscious man on the floor, gently holding his wrist in his hand, looking for injuries. Kit was not surprised that Ty would do that. After all, he was the kindest and most compassionate person that Kit had ever met. People mocked Ty because he didn’t comprehend facial expressions or social situations, but if they just took the time to know him, to understand him, they would realize how lucky the world was that Ty was in it.

“A portal is opening!” Emma yelled, pulling Kit back to reality.

Kit looked behind him. A bright shimmering portal was beginning to form, pouring Cecaelia demons into the room like blood. Two of them grabbed Kit by the ankles and dragged him towards the portal.

“Em! They’re after Kit!” Julian shouted over the sound of metal clashing and flesh tearing.

Emma beheaded the demons with swift swings of Cortana, grabbed Kit by the front of his jacket, and threw him out the window.

*******

When Kit regained consciousness, the pain choked the breath from inside his lungs, gripped his brain, cut through his spine. His heart fluttered faintly, as if unsure if it should keep on beating. Someone was stroking his hair.

“You’re going to be fine. Breathe.”

“Ty?”

Kit kept his eyes closed; it would hurt too much to open them. He tried to take a deep breath, but the air cut his lungs like glass. He felt the faint burn of a healing rune being traced over him, as his healer continued to stroke his hair.

“You’re going to be okay.” Kit recognized Dru’s voice. She kept stroking his hair and tracing healing runes.

“Ty,” he muttered. Maybe if he kept saying his name, Ty would come to him.

“You’re fine. You’re okay,” Dru said as she traced another rune.

He fainted again.

*******

Kit slowly opened his eyes and looked around. He was lying on a bed at the infirmary, the rays of sun entering through the window and pouring on his bed indicating that it is mid-day. Whispers were heard at the corner of the room. Kit turned his head towards the sound, finding Julian and Emma in an animated conversation.

“Kit!” Julian caught his gaze and quickly crossed the room. Emma immediately followed. “Did we wake you up?”

Kit’s mouth was dry; when he parted his lips, no words came out. Julian handed him a glass of water which Kit took gratefully.

“Ty?” He croaked after taking a large sip.

Julian ignored his question. “How are you feeling?”

“Wonderful. As if a bus ran over me, then backed up and ran over me again.”

“Well you did brake half the bones in your body.” Julian nodded in empathy.

“How did you find me?”

Julian broke into a detailed explanation of Ty’s suspicions and the way he eventually located Kit.

“Where is he?” Kit asked.

“With the mundane,” Julian said, not meeting his eyes. “We tried to question him, but he was terrified. Eventually Ty calmed him down and he agreed to answer his questions.”

Of course Ty would be the only one the mundane agrees to talk to. The kindness of Ty’s heart shines on his face, echoes in his voice, carries in his essence.

“Turns out his name is Matt,” Emma added. “He’s from Colorado. The last thing he remembers is hiking in the woods. He didn’t have any useful intel.”

“Ty is helping him getting in contact with his family,” Julian added.

Kit felt an irrational pang of jealousy. Ty should be here, with him. Not with the mundane.

“So, Kit.” Emma shifter uncomfortably. “We need to talk.”

“Yes,” Kit grumbled.

“We need to ask you a couple of questions, regarding your date.”

“Seriously?” Kit stared at her in disbelief. “We are just glossing over the fact that you threw me out the window?”

“You are alive though, right?”

“That’s arguable.” Kit muttered.

“Listen, Kit,” Julian said slowly. “Someone is after you. We need to understand who, and why.”

“Someone is always after Shadowhunters.” Kit pointed out.

Julian met Kit’s gaze. “In this case, we think someone might be targeting you specifically.”

“Why?”

“For one, they knew about your sexual preferences.” Emma reasoned. “Also, they knew how to get closer to you, through Dru’s girlfriend.”

Julian took a deep breath. “Kit, did the demon give you any information? Did he say why he did it?”

“He didn’t say why, he only said _he_ was coming for me.”

“Who’s coming for you?” Emma lifted her eyebrows.

“He.”

“Who’s _he_?”

“He wouldn’t say.”

Julian and Emma exchanged a worried glance.

“Maybe it’s the same _he_.” Emma mumbled, and Julian nodded in agreement.

“Ty suspects that there is a connection between both times you were kidnapped,” Julian explained. “Someone is after you. Remember the message that was scorched on the ground in front of the institute?”

“He’s coming for the shapeshifter.” Kit’s recited dryly.

“It’s possible someone is trying to use you to get to Tessa. That’s the second time they tried to get you.”

“No, that’s not true,” Kit argued. “The first time was the head of the vampire clan trying to send us a message not to interfere in their business.”

“Ty thinks that he was lying to the other vampires to gain political power. He planned to kill Ty, but deliver you to the person that is after you.”

“Personally, I think Ty is overthinking this,” Emma said. “But he already saved you twice, so I guess he’s right.”

Of course he’s right. Perfect Ty, with his perfect theories, and his perfect schedule from which he can’t take five minutes to tell Kit in person that someone has targeted him to get to his ancestor. Lovely. Just absolutely freaking marvelous.

“You are not to leave the institute alone until we figure out who’s _he_. Do you understand?” Julian asked him severely.

“Yes. I won’t leave the institute alone.” Kit muttered.

“Good. Get some rest.”

Kit didn’t need to be told twice. Exhausted, he fell asleep again almost immediately.

*******

When Kit woke up the sun had already set, and the moon rose, a sliver of glowing white in an otherwise inky sky. _Ty_. He would be at the library, doing research. Kit walked along the dark corridors until he reached the library and found Ty just as he expected: working on the computer, headphones on. He couldn’t hear Kit come in, so Kit crossed the room slowly, until he stood at a distance that he knew would not make Ty uncomfortable. Ty glanced at his side and noticed Kit, but took a few moments to remove his headphones, as if undecided.

“Hey,” Kit said softly.

Ty scanned his face, his grey eyes a storm cloud, but remained silent. The absence of his words created a cruel void that pushed against Kit’s skin and crawled into his heart.

“What are you doing?” Kit asked tentatively, breaking the cold silence.

“Working,” Ty replied dryly, then took his headphones, ready to put them back on and end the conversation. Kit was determined not to let him.

“What are you working on?” he insisted.

“I’m looking through the profiles of registered warlocks to match the pattern of action and recognize the one who tried to kidnap you.” Ty returned his gaze to the computer and began scrolling through an open file.

“Do you need any help?”

“No.”

For a while the only sound in the room was Ty’s quick typing. Kit studied his long fingers purposefully dancing on the keyboard, his charcoal hair falling on his eyes.

“I know you were the one that noticed something was wrong,” he finally said.

Ty continued his typing, not acknowledging Kit’s words.

“And that you’re the one that found me,” Kit continued.

“I just did my job as a Shadowhunter,” Ty said, then returned to his typing, ignoring Kit again.

“Oh… Yes, of course...” Kit muttered. Ty’s words splintered inside him, crawled in his stomach, slashed his lungs. “I just wanted to thank you.”

Ty seemed to shun Kit’s words. His fingers still ran on the keyboard, his eyes fixed on the screen. Kit turned around, ready to walk out of the room, when Ty finally spoke.

“Don’t thank me,” he said dryly. “Just stop getting kidnapped. I’m tired of cleaning up your mess.”

Kit had rather he took a knife to his skin than speak to him so coldly.

Because as much as Kit couldn’t make Ty love him, he knew that he couldn’t make his own heart stop loving Ty.


	21. It's Worse to Regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emmanuel resting contently on a pile of books in Kit's room
> 
>    
> 
> 
> (yes, I totally have a pet rock now)

“Kit! I know you’re in there!”

Dru had been knocking on Kit’s door for the past ten minutes.

_She’ll have to give up at some point._

“I’m not giving up!” she yelled.

_She can’t keep going on forever._

“I can keep going on forever!” she yelled again.

_Does she read minds?_ That thought was quite disturbing.

“I’m using an opening rune, so you better not be naked in there!” she warned.

The door burst open and Dru entered, looking frightfully determined.

“You’re on the floor,” she remarked.

“How perceptive you are.”

Kit was indeed lying on the floor. Emmanuel, the best rock in the world, rested contently on top of a pile of books next to him.

“Let me rephrase that,” she continued. “ _Why_ are you on the floor?”

“Wow. Let’s recap, shall we?” He deadpanned. “I was embarrassingly in love with Ty for months. Then I got kidnaped. Then Ty told me he loved me. Then he took it back and rejected me. Then he rejected me again, for good measure. Then I went on a date and got kidnapped a second time.” Kit counted his misfortunes on his fingers. “I think I earned the right to be on the floor.”

“Well yeah…” Dru had to agree. “Regardless. Pick yourself up and let’s go get some breakfast.”

“I’m not hungry.”

Sadly, his stomach begged to differ, letting out an embarrassing growl.

“Aren’t you?” Dru raised an eyebrow at him. “Don’t worry, Ty is out on a walk again.”

“Probably found a new bird’s nest or some kittens.” Kit muttered, pained. When they were friends – _best_ friends – Ty would always call Kit whenever he found baby animals to take care of, and the smile on Ty’s face when he played with them would made Kit’s heart flutter in his chest.

“Come on.” Dru pulled Kit up. “Let’s get some protein in you. And I’m taking Manu with us. You’re bumming him out, he needs to see other people.”

“Is my pet rock breaking up with me? I don’t think I can handle so much heart ache.” He elbowed Dru playfully.

The smell of Julian’s pancakes filled Kit’s nostrils as they walked along the corridor. When they reached the kitchen Dru pushed Kit to his regular seat, then placed Emmanuel on the table where Ty usually sat.

“This rock again?” Emma raised her eyebrows.

Kit looked at her in disbelief. “His name,” he said, scandalized. “Is _Emmanuel_.”

“He’s cute.” Christina said.

“See, Emma?” Kit looked at Emma reproachfully. “This is what a _supportive_ friend looks like.”

“I used to have a pet pinecone,” Mark recalled. “Mostly to vex Kieran. He resented the pinecone for stealing my attention.”

“Christina…” Emma whispered loudly. “It’s not too late to dump him.”

“I find it endearing.” Christina took Mark’s hand.

Their happiness was sickening.

Julian came from the kitchen with two plates of pancakes, one for Kit and the other for Dru. Kit took a tentative bite. Even with syrup, it tasted like ash in his mouth. Nothing takes the taste out of pancakes quite like two kidnappings and one non-reciprocating Ty.

“Kit, is everything okay?” Christina asked him with a concerned look.

“Yeah, why so stale, Herondale?” Emma let out a chuckle.

“Did you just laugh at your own lame rhyme?” Kit stared at her.

“I know what will make you feel better,” Julian shouted from the kitchen.

“Somehow I doubt it,” Kit replied unenthusiastically.

Julian came back grinning and placed a mini-pancake in front of Emmanuel.

“See, I’m feeding your pet,” he said with a dead-serious expression before returning to the kitchen.

The silliness of it actually made Kit laugh.

“Aw, Kit is finally smiling. Adorable.” Dru remarked.

“Shut up.” Kit muttered in return.

“That is no way to talk to your sister, Kit. For shame!” she exclaimed. “Manu judges you!”

“Nah. He loves me and supports me in all my endeavors.”

“I know what we should do!” Emma suddenly cried out. “We should all go out and see a movie. It will be fun.”

*******

Ty was sitting on an armchair in the library, reading, while Dru was sprawled on another chair opposite him, texting and giggling. Ty forced himself to concentrate on the book. He was supposed to be training with Kit but left him with Emma instead. Being in the same room with him for more than five minutes was unbearable. The sound of his voice, the look on his face – they reminded Ty that ages ago Kit was the person closest to him in the entire world. Now they were strangers.

“By the Angel,” Dru suddenly groaned, “Paige Ashdown won’t stop texting me about how cute Kit is.”

Ty winced at the sound of Kit’s name and concentrated harder on his book.

“Listen to this crap,” she continued, annoyed. Ty would have much rather not, but he felt it was impolite to say so.

“Kit’s eyes are so blue, like an infinite ocean of dreams and promises,” she said in a high-pitched less than flattering imitation of Paige’s voice. “I want to drown in them, and then be brought back to life by the force of my attraction.”

She stopped and looked at him.

“What the hell does that even mean?” she muttered.

Paige couldn’t have been more wrong. Kit’s eyes are nothing like an ocean, or any body of water for that matter. His eyes are the inner core of a burning flame. Ty found fire to be the most beautiful weapon of them all, and Kit was fire to him. So warm, so beautiful, so welcoming. Yet, he had the power to destroy him in seconds.

Ty was furious with himself. How could he be stupid enough to think that Kit would want someone like him? Kit is witty and charismatic. People are drawn to him, to his shine, to his glamour. He is warm like a flame, radiant like the sun. Why would he be attracted to someone like Ty? An outsider, that can’t even handle simple social interactions. Why did Ty think for a second that someone like Kit would even consider someone like him?

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

“Will you come to the movies with us?” Dru changed the subject.

The institute residents planned to go out to the movies tonight. Everyone except Julian, who announced that he would be staying in. Dru was even bringing her girlfriend along.

“No.”

Kit would go, and Ty wanted to spend as little time with him as possible. It hurt so much to see him and know that he will never be his to love.

Dru opened her mouth to reply when Kit entered the library.

“Hey,” he said, looking from Dru to Ty.

Ty put his headphones on, trying to slow down his heart rate which shot up at the sound of Kit’s voice.

*******

After training, Kit went to his room for a quick shower and got dressed in clean clothes. He was supposed to train with Ty, but Ty mumbled something incoherent and left the room. Kit was not surprised; Ty had been avoiding him these days, careful not to look in his direction, never spent more than five minutes alone with him (Kit had timed it), and never spoke more than a few polite words.

Kit left his room and headed to the library to meet Dru. They were all going to see a movie, except Julian. Kit secretly suspected that he relished on this time alone to sew little tutu skirts for his porcupines. Of course, Ty would also stay in. Kit didn’t even need to ask – he knew that Ty wouldn’t want to go if Kit was going, and he was relieved. The movie would serves as a good distraction and being away from Ty meant he didn’t have to look at his beautiful face with the crushing knowledge that it will never be his to kiss.

Kit walked into the library and froze when he saw him.

Ty was sitting in an armchair, a pile of Sherlock Holmes books next to him. His charcoal black hair fell on his eyes as he read, his red lips moving slowly as he mumbled to himself quietly. Kit stared at his delicate neck. How much he had wanted to graze his lips over his skin, to trace his jaw with his fingers, to kiss his hands...

Oh, and Dru was also there.

“Hey,” Kit said softly.

Ty didn’t bother looking up; he simply put his headphones on. Kit felt as if he just got punched in the stomach. He was torn: half of him wanted to slap Ty, the other wanted to kiss him senseless. He didn’t know which he wanted more.

Dru glanced quickly from Kit to Ty, without saying a word.

“Come on, let’s go,” Kit told her.

She got up silently and left the room. Kit followed her to the institute entrance, when he came face to face with Julian.

“Kit, where do you think you’re going?” he asked him, a stern expression on his face.

“Movies?” Kit answered sheepishly.

“You’re not going anywhere. You’re grounded.”

“What?” Kit gaped at him.

“Do I really need to remind you that you took off to the Yareakh in the middle of the night, didn’t take your phone, had me scared senseless _and_ came back home drunk?”

“But that was _months_ ago!” Kit exclaimed.

“Yes,” Julian agrees. “But the grounding never took place. Hence: tonight.”

Kit looked at him in disbelief.

“You are going to thoroughly clean the kitchen. Bring your A game,” Julian announced.

Why. Why does the entire universe plot against Kit? Ty will never be his, and now he must spend an entire evening cleaning and wallowing in his misery. He cursed and walked over to the kitchen as slowly as he could.

*******

Everyone had left half an hour ago. Kit was in the kitchen, doing the dishes, horrified by the height of the enormous pile of dirty dishes; he wasn’t even aware there were so many dishes in the institute. He cursed under his breath and picked up another plate in his hand, then stopped.

The Voyance rune on the back of his hand stood out, black, against his skin. Ty had put it there. Forever there it will remain.

Kit sighed and scrubbed the plate off what looked like tomato sauce and rinsed the plate under the warm water. The monotonic activity was soothing, though he would ever admit it to Julian.

He heard footsteps behind him. _Ty_. There was no need for Kit to turn around – he could recognize Ty’s graceful movement. More importantly - he didn’t _want_ to turn around, since that would mean looking at Ty and he couldn’t face that right now. It was bad enough that he didn’t want to give Kit a chance, but now he was completely ignoring him. Not waking him up in the morning, not training with him, putting headphones on whenever Kit walked into the room.

“What are you doing?” Ty asked.

“Having the time of my life,” Kit snapped.

“Do you need –“ Ty begun.

“No. I don’t need anything from you.”

That was as lie. Kit very much needed Ty. In every way possible. He missed the person that Ty made him become. With Ty, Kit was alive. He was motivated. Hopeful. Happy. Ty helped him become the best form of himself. And now... Kit was missing a part of himself, and everything inside him became everything he hates. Dark. Bitter. Angry.

He missed Ty so much it hurt. He missed the sound of his voice in the morning, he missed laughing with him in Diana’s classes, he missed their late-night conversations when they each lay in their beds and shared their deepest thoughts and secrets. He ached to remember the beautiful, perfect words that Ty had said to him when they were chained together in the abandoned hospital. “Insanely, irrevocably, in love with you.”

_Then why won’t you give me a chance?_

Kit’s chest hurt. He sighed and grabbed another mug.

_I’m sorry,_ he wanted to tell Ty. _Please stay_.

But he had already left, and instead Julian entered the kitchen. _How much did he hear?_

“How are you doing?” he asked Kit.

“Perfect,” Kit grumbled.

“Still on the dishes I see.”

Kit didn’t bother answering, keeping his gaze on the pile of dirty dishes in the sink. The next mug he grabbed had a picture of cupid inside a red circle with a line crossed over it, and the words “Don’t even think! Last time you screwed up!” written below.

“What the hell is this?” he pointed at the mug.

“Emma got it for me,” Julian said. “Apparently it’s a break-up gift.”

Kit lifted his eyes.

“She thought it was funny,” Julian continued. “You know, since we both broke up with the other one at some point, without really wanting to.”

_Emma’s sense of humor. Figures._

“She thinks I hate it, so she enjoys putting my coffee in it on purpose. Don’t tell her, but really – it’s my favorite mug. It reminds me of all we went through.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I thought you might be bored, doing the dishes in complete silence,” Julian replied.

“On the contrary. It’s my favorite pastime. I’m thinking of taking it up professionally,” Kit said sarcastically.

“Sometimes when I look at her I can’t believe how I got to be so lucky,” Julian continued as if Kit hadn’t interrupted him. Kit washed the soap off of the ridiculous mug without making a reply.

“But then I remember that it wasn’t luck, it was persistence,” Julian told him. “And honestly, quite a bit of courage. I never gave up on her, even when it seemed to be a lost cause.”

Kit lifted his gaze and met Julian’s.

Julian did not break eye-contact; his gaze was focused on Kit like a laser. “It’s difficult to keep fighting, but it’s worse to regret,” he said.

_This is not an idle conversation_ , Kit realized. That was Julian’s way of giving him advice. His words sent Kit into a spiraling chaos of thoughts.

“You’re nearly done with the dishes,” Julian continued in a lighter tone. “Next, I want you to clean the refrigerator. Be careful, there’s still some take-out from over a month ago, I think it grew a tiny forest on itself.”

“Lovely.”

“Then, the pantry and the cupboards. I want to see my face shining in them in the morning. Good night, Kit.”

_They are made of wood, you won’t see your face in them anyway,_ Kit wanted to reply angrily, but Julian already left.

*****

*****

Two hours later, the kitchen was spotless. Admittedly, Kit was proud of himself. Yawning, he stumbled along the corridor and into his room.

He took off his clothes and got in the shower. Standing in the warm water, he reflected on the past few weeks. On Ty ignoring him. It hurt him physically, to be this close to Ty be somehow miles away. Kit couldn’t keep a solid thought; without Ty his mind was a shattered blur, as if someone was constantly screaming inside his head.

Kit put on sweatpants and a t-shirt, then stepped out of his room and walked toward Ty’s. He knocked softly on the door, and when Ty didn’t answer he opened it slightly. The room was dark, and Ty was already asleep.

Kit closed the door quietly behind him. He lay down on his mattress and glanced up at the boy sleeping on the bed with his back to him, his dark hair spread on the pillow, his breaths slow and even.

Maybe it was Julian’s words, or maybe he inhaled too much dish soap; but Kit didn’t need another glance, or another second to consider. He already knew.

_I’m not giving up._


	22. Remodeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emmanuel hiding in Tavvy’s boots.
> 
>  

The next day, Kit woke up to the sound of the alarm he set on his phone. Out of habit, he glanced up to look at Ty’s bed only to find it empty.

_“I don’t want anything to do with you.”_

Ty’s words, cold and hard, had been echoing in Kit’s mind for weeks. Yet, ever since last night, they were drowned out by another saying.

_“It’s difficult to keep fighting, but it’s worse to regret.”_

Julian had not averted his gaze as he said so, and on his expression, Kit could read the pain of long years of waiting, of hoping, of enduring. In his eyes he could see Julian’s love and devotion for Emma.

Kit knew then; he would not give up. He would wait, he would fight, he would not rest until Ty gave him a chance.

He got dressed and brushed his teeth. After washing his face, he studied his reflection in the mirror. He wasn’t the same without Ty, the absence of him showed on his face. His reflection seemed hollow, worn-out.

As he stepped out of Ty’s – no, _their_ – room and headed towards the kitchen to make himself some coffee, he thought back to the countless perfect mornings he had spent with Ty making breakfast and laughing together, looking over at Ty and seeing the happiness shining on his face and reflected in his own heart.

_I’m not giving up._

He froze when he reached the kitchen. Ty was there, reaching up into the cupboard for sugar, his shirt raised up to show a pale strip of skin. Kit swallowed.

Ty turned towards the sound and focused his gaze on Kit’s collarbone.

“I was making coffee,” he stated, as if he owned Kit an explanation as to why he was standing in the kitchen at his own house.

“Yes,” Kit couldn’t break his gaze from Ty’s lovely face. “I see,” he said and then remained quiet, having nothing useful to add.

A tense silence stretched between them.

_Go on. Tell him. Tell him how you feel._

Kit’s courage was fading with every second that passed in the uncomfortable silence.

_Don’t give up. Fight for what you want._

“Ty, I –“

“Do you -?”

They spoke at the same time. Kit stopped and looked down at his feet, and Ty continued instead.

“Do you want some?”

“What?” Kit lifted his gaze and stared at him.

“Coffee,” Ty said, unsure. “Do you want some?”

“Yes,” Kit mumbled. “Thank you.”

He sat down at the counter and Ty handed him a mug filled with steaming coffee. Kit took a sip.

“It’s good,” he said as Ty sat down two chairs away from him. He glanced at the black-haired man. Ty’s full, red, kissable lips opened as he formed a sentence -

“I know how you like it.”

“What?” Kit broke his gaze from Ty’s lips, eyes widening, heart racing. _How you like it._ Kit would like it with Ty in any way possible. Slow, fast, gentle, hard. Anyway, anytime, anywhere.

“Your coffee,” Ty answered. “You like it with too much sugar.”

Kit was brought back to reality.

“Yes. Sugar,” he mumbled, then gathered his courage and started, “Ty, I need to –“

Ty suddenly got up. “I’m going to train.”

“Wait, what?”

“We’re not friends anymore, Kit,” he said coldly. His eyes were narrowed, rigid, hard. “We’re not going back to eating breakfast together, or train together, or anything else we used to do. Those days are over.”

“No, wait, I need to talk to you.” Kit got up and stood in Ty’s way.

“I have nothing to say to you,” Ty replied dryly as he passed him.

Kit took a quick step and planted himself in front of Ty. “But I do,” he said decisively. “I need to talk to you about what you said at the abandoned hospital.”

“This again?” Ty’s eyes were filled with cold fury. “I told you to _let it go_!” He pushed Kit out of his way. Kit stumbled back, but quickly regained his balance.

 _I’m not giving up_.

“No,” he said stubbornly.

“I told you to forget about it.” Ty sounded half-annoyed, half-pained.

“I can’t.”

“Try.”

“I did. Don’t you think I did?”

“Then try harder.”

“No!” Kit snapped. “I’m not going to try! I’m not going to let it go, and I’m not going to try to forget about it. So, you better sit down and talk to me, because I’m not ever letting it go. Ever.” Kit’s heart was racing, but his mind was sharp and focused.

“Why?” Ty sounded exasperated. “I don’t understand.”

“Because I –“

However, Ty had already put his headphones on and shoved Kit out of the way. Kit would have followed, but the rest of the Blackthorns had entered the kitchen, reminding Kit an army of zombies craving coffee instead of brains.

“Kit.” Dru yawned at his general direction. “Oh, you made coffee. Finally, you’re being useful.”

*******

Initially, Kit didn’t see Ty when he entered the training room. He was about to turn and leave, but a quick glance at the ceiling revealed Ty perched on one of the rafters. Kit winced. He still hated to see Ty on top of those.

“Can you please come down?” he asked, already suspecting what Ty’s answer would be. His answer never came, however, as he chose to put his headphones on without saying a word.

_As if that’s going to stop me._

Resolute, Kit began climbing a corner post then jumped to a joist. When he turned around to look at the spot on which Ty was perched, Ty jumped down, easing the fall with a swift roll, and ran out of the room.

*******

Kit walked into the library at a determined pace.

_I’m not fucking around._

He was going to get Ty to talk to him, goddammit. However, Ty was not there. Even more resolute, Kit headed towards Ty’s room – but found it empty.

_Fine. I’m searching this whole institute._

He headed to the roof.

*******

Ty was sitting in the shade of the large tree outside the institute - a Corymbia ficifolia, one of the most common trees In Los Angeles; Ty knew his botanics.

To be more exact, he was hiding from Kit. The irrational blond had been hounding him since this morning, determined – for some incomprehensible reason – to dwell again on Ty’s confession.

That last week without Kit was lonely and bleak. Ty was angry at Kit, but still missed him; and he was angry at himself for missing him. Kit’s friendship was the best thing that had ever happened to Ty, and he despised himself - and Kit - for ruining it.

As the days without him went on, Ty found it easier to fall asleep.

And harder to wake up.

Kit’s warmth and shine gave Ty a reason to get up every morning. Kit’s laugh reminded him how to live. Without him, the sun set on Ty’s life, and that was left was cold stillness.

_But he still sleeps on the floor._

Kit had not left his side at night. Ty hoped this meant that there was still a chance to mend their friendship. Maybe that’s why Kit wanted to talk to him so badly. Maybe he missed Ty too, and wanted to pick up the pieces of their broken friendship and glue them back together.

 _He wanted to go out with me out of pity_ , Ty reminded himself. _He thinks so little of me._

That’s why he wanted to talk to him. He saw how much Ty had missed him, and he feared he would hurt himself. Ty shouldn’t fool himself into thinking that Kit might feel anything more than pity towards him.

“Ty!” Dru’s voice made him lift his gaze. “Julian says it’s your turn to polish the daggers!”

With a sigh, Ty got up and headed towards the weapons room, hoping that Kit would not ambush him there.

*******

Kit had already been on the roof, he had checked the weapons room, the kitchen, the attic, Dru’s room, his own room, and nearly every other vacant bedroom in the institute - which was no simple task as there were dozens of them.

The main problem was that Ty could be on the move, so checking a certain room at a given point in time did not guarantee that Ty wouldn’t be there next. An additional problem would arise if Ty decided to take a walk to God knows where.

Still, Kit’s willpower did not falter. He entered the training room to find Emma and Julian in a heated sword fight. Julian was clearly losing, but he didn’t seem to mind.

“Kit!” Emma cried out. “Want to be next?”

Kit glanced up; Mark was balanced on top of a rafter, but Ty was nowhere to be seen. “No, I… Er…”

“Kit,” Julian looked at him, his gaze sharp and focused. “Why don’t you go help Ty in the _weapons room_?”

May the angel bless this marvelous porcupine trainer.

Kit ran to the weapons room.

*******

He stepped inside swiftly and purposefully. Ty was polishing daggers with his back to him. Kit studied his lean back muscles as he picked up dagger after dagger. He knew that Ty had heard him – and he knew that he did not want to turn around to face him.

“Hey.” Kit forced Ty to acknowledge his presence. As he expected, Ty ignored him. “I need to talk to you.”

Ty dropped the dagger and rag he held into a pile of polished daggers, then turned around. He barely threw a glance at Kit before walking past him. Kit stared at his back.

_No._

“Tiberius Blackthorn,” he said in the most menacing tone he could manage, “you are not walking away from me again.”

Ty froze for a moment, then continued, unaffected.

_Hell no._

Kit leaped forward, caught the back of his hoodie and pulled him back. Hard. Ty fell back on the floor with a cry of surprise. He immediately stood back up, anger in his eyes.

“What the hell, Kit.” He punctuated his sentence with a shove to Kit’s chest that sent him stumbling back a step and sparked his temper.

Kit shoved him back, harder.

Ty snapped. With a low growl, he threw himself at Kit, one fist lashing out. Kit managed to duck in time, and Ty’s fist flew past his face. It only made Ty angrier. He kicked Kit in the chest and sent him flying to the wall behind him. Kit hit the wall, knocking down dozens of daggers and swords in the process. They fell to the floor with a loud sound of clashing metal.

Ty turned his back to him again.

_You are not walking out._

Kit jumped on his feet and took a bolas - a throwing weapon made of weights on the ends of interconnected cords – off the wall. These were usually used when capturing, instead of killing, was the goal. Kit gave the bolas momentum, then released it. It entangled Ty’s legs, tripping him.

Ty reached his hands forward, blocking his fall. He took a knife from his belt and cut himself free in a swift motion, then got up, looking so furious that Kit was genuinely scared for a moment.

“Ty –“ he begun.

But Ty had already taken nunchucks of the wall closest to him and placed himself in a fighting stance, spinning the weapon.

“Come on,” he hissed at Kit.

In half a second, Kit had a stick in his hands and was charging at Ty.

Ty blocked him, turned his hand, and disarmed him with a quick motion. He twisted his hand back, turned Kit around and wrapped the chain of the nunchucks on his throat, holding each wooden piece in his hands. Kit began to choke. Ty pulled his hands down quickly, and Kit was dragged to the floor. With difficulty, he sat back up, panting, his throat bruised.

Ty looked at him for a second with a pained look on his face. He then grumbled, his expression turning blank, and threw the nunchucks on the floor.

“Enough,” he said, taking a step back.

Kit’s throat still burned. He placed his hands on it, moving his fingers slowly. Ty looked concerned.

Kit took advantage of his momentary distraction. He jumped on his feet and leaped at Ty, shoving him on the wall, knocking down Seraph blades and iron spears. He pinned Ty’s back against the wall, placed his thigh between Ty’s knees and a hand on his shoulder. Instinctively, he pulled the knife that was strapped to his thigh and held it to Ty’s throat.

He had a sudden flashback to the first time he saw Ty. It was in his house. Ty had come looking for his father but found him instead. _Beautiful_ , he had thought as the Shadowhunter held a knife to his throat.

Kit studied Ty’s face. He found him more beautiful still. Inside and out.

Ty raised an annoyed eyebrow at him.

“Are you seriously holding a knife to my throat right now?” he said, unimpressed.

Kit let the knife fall on the floor with a loud sound. Ty remained unmoved, his face blank.

“I want to give this a chance,” Kit half blurted out, half shouted at Ty, desperate to get the words out before he could walk out on him again. “I want to give _us_ a chance,” he emphasized.

Ty lifted his gaze and scanned Kit’s face, his eyes cold and hard.

“Why are you not letting this go? I don’t need your –“

Kit cut him off before he could finish the sentence.

“Ty, I know that you deserve more than I could possibly ever give you.” His voice was shaking. “But everything I have – everything _I am_ \- is yours. I’m only asking you to give me a chance to show you what we could be.”

He kept his grip on Ty’s shoulder, ready to stop him from walking out again. However, Ty did not move. Instead, his voice trembled slightly when he started to form a question.

“What are –“

But Kit cut him off again, determined to finally get out the three words he ached to say for months.

“I love you,” he said urgently. “I never got to tell you that.”

“You _what_?” Ty sounded dumbfounded.

Kit took a deep breath.

“I’m in love with you, Tiberius Blackthorn.”

It was harder than he thought it would be – jumping into the unknown. Ty had jumped before him, and when he was recovering at the infirmary, Kit was sure that if he were to jump Ty would catch him. But now he had no idea where Ty stood. He knew that he didn’t want to give him a chance, but did he also regret the words he had said?

Kit’s heart was racing as he waited for his reply. He felt Ty’s shoulder tensing under his grip.

“You… you are?” Ty finally asked. “Is this the truth?”

Kit could not understand why Ty would think that it wasn’t. Did he not see the way Kit stared at him, followed his every move, his every step? The way he listened to every word that left his lips, as if these would be the last words he ever heard? Did he not notice how nervous Kit got whenever he made eye contact with him? How his attention is shifted to Ty at the slightest movement or sound he made? Did he not see how lost Kit was without him, how he was slowly fading, withering, dying, without Ty by his side?

“My heart is yours.” Kit’s voice broke. “It always was, from the first moment I saw you. Do you know what my first thought was, the day I first met you? You held a knife to my throat. I didn’t think about fighting you, I didn’t think about escaping. The only thought that filled my mind was how beautiful you were.”

Ty’s expression was unreadable, and it made Kit more nervous still. Yet, now that he had finally confessed his feelings to Ty, he couldn’t stop himself from getting everything out.

“Why do you think I decided to stay at the institute and become a Shadowhunter?” he asked, desperate. “Why do you think I only allow _you_ to draw permanent runes on me? Go along with your insane training schedule? Study like mad for your quizzes? Sleep in your room on the floor every night?”

Tears were forming in the corners of his eyes. He looked down at his feet, slightly embarrassed.

“Ty,” he murmured, still looking down. “I am so in love with you it’s tearing up my heart and killing me a little more every day,” he confessed as the tears blurred his vision. “Please. Please give us a chance.”

For a moment, they remained silent. Kit’s grip tightened on Ty’s shoulder, scared that he’ll leave again.

“Are you sure?” Ty finally asked, his voice quivering, and for the first time Kit dared to hope. “What if we mess this up?”

“We won’t.” Kit lifted his gaze. “I know you. Better that anybody. And you know me. You know how headstrong and grumpy I can be. You know my most embarrassing secrets. You see through the walls I raise around myself. They keep everyone out – but you.”

A hint of a smile appeared on Ty’s face. Kit’s hand left Ty’s shoulder and found itself in his soft, black hair, dark as a starless night. He slowly tangled strands between his fingers. Ty seemed to be enjoying the touch - he didn’t pull away, but eased under Kit’s caresses, his breathing heavy.

“And if you’ll let me,” Kit continued in a whisper, “I will spend every day trying to make you happy.”

Ty lifted his gaze, and his eyes met Kit’s for half a second. It was enough for Kit to lose all sense of control.

“Do you want me to get down on my knees and beg?” he asked. “Because I will. Do you want me to plead? I will. I don’t care. I just want to be with you.”

Ty was still silent. Kit was about to drop to his knees when Ty lifted his hand and placed it on the nape of his neck. Kit’s heart was racing, and his breath became quick and uneven. Slowly, Ty’s fingers found themselves in his blond hair. Kit closed his eyes and surrendered himself to Ty’s touch, as he twisted the golden locks around his delicate fingers, pulling gently.

Kit studied Ty’s defined features. He was lovelier than the silver of the moon on a winter night, warmer than early morning spring sunshine, more mesmerizing than the stars in the sky. Kit’s attraction to him wasn’t only because he was handsome. It was to his soul, to the kind and wonderful person he was inside.

Slowly, Ty passed his fingers on Kit’s cheekbones, going down, reaching the seam of his lips and sending a jolt of electricity through his body. Gently, he cupped Kit’s face in his hand, caressing his cheek with his thumb.

Kit placed his hand on Ty’s.

“Is that a yes?” he asked uncertain, his voice shaking.

“That’s a yes, Christopher,” Ty whispered.

Time stopped for a moment before it sprung back to life, like a flickering flame.

“Yes,” Kit repeated slowly. “That’s a yes. You will. You will give me a chance.” He couldn’t believe this was happening. Ty and him. After all this time.

Ty began tracing Kit’s lips with his finger. “Yes,” he repeated in his deep, warm voice that Kit had missed so much – and Kit came undone.

He felt a violent urge to kiss him. An uncontrollable yearning to nip at Ty’s lower lip, to lick into his mouth, to taste him. He grabbed the front of Ty’s shirt and pulled him closer, feeling the warmth of his body against his, his heartbeat against his own.

Then he drew back.

Kit knew that Ty has never kissed anyone before. He was afraid to rush him.

_I won’t screw this up._

“Kit-?” Ty began, when they heard footsteps down the hall. They stepped away from each other just in time for Julian to enter the room, a stern expression on his face.

“What happened here?” he inquired, nodding at the weapons scattered on the floor and at the now-bare walls.

“We’re remodeling.” Kit smirked at him.

Julian looked at him with a rigid expression. “Clean this up,” he said coldly. “Now.”

Yet, Kit could swear he saw a hint of a smile on Julian’s face as he left the room.

“Kit?” Ty’s deep voice came behind him, making Kit tingle from his head to his toes.  

Kit turned around and Ty took a step closer. He brushed his fingers gently against Kit’s wrist, sending shivers down his spine. Kit studied his graceful face, feeling feverish, intoxicated, more alive than he had ever been. Ty took Kit’s hand in his, and every fiber of Kit’s being vibrated with excitement.

Slowly, Ty lifted Kit’s hand and kissed it, brushing his lips lightly over his skin.

“I love you too,” he whispered.

Around them, the entire world had been muted; all there was to know about was this moment, in which Ty held Kit’s hand and Kit smiled at him, happier than he had ever thought possible.


	23. Sure About This

Ty picked up a monstrous ax from the floor and placed it back on the wall. No Shadowhunter had chosen the ax as his favorite weapon in two decades. Swords seemed to be the trend nowadays, being lighter and easier to handle.

He picked up some throwing stars from the floor and looked around at the weapons room. He didn’t realize what a mess he and Kit had made during their fight; he was barely aware of his surrounding – his mind was completely focused on Kit.

“I thought you didn’t,” he said, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

“What?” Kit asked him over the sound of clashing metal as he picked up daggers from the hardwood floor.

“I thought you didn’t love me back,” Ty muttered. “You didn’t say it when I was at the infirmary.”

“I was afraid to rush it,” Kit’s voice was weak. “I wanted to ask you to have dinner with me and tell you then.”

“Oh.” Ty’s heart rate shot up. “I thought you wanted to go out with me because you were afraid that I would hurt myself.”

His throat was dry; that last statement was hard to admit.

“Why would you think _that_?” Kit sounded dumbfounded.

Ty bit his lower lip, unsure how to express the fear that had been plaguing him. Kit took a step towards him, getting close enough to make Ty feel safe, but not too close to stress him. It was just right. _Kit_ was just right.

“Hey,” Kit said softly. “What’s going on?”

“That night in Alicante,” Ty heard the words come out of his mouth as though a stranger said them. “I know you’re worried about me. I thought… I thought that you didn’t…”

“Ty,” Kit stretched out his hand towards him, palm facing up. Hesitantly, Ty took it. “I _am_ worried about you, but only because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I want to be with you because you make me a better person. Because when I’m with you I feel alive. Happy.”

Ty’s lips curved up to a little smile. “I’m happy when I’m with you, too.”

Kit kissed his hand before letting it go and turning back to the daggers.

“What have you been up to this past week?” he suddenly asked. “You know, since you didn’t spend it in my delightful presence.”

“The usual. Reading, training. I also found some kittens,” Ty replied.

“Of course you did,” Kit said fondly. “Will you take me to see them?”

“Sure.”

Ty picked up a crossbow – how did they manage to knock down _so many_ weapons? – and placed it on the wall next to him.

“Hmm I think the katana goes here,” Kit mumbled to himself as he hung the curved sword on the wall.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Pretty sure. I knocked it down when you so-adorably kicked me against the wall.” Kit smiled at him. “You do know the way to a man’s heart, I’ll give you that.”

“I meant, are you sure about us,” Ty said, voice trembling slightly. “About me.”

“What do you mean?” Kit turned around to face him.

“I’m not normal.” Ty looked at his shoes.

“No, you’re not.” Kit’s voice was easy.

“Don’t you want to be with someone normal?” Ty asked him.

“What makes a Shadowhunter normal?” Kit retorted. “Blindly following orders from the clave? Not thinking for yourself? Hating downworlders for their mere existence? I don’t want _normal_. I want you.”

“You know what I mean,” Ty muttered.

“I really don’t.”

“Don’t you want to be with someone with whom you can go out to bars?” he asked, looking down at his hands.

“I don’t like bars.”

“Someone who doesn’t memorize maps for fun.”

“That hobby of yours saved our life.” Kit pointed out.

“Someone who would rather talk to people than study animals.” Ty lifted his gaze.

“That’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you.”

“I’m not funny. Don’t you want to be with someone funny?”

“You make me laugh like no one else does.”

“I might not be able to go to restaurants with you.” Ty’s voice quivered.

“I’ll learn how to cook.” Kit smiled at him.

“I might need time to get used to your touch.”

“I’ll wait.”

“I might need some time alone, if things get too overwhelming.”

“I’ll give you space.”

“I might not be good at this. I never had a relationship.”

“We’ll figure it out together.”

Ty bit his lower lip again, out of objections.

“Are you done?” Kit asked him.

Ty nodded slowly.

“Good,” Kit said as he took a step forward. He stopped for a moment watching Ty’s reaction, then took another one and stopped within arm’s reach. He lifted his hand, painfully slowly, to Ty’s face. Gently, he caressed his cheek. Ty closed his eyes, heart fluttering slightly.

“I want to be with you because you’re _you_ ,” Kit said. “You’re the kindest person I have ever met, and the smartest. You are perfect, just the way you are. I’m so far gone for you, I don’t have any hope anymore. So, don’t you dare ask me if I’m sure, because there is nothing I have ever been as certain of in my entire life.”

Without thinking, Ty placed his hands on Kit’s hips and pulled him closer. Kit gasped in surprised, but leaned in, put his hands around Ty’s neck and buried his face in his shoulder.

“I love you,” he said softly.

“Say it again,” Ty pleaded.

“I love you.”

“Again.”

“I love you, Tiberius Blackthorn,” Kit whispered in his ear. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

*******

“Dru, please go and get the boys for dinner,” Julian called from the kitchen as Dru was setting down the table. “They’re in the weapons room.”

“Okay,” she called back as she headed to the hallway.

_In the weapons room? Together?_

Kit and Ty did not spend ten second alone these past few weeks. Did they finally make up? Dru knew how much their friendship mattered to both. Even if they couldn’t be a couple – yet – they still needed each other.

She reached the weapons room and walked in.

“Guys, dinner is… _Oh._ ”

She froze. Kit and Ty were locked in a tight embrace, Ty’s hands on Kit’s hips and Kit’s hands on his shoulders, his lips grazing Ty’s ear. They jumped when they heard her come in and broke their embrace. They took a step back from each other, yet – Dru noted, smiling – they still held hands.

“Dinner is ready.” She beamed at them.

“We’re coming,” Kit grinned back, eyes twinkling.

Dru practically ran back to the kitchen.

“Excited about dinner, huh?” Emma asked her.

“Did you call them?” Julian came from the kitchen holding a pot of cauliflower soup.

“I did,” Dru replied, still smiling.

Julian gave her an understanding look.

Kit and Ty entered the dining room. Dru shot Kit a questioning look and he nodded in response, grinning like mad.

_By the angel. Finally._

“Did you finish cleaning the weapons room?” Julian asked Kit as they all sat down to eat.

“Yes,” Kit answered, not breaking his gaze from Ty who was grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“This is amazing, you guys! I’m so happy for you!” she couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“Why, because they cleaned the weapons room?” Emma asked, confused.

“Yes, obviously because they cleaned the weapons room.” She turned back to look at Kit. “I’m so happy you guys finally did it. After all this time. You finally…”

Emma was still giving her a puzzled look.

“Cleaned the weapons room,” she finished with a smirk.

“I mean, it’s nice and all, but it does seem like a bit of an overreaction,” Emma mumbled.

“It’s a great accomplishment, Emma. It should be celebrated.” Dru stated.

“I cleaned the weapons room last month and no one celebrated for me,” Mark said with a hurt expression.

“I’ll take you out for ice cream.” Christina patted his hand soothingly.

*******

Julian noticed that Kit was only eating with his right hand, and Ty with his left. He smiled to himself, realizing they were holding hands under the table. He studied his brother’s face.

_He’s smiling._

It had been so long since Julian last saw him smile. It lit Ty’s face and made him look younger. Julian was reminded of Ty at the age of 10, asking him what Emma meant by a “brainstorming session”, surely brains won’t we falling out of the sky? Ty, at the age of 12, begging Julian to let him adopt a hurt ferret he found on a walk with Livvy. Ty aged 15, headphones dangling from his neck, sitting stubbornly outside Kit’s door, waiting for him to come out. Ty, a few weeks back, knocking on Julian’s door at 7 AM, hands fluttering at his sides, clearly wanting to talk about something that had been bothering him. Julian had not expected the conversation they had next. He knew Kit’s heart, but didn’t realize that Ty was feeling the same.

_He’s my own brother, yet I feel like I won’t ever get to truly understand him._

Initially, Julian was jealous of the way Kit seemed to ease into Ty’s confidence, the way he understood him like Julian never could, even though he had raised him alone. But after Livvy… Julian choked. After that, he had realized that Kit coming to live with them was the best thing that could have happened to their family.

The rest of the meal passed in a cheerful mood, though it was clear that apart from him and Dru, the rest were oblivious to the change in Kit and Ty’s relationship.

“Oh, you’re friends again.” Was all Emma had said. “Kit, want to sword fight with me after dinner?”

When the meal was over, Dru cleaned the table while Kit and Ty did the dishes. Julian glanced at them and saw Ty laughing at a comment Kit made, then Kit playfully splattered him with water and Ty laughed even harder. With one last smile, Julian turned to leave.

“Julian,” Kit called after him.

Julian turned around. “Yes?”

“Tomorrow, when you make dinner,” he said. “Can you call me, please? I want to learn how to cook.”

“Sure.” Julian squeezed his shoulder in a paternal manner before walking out to join his wife in the training room.

*******

After Emma had beaten the hell out of Kit in front of Ty’s worried eyes, he took a quick shower and hurried into Ty’s room. As he knocked softly on the door, his heartrate shot up. An irrational fear gripped him that somehow, during the ten minutes that Kit had been away, Ty might have changed his mind about him.

“Come in.” Ty gentle deep voice slightly calmed Kit’s nerves.

Hesitantly, he opened the door and found Ty fresh out of the shower, drying his hair with a towel, shirtless. Kit gaped at him. _He is amazing_ , he thought. Then, realizing he was staring, he averted his gaze and went to lie on Ty’s bed.

Ty put on a t-shirt then turned around to face him.

“Kit?”

“Yeah?” Kit lifted his gaze, mesmerized by Ty’s delicate features.

“Are we going to talk about that rock?”

Kit laughed and got up to pick Emmanuel from his pillow.

“This is Emmanuel,” he said as he presented his pet to Ty for inspection.

“Emmanuel? That’s nice. I figured you would call him something like Victor.”

“Victor? That’s a terrible name for him!” Kit protested. “Look at his adorable face! Look at those eyes! Does he look like a Victor to you?”

Ty seemed to consider for a moment. “Indeed he does not,” he agreed.

He then took Emmanuel from Kit’s hand and took a close look.

“I like him,” he declared.

“He’s the best rock in the world.” Kit nodded. “I even taught him some tricks, look.” He took Manu back and placed him on the floor.

“Manu, stand still!”

Emmanuel stood still indeed.

“See?” Kit smirked, and Ty burst out laughing. Kit was bewitched. No matter how many times he managed to make Ty laugh, it always felt like a huge achievement.

“I missed this,” Kit said.

“I missed you,” Ty replied. “And your shenanigans.”

“Shenanigans? Seriously?” Kit raised an eyebrow at him.

“What? It’s a perfectly good word.”

Kit lay back on Ty’s bed.

“Do you want me to read to you?” he asked, a bit nervous.

“Yes,” Ty’s eyes lit up and Kit’s heart threatened to break his ribcage.

Ty passed him the Half Blood Prince – they had stopped there before their fight – and Kit began reading, falling easily back into their old routine. Only now, it felt _more_. More intimate, more personal. Just more. Kit held the book in one hand, and laid his other on the mattress, within Ty’s reach. After a few minutes, Ty turned on his side to face him and took Kit’s hand in his. As Kit read on, Ty interlaced their fingers and Kit thought he might melt.

After a few pages, Kit closed the book and put it down, then lay on his side to face Ty as well. They were still holding hands, and Ty shifted closer.

“You don’t have to go,” he whispered.

“What do you mean?” Kit was confused.

“I want you to stay with me tonight, in my bed.” He blushed then added quickly. “If you want.”

Kit felt his face go red. Ty’s forwardness had taken him by surprise; he didn’t think he would be ready for that. He had hoped, yes, but he didn’t _believe_ it. Kit’s head was a whirl and his heart felt as if it was going to explode. There was so much that he wanted to say, but he couldn’t find the words to express how happy he felt that Ty trusted him so much.

Ty looked concerned by Kit’s quiet. He pulled his hand away. “It’s okay if you don’t want to,” he said, voice saddened with rejection.

“I do!” Kit said quickly. He took Ty’s hand again. “Of course I do, are you kidding? I have been wanting this for months!”

“Months?” Ty asked.

Kit felt himself blush. “Well, yeah. Obviously.”

“When did you…?” Ty bit his lower lip.

“When did I realize that I was in love with you?” Kit took a deep breath. He would tell Ty the truth. “Remember that night we had a fight when I couldn’t draw a rune on you properly?”

Ty nodded.

“I could draw runes on anyone else. Anyone, but you. Whenever I touched you, it… burned. My hands would shake. That day when we had the fight, I… well, I went to the Yareakh, that much you know. And I… I wanted to forget.”

Ty squeezed his hand reassuringly and waited patiently for Kit to continue.

“I kissed Jael again, that night,” Kit admitted, not daring to look at Ty. “She stopped me. She knew I was kissing her because I was running away from something, not because I wanted to.”

Kit expected Ty to pull his hand away. After all, that night had not been Kit’s best display of matureness and intelligence. But Ty kept holding his hand, and Kit relaxed.

“She told me that she was running away from her feelings as well, that she was attracted to girls. Then she asked me who I was running away from. And it was you. I was running away from you because somewhere along the line, I fell in love with you, and it scared me.” Kit lifted his gaze and looked at the beautiful man in front of him. “I’m sorry.”

Ty shifted a bit closer to Kit. “That’s okay,” he said. “It scared me too when I realized how I felt.”

“When did you?”

“I was gradual for me. The day the Ashdowns came, that’s the first time I thought about you in…” Ty stopped. Kit didn’t pressure him.

“And then one night I carried you to bed in my arms, and I just couldn’t let go – I realized that I wanted to keep holding you all night.” He stopped again, clearly embarrassed.

 _Wow_ , Kit couldn’t help but thinking.

“It didn’t make any sense. I mean, we were Kit and Ty. We were friends. _Best friends._ I thought I was going insane. But then we spent that night on the roof, sharing secrets and talking about the stars and when I looked at you I knew that I wanted more. It was overwhelming.”

“That’s why you went to talk to Julian,” Kit realized.

“Yes.”

Kit laughed. “That sly bastard!”

Ty looked at him with a questioning look.

“Julian knew how I felt about you,” Kit explained. “He didn’t say anything, but it was obvious. I’m pretty sure he knew before I did. When I came back from the Yareakh he made me hot chocolate to try and cheer me up. And now you’re telling me he knew about you too - I think he was dying to intervene but stopped himself. Eventually though he heavily hinted that I should fight for you.”

“Sounds like Julian. He probably wanted us to sort this out ourselves.”

“Only we didn’t, because I’m too headstrong,” Kit reflected. “And insecure.”

“Me too.”

“God, he knew we were going to be together before we did! Cunning porcupine trainer.”

Ty laughed. “Really? The porcupines again?”

“You know in your heart that you believe it too.”

“You’re an incorrigible conspirator.” Ty shook his head.

“Yes, but I’m _your_ incorrigible conspirator,” Kit said, then shut up, realizing what he just said. He hoped Ty wanted it as well.

“That you are,” Ty said fondly, and Kit relaxed again.

Slowly, he lifted his free hand and placed it in Ty’s hair. “Is that okay?” he asked.

Ty nodded, so Kit passed his fingers through the black strands, admiring their softness. Ty’s breath became heavy, and his gaze drifted to Kit’s lips.

 _I’m going to kiss him._ The excitement wired his body with electricity. He lifted himself on his elbow and glanced at the man below him. _Gorgeous._ Ty’s gray gaze flickered from Kit’s lips to his eyes and back again. Kit leaned, and suddenly their faces were only inches apart and Kit couldn’t think about anything other than Ty’s plump lips, and how _right_ it would feel to kiss him.

So right.

So right.

So wrong.

_Livvy._

Kit pulled abruptly away. Ty didn’t know that Kit had kissed Livvy. Kissing him now, without him knowing, would feel like _cheating_ somehow. Kit kissed Ty’s sister. The sister he missed every day. Kit had _kissed_ her. He had to tell him. But he couldn’t.

_What if he hates me?_

“Kit? Is something wrong?” Ty sounded anxious.

“There’s something on my mind.” Kit couldn’t bring himself to give a full answer just yet.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I do, but let’s talk about it tomorrow? I’m tired.” _And_ _I want to have one night with you._

“Okay. I’m here for you.”

“I know.”

Ty turned off the bedside lamp. “Good night, Kit.”

“Good night. I love you.” It felt so _freeing_ to be able to say those words out loud.

“I love you too.” Kit could hear the smile in Ty’s voice.

He shifted closer and Kit could feel the warmth radiating from his body. Hesitantly, he wrapped an arm around him. Ty seemed to enjoy Kit’s proximity. He relaxed in Kit’s embrace, his breath slow and even. They lay still for a few minutes, and Kit lost himself to the warmth of Ty’s body, and the sweet rhythm as he breathed out and Ty breathed in. Still, his heart was heavy.

“Ty?” he choked.

“Yeah?” Ty sounded sleepy.

“I’m scared to go to sleep,” Kit whispered.

“Why?” Ty whispered back. He was so close, Kit could feel his gentle breath on his face.

“I’m afraid that I’ll wake up and realize that it was all a dream, and that you don’t really want to be with me.”

“It’s not a dream,” Ty promised. “And when you wake up, I’ll still want to be with you.”

“And you’ll still love me just as much tomorrow?”

“Even more.”

Kit smiled. He buried his face in Ty’s shoulder and drifted to sleep.

*******

Ty woke up the next day energetic, motivated, _alive_ for the first time in weeks. Kit was fast asleep, his head on Ty’s chest.

Man of his word, Ty loved him even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A gif of Emmanuel doing his famous trick: "stand still".  
> 


	24. Notes

“Kit,” Ty said softly.

“Mmmm.”

“Wake up.”

“Nooo,” Kit grumbled.

“Wake up. We’re going to train”

“Noooooooo,” Kit covered his face with his pillow.

“Don’t make me throw you out of bed,” Ty warned him, keeping a stern tone.

In response, Kit buried his face deeper in the pillow, as if trying to disappear.

“That’s it, I’m throwing you out of bed. One, two -”

“Okay, okay, I’m up.” Kit mumbled and pulled himself up to a sitting position, rubbing his eyes.

_He’s adorable. And he’s mine_ , Ty’s heart fluttered at the thought. He got up, aiming to go get dressed, but Kit grabbed him gently by the wrist, not letting him go.

“I love you,” he said urgently, then looked up and studied Ty’s face with an anxious expression.

“I love you too,” Ty smiled at him. “Even more than yesterday.”

Kit seemed to relax again, and Ty’s heart melted.

*******

Kit was amazed by how easily Ty and he fell back to their old routine. After getting dressed, they headed together to the kitchen, laughing and talking. They began making breakfast - Ty beat eggs in a small bowl while Kit heated butter in a pan, unable to stop smiling.

Making an omelet was easy, but Julian had promised to teach Kit how to cook more complicated dishes. Kit planned to take these lessons seriously; he had told Ty he would learn how to cook and there was no way he was going to be anything less than perfect for him.

Ty took over the omelet and Kit made coffee, singing merrily.

“I haven’t heard you sing in a while,” Ty commented.

“I only sing when I’m happy.”

“I know,” Ty replied, the corners of his mouths curving up.

After breakfast, they headed to the training room. Following a quick warm-up, Ty placed himself in a fighting stance on the mat and Kit followed.

“It has been a while since we trained together.” Kit tried, in vain, to control the emotion in his voice.

“It has,” Ty agreed. “Go.”

Kit leaped forward, aiming to knock him over his back. Ty easily avoided him, sending a low kick to his shin. Kit stumbled back, then sent a series of well-aimed punches out of which only one struck Ty, barely grazing his jaw. Next, Kit aimed for an uppercut, which Ty avoided, grabbing Kit’s hand and twisting it to a lock.

Kit freed himself with a swift movement, then quickly placed his hand on Ty’s bicep and used his head to turn and push him against the wall. He placed his knee between Ty’s legs and pushed his body on Ty’s, pinning him to the cold stone.

This technique, which combined a bicep tie up with a head drive, was taught to him a week ago by Julian. Kit was very pleased with his perfect execution of the maneuver; he pinned Ty harder against the wall and looked at him triumphantly.

Ty’s eyes, silver as a winter’s moon, scanned Kit’s face, then met his gaze for a fraction of a second. Kit was suddenly very aware of the heat coming off from Ty’s body, pressed against his, and of his own heartbeat – which felt stronger and faster with every passing moment.

“You’re good, Christopher Herondale,” Ty’s deep voice echoed in the room, bouncing back from the walls.

The sound of his full name on Ty’s lips made Kit’s heart skip a beat. Disoriented, he slightly loosened his grip. Ty quickly took the opportunity to twist his left hand, push him back, and then turn him around. He proceeded to pin Kit against the wall, keeping his forearm on his throat.

“But you are easily distracted,” he continued with a mischievous smile that made Kit forget how to breath.

Kit realized that he didn’t mind one bit losing to Ty again. He didn’t try to get out of Ty’s lock; instead, he took a deep breath and relaxed under his hold, letting himself enjoy his proximity and the warmth of his body. Ty’s familiar smell, of soap combined with fresh ocean air, of _home_ , made him dizzy.

Slowly, Ty moved his hand and placed it on Kit’s sternum. His eyes were scanning Kit’s face again, as if looking for approval for this new placement. Never in his life has Kit felt so much adrenaline coursing through his body; the blood in his veins had turned into fire. Ty began tracing Kit’s collarbones with his fingers, moving slowly and gently. Kit closed his eyes and surrendered himself to his touch, breathing heavily. Ty’s hand found itself in Kit’s hair, his fingers passed through the golden curls, sending shivers up and down Kit’s spine.

Kit dared to lift his hand slowly and place it on Ty’s shoulder. Ty smiled, seeming to enjoy Kit’s touch, which made Kit’s heart beat faster still. He gently brushed Ty’s cheek with the back of his hand.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered.

Ty pressed his hand harder on Kit’s chest. His eyes stopped scanning Kit’s face and his gaze was now focused on his lips. Kit shifted his gaze quickly between Ty’s eyes and his mouth. He felt the familiar urge to kiss Ty, to taste him.

_Is he feeling the same?_

Kit moved his hand from Ty’s cheek to the nape of his neck, caressing gently, heart beating so fast he thought it might rip out his chest. Ty gripped the front of Kit’s shirt and leaned in, and Kit’s heartbeat shot to a new high. He was certain Ty could feel it and realize the depth of his excitement.  

Kit gathered all the courage he had, and pulled Ty by the nape of his neck, reducing the distance between their faces to an inch and feeling Ty’s gentle breath on his face.

Ty didn’t pull away, and Kit gained confidence that Ty wanted this just as much as he did.

_I should stop._

As much as he wanted this, as much as they _both_ wanted this, Ty had to know the truth.

Yet, stopping seemed impossible.

_His lips look so soft._

Kit closed his eyes and leaned in closer, pressing his chest against Ty’s. He could hear Ty panting, could feel Ty’s heartbeat - just as fast as his own – in his chest, could smell his intoxicating scent.

_Irresistible. He’s irresistible._

“Gooooood morning guys!” Emma’s joyful voice echoed in the training room. In half a second Ty let Kit go, and both of them were facing Emma.

“I see that Kit still hasn’t learned to free himself from a wall pin, huh? I can teach you if you want,” she continued merrily.

Kit was torn between wanting to throw a dagger at Emma for having the tendency to appear at the most inconvenient moments and wanting to kiss her forehead - like you would kiss a toddler - and thank her for being so absolutely oblivious to what was going on around her.

Yet, he had to admit that her timing, although painfully undesired, saved him from Ty’s spell. He was about to _kiss_ him, would he have been able to stop?

“Come on, what are you waiting for?” Emma barked at him. “On the mat!”

“Yes, your highness.” Kit positioned himself obediently on the mat, preparing himself mentally for the unavoidable Emma-induced ass-kicking.

“Fuck you, Kit.” She smiled at him.

“Get in line, sweetie.” He smirked back.

“By the Angel, you’re lucky Julian wasn’t here to hear that,” Dru pointed out as she entered the room. “He would have shredded you and made pancakes with your remains.”

Kit shuddered at the thought.

*******

Ty was pacing around the institute with his headphones on, the way he used to do whenever he had an open case. During the last two weeks, his mind was filled with a single question: _who’s after Kit?_ He was certain that the two kidnappings were related. His leading theory was that it was related to the _shapeshifter_ ; to Tessa. She was a very powerful warlock, and her powers were unique. The motives behind getting her could range from trying to revive, in a way, someone who was long dead, to getting information about a living person.

Ty was certain that someone was trying to get to her through Kit. He knew Kit’s family history well. Specifically, he knew that while Kit was not a direct blood relative of hers, Tessa’s history as a matriarch of a branch of the Herondale dynasty was widely known, and so was her attachment to them. Getting Jace Herondale might attract more attention, thus targeting his other living kin would be a smarter move.

The problem was finding a discreet lead. While Ty could interrogate the remaining members of the vampire clan responsible for the first kidnaping attempt, he considered it unwise to reveal how much he knows. Whoever is after Kit probably does not know that the institute inhabitants received a warning about his intentions to get to the shapeshifter, and Ty wanted to keep it that way.

_I need a lead. I need a lead._

Realizing that Kit returned his feelings made it simultaneously harder and easier to think. Easier, since the storm in his heart had calmed down to peaceful blue skies. Harder, since it made the fact the someone was after Kit so much more _personal_.

Suddenly, an idea formed in his head.

*******

“I need to talk to you,” Kit said as he pulled Dru aside. “About Ty.”

“As if you ever talk about something else.” Dru smirked at him. “Honestly, you’re like a lovesick puppy. He wants you, what can possibly be bothering you _now_?”

“I haven’t kissed him,” Kit said carefully.

“So, you came to me for tips? Go ask Jael, she knows what your technique is lacking. I mean, you did make her give up on all males so –“

“Kit?”

Both turned around to see Ty walking towards them. “Can I talk to you for a moment? It’s about the kidnappings.”

“Sure. I just need to talk to Dru about something.”

“I’ll wait for you outside,” Ty replied, then put his headphones on and walked out.

Kit watched him as he walked away. He could not bear the idea of Ty alienating himself from him again. Those weeks without him tore Kit’s heart to pieces; he could not live through that a second time.

He turned to Dru. “I’m being serious.” His voice trembled.

“What’s going on?”

Kit took a deep breath. “He doesn’t know I kissed Livvy.”

“Oh.”

“Yes, _oh_.”

“I guess I assumed he did…” she said slowly. “Though I can see why you didn’t tell him.”

“I don’t know how.”

Dru bit her fingernails, looking slightly anxious. They both know the gravity of the situation. Livvy had been Ty’s second half; part of his soul. Part of his heart. After her death, Ty lost his will to live. It took Kit months before he could make him smile again. It took the rest of the family even longer just to make him _talk_ to them. For him to realize that Kit, the person he trusted most, had _kissed_ her? Worse; that Kit had kissed her and kept it from him? He would feel betrayed. How could he not? Kit had almost kissed _him_ a mere hour ago.

“I think you should be direct.” Dru looked at him with a grave expression. “Tell him everything as it is. Now. The longer you wait, the messier it will get.”

“But what if he hates me?”

“There’s nothing you can do about it now, can you? It already happened. You have no choice but to tell him.”

With a heavy heart, Kit stepped out of the training room and found Ty leaning against the wall. He took his headphones off when he saw Kit and smiled at him, which was the worst thing that he could have possibly done since his smile lit up his whole face and made Kit fall for him all over again.

_I can’t. I can’t. He’ll hate me. I can’t._

“I’m really sorry Ty, I need some time to think,” he mumbled as he passed him, leaving him perplexed. “I’ll meet you in the library in an hour.”

Kit would have wanted to go to a long walk on the beach, clear his mind and figure out the best way to tell Ty that he had kissed his sister. Yet, Julian forbade him to go outside alone. So instead he headed to his room, telling himself that he most definitely was _not_ hiding. Just seeking some quiet to plan the best possible strategy for his confession.

*******

An hour had passed, but the library was empty expect for Dru, sitting in her favorite armchair and writing a paper for Diana.

“Where is Kit?” Ty asked her, then mumbled to himself. “I’m going to kill him.”

_He better not be avoiding the discussion about the kidnappings. Typical Kit, repressing the fact that someone is after him._

“Don’t be mad at him.” Dru lifted her gaze. Ty could detect concern in her voice.

“I already am though.”

“He wanted to tell you.”

She spoke fast, her words slightly incoherent. Usually, Ty knew, that was a sign of stress or anxiety in people.

“He just wanted to do it at the right time,” she finished.

Ty looked at her, puzzled. “At the right time? How can there be a right time for something like that?”

“You’re right, Ty,” Dru replied, her voice weak. “There is no ‘right time’ to tell you that he kissed her. But you must know, he only waited because he cares about you so much, and he knows how much Livvy meant to you.”

“He wants to tell me he _kissed Livvy_?” Ty gaped at her.

“Oh no,” Dru seemed to have realized they were not talking about the same thing. At all. “Oh, no no no. Ty, wait a second, it’s not –“

“I have to go.”

*******

Kit stepped into the library. He had an entire speech prepared, that emphasizes his love for Ty and how much he means to him and explains that his love for Livvy was that of a brother loving his sister, nothing more, and ends with a heart rending pleading that Ty should forgive him. Still, Kit was scared, absolutely terrified, of Ty’s reaction.

Oddly, he wasn’t in the library; only Dru was there, looking distressed.

“Where is Ty?” he asked her.

“Kit,” she looked at him with a clear expression of sorrow. “I’m so sorry.”

“What happened?” Kit suddenly felt dizzy. “Dru, what happened?”

“I – I thought you told him. I’m so sorry, Kit I –“

Kit turned around and ran out of the library.

*******

Luckily, he found Ty in the first place he looked: he barged into his room and saw him sitting on the bed, going through some pieces of paper, biting his lower lip in concentration. His hair, black with contrasting bright shines, fell on his eyes, and his long eyelashes fluttered on his cheeks. Kit watched as he riffled through the writings. There was something of the warrior in him combined with a gentleness that made Kit’s heart reach out.

Livvy had once told him that Shadowhunters spent their entire lives without seeing angels, the only exceptions being Clary and her friends, and of course, Jonatan Shadowhunter. Kit wondered how similar such a vision would be to what he was seeing right now.

“Ty, I’m so sorry,” he began as he stepped inside, utterly panicked. “Please, don’t throw away –“

“Kit –“

“No, listen to me! Don’t throw away what we have! Let me just - I’m so sorry Ty, I should have told you sooner, but I was afraid I would lose you. And I can’t lose you, I _can’t_! You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me and –“

“Kit –“

“And I love you so much, and I’m sorry I was such a coward,” Kit held back tears. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness, I know that, but please, _please_ , don’t –“

“Kit!” Ty raised his voice, causing Kit to freeze. “There’s something I need to show you.”

He handed Kit a piece of paper.

“What is this?” Kit asked anxiously as he took it. “Is it a break-up letter? Oh my god, it is, isn’t it? You don’t want to be with m–“

“It’s not a break-up letter.” Ty’s deep voice was soft as velvet. “Just listen, okay? Livvy and I used to pass notes in Diana’s classes or during boring meetings. I kept all of them.” He pushed the paper into Kit’s hand. “There are a few I wanted you to see.”

Kit gaped at him.

“Go on,” Ty said encouragingly. “Read it.”

Kit looked at the note; it was dated one day after he arrived at the institute.

 

~~~

_Ty, what is it with you today? You’re all fidgety._

**_I don’t like that Kit is up there alone._ **

_What can you do? He won’t come out of his room._

**_But what if he does? No one will be there. What if he needs something?_ **

_So what, you’re going to wait outside his room until he comes out?_

**_Yes. I am. Tell Diana I feel sick._ **

~~~

 

Kit lifted his gaze, and Ty handed him a second piece of paper, dated a few days later.

 

~~~

_I like having Kit around. What about you?_

**_Yes._ **

_This is my Ty. A man of few words. I noticed you are very attentive to anything he says._

**_He is interesting._ **

_Oh, is he now?_

**_Yes. He is different._ **

_OMG did Emma just tell Diana that she should “just bone Gwyn ap Nudd”??????_

~~~

 

Kit’s heart fluttered slightly in his chest. Ty thought he was “interesting”. He knew that coming from Ty, it’s a huge compliment; Ty usually preferred to avoid human interaction.

“You’re smiling,” Ty commented as he handed him another piece of paper, dated one day later.

 

~~~

_I kissed Kit._

**_Stop kicking me!_ **

_I will when you write something back._

**_I just did._ **

_Ty._

**_~~I don’t know~~ _ **

**_~~Are you~~ _ **

**_~~Did he~~ _ **

**_Is he your boyfriend now?_ **

_No! I don’t like him like that. I only kissed him because I was curious. We never get to meet anyone outside the family. Expect Paige Ashdown. *shudders*_

**_I don’t understand. I thought you only kissed someone if you liked them?_ **

_Not always._

_I was just curious. But I don’t think Kit and I are supposed to be like that. He needs someone that can ground him._

**_~~Someone~~ _ **

**_What do you mean?_ **

_Kit needs to be with someone more calculated, that will balance his heated and impulsive nature. I think he’ll fall for someone with a kind heart, that will give his life meaning, you know? He’s searching for meaning. He needs someone of whom he can take care of, someone that will make him feel needed and loved._

~~~

 

Kit fought back tears as he read on. Livvy knew him so well, after only spending a few days with him. She knew that he would need Ty to balance him out and make his life worth living.

“She knew,” he said slowly. “She knew that I will fall in love with you.”

Without a word, Ty handed him the last piece of paper. It was dated after Livvy had asked him what his intentions were and told him about Paige Ashdown.

 

~~~

**_I think Julian doesn’t like Kit. It bothers me. Kit is very nice._ **

_Why do you care If Julian likes him or not? (Pass me Emma’s cookie. I finished mine and I need sugar if we are keeping this library research much longer.)_

**_I want Kit to feel welcome here. (No. That’s stealing.)_ **

_He’s not going to leave, Ty. And about Julian – you know he’s very protective of our family. Just give him time, he’ll realize how great Kit is. (I merely ask you to help your beloved sister to borrow a cookie without any intentions of returning it.)_

**_I don’t want him to go._ **

_I know. He’s not going to. (give me the cookie)_

**_He doesn’t like it here._ **

_I think he does. (COOKIE)_

**_Fine, here’s your cookie. Now you have made me an accomplice._ **

_Kit keeps looking at you._

**_Because I’m weird? He thinks I’m weird?_ **

_You are not weird, you are amazing. And I know he thinks so too. But ask yourself – why do you care so much?_

**_Emma noticed her cookie is missing. Quick, let’s make a run for it._ **

~~~

 

“She also knew that I was falling for you,” Ty said when Kit glanced up at him. “She knew my own heart better than I did.”

A single tear trickled down Kit’s cheek. Ty reached out and wiped it gently.

“So, you’re – you’re not mad at me?” Kit stammered, unsure.

“No, Kit, I’m not mad at you.” Ty smiled at him.

“Bless the Angel,” Kit exhaled. “I was on the verge of a panic attack.”

“I saw,” Ty said softly. “Come here. You’re all shaking.”

He wrapped his arms around Kit and pulled him closer. Melting into Ty’s embrace, Kit realized that he was indeed shaking like a leaf. He held on to Ty as if hanging for dear life, his fingernails digging into Ty’s skin, his head buried in Ty’s neck.

“I’m here,” Ty said as he gently kissed Kit’s forehead.

It was the first time that Kit had felt Ty’s lips on his skin; they were just as soft as he imagined. His heart beat so fast it hurt, and his legs threatened to collapse underneath him. He would have crumpled to the floor, he was sure, if Ty wasn’t holding him so tight.

“Better?” Ty asked in a whisper.

Kit nodded, unable to speak.

“Good. Because I might have a lead regarding the responsible for your kidnapping attempt. Care to hear it?”


	25. Your Friend, Who Happened To Be a Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a bonus mini-chapter. Enjoy :)

Ty was setting the table, humming quietly, while Julian and Kit finished cooking dinner.

“Can I help you guys?” Emma asked her husband as she entered the kitchen.

“I love you, Emma, I really do,” Julian replied hastily. “But please go away.”

“You let Kit help you!” Emma protested.

“Babe,” Julian said in an appeasing tone. “Every time you try to help me you set something on fire. And, you know, that’s not really something I want to deal with right now.”

Kit had asked Julian to teach him how to cook. Dru didn’t have to ask why; it was clear he was doing it for Ty. She glanced over at him – he was stirring a pot of soup, a concentrated expression on his face.

“Does it look okay?” he asked Julian anxiously.

“Perfect.”

“Hey, who’s the extra plate for?” Emma asked Ty as she sat down at the table, followed by Mark, Christina, and Tavvy. Diana would be going out with Gwynn tonight.

“I invited Jael over,” Dru replied. She sat down next to Emma and poured herself some water.

Julian placed a bowl filled with green salad on the table. “Tavvy, go wash your hands.”

“Oh, your werewolf friend? I like her, she’s nice,” Emma said. “Maybe we could set her up with Cameron Ashdown?”

Dru spit out her water.

“Emma!” Julian sounded scandalized.

“What?” she asked, perplexed. “I know you don’t like him because we used to date, but he’s really nice! And I think he’s lonely.”

“Sweety,” Julian said between gritted teeth, using the same tone he would use on Tavvy when he was three years old and refused to go to bed. “Jael is Dru’s _girlfriend_.”

“What?” She turned to Dru. “You have a girlfriend? Since when?”

“Dude are you being serious right now?” Dru stared at her. “We’ve been dating for months! I invited her on our movie night and introduced her as my girlfriend.”

“I thought you meant it like she was your friend, who happened to be a girl.”

“We held hands the entire evening!”

Emma shrugged. “I figured that this is how today’s youth expresses friendly affection.”

Christina facepalmed herself. “Emma, you’re in your twenties. You _are_ today’s youth.”

“Oh well.” Emma threw her hands in the air. “Maybe I can set up Cameron with Kit’s pet rock.”

“Hell no,” Kit exclaimed as a carried the pot of soup from the kitchen. “Ain’t no one messing with my bae!”

“I have no idea what you just said.” Ty shook his head.

“It must have been a foreign language,” Mark mused. “French, perhaps?”

Kit’s reply was interrupted by the sound of the institute’s door bell. Dru headed to the door, slightly nervous. It wasn’t rational; she had been dating Jael for a while now. Yet, her girlfriend still had the ability to make her stomach flutter whenever she was near her.

“Hey babe,” Jael said as Dru opened the door. She was wearing ripped jeans and a teal t-shirt.

“How do you look so gorgeous wearing jeans and a t-shirt?” Dru gaped at her.

The blush that appeared on Jael’s cheeks rendered her irresistible; Dru pulled her into a fiery kiss.

“Please stop making out,” Kit’s shout killed their romantic moment. “Some of us are starving.”

Dru let her go and took her by the hand, giggling. When they reached the dining room, began a chorus of “Hey Jael” and “How are you?” from all the family members at the table, expect Emma who was gaping at Jael as if she had never seen her before.

“Dru,” Jael whispered in her ear. “Why is she staring at me?”

“Oh, she had just realized you were my girlfriend. Her brain is processing this novel bit of information.”

*******

“I’m bored!” Dru complained.

She was sprawled on the couch at Jael’s apartment, browsing through a magazine, while Jael sat next to her finishing a lab report.

“I’m almost done.”

“What is your report about?”

“Ontogenetic color change and mating cues in Largus Californicus.”

“How do you manage to simultaneously be the coolest person I know _and_ the nerdiest?” Dru wondered out loud.

“How do you manage to simultaneously be the most adorable person I know _and_ the deadliest?” Jael grinned at her.

Dru chuckled and returned to her magazine.

“I’m done,” Jael announced twenty minutes later.

“Good. I missed you,” Dru said as she climbed on her lap and began kissing her neck.

Jael passed her fingers through Dru’s hair. “How are Kit and Ty doing?”

“Insanely happy,” Dru smiled. “They walk around the institute like two grinning idiots.”

“I’m so glad they’re together,” Jael said as she interlaced her fingers in Dru’s. “Kit was so miserable.”

“So was Ty, apparently. It’s just that none of us truly understands him, so we missed it. I feel bad about it. I mean, I’m his _sister_. I should have realized.”

“You did your best.”

“Yeah,” Dru replied, thoughtful. “Kit is the only one who truly knows what Ty needs.”

“It’s lucky they found each other.”

“It’s like they were made for each other,” Dru agreed. “I don’t understand them though. They got their relationship timeline all wrong. They haven’t even kissed yet.”

“That makes sense. Ty might need time to adjust to such a drastic change in their relationship.”

“But isn’t it... backwards?”

“I don’t think so. We each write our own love story. While it might be untraditional – this is what’s best for them.”

“How smart you are,” Dru kissed her cheek softly.

“Also, they’re still more traditional than us,” Jael pointed out. “A werewolf and a Shadowhunter.”

She was right. Dru kept forgetting it, but she _was_ dating a downworlder; despised by the clave, hunted down by Shadowhunters with cruel and obsolete world views.

“I love you,” she said quickly. “I don’t care about the rest of the world, the only thing that matters to me is you.”

“I know,” Jael smiled at her. “Also, I’ve been thinking – I was so sure that Ty was leading Kit on, that I never gave it a fair chance to get to know him. How would you feel about inviting them both over to dinner?”

“Like a double date?”

“Yes.”

“Best idea ever.” Dru cupped Jael’s face in her hands and kissed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The best thing about bonus mini-chapters is increasing the number of total chapter by 1 :)
> 
> So my goal today was just to hype you a bit about our next chapter (which should be published sometime during the weekend). It's going to be a long one (with a length of two average chapters), so brace yourselves :)
> 
> BTW, I initially didn't think about showing the conversation Julian and Ty had after ch. 8, but some of you requested it and damn that was a great idea, so thank you guys ♡


	26. Perfect

************ The morning after the events of “Kallisto and Gray” ************

A knock on the door woke Julian up. He immediately jumped to his feet in attack mode; no one ever woke him up like that. Something must have happened.

He opened the door to find Ty looking down at his shoes, hands fluttering at his sides.

“Did I wake you?” he asked, nervous.

“Ty,” Julian was alarmed. “What’s going on?”

Ty bit his lower lip, still gazing down.

“Ty?” Julian closed the door behind him.

“I just wanted… to talk. Is that okay?”

Julian exhaled in relief.

_Everyone is alive._

“Of course it’s okay Ty-Ty.” He smiled. “Come on, let’s get some coffee.”

They walked to the kitchen in silence. What Ty would want to talk about – Julian had no idea. The possibilities ranged from begging Julian to adopt an injured animal he had found, to talking about Livvy.

Julian heated water in a kettle and took out two mugs from the cupboard: the break-up mug Emma had given him for himself, and a green ceramic mug for Ty. Julian had observed that Kit would only make Ty coffee in this specific mug. When he asked about it, Kit told him that he had noticed Ty liked the feeling of its slightly rough texture. Ever since, Julian made sure to use it as well.

“Where’s Kit?” he yawned as he poured the coffee. It was rare – inconceivable even – to see one without the other.

“Sleeping,” Ty replied. “He stayed up all night with me because I had a nightmare.”

Julian felt as if a glacier had crystalized in his stomach and began expanding to the rest of his body. He knew that Ty still had nightmares about Livvy; after all, he had them as well. Julian had raised his brothers on his own and they were like children to him. The English language has orphans and widows, but there is no word that describes a parent who loses a child. The pain is too awful, unbearable, too acute for words.

But in the chaos of his mind, in the fragments of his heart, there was Emma. She absorbed his pain into her own heart, shining light into the blackness that surrounded him, enabling him to _breathe_.

It took Julian a while to realize that Kit did the same for Ty. He was embarrassed to admit, even to himself, that initially he had resented Tessa and Jem for leaving Kit with the Blackthorns. Julian already had to deal with an unstable uncle Arthur, with the possibility of losing the institute and have his brothers scattered all over the world, with his unreciprocated love for his parabati, with Helen’s exile, with Mark’s problems of adapting back to the Shadowhunter’s world, with Ty’s ambition to join the Scholomance, which Julian knew will not be a possibility. The last thing he needed was another kid to take care of. A distrusting, cynical, lost child who had seen his father ripped to shreds in front of his eyes.

But Ty had insisted that Julian should give him a chance; that Kit is “very nice”. So, Julian had kept his thoughts to himself, and for a while contented himself with the fact that at least Kit had not set anything on fire or killed anyone.

It was only after losing Livvy that Julian had realized how blind he had been.

Kit and Ty had developed a unique bond. The entire world, and Julian included, saw Kit’s sardonic side. But if one was observant enough, they could detect a change in his tone whenever he addressed Ty. If one was attentive enough, they would notice that Ty would not put his headphones on if Kit was around. They could observe the corners of Ty’s mouth curving up in response to Kit’s remarks, and the physical proximity he allowed him – and only him - to keep.

Julian had realized that Kit’s friendship meant the world to Ty. Training Kit gave his life meaning. Talking to him made him smile. Sitting quietly next to him made him calm. As Julian comprehended the positive effect that Kit had on his brother, his affection for him grew until Kit became an integral part of his family. Ty’s best friend became a brother to Julian.

Yet, Julian had kicked himself for being blind again. Incredibly, dangerously blind.

Kit not only cared for his brother; he was falling in love with him.

It took Julian so long to notice, that by the time he did – Kit was already in too deep and there was no way he would have been able to stop himself from loving Ty.

Julian’s heart bled for him. He knew, all too well, the suffering that an unreciprocated love can cause. The pain, lying awake at night, trying to keep himself from thinking about things he can’t have. The misery and despair that follow you every day, restricting your every move and every thought, until they become part of _you_. Looking at the other person is torture and your own existence becomes a torment.

The only consolation was that Kit seemed to be unaware of his own feelings.

Then one day, he had a fight with Ty. Their _first_ fight. Dru came up to Julian and told him that Kit had ran outside, slamming the institute door behind him. Julian found Ty in a state of utter distress. “He’s mad at me but I don’t know why,” was all he said before he retreated to himself, building invisible walls around him to shield him from the outside world.

_But I do._

Later that night, when Kit had returned, Julian was livid. He was just about to wake up Emma and form a research team. Kit’s surprise at his reaction made Julian realize how much he had wronged him; Kit was astonished that Julian even _cared_. Clearly, Julian had failed to make Kit feel part of the family; he had failed to show him how happy he was – how happy they all were – that Kit was part of their lives.

Studying Kit’s dejected expression confirmed Julian’s suspicions; he was desperately in love with Ty and shattered by his indifference. Because - Julian knew just as well as Kit did - Ty’s mind was committed to solving cases, his heart focused on studying animals, his soul still mourning Livvy. Nowhere would he fit romance, let along aimed at his best friend.

Julian could not pretend that Kit’s feelings would ever be returned. So, he had set on the second-best thing, and made him hot chocolate. “I understand”, he had told Kit then. And he did. He had spent years in love with Emma, with no one to talk to about it, with no hope that she would ever love him back.

“Julian?”

Ty’s voice brought him back to reality.

“Did Emma ever stay up all night with you because you had a nightmare?” he asked.

“She did,” Julian answered truthfully. “After we got back from Alicante.”

After Livvy’s death, Julian had trouble sleeping. For weeks, Emma had stayed up with him, caressing his hair, holding him close, wiping his tears.

“You were parabati,” Ty stated the fact.

“We were,” Julian replied carefully.

_So that’s where this is going. Ty wants Kit to be his parabati._

That was a bad idea. A terrible one. The textbook definition of _disaster_. Kit would be crushed; being parabati means that Ty does not – will not ever – return his love. But even worse, Kit would not be able to tell Ty no. So, he would be doomed to spend his life bonded to the man he is in love with, unable to ever be more than a brother to him.

Julian knew he had to stop this. For Kit’s sake. For Ty’s.

But how? He had to think carefully about what he would say next, how he would convince Ty to drop the idea. He had never succeeded in making Ty give up on any idea before; but there was no way – _no way_ – that he would doom Kit to a life of suffering.

_Think. Think._

“But you didn’t want to be her parabati anymore,” Ty continued.

“No, I didn’t. I realized that I wanted us to be more than partners in fight; I wanted her to be my partner in life.” Julian answered slowly. “I love her.”

“But you also love me, and Dru, and Mark, and Tavvy… You love all of us.”

“It’s a different kind of love.” Julian could not find a better answer.

Ty rubbed his fingers against the mug. Kit had once explained to Julian that sometimes, when the world gets too overwhelming, Ty uses touch to ground himself. Everything that Ty does has a reason, Kit had said.

“How can you tell?” Ty finally asked, voice slightly shaking.

Julian studied his face, completely at loss at the direction this conversation took. Ty was circling around the parabati bond somehow, but Julian did not follow.

“How can you tell that you’re in love?” he asked, unsure.

Ty nodded. “How do you know that you’re in love with Emma?”

Julian thought about it for a moment.

“I want to spend as much time with her as I can.”

“I want to spend all of my time with Kit,” Ty mumbled.

“Well, yes.” Julian realized that it was a normal thing for parabati. “Also, she makes me feel safe and loved,” he continued.

“Kit makes me feel safe. He sleeps in my room every night and takes care of me when I have nightmares.”

Parabati do take care of each other like that. Julian was still at lost as to what Ty was getting at, but he was too preoccupied with finding the best way to steer him away from his parabati idea to think about it.

“She always makes me laugh,” he said.

“Kit is hilarious.”

_Don’t be parabati. Don’t be parabati._

“I’m comfortable to be myself around her. I can make terrible jokes and be as silly as I want, and she’ll always make me feel as if I’m amazing,” Julian said, then took a sip of his coffee. Like Ty, he liked it slightly bitter.

“I can always be myself around Kit. He doesn’t think that I’m weird. He says that I’m perfect.”

Julian choked on his coffee.

“He – he says...” He coughed. His eyes began to tear up.

“Do you want some water?” Ty seemed concerned.

“I – I’m fine.” He coughed again.

“What else?” Ty insisted. “What else means that you’re in love?”

“I think she’s beautiful,” Julian croaked. “Inside and out.” His windpipe was finally able to let oxygen in, so he dared to take another sip.

“Kit is the most beautiful person I have ever met.”

“Kit is _wha-?_ ” Julian choked a second time and began a series of coughing that threatened to rip out his throat.

“Kit is the most beautiful person I have ever met,” Ty repeated, clearly under the impression that Julian had not heard him the first time. “He is radiant like the sun. Sometimes we go up on the roof to look at the sunrise, and he gazes at the sky and at the ocean below, but I prefer to look at him because he’s prettier. And when I wake up in the morning and he’s still asleep, I think that I’m so lucky to be the only person who gets to see him like this, curled up in his blanket with his hair spread over the pillow. Sometimes when he realizes that I’m looking at him he blushes, and I want to touch his cheeks, but I think I’m not supposed to do that.

“I want to spend all of my time with him, and I can’t stop thinking about him when he’s not with me. Whenever he goes out on a mission without me, I can’t concentrate on anything because I’m too worried that something will happen to him. When he hurts himself during training, it hurts me as well. I try not to show it though, because I don’t want him to worry.

“He makes me laugh, and somehow, I make him laugh as well. I never thought that I was funny, but when I’m with him I can be _anything_.

“He understands me. He knows when I need to be quiet, and he knows when I need to talk. I want to share everything with him, I want him to know everything about me. And I want to know everything about him. I want to know all the little things; which books he likes, what music he listens to. And I want to know the deeper things; what makes him laugh, what makes him sad, what he fears.

“Sometimes I want him to hold my hand, but I don’t know how to ask; and sometimes I want to put my arms around him and pull him close and just stay like this for a while. I wish that I could fall asleep with him and wake up with him every day. I want his touch to be the last thing I feel every night and his face to be the first thing I see every morning.

“He’s my best friend, and I don’t want our friendship to end; I just want _more_ than what we have. I want to keep watching movies with him – but I don’t want him to sit so far away from me when we do. I still want us to read books in my bed before we go to sleep – but I don’t want him to go to his own mattress after I fall asleep. I want to be able to touch his hair and hold his hand, I want him to put his arms around me and hold me, and I don’t want him to do any of that with anyone else.

“Is this how you feel about Emma?”

Julian was stunned.

Suddenly, he had a flashback to another conversation he had with Ty a few weeks back. He was cooking dinner when out of the blue, Ty came into the kitchen and asked, “When do you kiss someone?”

Julian turned around and gaped at him.

“W- _When_?” Julian stammered. Ty didn’t ask how, or why. He wanted to know _when_.

“Yes, when,” Ty repeated. “Is there a social convention dictating the right timing?”

Taken by surprise, Julian had to consider this for a moment. He couldn’t give an answer based on personal experience; nothing he and Emma did followed social conventions.

“I think it is customary to take your… Er… loved one on a date,” he said slowly. “Then, at the end of the evening, you escort them to their home. At their front door you stop, then if it… Er… feels right, you can pull them closer and lean in… and well, do what feels natural for you.”

 _By the Angel,_ Julian realized now. _That conversation was about Kit._

_About Kit._

_What._

_What?_

_Ty._

_Is._

_With Kit._

_What?_

His mind, frozen with shock, was only able to process semi-sentences. He didn’t even notice his mouth hanging open.

“Julian?” Ty called back his attention. “Is this how you feel about Emma?”

“Y-Yes,” Julian stuttered. “Pretty much.”

_Wow._

And so, Julian kicked himself a third time for being stupidly blind. First, he didn’t grasp how great was Kit and Ty’s friendship. Second, he was slow to realize Kit was, in fact, in love with Ty. And now, Julian was so oblivious, he did not figure out that his brother felt the same.

Being married to the most adorably clueless woman in the world was definitely affecting him.

“I am in love with Kit,” Ty mumbled to himself, his voice barely audible. “I am in love with him. I am in love.”

He looked up and fixed his gaze on Julian’s shoulder.

“Julian,” he said. “I’m in love with Kit.”

Julian looked at him affectionally. Ty, his baby brother. In love.

“Yes,” Julian smiled at him.

“I need to tell him,” Ty mumbled.

Julian looked at him as he traced the edge of the green mug with his finger, a thoughtful expression on his face. It seems like it was only yesterday that Julian drew pictures for him to explain idioms. Only yesterday he drew an iratze on him when he scratched his knees climbing up rocks. In the blink of an eye, Ty grew up. Yesterday he was a quiet child, fascinated with cars, confused by people and social interactions, unable to express himself, frustrated by being misunderstood. But now Julian sat next to a young man, more at peace with himself than he had ever been. A young man who dared to fall in love with his best friend and _tell_ him that. Julian admired Ty’s courage; he himself had not dared to tell Emma how he felt for years.

They remained quiet for a while; Julian sipping his coffee, still trying to wrap his head around the new information his brain acquired during the last few minutes, and Ty, lost in thoughts, grounding himself by tracing the mug’s edge in a slow, repetitive motion.

“Good morning, best husband ever!” Emma’s cheerful voice broke the silence as she entered the room. “Good morning Ty-Ty!” Her eyes scanned the kitchen as if searching for something. “Where’s Kit?”

“Sleeping,” Ty mumbled.

“Wow, he’s still trying to get out of training? Do you know that yesterday he said he couldn’t train with me because his eyelashes hurt?” She gave both of them a pointed look. “His _eyelashes_.”

“Babe,” Julian grinned at her. “That’s probably because every time he trains with you he almost gets killed.”

“The key word here is _almost_ ,” Emma replied, dignified.

Ty got up.

“Thank you, Julian,” he said as he left the table, still looking pensive.

“What’s up with him?” Emma asked as she took a sip from Julian’s mug.

“Nothing, love,” Julian answered, for two reasons: one, it was not his secret to tell. Two, while he loved Emma more than life itself, she was incredibly blunt. Telling her meant she would want to push them together. But it was their story to write; other family members should not get involved. “Now come here, I missed you,” he continued as he stole a quick kiss.

“You left our room half an hour ago.”

“That’s too long.” He kissed her again. “Every second without you is too long.”

 

************ Today ************

“Absolutely not.”

“But –“

“I’m not putting you through unnecessary danger,” Julian said. “End of discussion.”

Kit opened his mouth to protest again, but Emma spoke instead.

“Could you please give us a minute?”

Angrily, Kit walked out of the Head of Institute – so, Emma and Julian’s – office. Emma closed the door behind him.

“I think you should let Kit accompany Ty on this mission,” she said.

Ty’s idea was simple, that much was true. He located the mundane responsible for renting the apartment used by fake-Noah (as they came to call him) and decided to plant a tracker on him to follow his movements. Ty thought that he might get into contact with whoever was behind Kit’s kidnapping attempts at some point; be it to receive payment for his services or to assist in a future attempt.

Yet, while placing a tracker on an unsuspecting mundane was not, by definition, _dangerous_ , Julian was not fond of the idea of Kit leaving the institute at such a delicate time.

“Ty is perfectly capable of handling that mission alone. We can also send someone else with him if you insist. But Kit is _not_ needed there, and so he won’t go.”

“I know he’s not _needed_ ,” Emma replied. “But it’s his life on the line and it’s his family that is being threatened. You can’t expect him to sit idle while someone is after Tessa, the person who recognized who he was. Do you realize that without her, he would have never found out he was a Shadowhunter? He would have never known he was a Herondale. She gave him a family. He needs to be part of this. He needs to feel like he’s doing what he can.”

She paused, letting her words sink in.

“Plus, Ty had already saved him twice,” she pointed out. “Kit is safe with him.”

She did have a point there, Julian had to admit.

“Also,” she smirked. “He’s a Herondale. If we forbid him to go – he’ll sneak out anyway.”

 _Herondales are a handful,_ is what Julian always used to say.

“Fine.” He sighed. “Call him back here.”

Emma gently kissed his temple as she walked out of the room. She got back two minutes later, joined by Kit and Ty.

“You can go with Ty,” Julian gave Kit a pointed look. “But you are to go directly to the mundane’s house, place the tracker, and get back. I don’t want you going anywhere else, am I understood?”

“Perfectly,” Kit smiled at him.

*******

As Kit put on his gear, he though back on the past few days. They have been the best days of his life. He and Ty had spent them madly in love; training, watching movies, reading together in bed, falling asleep together, insanely happy. At moments, he looked over at Ty, not grasping that he was _his_. To hold, to love, to cherish. It seemed that Ty had those moments as well. “Tell me it’s real” he would ask. “It’s real, Ty. I’m yours,” Kit would answer every time.

Kit was careful not to cause Ty any uneasiness by initiating unwanted physical contact. He had mentally prepared himself, though, that Ty might get stressed at some point. In such a case, Kit had planned to give him space, as he promised. He would give Ty a few hours alone, then slowly ease back closer. However, Kit was surprised to find that Ty remained serene; not once had he even so much as flinched in response to Kit’s touch.

The reason was clear: Kit and Ty had been best friends for almost two years. They were used to each other, knew each other perfectly. They moved in unison like planets gravitating in correlated orbits. Without even thinking about it, Kit could _feel_ Ty’s state of mind and know when it was okay to be near – and when he needed space.

Kit finished putting on his gear and tracing some basic runes. He stepped out of his room, adrenaline in his veins. He _had_ to go on that mission with Ty, and luckily Emma understood that. She had talked Julian into letting him go, and Kit made a mental note to bake her a ‘thank you’ cake as soon as Julian covers baking in their lessons.

Ty wasn’t pleased about Kit being allowed to go – he shared Julian’s opinion that Kit should not put himself in any danger – but he did not object, knowing how much it had meant to Kit.

Kit knocked on Ty’s door. “Ready?” he asked when Ty opened it.

“Yes,” he replied, then held out his hand to take Kit’s. “Let’s go.”

*******

Walking the quiet streets, glamoured, with Ty at his side, had a particularly calming effect on Kit. It had been so long since they went on a mission together. He glanced over Ty to find him lost in thought. Kit recognized Ty’s expression – it was the same one he wore whenever he was working on a case, though today it was not mixed with the typical excitement. Usually, solving mysteries made Ty happy; but the current case involved a threat to Kit’s life.

“It’s here.” Ty stopped in front of an old apartment building. “Stay here and keep watch. I’ll be right back.”

Kit watched as Ty climbed a drain pipe, agile as a cat, until he reached the second-floor window. Reluctantly, he averted his gaze and studied the street, looking for any threats. He knew the drill: Ty would open the window using an opening rune, get inside the apartment, place a small tracker on the man’s keys, and get out. Simple.

Indeed, less than three minutes later, Kit heard Ty make a soft landing on the ground. He turned around to see Ty getting up from a kneeling position, pushing the black hair that fell on his eyes.

“Done,” he said. “Let’s go back.”

The sight of him made Kit catch his breath. He looked ethereal under the moonlight, the runes standing out against his pale, almost translucent skin.

“Kit?” he asked, shaking him from his dazed state.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

*******

They walked back in a comfortable silence. Kit loved that about Ty; he could stay quiet with him without it being awkward. Most people would be uncomfortable with a prolonged silence; but Ty and Kit could be perfectly happy just _being_ with each other.

Kit stared at the night sky, covered in thousands and millions of bright specks. The Vision rune enabled Kit to see them all. He pitied mundanes for they could not; and they had no idea what they were missing. He didn’t either, until Ty had traced the rune on his hand, and now - no matter how many years had passed - he saw each night sky as a gift given anew.

Lost in thoughts, Kit hadn’t realized that they had reached the institute’s front door until Ty stopped abruptly.

“This is the front door of your house.” He seemed to realize.

“Yours as well,” Kit replied, amused. “Are we going in or what?”

Ty took Kit’s hand and pulled him closer. His eyes scanned Kit’s face, slowly and deliberately. It was rare of him to study Kit so openly, and Kit felt tickles travelling up his stomach every time he did.

Tonight, Ty seemed extremely concentrated on Kit’s features. Kit did not know what had caused this change, but he remained silent, relishing on this opportunity to study Ty’s gray eyes. Usually they reminded Kit of a polished dagger, but tonight they looked like smoke; the result of a burning fire.

“And this was the first time we were out together as a couple,” Ty continued. “Does this count as a date?”

Kit chuckled softly. “Sure,” he answered.

“Good.” Ty pulled him closer until their chests were pressed together. He caressed Kit’s cheek softly with the back of one hand and placed the other at the nape of his neck.

Slowly, he leaned in and pressed his lips on Kit’s.

*******

Specs of bright colors danced below Kit’s closed eyelids as Ty broke the contact. When Kit opened his eyes, he was momentarily dazed Ty’s beautiful features, the soft, warm, plump lips that he had felt on his a moment ago; the gray eyes that were studying his face carefully.

He lifted his hand to touch his own lips.

_He…_

_Kissed me._

_Ty kissed me._

_He kissed me._

It was, without a doubt, the most beautiful moment Kit had ever lived through. He knew then that nothing could ever compare to the feeling of Ty’s lips on his; to having the man he loved being so close, so trusting of him.

“Kit?” Ty sounded slightly nervous. “Please say something.”

With his vision still blurry and his heart beating a mile a minute, Kit still managed to form a coherent sentence.

“Can you… do that again…” As much as he tried, his voice came out weak. “Please?”

Ty obliged.

Gently, he pulled Kit by the nape of his neck and kissed him again. It was a gentle kiss. It spoke of love and tenderness, saying more than both of them could have ever said with words.

“I’ve been thinking about doing this for so long,” Ty whispered as he pulled back a bit.

“And… did you…” Kit tried to find the courage to ask. “Did you like it?”

Ty bit his lip and for a few moments Kit was nervous to the point of giving himself a heart attack.

“A lot.” Ty smiled.

Kit exhaled in relief.

“You’ll ruin me,” he muttered.

“Never.”

“Good. Because I would have let you, you know.”

“I know.” With that, Ty cupped Kit’s face in his hand and kissed him again.

Ty had never kissed anyone before, but he seemed to catch on quickly - his kisses soon became more fervorous and desperate, and Kit was surprised at how much passion he had brought to them. Ty had always seemed restrained and aloof, and Kit had never seen him assert himself like this, taking what he wanted with such determination. He was even more surprised at the effect Ty had on _him_ ; making him whimper and moan in a way he had never thought possible.

So far, Ty had taken the lead and Kit had held back, unsure if Ty was ready. Now that he knew that Ty wanted it just as much as he did, he let himself go. He kissed Ty back with ardor, letting himself do what he had been fantasizing about for months, pulling Ty closer and running his hands up and down his back.

Ty ran his hands over Kit’s shoulders and back, and Kit lost himself in the moment. He passed his tongue on the seam of Ty’s lips, asking for permission to enter. Ty parted his lips slightly, and his tongue met Kit’s. It was soft, and warm, and wet, and… _perfect_.

Ty passed his fingers through Kit’s hair and began kissing his neck, and Kit let out a small moan.

“You like that,” Ty murmured in his ear. “That’s good to know.”

At that, Kit’s knees buckled, and he had to hold on to Ty tightly for support.

He thought that he was lost before; he had no chance now. None.

He could feel Ty’s heart pounding as he pulled him for another kiss and tangled his tongue with his. Every inch of Kit’s body tingled and burned as he pressed himself against Ty, desperate to be as close to him as he could be, to feel as much of him as possible.

Slowly, Ty eased out, placing gentle, chaste kisses on Kit’s mouth while running his fingers through his blonde hair.

“I love you, Christopher” he murmured in-between kisses.

Reluctantly, Kit pulled away. “This is amazing, and I don’t ever want it to stop,” he whispered. “But I’m pretty sure your whole family is watching.”

Ty turned around abruptly and caught a glimpse of black and blond strands of hair quickly disappearing behind the institute door, which slammed shut immediately after.

He turned back to Kit, blushing and biting his lip.

“You have no idea what you’re doing to me when you’re blushing like this,” Kit mumbled.

Ty blushed harder and Kit forced himself to avert his gaze, otherwise he was sure he would not be able to stop himself from pinning Ty against the wall and kissing him again, which would have been terribly inconvenient since they were being spied on.

“Come on, let’s go inside,” he sighed. “But I warn you, it’s possible that you’ll have to protect me from an attempted murder by the hands of your older brothers.”

“Why?” Ty seemed confused.

“I’m pretty sure your family is _slightly_ overprotective.”

He opened the institute door and stepped inside, followed by Ty, and came face to face with Emma. Behind her were the rest of institute inhabitants. Out of them all, only Christina had the decency to look embarrassed at being caught spying.

“Soooooooooooo.” Emma smiled at them, shameless. “How was your _mission_?” She put a dramatic emphasize on the last word.

“Kit was not kidnapped this time,” Ty informed them.

“Oh,” Mark exclaimed. “That’s a first!”

“To make up for it, he might need to get kidnapped twice next week,” Julian mused.

“I’m not saving him next week,” Emma announced. “It’s Christina’s turn.”

“Stop it, all of you,” Kit grumbled, looking down at his feet.

“Why Kit, we’re just trying to be supportive of your hobby!” Dru grinned at him.

“Part of me suspects he got himself kidnapped so many times just to get Ty’s attention,” Emma speculated out loud.

“Shut up!” Kit felt himself blushing as the rest laughed. Dru gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Still, they were all staring at Kit and Ty expectantly.

“Perhaps there’s something else you two would like to share with the group?” Emma asked with a smirk.

“Yes,” Ty said confidently. “I’m going to kiss Kit for a few hours now, so please don’t come knocking on our door.”

He then pulled Kit by his arm and steered him through the long corridor, leaving the rest gaping after them.

Kit’s heart was racing, and his mind was still trying to absorb Ty’s words when they reached the staircase leading to the sleeping quarters.

Ty stopped and turned to Kit. They looked at each other and burst out laughing.

“Do you think that I was too blunt?” Ty asked, tears of laughter in his eyes.

“Nah.” Kit smirked. “Okay, maybe just a little.”

They were laughing again.

Ty started to climb the stairs. He managed two steps before Kit caught up with him and cupped his face in his hands and rested his forehead on Ty’s.

“I wanted to do this for a while, too,” he whispered. “But I wasn’t sure if you were ready and I didn’t want to pressure you.”

“I know,” Ty replied quietly. “You are always patient with me. That’s why I trust you completely.”

Kit’s heart melted. Somehow, Ty’s answer conveyed more love than the traditional three words ever could.

“How did you know that you were ready?” Kit’s curiosity sparked.

“I have been thinking about this for a while, but it always scared me a bit,” Ty admitted. “I wanted this, but I was afraid it would be too much for me to handle. But today… We walked home in silence, and I was calm; because other people are never comfortable being silent, they are always expecting me to say something, but you never do. You let me be silent if I want, you let me be _me_. And I… I wasn’t scared anymore.

“Then we reached your – our – front door, and Julian had told me that it is customary to kiss someone at their front door after a date. So, I didn’t want to miss out the timing.”

“Wow,” Kit smiled at him. “Every time I think I that couldn’t possibly love you more - you prove me wrong.”

“It _was_ a good timing though, right?” Ty asked, concerned.

“It was perfect,” Kit replied honestly. “Though I’m pretty sure I would have thought any moment you would have chosen to kiss me was perfect.”

They continued to climb the staircase. It took them a long time to reach the top, since every few steps one of them would stop to kiss the other. When they did finally reach the top, Kit was already out of breath.

“Thank you,” Ty said suddenly. “For not pressuring me.”

“Ty, I will _never_ pressure you,” Kit promised him. “You set the pace. I won’t ever try anything new unless you ask me to.”

“I love you.” Ty kissed his cheek. “Now come on. I can’t wait to have you in my room.”

Kit let out an embarrassing choking sound; Ty could make him lose his dignity using his words alone. It was a scary and exciting revelation all at once.

They stumbled along the corridor, stealing quick kisses. When they reached Ty’s door, he opened it and pulled Kit inside, then closed the door behind them and pinned Kit against it, one hand in his blond hair and the other pressed against the door.

“So,” Kit panted. “Are you going to kiss me for hours now?”

“Hours,” Ty confirmed, tracing Kit’s lips with his fingers. “Days, even. Depends on your stamina.”

“Oh, so you think you can last longer than me?” Kit smirked.

“Definitely,” Ty murmured in his ear, making his skin tingle.

“It’s on, Tiberius.”

*******

Ty _did_ last longer. They moved to the bed as some point and lay there, kissing and cuddling, until Kit fell asleep in Ty’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> babies :')
> 
> So the next chapter will probably published in two weeks because I have lots of work. 
> 
> But there's also good news :) I sat down during the weekend and almost finished writing an (unrelated) kitty one-shot that I'll probably publish sometimes in the next two-three weeks, so we'll have our dose of kitty <3  
> It's just an idea I had one night when I couldn't sleep... Since it's a one-shot I can't really give a preview in the story itself, so I guess I'll give it here? ^^ Enjoy:
> 
> ***  
>  **Snippet from The Bet (or: Team Rosales-Blackthorn are losers) (or: Disregard the previous statement; Team Carstairs-Blackthorn is the worst)**
> 
> “Hey guys,” Emma said. “Kit and Ty… they’re into each other, right?”
> 
> “Took you long enough to realize.” Christina snickered. 
> 
> “Hey!” Emma threw a pillow at her. “Mean.”
> 
> “Sweetie, it _is_ pretty obvious.” Julian smiled at her. “For us, at least. I’m pretty sure they don’t realize it themselves.”
> 
> “I bet I could –“ Emma started.
> 
> “Absolutely not.” Julian cut her off.
> 
> “You didn’t even let me finish!”
> 
> “I know where this is going. You are not getting involved.”
> 
> “But Julian,” Emma said, voice as sweet as honey. “Using my great matchmaking skills, I could get them together and they will be so happy and perfect.”
> 
> “You? Please,” Christina let out a half-suppressed laugh. “You are the best fighter among us, but you are the worst when it comes to anything even slightly related to human emotions.”
> 
> “Oh, so you think you have a better chance at this than I do?”
> 
> “Are you seriously even asking? I have the sensitivity for these things. And tact, which you so desperately lack.”
> 
> “Oh really?”
> 
> “Yes, really.”
> 
> “It’s on.”
> 
> “What is on?” Christina was confused.
> 
> “The _bet_. You and Mark versus Julian and I. Whoever gets Kit and Ty together first – wins.”
> 
> “Emma!” Christina was scandalized. “We can’t have a bet on Kit and Ty’s love life!”
> 
> “With this attitude – you have already lost.”
> 
> “I haven’t lost anything because I’m not doing this ridiculous bet.”
> 
> “Julian, do you hear that?” Emma turned to her husband. “Sounds like there’s a chicken in the institute.”
> 
> “Emma,” Mark said lazily. “If you honestly believe that your childish taunting shall spur my wife into participating in this bet, then I must inform you that –“
> 
> “It’s on,” Christina declared. “First team to get them together without them knowing that we meddled - wins.”
> 
> “Great,” Emma replied. “I hope you enjoy losing.”
> 
> “Is what you tell yourself every morning when you wake up?” Christina smirked.


	27. It's Us

“Perhaps there’s something else you two would like to share with the group?” Emma asked Kit and Ty with a smirk.

“Yes,” Ty replied confidently. “I’m going to kiss Kit for a few hours now, so please don’t come knocking on our door.”

He then pulled Kit by his arm and steered him through the long corridor.

“Ha!” Emma turned triumphantly to the rest. “I knew there was something going on between them! I knew it! I even told Dru about it after Ty saved Kit from the vampires. That should teach you! You guys always say that I have the emotional capacitance of a Seraph blade because I don’t understand today’s youth but –“

“Again, Emma,” Christina said, exasperated. “You _are_ today’s youth.”

Emma waved her hand dismissively. “The important thing is that I was the only one who realized that there was something going on between them, so you can all suck it!”

She looked around, a smug expression on her face, but they all averted her gaze. “Why is no one saying anything? Are you all sucking it right now?”

Julian shifted uncomfortably. “Emma, love, I’m sorry,” he said apologetically. “But I’ve known for months.”

“Me too,” Dru admitted. “Way before the whole vampire thing.”

Emma turned to Mark and Christina with a questioning look on her face.

“Same here,” Christina muttered. “It’s hard to miss the way they steal glances at each other when they think the other is not looking.”

“I tried to have a conversation with Kit about it,” Mark added. “I wanted to give him advice on bedding your paramour –“

“Which I stopped,” Christina added hastily.

“Thank god,” Dru mumbled.

“I can’t believe it!” Emma cried out. “You all knew! And no one bothered to tell me! Why are you… _ostracizing_ me?”

“Because you have no tact.” Christina said, matter-of-factly.

“And no filters. You say whatever is going through your head.” Dru contributed. “You would have embarrassed them.”

“Also, you have the emotional range of an acorn.” Mark added. “You would have wanted to help, but you would have given them terrible advice.”

“Wow guys. What do you say when I’m _not_ here?” Emma asked grumpily then turned to her husband. “Julian?”

“Emma, I love you more than life itself, I do, but you _can_ be tactless sometimes.”

“We all love you,” Dru said helpfully. “Even though you’re oblivious as hell. I mean, come on, Kit spent an entire car ride telling Ty he loved him, and that made you _suspect_ something was going on?”

“He could have meant it platonically,” Emma protested. “Regardless, I can’t believe it. I was betrayed. And by my own family, no less.”

Julian wound his arms around her. “Babe, do you want to take down a demon trafficking ring? That always cheers you up.”

“I do,” she said, appeased, as she rested her head on his shoulder. “You really are the perfect husband.”

*******

**A week later**

Kit mixed roasted almonds with sugar and egg whites in a bowl as a preparation for a dacquoise. Emmanuel, the most helpful rock in the world, sat on the countertop acting as a non-verbal sous-chef, while Ty sat down at the counter, studying Kit’s movements with interest.

They were joining Dru and Jael for dinner tonight and Kit decided that he would make a mango and white chocolate mousse cake for the occasion. During the last few days Julian had covered the basics of baking with him and Kit found out that he actually enjoyed it quite a lot. He even managed some decent cakes – if one excludes the burnt chocolate cake disaster that Emma called “the worst thing that has ever happened to this world since the dark war”, which Christina assured Kit was a wild exaggeration. Ty had finished his portion of Kit’s burnt cake in its entirety, which proved that either he had no taste buds, or that he was so in love with Kit that his sense of judgment was impaired. Kit hoped it was the second.

After spreading the mix on a tray in a thin layer and putting it in the oven, he turned to make mango puree, barely aware that Ty kept staring at him.

“It smells good in here,” Dru commented as she entered the kitchen. “Will you be ready to leave at seven?”

“We will,” Kit assured her.

“Good, because otherwise I would have to kill you and that would be a shame because I’m wearing a new dress and I don’t feel like cleaning your blood off of it,” she replied. “Also - Ty, close your mouth, will you? Kit is not _that_ good looking.”

“Hey! I’m incredibly good looking!” Kit yelled after her as she left the room, though he couldn’t help but blush at the realization that Ty was staring at him this whole time.

He finished baking his dacquoise and could now turn to the mousse. He poured warm milk on white chocolate feves until they melted, then added his mango puree and folded in some whipped cream.

He tasted the end product. “Oh, no.”

Julian walked into the kitchen to make himself some coffee. “How’s your cake going?”

Kit handed him a spoon. “Could you taste the mousse?”

Julian took some and put it in his mouth. His brows furrowed. “It’s a bit too sweet.”

“Right?!” Kit tried, in vain, to remain calm. “What do I do?”

“There’s nothing much you can do at this point except throwing it into the garbage.”

“Oh my god,” Kit panicked. “Really?”

“Nah, I’m just messing with you,” Julian smiled. “Add two or three drops of white vinegar, it will alleviate the sweetness.”

“White vinegar?”

“Old trick used by patissiers.”

Kit exhaled in relief. “Thank you.”

“Sure.” Julian patted him on the shoulder in a fatherly manner and took his cup of coffee. “Don’t worry, you’re doing great,” he said as he walked out.

Kit did as he was told, then dipped his little finger in the bowl and put it in his mouth. “I think it’s fine now,” he muttered, then took some more mousse with his index finger, just to be sure. “Ty, can you taste it?”

Ty got up and joined him. “Sure.”

Kit was about to look for a spoon when Ty took his wrist. Kit watched, wonderstruck, as Ty licked the mousse of off his finger. “It’s good,” he said, then put Kit’s whole finger in his mouth and sucked it clean. Kit froze, eyes wide and mouth open.

With a smile, Ty let his hand go and said “I’m going to shower” before turning away as if nothing happened, leaving Kit dazed and impossibly aroused, wondering if Ty really wasn’t aware of the power he had on him – or if he did that on purpose. Kit suspected the latter.

*******

Ty was sitting on his bed, watching his phone anxiously. The mundane he had put a tracker on, the one that had helped fake-Noah rent his apartment, seemed to lead a boring life. Too boring. The man, named Hugues, would leave his house at 08:00 AM every morning, go to the exact same office - which Ty had followed him to a few times - and return at 06:00 PM every evening. On Saturdays he would go grocery shopping – Ty had followed him there as well one time, for an hour of meticulously going through tomatoes and cucumbers until he found ones that for some reason he liked better than others - and he spent his Sundays at home.

The familiar knock on his door made Ty look up. “Come in,” he said as usual. Even though this was practically his room too for almost two years, Kit was still very careful to knock every time. Ty would have been fine if Kit had just entered without knocking, but Kit would hear none of it.

 _He’s afraid to stress me and mess this up_.

“I finished the cake,” Kit announced triumphantly as he entered the room. “And we still have an hour before we need to leave.”

“Before Dru comes breaking down our door and dragging us out, you mean.”

Kit sat down on the bed. “Yes. That.”

“You’re covered in chocolate and mango,” Ty commented. “You need a shower.”

“I think I’m going to leave it there.” Kit wiggled an eyebrow at him. “It brings out my eyes.”

It’s an expression, Ty knew. Kit meant that the chocolate and mango on his face caused his eyes to become more noticeable, which of course was false; Kit was joking. He was the only person in the whole world of whom Ty could understand the jokes. Other people were different, more difficult to read, since they didn’t always say what they really meant. Sometimes they would outright lie and call it _manners_ or _etiquette_. But Kit always spoke the truth. So, when he said things that were outrageously false, like chocolate emphasizing eye color, Ty knew he was joking. Things were always so _easy_ with him.

“Go shower,” Ty repeated, trying to sound scornful. “You’re smearing chocolate all over the bed.”

“Okay, okay, I’m going.” Kit stole a quick kiss before he got up.

Ty resumed looking at his phone. “You can shower here.”

“Cool.” Kit went into Ty’s bathroom and closed the door. Soon, Ty heard the water running.

Having spent almost two years in the same room, this was not the first time Kit had showered there. It felt nice to be this comfortable around each other; to share the same living space.

Ty took out a notebook and wrote down the places Hugues visited today. He kept notes on his routine so that if anything ever changes, even slightly, he would immediately notice.

Ty was preoccupied with writing the exact time of Hugues’ arrival home, when Kit got out of the shower, shirtless, drying his blond curls with a towel. He hung it around his shoulders where it did nothing to cover his smooth chest, and Ty couldn’t help but staring at his abs and at the trail of soft-looking golden, almost transparent, hair leading from Kit’s navel… _downwards_. He was wearing ripped black jeans, their waistband just below an intriguing view of the upper part of his black boxers. Distantly, Ty realized that Kit was talking.

“What?” he asked, still not breaking his gaze away from Kit’s abs.

“I said, we still have some time before we need to leave. Do you want to start watching a movie?”

“Movie,” Ty echoed.

Apparently, Kit took Ty’s reply as an agreement. He hummed approvingly and turned around to look for a t-shirt. While Ty’s shirts were folded neatly in the closet, Kit kept some of his in a messy pile on a chair at the corner of the room. The state of Kit’s own closet in his own room was not much better to be honest. Ty had once spent two hours organizing it for him, only for Kit to mess it up two days later. “The entropy of the universe always increases. I’m just obeying the laws of physics,” he had said apologetically when Ty had seen the mess he made.

Ty smiled to himself; Kit was incorrigible. He watched as Kit hung the towel and pulled a black t-shirt out of the pile.

“Don’t.” He heard himself say.

Kit turned to him with a surprised expression. “What?”

“What?” Ty echoed.

“You said _don’t_ ,” Kit said slowly. “Don’t – what?”

Ty swallowed.

“Don’t put on a shirt,” he blurted, then became extremely aware that Kit was looking at him. “Unless you want to,” he continued hastily. “If you want to, then put on a shirt. But you can also not put on a shirt. Unless you want to put on a shirt.”

Was he babbling? He suspected he was, which was extremely disconcerting since he was usually not a fan of talking too much or using unnecessary words.

Kit threw the shirt he was holding on top of the pile. “Okay, not putting it on,” he said. Ty was busy staring intensely at his own hands, trying to hide his embarrassment, but he could hear the light tone of Kit’s words and the smile in his voice. It calmed him down. Kit always had a way to do it; Ty would sometimes feel awkward and weird, and Kit would magically make these feelings go away.

Kit sat down on the bed, facing him, and Ty dared lifting his gaze again and study Kit’s chest more openly. His skin looked so soft, like velvet. Ty wanted to kiss it. He looked possessively at the black runes that marked Kit’s chest and stomach. Ty had put all of them there; Kit would not let anyone else draw permanent runes on him.

Kit breathed heavily. “You can touch…” he said. “If – if you want.”

Trembling slightly, Ty passed his fingertips on the Angelic Power rune, which he had drawn right above Kit’s heart. He traced the Soundless rune with his index finger, the Calm Anger, the Deflection. All of them put by him, marking Kit forever. _Mine_.

“Yours,” Kit replied, and Ty realized he had said it out loud.

He blushed and looked down again, but Kit lifted his chin gently and kissed him. “I’m yours,” he whispered. “I’m all yours.”

“I wanted you to be,” Ty admitted quietly. “For so long.”

He pressed his palm on Kit’s chest, feeling his heartbeat, the electricity that seemed to be generated as his skin touched Kit’s. Hesitantly, he placed a soft kiss on Kit’s shoulder. It made Kit’s heart rate shoot up; Ty could feel it against his palm.

Kit passed his fingers through Ty’s hair, sending shivers down his spine, and making him yearn for _more_ , so Ty began kissing his way along Kit’s collarbones, then attacked his neck, kissing and sucking lightly, and Kit let out a small, tantalizing moan that made Ty’s cock twitch.

Ty wound his arms around Kit’s shoulders, feeling his muscles stiffen and then relax, and assaulted his neck again. Kit wavered under his touch, breathing heavily, letting Ty take what he wanted.

Ty was mesmerized by how _responsive_ Kit was. He moaned and whimpered at Ty’s every kiss, every lick, every bite. Soon Ty began studying Kit’s reactions, curious to see what he likes, eager to learn how to please him.

He caught Kit’s mouth in his and kissed him fiercely, pressing his tongue on his lips. Kit parted his lips and his tongue met Ty’s, circling around it. Kit moaned into Ty’s mouth as he passed his hands over his back.

Suddenly Kit pulled away, leaving Ty’s hands empty, mourning at the loss of Kit’s proximity.

“You set the pace,” Kit panted. “I just wanted to remind you of that,” he added sheepishly.

“I know.” Ty’s heart melted. Kit always had to make sure he was okay, even when it was clear that Ty was the one taking the lead.

It gave Ty courage to ask, slightly stammering, “Do you… want me to… take mine off, too?”

Kit swallowed, and Ty watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed.

“Only if you want to.”

Ty grabbed the bottom of his shirt and rolled it up until his torso was exposed and he heard Kit exhaling deeply. He pulled the neckline over his head and removed the shirt, then threw it on the floor. Kit remained frozen in place, waiting. He was giving Ty space, letting him decide what he wanted.

Ty took Kit’s hand – it was trembling slightly, like his own was – and placed it on his chest. “I love you and I trust you,” he said. Slowly, Kit moved his fingers across Ty’s skin, tracing his collarbones, going over his permanent runes, caressing his neck.

“I like it when you touch me,” Ty whispered, and Kit made a choking sound.

Ty _loved_ it; Kit responded not only to his touch, but to his words as well. Ty was taken by a sudden desire to test the intensity of the reactions he could get out of him. Kit was a beautiful mystery which he ached to solve.

He passed his hand through Kit’s hair, curling a blond strand around his fingers, then pressed his lips on Kit’s.

“I want to –“

He was cut off by a knock on his door.

“Guys what are you doing?! We need to go!” Dru yelled from the other side.

Kit took a deep breath. “We’re coming,” he replied, his voice hoarse.

*******

They walked to Jael’s apartment, Kit and Ty holding hands and Dru holding the cake (“it’s a temporary replacement for Jael” she said). An hour ago, the sunset had radiated across the clouds, turning the sky orange. Now it was gone, leaving a velvet black sky covered with millions of shining specks.

They reached Jael’s apartment and Dru rung the bell, jumping up and down, excited as she always was to see her girlfriend.

“Calm down,” Kit muttered. “You spent the night with her just yesterday.”

“As if you could stand a day away from Ty,” she retorted.

Jael opened the door, wearing a blue cocktail dress. “Hey gorgeous.” She kissed Dru’s cheek. “Hey guys.”

“Kit made a cake,” Dru said as she handed her Kit’s pride and joy.

“It’s not burnt this time,” Kit promised.

Jael laughed and took it. “We can sit down; the food is ready.”

Dru followed her inside the apartment and Kit turned to Ty. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly, making sure that the social situation was not too much for Ty to handle. It was only the four of them, but still he had to be sure.

“I’m good,” Ty smiled.

Kit closed the door behind them and they sat down with Dru and Jael.

“Salad?” Dru put some in their plates without waiting for an answer.

“So how are you guys?” Jael smiled at them.

“It was a boring week,” Kit complained. “Julian won’t send me on any missions. I only left the house once this week to patrol with Emma. That was as enjoyable as you can imagine, and I have fake-Noah to thank for that.”

“Again, Kit, I am so sorry –“ Jael began before Kit cut her off.

“For the hundredth time, _we_ didn’t realize that something was wrong with him, and we’re trained Shadowhunters.”

“Yes, that was a very rare case of demon possession. Usually you only see shapeshifters which are easier to discover,” Dru added. “You had no way of knowing. We are trained to detect such things and even we failed.”

“Ty didn’t,” Kit mumbled.

“I would have missed it too, if the whole thing wasn’t about you,” Ty said quietly.

“I don’t think you would have,” Kit said honestly. “Ty’s our best detective,” he told Jael.

“Man, seriously?” she laughed, then turned to Ty. “I already knew that, of course. I heard so much about you, I think I know you better than I know myself at this point. Kit won’t stop talking about you for a second.”

Ty looked surprised. “But there isn’t that much to say about me.”

“Are you kidding? He finds the smallest things you do and then won’t shut up about them. Once I heard him talk for fifteen minutes about the way you hold a pen,” Jael said. “A pen! For fifteen minutes!”

“He holds it in a very seductive way!” Kit said defensively. “Now please stop embarrassing me in front of my boyfriend.”

“I’m not _embarrassing_ you, I’m simply laying out facts which happen to be embarrassing,” Jael said innocently and Dru stiffened a laugh.

“Let’s talk about something else,” Kit said, exasperated. “Anything else. Marshmallows. That’s a good topic. Who here likes marshmallows?”

“Depends,” Jael replied. “Is Ty holding them in a seductive way?”

Dru was giggling uncontrollably now.

“Boyfriend,” Ty said quietly.

“What?” Kit turned to look at him.

“You called me your boyfriend.” He was smiling now.

“Well… you are,” Kit replied. “If… if you want to be, of course.” he added, suddenly unsure of Ty’s answer.

“I do,” Ty replied with a smile that lit his face and made Kit lose his control. He grabbed Ty’s shoulders and pulled him into a kiss, which Ty returned, his mouth opening under Kit’s.

“Do you see what I have to deal with all day?” Dru complained to her girlfriend. “They’re all over each other. Constantly.”

Kit let Ty go, blushing slightly. Ty looked adorably flustered as he took his hand and held it under the table.

“You guys are adorable,” Jael said. “Like otters.”

“Wow. Uncool, Jael. Neither of us is hairy,” Kit replied, dignified.

“I don’t mean the gay slang!” Jael exclaimed. “I meant actual otters. They’re very loving animals. Did you know that they hold hands while they are sleeping because they are scared they'll drift apart in the current?”

“That’s my biology nerd,” Dru said to Kit.

“Did you know that sea otters are good at floating on the water’s surface since the air trapped in their fur makes them more buoyant?” Ty added enthusiastically.

“And that’s mine,” Kit told Dru.

“I wrote a paper about the eating habits of otters, and how they organize themselves into groups that zero in on different prey. Would you like to read it later?” Jael asked Ty.

He nodded rapidly. “I would love to.”

“And the thing is, he’s completely serious.” Kit smiled at Dru. “That’s my boyfriend.”

The word felt so good to say.

*******

Dru was spending the night at Jael’s, so Kit and Ty bid them both goodnight and walked back to the institute, holding hands and talking.

“The cake was good,” Ty said. “I understand why you like mangos so much.”

“About that,” Kit laughed. “There’s something you should know.”

Ty shot him a questioning glance.

“I never had any particular liking to mangos, to be honest. But then one day you went on a mission with Julian and Emma and I stopped you in the corridor… You looked so beautiful, and my mind just froze. Then you asked me what I wanted, so I opened my mouth and heard myself say that I like mangos. I have no idea where that came from and I was so confused. I think I loved even then.

“When you came back from your mission you brought me one. It might be dumb, I don’t know, but it was the first gift you have ever given me and I just… every time I eat a mango it reminds me of that. It’s stupid, I guess.”

Ty was quiet for a moment before answering. “Thank you.” His voice trembled slightly.

“What for?” Kit was confused.

“Just… everything.” Ty didn’t say anything else, and Kit didn’t want to pressure him.

They spent the rest of the walk home in a comfortable silence. When they reached the institute door, Kit stopped. “A week ago, in this spot, you kissed me for the first time.”

Ty’s gray gaze, shining like the moon above them, rested on Kit’s shoulder. “And then I kissed you for hours.”

They walked inside and got into Ty’s room, where they changed into comfortable sweatpants. Kit was brushing his teeth when Ty came behind him and said, “I taught Emmanuel a new trick, want to see?”

Kit stared as Ty placed Emmanuel on the floor.

“Be a rock,” Ty commanded.

Indeed, Emmanuel stood there, being the best rock in the world.

“Amazing,” Kit exclaimed. “My little baby is so talented!”

“He is,” Ty said, amused. “Now come here. I want you in my bed.”

 _Fuck_ , Kit took a deep breath. _I’ll lose the tiny amount of self-control I have left if he keeps talking like that_.

Obediently, he lay down besides Ty. “So, do you, um… Do you want to watch a movie? We didn’t get to… um… before.”

“Maybe later,” Ty replied, then lifted himself on his elbow and leaned in to kiss him. It was slow and gentle at first, but then it grew heated and soon Kit had one hand underneath Ty’s shirt before he pulled it back.

“It’s okay,” Ty reassured him. “I want you to.”

Slowly, Kit’s hands found themselves under Ty’s shirt again, and he ran them gently up and down his chest. He wanted to ask Ty for more, but he wasn’t sure how he would respond. Ty must have sensed it because he casually shrugged his shirt off.

Kit gasped as he hungrily studied Ty’s abs, the runes on his skin – put there well before he had met him. Ty smelled so good and his skin was so soft underneath Kit’s fingers as he ran them up and down Ty’s torso. Ty kept kissing him, and Kit let out a little moan then immediately blushed, slightly embarrassed.

“Kit?”

“Yeah?”

“You should take your shirt off too. To make it even.”

Kit laughed and sat up, grabbing the collar of his shirt.

“Wait.” Ty took Kit’s hands off gently. “Can I?” he asked hesitantly.

Kit swallowed. “Sure,” he said, his voice trembling and not at all casual as he wanted it to be.

Ty pulled Kit’s shirt over his head and tossed it aside, then pushed him gently and made him lie back down on the bed. He proceeded to touch and kiss every inch of him that he could reach, and Kit gasped and panted as Ty kissed his way down his chest.

Suddenly he stopped, and Kit opened his eyes to see him chewing on his lower lip. Kit already knew him well enough to know; Ty wanted something but was too anxious to ask.

“Ty, whatever you want, whatever you need – take it.” Kit murmured.

_I’m yours._

Ty seemed anxious. “But what if I won’t... If I won’t be… And what if you won’t like it...?”

Kit looked up at the beautiful man leaning on top of him. “Ty, it’s us. You can do whatever you want, and I’ll like it, because it’s you.”

Ty seemed to hesitate but reached out and tangled his fingers into Kit's hair from behind his head, pulling him against his chest. Kit gasped as Ty pushed his quivering body around and mounted him, trapping Kit under him. Ty wrapped his legs around him and pushed his face into his neck before taking in an inhale and rolling his hips against Kit’s.

 _Fuck,_ Kit wasn’t sure if he had cried it out loud or not. He expected something tamer; Ty wanting to give him a love bite or kiss his ear. He wasn’t expecting _that_. At all.

 _Fuck_.

He heard himself moan – something he would have never though he would do until a week ago – and tried to suppress it by biting Ty’s shoulder.

“Do you like that?” Ty whispered in his ear.

“Y-yes.” Kit released Ty’s shoulder and panted beneath him.

“Do you… do you want me to continue?”

Kit nodded, unable to speak.

Ty removed few strands of fallen hair from Kit’s forehead, then grinded his hips against Kit’s again, making him whimper. The feeling of Ty’s cock on his own, both hard underneath their sweatpants, felt amazing.

“Is that okay?” Ty asked gently.

“Yes,” Kit moaned. “More… please.”

Slowly and tortuously, Ty grinded his hips against Kit's, who was withering under him, trying to suppress his moans by biting Ty’s shoulder again.

Ty seemed to have understood. “I put a silencing rune on the door.”

Kit let go of his shoulder and stared at the bite mark he had left there.

“You don’t have to be quiet,” Ty clarified, making Kit even more aroused than he already was. “I put a silencing rune on the door when we got back. I liked hearing you moan earlier today, and I wanted to see how loud I can make you get.”

 _Fuck. Fuck._ Kit dug his nails into Ty’s shoulder. “I can’t believe this is happening,” he said.

“Me neither,” Ty admitted as he spread Kit’s legs apart and positioned his hips in line with Kit’s again. “I imagined this… us… liked this. So many times.”

Kit attached their lips, immediately locking their tongues, and Ty grinded down on him several times in rough but slow motions with his whole body, parting Kit’s legs every time they tried to close. Kit dug his nails harder into Ty’s skin, the dragging motion of his hips driving him insane. Shyly, he thrusted his hips to meet Ty’s. The enjoyment he got from being this close to the man he loved, to feeling his cock pressed hard on his, was better than he could have possibly imagined.

Their bodies moved, grinding against each other, the bed sheets wrinkling underneath them. Kit gasped and whimpered against Ty's ear, small winces and moans leaving his mouth. He was glad that Ty took the lead and that their first sexual experience together was this; loving, tender, sweatpants on, not rushed. They took their own time, and this was what made them _them_. He wouldn't have changed it for anything.

“Faster,” he pleaded quietly. Ty obliged, and Kit could not hold in a loud moan when Ty fastened the pace, his hands on Kit’s hips, and moved their bodies together.

Kit felt a sharp pain underneath his shoulder blades – he still carried an injury from when Emma threw him out of the window. He made a mental note to consult with a silent brother as the Iraze seemed to no have taken full effect, and the pain returned every now and then. But right now, his abs tightened as he began feeling the familiar bundle of nerves gathering up with every thrust Ty made. He clutched his boyfriend’s hair in his fist, lips parted.

“Fuck, Ty, I’m-” he whimpered beneath him.

“Let go,” Ty whispered, nibbling his jaw and grabbing his hips harder.

“I'm… I’m…“ Kit bit his lip.

“Yes,” Ty said softly in his ear. “Cum for me.”

That did it. Kit moaned out his boyfriend's name before pushing their bodies tightly together, feeling the nerves release, and came in a few long strokes.

Gently, Ty got off him. He put his hand inside his pants and began stroking himself.

“Do you want me to –“

“No, I’m –“ Ty panted and Kit watched in fascination as he wavered slightly and let out a small moan as his orgasm took hold.

 _Beautiful_.

Making an inhumane effort in Kit’s opinion, Ty got them tissues to clean themselves, then lay back next to Kit, who immediately tangled himself around him. “That was amazing,” he whispered. “You’re amazing.”

“I love you,” Ty whispered back. “ _Now_ we can watch your movie.”

“Maybe later,” Kit replied and snuggled up closer to Ty. “I need to love you right now.”

“Okay.” Ty wound up his arms around him and buried Kit’s face in his neck.

*******

They didn’t watch the movie. Both drifted immediately to sleep, tangled up in each other, as they had wanted to do for so long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A gif of Manu doing his famous trick: "be a rock". So talented :'D
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> I'm not sure when the next update will be, as I have lots of work. But in the meantime, check out "The Bet" if you haven't already. Lots of fun and oblivious Emma :)


	28. Shibboleth

“I’m bored,” Kit whined. “I thought this was your night off.”

Ty did not lift his eyes from the form he was meticulously filling. “It is, I just need to finish this report.”

“But I’m _bored_. I’m bored. I’m bored. I’m –“

“You can help me fill section 27E then.”

“I said I was bored, not that I hate myself,” Kit said with a shudder.

“Okay, then read the History of the Demoniac Languages,” Ty suggested without breaking his gaze from the report. “I’ll quiz you after.”

With a dramatic sigh, Kit opened the horrid book at a random page and began reading.

_Early Modern Diabolica, the form encountered by crusaders in the Holy Land, is dated from about the year 980. It incorporated many loanwords from mundane languages, especially Aramaic and Medieval Latin. Another important influence came from middle Iranian languages which supplied much of the vocabulary related to magic and astrology._

“I’m still bored,” Kit complained again.

“Then read the Index of Middle Eastern Weapons.”

“As amazing as it sounds, here’s a counteroffer: I’ll kiss you instead.”

“No, I need to finish.”

“I’ll kiss you just a little bit then,” Kit suggested with a smile.

Finally, Ty lifted his eyes from the odious report. “Can’t you control yourself?”

“Around you? No way,” Kit said mischievously.

“Some of us need to be responsible and finish their report.”

“How about this: you do your precious report, which you clearly love more than me, and I’ll kiss you in the meantime. I would be so gentle you won’t even notice.”

“Fine.” Ty gave up. “Come here.” He gestured to his lap.

Without hesitation, Kit sat in his boyfriend’s lap and he began kissing Ty’s jaw, slowly working his way down. Miraculously, Ty still managed to fill section 16B while Kit moved on to kiss his neck.

Ty went on to fill section 16C with his right hand, while his left moved in a circular motion on Kit’s back, driving him insane. Ty’s neck wasn’t enough; so Kit placed his hand underneath his chin and gently turned his face towards him. He then stole a quick peck on Ty’s lips and looked at him triumphantly.

“By the Angel, how much attention do you need?” Ty asked, exasperated.

Kit wound his arms around him. “All of it.”

“I need to finish th-“ Ty’s complaint was cut off when Kit pressed their lips together.

Ty dropped his pen and passed his hand through Kit’s blond curls and pulled him closer by the nape of his neck. He pressed his lips against Kit’s with a feather-light pressure, his lips barely grazing over Kit's, keeping his movements painfully slow; a barely-restrained tension. He caught Kit's lower lip between his teeth and tugged gently, and Kit moaned into him.

Ty lightly swept the tip of his tongue over Kit’s lower lip and Kit opened his mouth to let him in. He pressed his tongue on Kit’s, sending waves of pleasure through his body.

“Go wait for me upstairs,” he panted. “I’ll be done in five minutes.”

“Okay but I’m waiting exactly five minutes before I’m coming back to drag you upstairs,” Kit warned him before he left.

He spent exactly four minutes and fifty-six seconds pacing around their room trying to calm himself down by breathing deeply and _not_ thinking about what he wanted to do to his boyfriend, when Ty entered the room and closed the door behind him. Without a second thought, Kit leaped at him and pinned him against the door, grabbing his hair and kissing his lips, jaw, and neck.

“I’m – so – attracted – to you,” he said in the mess of breaths.

Ty returned Kit’s kiss and licked into his mouth, then tugged at Kit’s lower lip with his teeth. He passed his hands on Kit’s back and pulled him closer against him, making Kit moan and quiver. Kit’s moans seemed to have an arousing effect on Ty. As he held him closer by the waist, he felt Ty’s hardness against his.

Suddenly Ty pushed Kit and then turned them around, pinning Kit against the door. Kit let out a small gasp as Ty pulled him by the waist and lifted him up. He pinned Kit against the door again, mid-air, and Kit wound his legs around Ty’s waist. Slowly, Ty rolled his hips forward, and Kit strangled a moan.

If someone had told him a year ago that one day he would be having dry sex against a wall with his best friend, Kit would have probably snorted because these things just don’t happen.

Expect they do. And they’re amazing.

Ty moved his hips rhythmically and Kit closed his eyes, panting and moaning. Distantly, he realized Ty’s hand was moving behind his back.

“Ty – “

“Silencing rune,” Ty panted. “Done.”

He turned around and carried Kit, who had his legs wrapped around his waist, to the bed, where he placed him gently. He then parted Kit’s legs and placed himself between them, and Kit felt his cock, hard against his. Ty grinded against him in slow motions while kissing him gently and Kit moaned into his mouth.

“Tell me it’s real,” Ty whispered in his ear, his voice a desperate plea.

“It’s real,” Kit panted. “I’m yours.”

Ty kissed his neck and moved his hips against Kit’s in a rhythmic motion, and Kit whimpered as he felt the friction from his boyfriend’s cock on his own.

“Ow,” he gasped when he felt the familiar sharp pain underneath his shoulder blades. He should have contacted a silent brother.

“What is it?” Ty stopped. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, it’s nothing,” Kit panted. “Keep going.”

Ty didn’t seem convinced. He rolled off Kit and laid next to him, then cupped Kit’s face in his hand. “I’m sorry.” His deep voice conveyed so much love, Kit’s heart melted.

“It’s not you,” Kit said hastily. “It’s nothing. Please keep going?” Kit’s request came out as more of a supplication, and he was surprised at how much he _needed_ Ty’s proximity.

Ty’s gray eyes scanned Kit’s face, shining silver like the moon, and his lower lip found itself between his teeth. Kit already knew.

“Tell me,” he whispered. “What do you want?”

Ty chewed on his lip nervously, and Kit _knew_ ; Ty wanted to try something new. Kit felt the excitement building in his stomach.

“Ty, baby, if there’s something you think you’d like - tell me.” He took a deep breath. “I want… God, Ty, I want to...”

_Pleasure you._

Kit blushed crimson red, and Ty caressed his cheek.

“Tell me,” Kit insisted. “Tell me what you want.”

Ty dropped his hand but remained silent, his eyes a dark cloud. Words did not always come easy to him, so instead Kit took his hand and said, “Show me.”

The corners of Ty’s mouth went slightly up, as if to say, “you understand”.

The air rushed out of Kit’s lungs as Ty guided his hand slowly down along his chest, down along his stomach, down until Kit’s hand touched his hard cock. _Oh fuck_. How much Kit had wanted to touch Ty like this, to feel his cock against his palm, to stroke him and feel Ty shudder from the pleasure of it.

Slowly, Kit began moving his hand on his boyfriend’s cock, applying gentle pressure. “Like this?” he asked, trying to keep his voice steady. Ty nodded, so Kit stroked him faster, mesmerized by the way Ty quivered and panted under him. Kit moved his hand rhythmically until Ty let out a small whimper. It was the most beautiful sound in the world, and Kit couldn’t help but feel an immense sense of pride.

_I did that. He’s moaning because of me._

Ty took Kit’s hand and guided it again, up this time, until it reached the waistband of his pants.

Trembling slightly from excitement, Kit unbuttoned his jeans. “Is that what you want?” Ty nodded, but Kit wanted to hear his boyfriend say it; god, he wanted to hear that Ty wanted it.

“Tell me that you want it,” he said.

Ty mumbled Kit’s name, so Kit trailed his fingers on Ty’s zipper, taunting him. “Tell me that you want it.”

Ty let out a small, needy, whimper before panting, “I want it, Kit. I want it so much.”

Kit kissed his lips and opened his zipper in one swift motion, then pulled his pants down slightly to reveal Ty’s black boxers. He passed his hand over Ty’s cock again, impossibly aroused at the thought that only a thin fabric separates him from the man he loves.

He slipped a hand into Ty’s underwear. Kissing his neck, he moved his hand lower, reaching his hard cock. He ran his hand slowly around Ty´s member just to feel it. Ty closed his eyes and let out a deep moan.

“Yes, Ty, moan for me,” Kit whispered in his ear.

He wrapped his hand fully around Ty´s cock, and moved his hand up and down slowly, relishing in Ty’s moans, but then felt a strong desire to taste him. He passed his finger over the slit, to spread the pre-cum that had gathered there, and then put it in his mouth.

“I like your taste,” Kit told him as Ty looked at him wide-eyed, clear excitement in his expression.

Kit continued, a little faster. He let his other hand wander in Ty’s hair and pulled it lightly while tugging Ty´s cock faster, and Ty moaned loudly while calling his boyfriend’s name over and over.

“I´m close” Ty panted eventually, digging his fingernails in Kit’s biceps.

“Let go,” Kit said as he moved his hand faster still.

Ty did. With a loud moan, he spilled his load over Kit´s hand.

“Fuck, Ty,” Kit stared at him. “You’re amazing.”

He felt Ty's cock turn soft in his hand and he let go of it, admiring Ty's post-orgasm expression.

Gently, he leaned in to kiss him -

“Kit! Ty! Come quick!” Emma’s voice broke the magic of the moment. That was Shadowhunter life; any normal, calm moment could turn into a mission or a fight in a matter of seconds.

“We’re coming,” Kit answered, immediately alert, though he still did not break his gaze from the gorgeous man lying on the bed underneath him.

“Kit! Ty! Now!” she yelled again.

“Just a second!” Kit replied before realizing that she can’t hear him due to the silencing rune.

“I’m breaking down the fucking door!”

“No!” Kit jumped out of the bed, stumbled to the bathroom to clean himself, then ran across the room, and opened the door, panting, before Emma could break it down.

“What the fuck took you so long!” she said angrily. “And why do _you_ look like you just ran a marathon?” she said as Ty joined them on the doorframe.

She walked along the corridor and down the stairs, Kit and Ty following, and briefed them.

“A fairy appeared on the institute doorsteps. He seems to be a prisoner; his hands are chained together with some sort of golden metal that we can’t break with an opening rune. He’s beaten and bruised, and it seems he escaped his captivator. He won’t say anything expect _he’s coming for the shapeshifter_.”

“He must be the one who tried to warn us,” Ty mused.

“Yes,” Emma agreed. “But he can’t answer any of our questions. I asked the fairy who _he_ was, but when he tried to talk bruises appeared on his throat and he gasped for air, as if an invisible hand was choking him.”

“A secrecy spell,” Ty mumbled.

They reached the foyer and Kit saw a shape withering on the ground, visibly in agony, surrounded by Julian, Mark, Christina, and Dru. When they got closer Kit could make the face of a male fairy with blond hair and pointed ears. His skin bore clear signs of torture; it was covered with cuts and bruises, and a large burn covered most of his left arm. The worst was his throat; covered with purple bruises, it was as Emma described it – as if someone choked him repeatedly.

“He can’t answer any questions regarding his own identity or the identity of his captivator,” Christina informed them. “He can’t tell me if he belongs to the seelie or the unseelie court, so I don’t know how we can proceed.”

Ty looked at the beaten fairy with pained eyes. “Can you show me with a nod if you belong to the unseelie court?”

The fairy tried to move, but crumpled to the floor, gasping for air.

Ty kneeled next to thim, and Kit could not help but admiring the natural kindness of his heart. Five Shadowhunters stood around the broken fairy on the floor, and not one of them thought to kneel beside him instead of looking at him from above.

“Can you please describe the outfit of the blond Shadowhunter in front of us?” Ty asked gently, pointing at Kit.

The fairy choked and held a hand to his throat. “Black… jeans… gray… shirt.” His voice was broken and conveyed the pain he must have been suffering.

“Dru, Mark, could you please lead him to the infirmary, and bandage his hands?”

With a nod, Dru and Mark carried the fairy away, and Ty whispered to Kit “he’s dying”, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. Kit wanted to wound his arms around him, but he could sense that this was one of the times that his touch was unwelcome.

“The curse still enables him to use words which are not directly related to the information he must keep secret,” Ty said, addressing those who remained in the room.

“Wow, how helpful,” Emma said sarcastically. “Perhaps we could ask him to describe all of our outfits, and grade us according to our fashion sense?”

Ty ignored her and turned to Christina instead. “Can you think of a shibboleth?”

Her eyes lit up. “I think I can do that,” she replied and ran out of the room.

“A what now?” Emma looked at Ty with confusion.

“A shibboleth,” he repeated. “The concept first appears in the bible. The Book of Judges tells of a war between the tribes of Gilead and Ephraim. After Gilead inflicted a military defeat upon the invading tribe of Ephraim, the surviving Ephraimites tried to cross the Jordan River back into their home territory, but the Gileadites secured the river's fords to stop them. To identify and kill these Ephraimites, the Gileadites told each suspected survivor to say the word _shibboleth_. The Ephraimite dialect resulted in a pronunciation that, to Gileadites, sounded like _sibboleth_.

“This method was used throughout mundane history. For example, during World War II, some United States soldiers in the Pacific theater used the word _lollapalooza_ as a shibboleth to challenge unidentified persons, since Japanese people often pronounce the letter L as R.”

“And that helps us because…?” Emma stared at him.

“Christina has an expertise in fae history and linguistics. If she can think of a word pronounced differently in seelie and unseelie dialect, we can identify the fairy’s origin without having to ask him direcly.”

Kit looked at Ty with admiration.

Dru glanced at him. “You’re love-crazed,” she whispered dryly.

“How can I not be?” He wondered.

Christina got back with a bible in her hand. “He belongs to the unseelie court,” she stated. “I let him read a line from the book of Hebrews, chapter nine verse five: _and above it were the cherubim of glory overshadowing the mercy seat_.”

“Can someone get me up to speed here?” Emma demanded.

“He pronounced the _cherubim_ , one of the Hebrew words for _angels_ , in the way an unseelie fairy would,” Christina answered.

“And you know this because…?”

“Originally, when the bible was written, the Hebrew language did not have any written vowels, only consonants. Scribes later devised means of indicating vowel sounds by adding dots and lines over the letters, describing how the vowels should be pronounced. But because this was added later, there is not always a consensus as to how a certain word should be pronounced. Specifically, the word cherubim can be pronounced either as cher-uh-bim or as cher-yu-bim. The former is the pronunciation adopted by the unseelie court, while the latter is the seelie one.”

“Okay that was way too much school for me for one day,” Emma replied. “So, to summarize: we need to call the unseelie king and notify him that something fishy is happening in his court.”

“Exactly,” Julian replied gravely. “We need to call Kieran.”


	29. Show Me

The royal delegation arrived when the sun came down. The institute inhabitants were standing outside, and Kit watched, wonderstruck, as a dozen shining dots seemed to fall from the sky, getting larger and larger until he could make out gold-bridled white horses, running on air, mounted by fairies wearing clothes tailored from velvet and silk with wide lace collars and lace cuffs. They galloped through the night sky until their hooves reached the ground, then parted in two rows to make a V shape and reveal a rider with long, loose, blue hair on an ebony horse. He wore cloth of blue velvet on which where embroidered roses in diamonds silver thread, knee-high boots turned down with lace, and a blue-velvet cape thrown over one shoulder. On his head shone a diadem made of white gold encrusted with diamonds.

The fairies descended from their horses, and Ty whispered in Kit’s ear “These steeds are the immortal offspring of the man-eating Mares of Diomedes.”

Kit screwed up his face. “Adorable.”

A tall fairy came forward. He looked slightly intimidating, with his long brown tresses cascading down the back, over his shoulders, and down his chest, and dressed in a long red-velvet coat with braid-trimmed buttonholes and large, folded-over sleeves. 

The fairy gestured his hands ceremonially and announced in a grave voice, “War Bringer, Twilight Vanquisher, Satori Slayer, King of the unseelie court, Kieran the Conqueror!”

Kieran stepped forward, and the institute inhabitants bowed to him.

“Slayer of Anyone Who Crosses Me, Awesome with the Sword, Understander of Human Emotions, Emma Carstairs!” Emma announced herself.

The fairy in the red velvet wrinkled his nose, but otherwise remained silent.

“I don’t think _Understander of Human Emotions_ is the best title for her,” Dru whispered and Kit choked on a snicker.

Julian stepped forward and introduced himself in a saner manner, then detailed the events which caused them to call on the King. Kit looked at Kieran as he listened intently to Julian describing the chained, beaten fairy that managed to escape his captivator and come warn them about Tessa. Kieran looked inhumanly alluring and fierce, with his high cheekbones and wide spaced eyes, the left black and the right a deep, smoky, silver. His thick hair changes its color, Kit knew, from dark black when he is in a bad mood to a pale blue when he's happy. At the moment, it was dark blue, the color of the sea after a storm.

“What we propose is as follows,” Julian said. “You have over twenty million subjects in your court. We need the reports of all fairies that died or went missing over the last six months, be it by disease, suicide, or war. We need to go over the files and see if there are any connections between the victims, as some of them may not be dead but in fact prisoners of the _being_ that’s trying to get to Tessa.”

This has been Ty’s idea, of course. Julian had asked him if he had a theory regarding the person – or being – responsible for Kit’s kidnappings and the enslaved, to which Ty had quoted Sherlock Holmes, saying “I have no data. It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.” He then asked Julian to get the files of the missing fairies so he could read them and maybe deduce a pattern and a logical conclusion.

“You shall have them,” Kieran replied gravely. “And now, I require to speak to the Shadowhunters alone.”

“Your majesty!” The fairy dressed in red-velvet sounded scandalized. “This is highly unusual! I must advise against such a move!”

Kieran’s hair turned ink-black in a matter of a second. Kit took a sharp inhale.

“Do I need to remind you what happened to the last advisor that disobeyed a direct order?”

“No, your majesty,” the advisor stammered. “My apologies, your majesty!”

*******

The moment Kieran stepped inside the institute and the door was shut in the face of his courtiers, all formality was dropped.

“Kieran! My brotha from anotha motha!” Emma shouted with glee as she wound her hands around him.

“Emma, my twin from some independent patrilineal kin.” He smiled as he returned her hug.

“Nice one!” she exclaimed.

“Thank you. I thought about it on the way over.”

“Kier, man,” Julian pulled him into a hug when Emma let him go. “It’s been too long!”

“Way too long!” Dru agreed as she hugged him as well.

Kit was next. “I missed you, you magnificent bastard.”

Mark gave Kieran an odd half-hug but remained silent.

“They added another title to your name,” Christina remarked shyly. “Satori Slayer. What is that about?”

“You slay one Satori demon, and the name sticks with you forever.” Kieran shook his head.

Though he kept a light tone, Kit could sense the tension in his voice as he addressed Christina.

“I hear you, man,” Emma said. “That’s why they call me the Fire Starter. I started one small fire when I tried to make pancakes, and now Julian won’t allow me in the kitchen anymore.”

Kit glanced over at his boyfriend; his hands were fluttering restlessly at his sides.

“What happened to the last advisor that did not follow you orders?” Ty asked, concerned.

“Nothing,” Kieran replied with equanimity. “I needed to establish my authority. So, on my first consul meeting I had one of my advisors contradict an order. I sent him away and told the rest that he shall have his tongue cut, be hanged by his feet, and that the crows will feast on his flesh while he’s still alive. In truth, I gave him a lifetime of unpaid vacation, provided that he stayed away from the public eye.”

“Wow.” Emma looked at him in admiration. “You’re so awesome.”

“Not half as much as you,” Kieran replied. “By the way, I must admit that I did not understand some wording in your last letter. You wrote: _P.S. Kit and Ty are boning now._ Is this some Shadowhunter ritual involving skeletal remains of the deceased?”

“No, it comes from the word _boner_. See, what happens is Kit and Ty are – “

“In a loving and committed relationship based on trust, communication, and mutual respect,” Kit chimed in before Emma could finish, carefully avoiding Julian’s gaze. He did _not_ want to see the aftermath of the mention of him making sexual advances at Julian’s little brother.

“My congratulations,” Kieran said as he ruffled Kit’s hair affectionately.

“Thanks.” Kit smiled. “We are also raising a baby together.”

He took Manu out of his pocket and placed him in Kieran’s hand. “Here’s my pride and joy,” he said.

“I see he inherited your fetching eyes,” Kieran commented and they all burst out laughing.

“But seriously,” Julian said as he wiped tears. “We need those files, Kier. Someone from inside your court might be declaring war on Shadowhunters.”

“We will return tomorrow at sunset with everything you have requested,” Kieran replied.

*******

“Are you worried?”

The fairies have left, and the Shadowhunters returned each to their activities; Dru and Christina and Mark and Emma were patrolling tonight, Julian was organizing reports for the clave, and Kit and Ty were scheduled for a much-needed night off.

“Yes,” Ty admitted. “About you. I can’t stand to lose you again.”

“You won’t,” Kit promised him.

Ty’s hand was on Kit’s knee, the other on his shoulder. “I love you,” he whispered.

“You mean everything to me,” Kit replied as he passed his hand through Ty’s black hair.

Ty kissed him softly, and his hand traveled from Kit’s knee up his thigh, making him impossibly hard. Soon Ty’s kisses became more heated, more desperate, and before he could stop himself Kit’s hands were unbuttoning Ty’s pants.

He caught himself in time and let Ty go, then jumped off the bed as if it was on fire and took a few steps back, cursing in frustration. Ty was the best thing in his life, and Kit could not mess this up. One slip-up could cost him Ty’s trust. One misstep could ruin everything they had built together. Kit could not let this happen; he could not afford to lose control for even a fraction of a second.

“Is something wrong?” Ty asked him, seemingly anxious.

Kit turned away from him. He took a deep breath as he passed is hands in his hair in frustration. “You don’t know how hard it is to control myself around you.” _And it terrifies me._

Ty got up and took a step towards him. “Then don’t,” he whispered.

Kit pulled his hair in exasperation. “I have to.”

“No.” Ty put his hand on his shoulder and gently turned him around to face him. “You don’t.”

Kit’s control was wearing thin, and Ty’s touch threatened to break it completely. He took a step back from him.

“You have no idea what you’re asking for,” he said.

“Then show me.”

“No!”

“Show me,” Ty insisted. “Take what you want from me.”

 _Fuck_. Kit took a deep breath, trying to steady his heartrate which shot up at Ty’s words.

“Show me,” Ty whispered. “I want to see you letting go.”

Kit’s resistance was fading with every second.

“Ty, please. Stop,” Kit pleaded. “You’re making it harder for me to hold back.”

“Then don’t. Take what you want.”

Kit’s cock was trapped in his pants, so hard it almost hurt. He could feel his sanity leaving him, replaced with an animalistic attraction and desire for Ty. His mind became a blur of hunger and he had to stop now before it was too late -

“I can’t. Please, Ty, try to understand” he managed to say. “I _have_ to control myself around you. I can’t just do what I want and take the chance that I’ll move too fast for you, and hurt you, and ruin our relationship, and –“

“But I want you to.”

Kit pulled his hair in frustration. “Fuck, what are you doing to me?” His voice broke.

Ty took his hand, releasing the tight grip he had on the blond curls, and placed it on his chest, right above his heart. Kit could feel how fast Ty’s heart beat under his ribcage.

“I’m yours,” Ty whispered. “Take what you want.”

“Let me go,” Kit tried to take back his hand, but Ty held it firmly.

“No.”

“Let me go,” Kit tried to pull free again.

“No!”

“Let me go, I can’t do this anymore!”

“Then don’t,” Ty pulled Kit and he fell into his arms. “Don’t fight it,” he whispered in Kit’s ear as he wound his arms around him.

“But what if I take it too far?” Kit whispered anxiously into his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“You won’t.”

“I… Ty, I’m… I don’t…”

“You won’t,” Ty repeated firmly.

The walls Kit built around himself collapsed in Ty’s arms. He took a deep breath. “If it gets too overwhelming, say my middle name and I’ll stop immediately.”

“Okay,” Ty kissed his forehead soothingly.

“Promise me,” Kit insisted. “Promise me that you’ll say it if it gets too overwhelming.”

“I promise.”

Ty took Kit’s hand and kissed his palm. “Go on,” he whispered. “Take what you need.”

Kit’s control finally broke. With a growl, he pushed Ty back until he stumbled on the bed.

“Lay back.”

Ty laid back obediently and Kit climbed on top of him and straddled him. He began kissing Ty’s neck, grazed his teeth on his earlobe and gently licked into his ear. Ty began panting underneath him.

“You make me so hard,” Kit panted. “Fuck, I want you so much.”

He pulled Ty by the collar of his shirt into a sitting positing, then pulled the shirt over Ty’s head and pushed him back until he laid back on the mattress. Kit couldn’t stop himself from licking Ty from his sternum and down his stomach, until he reached the waistband of his pants.

“Put your hands above your head,” he commanded, then proceeded to tie his wrists together with the shirt he just took off him.

Ty was now lying on the bed, bear chested, with his hands tied, and Kit fell in love again. He kissed, and licked, and scratched, and bit every inch of Ty that he could reach, until they were both out of breath.

“You’re beautiful,” he panted as he trailed his fingers down Ty’s stomach.

He reached the waistband on his jeans and traced it with his finger, gently pushing underneath it.

“Are you hard for me?” he asked, taunting him by slipping his fingers underneath Ty’s pants just a little bit before retracting again.

“So hard,” Ty panted.

The button of Ty’s pants was already open; Kit had done that before he stopped himself. Now that he could finally _let go_ , he pulled down Ty’s zipper.

“Is that okay?” he asked.

“Don’t stop,” Ty panted. “Please, don’t stop.”

The neediness in Ty’s voice made Kit’s cock twitch. Still, he managed to whisper, “my middle name, remember?”

“I promise,” Ty wavered. “Keep going.”

With his animalistic attraction to Ty taking hold of him again, Kit pulled down Ty’s pants and his boxers, and threw them on the floor.

He held back a gasp.

Ty was lying on the bed, tied, and completely naked.

For a moment Kit just stared. He had dreamed about this moment for so long, had fantasized about having Ty underneath him like this for what seemed like an eternity. Still, his fantasies were nothing in comparison to the reality. Ty’s skin was smooth, shining like a winter moon in the dim light of the room, the runes standing out black against his paleness. Kit tried to take it all in; Ty’s biceps, his abs, the muscles of his thighs.

And his cock.

Kit stared at Ty’s thick, hard cock. It had the perfect girth for his length, the head was large and pink, and he had an amazing, thick vein right on top. Kit licked his lips.

Ty was still panting, but he remained just as Kit had positioned him. Hands tied above his head, naked, vulnerable. That was trust.

That was love.

“I am so lucky,” Kit mumbled, then bent down to kiss his boyfriend. “I can’t believe I am the one who gets to see you like this.”

He passed his hand over Ty’s cock, feeling his hardness, then wrapped his hand around it and tugged gently until he heard Ty moan.

“Part your lips” he commanded, and Ty did, so Kit slipped his tongue into his mouth and met his, then stroked him faster until Ty whimpered into his mouth.

Gently, Kit let go of him and kissed his way down Ty’s neck, down his shoulders, down his chest. He felt an incontrollable urge to taste Ty, to suck him. His excitement was mixed with nervousness; he had never done anything like this before, and neither did Ty. But it was _them_ , and Kit knew he could just do what felt right and it would be okay. And now, only one thing did feel right.

He kissed his way down Ty’s stomach, until he reached his cock, took it in his hand and slowly licked the slit.

Ty gasped in surprise at the new sensation, but Kit did not give him time to settle in; instead he licked him again, from shaft to slit, and heard Ty whimper with excitement. He licked him again and again, and Ty tasted so _good_ it was unbelievable.

“Do you want me to take you in my mouth?” he asked him.

“Yes – Kit – fuck – yes,” Ty quivered underneath him.

“Beg for it.”

“Please, Kit, please,” Ty whimpered. “I want it so much.”

Ty’s begs were so sensual, Kit almost came right then.

“Beg harder,” he commanded, while slipping his hand into his own pants.

“Please, Kit, please, I want this, I _need_ this.”

Kit stroked himself while watching Ty beg; it felt so dirty and _wonderful_.

He took his hand out and leaned in, licking Ty’s cock again. Then, without giving his boyfriend any warning, he took his entire cock in his mouth.

Ty’s cock was large, and Kit could only take in half of it, but Ty didn’t seem to mind. He wavered and whimpered, yelling Kit’s name, but Kit did not stop. He sucked and licked him, trying different rhythms and angles, mesmerized by the sounds Ty made as a response.

“Kit, stop, I’m close –“

Gently, Kit let him go. He took Ty’s wrists and opened the knot, setting him free.

“Lie back down,” he said. He wanted to make Ty cum.

But Ty pushed him gently off him and sat down, panting. Before Kit could react, Ty had already taken off Kit’s shirt. He threw it on the floor and proceeded to unbutton Kit’s pants.

“Ty, what – “

Ty shut him up with a kiss. “Let’s make it even, shall we.”

He pushed Kit to a lying position on his back and with one swift motion unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down. He stroked Kit above his boxers and Kit’s resistance melted, until all that was left of him was a whimpering, needy mess.

Ty pulled Kit’s boxer’s off and threw them on the floor, then mounted him and grinded against him. Kit barely had time to register that they were both naked in bed together for the first time, before Ty began kissing his way down his chest, down his stomach, and –

“Fuck, Ty!” Kit strangled a cry as Ty took his cock into his mouth.

Ty felt warm and wet around him, and he sucked him while pressing Kit’s cock on the roof of his mouth and passing his tongue on the other side. Kit’s moans soon turned into strangled cries until he felt the bundle of nerves in his stomach.

“I – Ty – I’m –“

“Not yet,” Ty said as he let him go. “I decide when you cum.”

 _Fuck_. Ty’s assertiveness was so arousing; Kit was so far gone for him.

“No! Please. More, Ty, please.” He begged shamelessly.

“You are so eager.” Ty smiled. “So needy.”

“Yes,” Kit’s voice was rough with passion. “I need it, Ty, I _need_ it. Please, let me cum.”

Ty turned around and sat down on top of him with his back to him.

“Open your mouth,” he said, and Kit vibrated with excitement.

He took Ty’s cock in his mouth, and Ty began sucking him as well. The sensation of Ty filling his mouth and simultaneously feeling so tight around his cock was almost too much to handle, and Kit knew he could not last more than one minute - when Ty let him go. Kit barely had time to let out a frustrated groan before Ty got off him, grabbed his hips and turned him over so Kit lay on his stomach. He buried his face in the mattress, panting, not knowing what Ty had in mind.

Gently, Ty lifted Kit’s hips and placed a pillow underneath his pelvis.

“Now, I want you to relax,” he said, which only did to increase Kit’s arousal. “But you might need this one as well,” he added mischievously as he gently lifted Kit’s face and placed another pillow under it.

He kissed Kit’s neck before massaging his back, going from his shoulders to his lower back, and down. “I love you,” he said when pulled Kit’s legs gently apart and settled himself behind him, and Kit bit into his pillow, unable to contain his excitement.

Slowly, Ty began stroking his ass cheeks, kissing and licking them softly, teasing Kit to the point of sweet desperation. Just when Kit couldn’t take it anymore, Ty spread him open, and kissed his rim.

Kit muffled a scream of pleasure in the pillow as Ty kissed his rim with soft lips, slowly, over and over. He seemed to enjoy Kit’s reactions; he touched his soft, warm, wet tongue to Kit’s hole and just left it there for a while, letting Kit squirm and waver, then slowly began to move it around. He licked him with regular firm strokes of his tongue, and Kit bit his pillow again and muffled another scream.

Kit trembled and squirmed and muffled cries of excitement into the pillow, but Ty held him firmly and licked him again and again until Kit begged for release.

“I – I’m - please,” Kit whimpered, unable to let out coherent words.

Ty spread him open.

“Cum for me,” he said. “I want you to cum when I tongue-fuck you.”

That did it. Kit cried out as Ty stuck his tongue inside him again and again, and all the pressure built inside him exploded, creeping up from every corner of his body until he was desperate for it to stop yet also to continue forever, and for a brief second, he felt completely helpless and vulnerable in the hands of his boyfriend before it was over.

Ty let go of him and passed his fingers gently on his ass cheeks.

“I – want you,” Kit panted, unable to let out a coherent sentence and his voice barely louder than a whisper. “On me – please – on me.”

Ty understood. Kit was too exhausted to move, so Ty gently picked him up and turned him around, then laid him on his back. He kissed his cheek then straddled him and stroked himself. Kit watched as Ty wavered on top of him, until he let out a moan and spilled his warm load on Kit’s chest before collapsing on top of him. Kit wound his arms around him and hugged him tight.

Ty took a few moments to gather some strength, then kissed Kit’s neck - a messy, sloppy kiss - and whispered, “I love you.”

Everything was wet, and warm, and Kit was so happy and in love and _ecstatic_. “That was amazing.” He caressed Ty’s hair, tangling black strands around his fingers. “I love you. So, so much.”

Ty’s face was buried in Kit’s neck and he hummed in contentment while Kit stroked his hair.

“Ty, what you did…” Kit wasn’t sure what he wanted to ask.

“I don’t know… I just wanted to kiss you there. So, I did.” Ty mumbled into him. “You liked it though, right?” he asked, a hint of anxiousness in his voice.

“I did,” Kit assured him. “A lot. That was incredible.”

Ty kissed his neck. “Do you want me to give you a shower?” he asked.

“Yes.” Kit smiled. “There’s no way I can do that on my own.”

Ty chuckled. “I figured.”

Somehow, he managed to pull himself up, and Kit felt suddenly cold without his body pressing down on him. Gently, Ty picked him up.

Kit buried his face in his neck. “Can we repeat that in the shower?”

Ty laughed and hugged him tighter. “If you can stand up by yourself, sure,” he replied, then carried his exhausted boyfriend into the bathroom.


	30. Of Confessions, Puffer Fish, a Prince, a Pauper, and a Jerk (Part I)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have triggers with self harm, please skip the last scene. This chapter contains cute confessions at the beginning, but dark ones at the end.

Rays of afternoon sun shone through the window when Kit opened his eyes slowly. His head was resting on Ty’s chest and his arm was wound around him. He snuggled up closer to him, careful not to wake him up, and inhaled his intoxicating scent.

Kit was exhausted in the best possible way; he and Ty had stayed up all night, kissing and cuddling and talking in between sweaty passionate sexual acts. They had spent an entire night studying each other, learning about their likes and dislikes. They only took one break around 3 AM; since Kit suddenly decided that he was starving and that he _had_ to eat pasta right this second or else he would suffer death.

Ty shifted slightly. “Are you awake?” he asked in a sleepy voice.

“Yeah… I woke up a few minutes ago.”

Ty glanced at the alarm clock on his bedside table. “It’s already four in the afternoon,” he pointed out.

“You know what that means,” Kit said mischievously. “We still have two hours before dinner and before the fairies return…”

“Kit, we just spent an entire night giving each other orgasms,” Ty answered.

“Yeah, so?”

“Just making an observation.” Ty smiled, then got up. “You have about five seconds to get up and brush your teeth before I’m pinning you to the bed again.”

With a wide grin, Kit got up and followed Ty to the bathroom. Their toothbrushes rested together in a toothbrush holder near the sink, and the sight always made Kit smile. Ty put toothpaste on Kit’s toothbrush and handed it to him before preparing his own, and Kit brushed his teeth while making silly faces to try and make his boyfriend laugh and spit out his toothpaste.

When they were done, Ty picked Kit up without a warning and carried him to bed, and Kit heard himself giggle like a kid until Ty placed him on the bed and lay next to him. They turned to face each other, and Ty took Kit’s hand in his.

“I love you,” he whispered.

They were only wearing boxers, and Kit passed his fingers on Ty’s bare chest, tracing his runes.

“I learned some things last night,” he said shyly. “About what I like…”

Ty caressed his cheek. “Tell me,” he said softly.

Kit took a deep breath. “I like it when you cum on me,” he confessed. “It’s just… so sexy.”

Ty smiled. “I like cleaning you and helping you shower after we are done,” he admitted. “I like taking care of you. It makes me feel closer to you.”

“You are adorable,” Kit said. “In a very sexy way. You’re adorably sexy.”

“Tell me something else,” Ty asked.

“I like it when you make me kiss you when you stroke me, so I moan into your mouth.” Kit’s cheek felt burning hot. “Now you.”

“I like to rim you,” Ty said. “When I first did it, I just wanted to kiss you there and I was curious. But ever since I tried it, I can’t get enough. I seriously think I’m obsessed with your butt.”

Kit laughed. “That’s good, because I really like it when you do that.” He squeezed Ty’s hand and then added, “I didn’t bring it up because I didn’t want to pressure you…”

“Suggesting things doesn’t stress me out,” Ty said gently. “If I’m not ready I’ll say so.”

“Ah… then… If you want me to rim you… I would like that.”

Ty caressed the back of Kit’s hand with his thumb. “I’m ready to do that to you, but I’m still not ready for you to do it to me… Does that make sense?”

“Yes,” Kit replied. “Being on the receiving end means letting go and being vulnerable.”

Ty kissed Kit’s hand before letting it go and passing his hand over Kit’s chest. He trailed down his stomach until he reached his boxers, then began stroking him above the fabric until Kit quivered slightly from the friction.

“Ty, when we were just friends…” Kit began. “Did you ever think about doing stuff like this?”

Ty let go of Kit’s cock. “Are you asking me if I masturbated to you before we became a couple?”

“Yeah,” Kit mumbled, slightly embarrassed.

“Then yes. A lot,” Ty replied easily and pulled Kit’s boxers down and licked the head of his cock.

Kit’s face suddenly felt extremely hot. “Really?” He asked, unbelieving. “ _A lot_? How much is a lot?”

“Every day, sometimes twice a day,” Ty answered before lifting Kit’s hips and placing a pillow under his lower back.

“But _when_?” Kit was astounded at this new revelation.

“Whenever I took a shower.” Ty spread Kit’s legs and placed himself between them, his head between his thighs. “After I realized how I felt about you, my showers became much longer.”

“They _were_ super long!” Kit recalled. “But… _how_? I mean, I usually finished before you and waited for you in your room.”

“Yes,” Ty agreed, then gently bit Kit’s inner thigh.

“Wow, so let me get this straight. I was waiting for you to finish your shower, wishing that one day you would deign to even look at me, and you were in there thinking about me?”

“Yes,” Ty replied shamelessly. “Why, didn’t you do that as well?”

“Only after you told me that you loved me,” Kit confessed. “Until then I didn’t let myself think about what I truly wanted.”

“Then it seems that we have found the one area in which you have more self-control than I do,” Ty smiled mischievously before taking Kit’s entire cock in his mouth.

“Fuck,” Kit whispered. He tangled his fingers in Ty’s hair, trusting his hips up and pushing his cock into Ty’s warm mouth again and again until Ty let him go.

“What do you want?” he asked gently.

He caressed the soft trail of golden hair leading from Kit’s navel downwards, and Kit closed his eyes and let himself enjoy his touch, thinking about Ty’s question.

“I want to do what I asked you yesterday… Your finger,” he finally said. “But since we can’t do that – “

“Actually, we can.” The corners of Ty’s mouth were curved up.

“How?”

“I went to the store after you fell asleep. I knew that when you wake up, you’ll want to go again, being as insatiable as you are.” He smiled. “And as am I.”

“How are you so perfect?” Kit wondered out loud. “And how come I didn’t wake up when you got dressed and left?”

“You were exhausted,” Ty pointed out.

“Yeah, I was.” Kit grinned. “You wore me out.”

Ty licked his lips and lowered his head, gently spreading Kit's ass cheeks and breathing warm on his hole before pressing a flat wet tongue against it.

“Fuck,” Kit's eyes snapped wide. “How are you simultaneously so angelic, yet so kinky?”

“It’s not mutually exclusive,” Ty answered before diving into another broad wet lick.

Kit relaxed into the intimacy, into the feeling of being so exposed, laying on naked on the bed, ass raised on the pillow that Ty put under him. Ty flicked his tongue until Kit was red and sweaty from need, then pushed his tongue inside him, and Kit bit the inside of his wrist to keep from screaming.

“You like that, don’t you?” Ty asked.

Kit let out a moan. The breathless answer pulled a smirk from Ty lips. “Do you want my finger inside you now?”

“Yes,” Kit panted. “Please.”

Ty reached out to the nightstand and took out a small bottle. Kit watched hungrily as he opened it and lubed his finger.

“Lay back and relax,” Ty said gently.

He rubbed his finger slowly against the warm tight rim of Kit’s hole. Kit’s body responded immediately; he moaned, and his legs spread a little more, sticking his ass out to be more comfortable for Ty to touch him.

“So eager.” Ty smiled and rubbed Kit’s tight with his other hand.

The tip of his finger pressed in slowly.

“How is that?”

“It’s a bit weird to be penetrated like that,” Kit said, red with lust and embarrassment. “But in a good way.”

“Should I continue?”

“Yes, please,” Kit pleaded shamelessly.

Ty smiled and pushed his finger deeper. It felt amazing, even better than Kit thought it would. Ty's finger eased in steadily right all the way inside him. Kit gasped and gripped Ty’s shoulders tightly as his finger sinked inside his warm body knuckle by knuckle. It didn't hurt, but he needed time to adjust to Ty. He clenched around the finger but slowly relaxed.

“Does it hurt?” Ty studied his face with concern.

Kit shook head fast. “No, no. It feels good. It's just… new.”

“Do you want me to keep going?” Ty stroked his thigh.

Kit nodded, and Ty began moving his finger slowly, stretching him open, easing his way. He curled his finger up, reaching Kit’s prostate, and Kit let out a small whimper. He arched back, letting Ty watch as he quivered and moaned for him. Ty curled his finger again and Kit moaned loudly and slid his hand up in his own hair, pulling it.

Ty smirked and bent down to kiss him. “Open your mouth for me.”

Kit did as his boyfriend told him to, and Ty slid his tongue in his mouth. Kit moaned into his boyfriend - just the way he liked it.

“Fuck Ty, you’re amazing,” he panted.

He grabbed his cock and began stocking himself as Ty fingered him, when he felt the familiar pain under his shoulder blades and stopped abruptly from the shock of it.

“Are you okay?” Ty stopped moving his finger.

Damn Emma, cock-blocking him first by knocking on their door at inappropriate timings, and then by giving him an injury that didn’t heal properly and now hurts whenever he trains too hard or whenever he’s in bed with Ty. What the actual fuck.

“I am,” Kit panted. “It was just… intense. Keep going.”

Ty did, and Kit resumed stroking himself, waves of pleasure going through his body. The pain shot through his shoulder blades, but he didn’t give a fuck. His entire body felt like it was on fire.

“If only you could see yourself,” Ty whispered. “You’re so beautiful like that, stretched and eager.”

That's all it took for Kit to orgasm, spilling all over his stomach. He gasped for air, flushed from chest to ears, and Ty eased out of him and laid down next to him, kissing his neck and shoulders.

“You look gorgeous when you orgasm,” he said as he petted Kit’s hair.

“You sound so dirty when you talk like that,” Kit breathed into his boyfriend’s neck. “I love it.”

Ty pulled him and kissed his lips till they bruised. “We need to go to dinner, or else someone will come breaking down our door.”

“Bet it will be Emma,” Kit mumbled. “I’m sure she’s just waiting for an opportunity to vandalize the institute.”

*******

Somehow, they managed to get dressed and reach the dining room in under fifteen minutes. The rest were already seated, so they took their usual places and Kit began putting gigantic portions on his plate.

“What were you two doing, locked in your room the entire day?” Emma squinted her eyes.

“Studying,” Ty replied evenly. It wasn’t technically a lie, since he didn’t specify what they were learning _exactly_.

“Oh,” Emma seemed disinterested. “Anyway, Dru, fill me in on the status of the Ravener demon you located.”

Kit stopped listening at this point on focused his gaze on Julian’s plate instead. He was eating his mashed potatoes and peas, while carefully avoiding the lettuce salad. Kit elbowed his boyfriend and pointed discreetly to Julian’s plate, while mouthing “porcupines”. Ty shook his head in exasperation.

Half an hour later, Emma got up. “The fairies will be here in fifteen minutes. Julian, we’ll wait for them outside. The rest of you – go to the library. The Ashdowns should join us any moment now. I called them for help.”

“You did WHAT?” Julian and Kit exclaimed together while the rest headed to the library, unfazed.

Emma shifted her gaze between them. “Were you not listening?”

“Oh, I was,” Kit said. “And for a moment there it sounded like you invited the worst person ever into our home.”

“Kit, stop it!” Emma scolded him. “Paige is a very nice girl.”

Kit gaped at her, blinked, gaped some more, and then choked on the words “are you serious?”

“Nah, I’m just messing with you.” Emma smirked. “I can’t stand that little brat. But we need all the help we can get, so here we are.”

“We don’t need _their_ help, though.” Julian tried his luck.

While every person with a sane mind focused their hate on Paige, Julian focused his on Emma’s ex. Admittedly, watching for months as Cameron was dating Emma, with whom Julian was desperately in love, does that to a person.

“Why do you have to keep breaking me, body and soul?” Kit sighed dramatically. “First you throw me out of a window – and that injury still hurts, by the way – and now –“

“It still hurts?” Julian turned to him. “Iraze works on all Shadowhunter injuries. If it still hurts it must be some demonic poison, or maybe dark magic slowly taking over you.”

“Oh my god, do you think I’m dying?” Kit panicked.

“I hope not,” Julian replied, equally concerned. “But maybe?”

“For fuck’s sake, no one is dying!” Emma cried out. “We’ll call a silent brother. Now, stop being two little poopy babies, and come to the library!”

She looked terrifying, and both men realized that it would be unwise to argue further.

“And also,” she said as she walked away. “Make me some hot chocolate. Because I feel like I deserve it.”

Kit and Julian headed to the kitchen without a word. Distantly, they heard the doorbell indicating the arrival of the Ashdowns.

*******

Having made Emma’s hot chocolate, Julian went outside to wait for the fairies while Kit headed to the library.

“Wait for me,” Dru panted behind him.

Kit turned around and smiled at her. “Are you – oh, no.”

Paige was waiting for them in front of the library, physically blocking the entrance.

“Hi Paige,” Dru said politely.

“Hey girl,” Page replied with much enthusiasm. “Let me guess – you’re still dating that werewolf.”

“Yes, we’re very happy together.” Dru smiled.

“I can see that… You look even chubbier than before. I guess you don’t make an effort to look good for her anymore. Ah, don’t look at me like that. I didn’t mean that as in insult, I was just stating it as a fact.”

“On more word and –“ Kit began, but Dru shushed him with an uncaring smile.

“And you’re still single, I presume?” she said, amused.

Kit looked at his adoptive sister. When he first met her, she was very self-conscious about her body. Comments from other people, such as he aunt back in England, would make her feel bad. But since she began dating Jael, she became happier and more confident, and no longer cared what other people thought about her.

“I don’t have any problem finding guys that are attracted to me, thank you very much,” Paige said with a haughty look.

“But then you open your mouth and your personality drives them away, huh?” Dru said with false empathy.

 _Damn, murdered by words._ Kit enjoyed the situation tremendously.

“How funny you are.” Paige screwed up her face. “So, why did you guys call us? Can’t do anything without us, huh? And Kit, is that weird guy still following you around like a love sick puppy? You should be careful, I think he has a crush on you.”

“Oh my god, you think so?!” Kit cried out.

Paige finally deigned to move her annoying self from the entrance, so they stepped inside and found Mark, Christina, Cameron, and Ty, sitting in armchairs and talking in low voices. Ty was briefing Cameron about the reason they called them and Kit was mesmerized by the way his boyfriend’s face lit up as he spoke with animation.

Without wasting a second, Kit reached a hand out to him, which Ty took, and then pulled him up to a hug, one hand on his hip and the other in his hair.

“What?!” He heard Paige’s outraged voice.

“You’re perfect and I’m going to kiss you now,” he whispered in Ty’s ear. Ty didn’t need the warning - he was used to Kit’s touch; but old habits die hard.

Kit placed his hand on the back of his boyfriend’s neck and leaned in, pressing their lips together. Ty parted his lips and met his tongue, and Kit pulled him closer as Ty ravaged his mouth, teeth scraping over Kit’s bottom lip, tongue pressing against his.

Dru made a whistling sound and Kit heard Christina choke out a laugh as Paige cried out “What the fuck? Are you messing with me right now?!”

Finally, Kit let Ty go. His hair was a mess, his cheeks were flushed, and his lips were red and kiss-swollen. He had never looked lovelier.

“I think you’re right, Paige.” He turned to her, amused by her shocked expression. “I think he _does_ have a crush on me. Which turns out great because I’m madly in love with him.”

Paige’s mouth hung open, and Kit was reminded of a puffer fish. Ty threw one puzzled look at his boyfriend before taking back his place in the armchair.

Cameron smiled warmly at Kit, then said, “Paige, sit down and listen to Ty’s briefing.”

With a sigh, Paige sat down next to her brother and half-listened as Ty detailed the events that led to him requesting the files of missing fairies. She kept shooting glances around, as if waiting for someone to get up and admit that Kit and Ty’s kiss was a prank.

“So, we’ll go over reports of fairies missing or dying over the last few months and see if we can find any links between the cases, or anything else that seems suspicious to you,” Ty concluded.

“That sounds terrible,” Paige complained.

“Why, can’t you read properly?” Kit asked her with an angelic smile. “We can get you a tutor if you want.”

“We are happy to help,” Cameron said quickly, throwing a threatening look at his sister.

Paige seemed like she was about to protest, but her reply got lost in the sound of steps echoing in the hallway. A tall fairy with long brown tresses entered the room, carrying a monstrous-looking stack of papers. The fairy was dressed in a long red-velvet coat with golden leaf motifs and large, folded-over sleeves and white gloves, and Kit recognized him as Kieran’s annoying advisor that wasn’t fond of him entering the institute alone.

The advisor gestured his hands ceremonially and announced in a grave voice, “War Bringer, Bone Crusher, Satori Slayer, King of the unseelie court, Kieran the Merciless!”

“ _Bone crusher?_ ” Kit whispered to Dru. “Where does he come up with this stuff?”

Kieran entered the room and Kit could swear his gestures were in slow motion; his head was held high, his expression haughty and his eyes piercing and ruthless. His robes, a billowing ocean of rich silver fabric, fluttered behind him, and his sapphire blue hair waved around his delicate face as if gravity did not affect it.

“The reports you have requested,” the advisor said.

“Thank you, Éber,” Ty replied, and Kit wondered when he had time to learn his name. “Please put them on the table.”

“You may leave now,” Kieran said coldly.

This time, Éber seemed to know better than to tell Kieran he can’t stay alone with the Shadowhunters. With a look of disdain, he turned on his heels and left the room.

“Wait for me and don’t move,” Ty said hastily as he left the room.

The rest had half a minute to give each other puzzled looks before he came back, holding a box of disposable laboratory exam gloves. “Put these one, I don’t want you to tamper with the evidence.”

Judging by the confused expressions of the rest, Kit deduced that he wasn’t the only one who didn’t understand Ty’s insistence; however, they all knew better than to argue with him.

*******

“Her existence tires me,” Kit whispered to Dru after having spent three hours reading reports while Paige’s constant complaining served as the worst background noise he had ever heard.

“At least Cameron is easy on the eye,” Dru pointed out.

Kit glanced at him. When you factored out his annoying sister, Cameron was actually a cool guy; and Kit had to admit he was handsome. He had thought so since he first saw him more than two years ago with Emma at the Shadow Market. Even Livvy used to say that Cameron looked like a red-haired Captain America - much to Julian’s dismay.

Kit looked at him again. Cameron was talking to Ty with animation, pointing at some line in the report he held. His red hair shone under the light of the library’s Torchiere lamps and when he smiled his teeth looked like two rows of brilliant pearls.

_Who even has teeth like that?_

Kit’s jealousy sparked at the sudden realization that his boyfriend was talking to perfect-teethed Captain America. Dru seemed to see right through him and said, “Relax, man. Ty doesn’t even look at other people. _Literally_.”

She was right; Ty never made eye contact with anyone except occasionally with Kit. He had told Kit once that he found his eyes fascinating. It was the best compliment Kit had ever received.

Kit looked at them again. Ty was still talking to Cameron, but his eyes were focused on the notes in front of him.

“This is so dull!” Paige cried out for what felt like the hundredth time today.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Kit turned to her, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Would you like to submit a complaint to the fairy court and request that they make fairies disappear in more entertaining ways?”

“Yes, I will draft the complaint right now. Seriously, the nerve of some people. What were they thinking, giving us that? Isn’t there some sort of servant that can do this tedious work? Why should I have to do it?”

Kit gaped at her. “You owe an apology to all the trees out there working hard to produce the oxygen that you waste.”

“That’s a common mistake, actually.” Ty came to sit next to him. “Most of the world’s oxygen comes from tiny ocean plants called phytoplankton that live near the water's surface.”

Kit threw one glance in the direction of his perfect and brilliant boyfriend before returning his attention to Paige. “You owe an apology to those phyto-thingies, do you hear me?”

Paige’s response was cut off by Emma. “Kit, brother Obadiah is waiting for you at the infirmary.”

“A silent brother?” Ty asked.

“Yeah, ever since Emma threw me out of a window – thank you again for that, Emma, by the way – it still hurts sometimes when I’m doing too much, um, physical activity.”

“Oh. I’m coming with you.”

Kit left the library and Ty followed him, trying to contain his excitement. “Brother Obadiah is one of the oldest of the silent brothers,” he told Kit. “He’s name means servant of God in Hebrew, and it is said that he _is_ the prophet who wrote the Book of Obadiah, not just named after him. Can you believe that?”

“So, he’s like the Beyonce of Shadowhunters.”

“Something like that.” Ty smiled.

Kit listened attentively as his boyfriend described the prophecy of the fall of Edom as it appears in the book and smiled at the excitement in his voice. It’s not that Kit found books of prophets particularly interesting, but somehow _everything_ Ty said was fascinating.

*******

“Under my shoulder blades. Here.”

The silent brother examined him, under Ty’s concerned look.

“I don’t detect any traces of dark magic or demonic presence in your body.” Obadiah’s voice echoed in Kit’s head. “However, it is not unheard of that phantom pain should be experienced after a serious physical trauma.”

“Can you show me the literature describing such cases?” Ty asked, and Kit realized that Obadiah’s voice echoed in his head as well.

“You will receive a detailed letter this afternoon.”

“Marvelous. I’m not dying,” Kit said happily as Obadiah left the room.

Ty didn’t answer. He chewed on his lower lip with a thoughtful look on his face. “Under your shoulder blades?”

“Yes. Never mind that. Listen,” Kit said distractedly. “Totally unrelated question – but do you think Cameron Ashdown is hot?”

Why he asked, he wasn’t sure. But he had already made peace with the fact that his love for Ty rendered him insane at times. A bit possessive, even.

“I don’t think so,” Ty replied with a puzzled expression. “It can’t be more than seventy degrees in here. Why, does he tend to overheat?”

Kit laughed. “I meant, do you find him handsome?”

“Oh,” Ty seemed to ponder on Kit’s question. “I don’t think I’m the right person to ask. I only ever found _you_ handsome. Other people all look the same to me… just generic faces. Whereas you look like the sun.” He blushed and turned away. “Let’s go back, we still have a lot to go through.”

“How did I get to be so lucky,” Kit wondered out loud as he followed his boyfriend back to the library.

“Ty, I put some reports on your desk for you to look at,” Christina said as they entered the room.

Ty sat down and began reading through the reports. Kit was about to take his place when he caught a glimpse of the title of one of the files. The word _suicide_ jumped in front of his eyes as if it were alive. The next file was a suicide report as well, as was the next, and the one after that, and suddenly Kit realized he was looking at a pile of reports describing fairies dying at their own hands. Looking over his boyfriend’s shoulder, he saw that Ty was reading a suicide note left by a fairy that killed himself three months ago.

Kit’s heart rate shot up and his lungs felt as if they were pierced by a dagger. Images of Ty from the night LIvvy died, standing on the edge of a tower in Alicante while Kit begged him to come back to him, flashed in front of his eyes. His breath became fast and shallow, hurting, burning, and not providing enough oxygen for him to think clearly. He knew that being exposed to such content can trigger suicidal behavior in people who have such tendencies. As much as he didn’t want to think of that night ever again - Kit knew.

Ty had those tendencies.

“Ty, please let me do it.” He tried to keep his voice stable.

Ty turned around and studied his face, then his eyes darkened with understanding. “Come,” he said and led Kit outside. As soon as they were in the corridor, Kit leaned on the wall behind him crumbled down to the floor.

Ty sat next to him and Kit took his hand abruptly, squeezing it so hard it must have hurt. “I can’t, Ty, I love you so much, I love you, I love you,” he repeated as he rocked back and forth, going through a minor panic attack.

“I know why you worry about me,” Ty said gently. “But you don’t have to.”

Kit remained silent, holding Ty’s hand as tight as he was physically able.

“Two years ago, I was in a very dark place,” Ty said. He kept his gaze fixed on the stone wall in front of them. “I lost my will to live when I lost Livvy. I wanted to stop _existing_ when I found out.

“So I tried to jump. You stopped me, and you made me believe everything was going to be okay. But I had relapses. During the first two months after she was killed, I kept wishing I could follow her. I kept thinking about how I could join her, about what would be the least painful way to go. I thought it was my only way out.”

Kit lifted his gaze to look at him. This was the first time that Ty had admitted out loud that he tried to kill himself, and not only once; that he had recurring thoughts for months. That knowledge was seared in in Kit’s mind, but hearing Ty say it out loud made it so much worse. Around them, the entire world lost its colors, and Kit began to shake.

“For months you followed me around everywhere. You wouldn’t let me out of your sight,” Ty continued. “I planned to do it while you were asleep. I planned to go to the roof and let myself fall. I thought that I would be free. But you always woke up, and you stayed up to watch me. I resented you so much.

“The only thing you let me do alone was shower, knowing that you could use an opening rune on the door if you needed. You used to talk to me through the door, do you remember? You used to ask questions about the books I was reading, about demoniac history, about weapons. Anything to keep me talking. I knew you were trying to make sure I was okay. I knew that if I didn’t answer for more than a few moments, you would break down the door.”

Distantly, Kit realized that he was crying. He had repressed those memories; hearing them replaying in Ty’s voice was agonizing. Silent tears fell down his cheeks as Ty brought those memories to life.

“I planned to do it fast,” Ty said. “You wouldn’t let me jump, so I considered overdosing on demon poison in the bathroom. I considered passing a dagger over my throat. One swift motion, and I would bleed enough to lose consciousness in a few minutes. But you kept talking to me through the door, and you kept me alive.”

Kit choked on a silent sob.

“But it's not only that didn’t let me go through with this, Kit. You did so much more. You showed me that life could continue for me. That I could be happy. You asked me to train you. You asked me to teach you history and languages. I know that you didn’t care about those things, but you wanted to give me purpose; and you did.

“You reminded me of all the things I did enjoy. You read books for me, you made me watch mundane TV shows I didn’t know existed, you introduced me to knew kinds of music, you took me – or rather, physically forced me – to the beach, to spend time with my family. You made me see that my life is worth living.”

Kit still hadn’t relaxed his tight grip on Ty’s hand. It looked painful, and it would bruise, but Ty didn’t pull away. Instead, he rested his head on Kit’s shoulder. It was wet with tears, but Ty didn’t seem to mind.

“I don’t think about doing that anymore,” Ty whispered. “I haven’t thought about it in almost two years. Even after we had that fight, the day after you went to the club. I don’t think about doing that. You gave me life, Kit. I want to live. I want to live for my family. I want to live for you. And I want to live for _myself_. Because life can sometimes be painful and hard, but you showed me that I can always find the light if I look for it.”

Silent tears were still running down Kit’s cheeks. “Promise me you’ll always stay. Promise me,” he begged.

Ty caressed Kit’s cheek with his free hand, wiping away his tears. “I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was getting super long, because I wanted to add some perspective on Kieran's character, so I had to break it into two parts. I think I'll break down some of the future ones as well, so I'm not entirely sure what the final length of the fic will be in terms of chapters. Let's say 35 ^^


	31. Of Confessions, Puffer Fish, a Prince, a Pauper, and a Jerk (Part II)

Kieran had spent four hours reading through files. It was highly inappropriate of a king, of course, to do such clerical work. His advisors would have suffered various degrees of melt downs if they knew. But it felt so _refreshing_ to be treated like a regular person. For a few hours Kieran felt like his old self again.

He got up and stretched. He could use some tea, he decided, and even more so - he could use _making_ tea. It would be a relief to make it himself instead of having a servant bring it to him.

Kieran walked the long stone corridor until he reached the kitchen, where he found the red-haired Shadowhunter named - Kieran squinted his eyes as he tried to recall - _Something_ Ashdown.

“Hey,” _Something_ said when he saw him. “Would you like some tea? I was just about to make some for myself.”

“I would,” Kieran said stiffly. “But I would like to be the one making it.”

“Sure.” The Shadowhunter smiled at Kieran’s request, seemingly amused. “I’m Cameron, by the way.”

Kieran took the kettle from Cameron’s hands without giving him so much as a glance and filled it with water. “Where do they keep their mugs?” he asked impassivly. “I forgot.”

Cameron opened three cabinet doors before finding a shelf filled with mugs. “Mmm seems the Blackthorns have a vendetta against Cupid,” he said, waving a hideous mug in front of Kieran’s face. It had a picture of cupid inside a red circle crossed out with a red line. “Let’s see what else they hate.” He turned back to the cabinet and looked through the mugs. “Just regular mugs,” he announced. “The hate is solely directed towards Cupid. I can’t blame them, really. Everyone knows Cupid is a douche.”

The corners of Kieran’s mouth rose slightly before he noticed and pulled them back down. “What else is to be expected from the son of the two cruelest of the Olympus, the love goddess Venus and the war god Mars?”

“True.” Cameron smiled as he took out two ceramic mugs, one green and one blue, and placed them on the counter. “Would you like sugar in your tea?”

“I thought I was the one in charge of the tea-making.” Kieran lifted an eyebrow.

“You are.” Cameron smiled. “Sugar doesn’t count as part of the tea, it’s an additive.”

“Fair enough.” Kieran felt the walls of ice he put around himself, necessary in court for keeping his cold and haughty air, slowly melt away. “And no, thank you. I don’t take my tea with sugar.”

“Me neither. It takes over the flavor,” Cameron said distractedly while putting the sugar back.

“Since your finding skills are adequate,” Kieran said while watching the water boil. “Could you please find some white tea?”

“Huh, I would not have taken you for a white tea person,” Cameron commented casually as he opened cabinet door after cabinet door, looking for the tea.

“It’s gentle and made of minimally processed leaves,” Kieran stated. “How can anyone _not_ be a white person tea?”

“Probably because green tea exists.” Cameron turned to look at him with an amused expression. “And, you know, it is the best thing that has happened to humanity apart from electricity.”

“I never heard anyone use this statement.”

“You were probably sick the day they taught this at school, but I assure you: being a functioning adult requires the appreciation of green tea.”

“I see.” Kieran let himself smile. Just a tiny, barely noticeable, curve of his mouth. “And is there a manual that describes how to be a functioning adult? I fear I need it.”

“Oh no, if I had such a manual it would have stayed with me. If anyone needs it - it’s me.”

Kieran put the leaves Cameron handed him in a strainer. He decided to give green tea another chance. “Maybe there _is_ a manual,” he said thoughtfully.

“There must be.” Cameron nodded. “Otherwise, how would you explain the fact that everyone else seems to know how to _adult_? They’re adulting all over the place!”

Kieran placed the sieve over a mug and poured warm water. “I am king, and still I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing half of the time.”

“Maybe there’s, like, a secret clique of functioning adults, and no one invited us to join.”

Kieran laughed for what felt like the first time in ages. “Perhaps.”

He handed Cameron a mug and took the other for himself. They sat next to each other at the kitchen table, and Kieran studied the Shadowhunter. Cameron cupped his mug in his hands and blew on his tea to cool it down. His arms were tan and covered with runes and scars, and he reminded Kieran of a character from some movie he watched with the blackthorn a while ago, of which he forgot the name… General USA, or something along those lines.

“It’s surreal,” Cameron said. “I’m sitting next to the king of the unseelie court, drinking tea.”

“It is,” Kieran agreed.

“Congratulations, by the way,” Cameron said hastily. “For the title.”

“I took the crown because it was my duty, not my wish,” Kieran said. “The civil war took too many fairy lives. Out of my fifty brothers, only five are still alive. The rest died while struggling for power, dragging others down with them. I took the crown to restore the peace.”

“I’m sorry,” Cameron said in a small voice. “You must miss your brothers.”

“Unlike in the Shadowhunter world, our familiar ties do not matter much. Most of my brothers I have never even met.”

“If you took the crown to restore the peace, why does your advisor keep calling you names like _bone crusher_ and _war bringer_?”

Kieran chuckled. “Your guess is as good as mine. Perhaps it makes him happy to come up with intimidating titles.”

“Lets him explore his creative side,” Cameron smirked.

They remained silent for a while, sipping their tea and enjoying the calmness.

“But it must be nice, to be a king,” Cameron finally said.

“It must be nicer to be a Shadowhunter,” Kieran replied. “Being able to go as you please, not having to obey etiquette, not having everyone constantly looking at you.”

Cameron was silent for a moment. “It’s lonely,” he admitted. “Being able to go as you please just means that no one really cares where you are.”

“You have a family.”

“My parents and my sister spend half their time in Alicante. And honestly, I hate it there,” Cameron replied. “And being a Shadowhunter means I don’t get to make a lot of friends. We barely meet anyone else. The Blackthorns are lucky to have each other.”

“Aren’t they your friends?”

“I used to be close to Emma, but we were a couple. Now that she’s married to Julian I don’t think I’m very welcome here.”

“Were you in love with her?” Kiren asked. He wasn’t sure why; one usually does not ask such questions a person he had just met. But something in Cameron’s honesty was refreshing, and Kieran wanted to know more.

Cameron gave him a little smile. “I thought I was, but now I know that it wasn’t love. She was dating me to keep herself from thinking about Julian, and I dated her because I liked the idea of being in love… of not being alone.”

Kieran thought about that for a moment.

“But you are a king,” Cameron continued. “You can never be lonely when you are always surrounded by people. Your subjects love you and look up to you.”

“Being surrounded by people means that you’re never alone, not that you’re never lonely,” Kieran replied. “Those are two different things.”

Cameron seemed to consider Kieran’s words.

“Being under the public eye means I have to keep constant vigilance,” Kieran continued. “I am always involved in politics and entangled in schemes. I am surrounded by my subjects, but their love is not for me. It’s for the power that my title holds. None of it is real.”

“Did you ever have something real?”

Kieran looked at him, slightly surprised by Cameron’s forwardness. He studied the Shadowhunter’s face, the freckles on his cheeks, the warm eyes that looked at Kieran with sincerity.

“I did,” he replied slowly. “With Mark… and with Christina. We fell in love. The three of us.”

He studied Cameron’s face. He did look a bit shocked at Kieran’s description of their triad but didn’t say anything.

“At first, I was like a crazy person: madly in love and jealous at the same time: watching Mark falling in love with Christina was torturous and beautiful, falling in love with Christina was exciting and terrifying. Watching the two of them kiss and hold hands was almost too much to bear, and yet I couldn’t get enough. For a while, everything was heightened and out of perspective. We were out of minds.

“There were moments of true love and beauty. The three of us falling asleep cuddled together in front of a movie. The three of us holding hands on a hilltop looking over downtown LA. It was love, and I don’t regret it. For a while we were happy.”

It was the first time that Kieran had spoken to anyone about Mark and Christina. It felt so… _liberating_.

“You ended it.” Cameron realized.

“On some level we all knew that it was temporary,” Kieran said slowly. “I belong in the unseelie court with the fays, and Christina knows that she belongs here with the Shadowhunters. Mark has made his choice, to stay here with his family. I couldn’t resent him for that.

“It was hard, but I know I made the right decision. Dragging it any longer would have just caused us more pain. It has only been a few months, and it is all very raw and painful. But given more time, I hope that we can be close friends again. I miss them. And no, being king does not dull the pain,” he added with a melancholic smile. “It just means that I have to hide my pain from hundreds of people every day.”

Cameron studied his face. “Your life looked so… _shiny_ from outside.”

“As did yours.” Kieran smiled, then added, “Have you ever read _The Prince and the Pauper_ by the mundane writer Mark Twain?”

“No, the clave does not encourage us assimilating in mundane culture.”

“Don’t read it then, it’s somber,” Kieran said. “But I’ll tell you what it is about. It tells the story of two young boys who are identical in appearance: a pauper who lives with his abusive father in London, and Prince Edward, son of King Henry VIII. When they meet, they are fascinated by each other's life and their uncanny resemblance to each other, and they decide to temporarily switch places. They regret their decision, finding that the other’s life is not as good as they thought.”

“Be careful what you wish for,” Cameron muttered.

“Yes…” Kieran seemed lost in thought.

“We wouldn’t have been able to make such a switch anyway,” Cameron said in a lighter tone. He smiled, and for a moment Kieran was mesmerized by the way his smile lit his whole face. “Your people expect to see their handsome blue-haired king returning back to court, not a red-haired Shadowhunter covered in battle scars.”

The tips of Kieran’s hair turned sky-blue at Cameron’s remark. The bright color climbed up his hair before he caught himself and changed it to inky black. That was no behavior of a king; blushing like an inexperienced boy receiving a compliment for the first time.

*******

Another three hours had passed, in which Kit read dozens of reports about fairies that were killed in the civil war. The only consolation was that Paige’s complaining seemed to fade over the past hour. Or maybe Kit’s mind simply interpreted it as background noise and blocked it, he wasn’t sure.

With his gloved hand, Kit closed the report he had just finished reading. He wrote down a summary – to be submitted to Ty – and grabbed a new one from the pile when his mind processed Paige’s irritating high-pitched laugh.

Kit turned to look at her. “What the hell?”

“These reports are so funny,” she said.

“What’s funny about them?” He raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t remember.”

Kit glowered at her. “You truly are impossible to underestimate.”

Paige kept laughing.

“Paige, we’re trying to work,” Dru said dryly while waving her gloved hand ominously.

“You look funny,” Paige giggled with glee.

“What’s going on here?” Christina rose from her seat. “We have work to do. Kit, Dru, pull yourselves together!”

“I’m a pretty flower princess,” Paige said as she examined her nails. “Pretty, pretty, pretty…” she sing-sang.

Kit gaped at her. “What in the superfuck is she doing?”

“Hey, keep it down!” Emma yelled from across the room.

“So pretty… so pretty…”

Ty noticed the small commotion and took his headphones off. He put down his papers and came over to his boyfriend. “What’s going on?”

“Paige is acting even more stupid than usual,” Kit replied. “Where is Cameron? Let him deal with his imbecile of a sister.”

“Your voice sounds like chocolate,” Paige told Ty, then burst into laughter again.

 _At least she got that one right_ , Kit rolled his eyes.

Ty took one glance at Paige and said, “Kit, Dru, take her to the infirmary and call a silent brother.”

“I don’t think they can cure stupid,” Kit mumbled, but did as he asked. He took off his gloves and threw one of Paige’s arms around his neck, while Dru did the same with Paige’s other arm. They dragged her to the infirmary, which proved to be more difficult than initially anticipated. Paige kept wriggling and giggling and trying to put Kit’s hair in her mouth while screaming _spaghetti._

“What the hell? I think her brain finally snapped.”

“Probably because she wasn’t habituated to use it,” Dru hypothesized. “We shouldn’t have let her read so much.”

They reached the infirmary and made Paige lay down on a bed. With one last giggle, she turned on her side and fell asleep.

“Like a deranged toddler.” Kit shook his head.

“I’m going to call a silent brother,” Dru said and left the room.

“Wait, am I supposed to watch over her?” Kit cried after her, to no avail.

Suddenly, the alarm on his phone went off. With a confused look, Kit reached to his pocket and took it out. He unlocked the screen to see a warning message; Hugues, the mundane that Ty had put a tracker on since he helped coordinate fake-Noah’s kidnapping attempt, had reached an unusual location. Kit squinted his eyes as he watched the tiny dot moving in the outskirts of the city.

He glanced over at Paige, the worst toddler in Shadowhunter history, to see that she was still fast asleep and even drooling for good measure. Without further delay, he walked out of the room, through the stone corridors, took Julian’s keys and headed to his car.

*******

The tiny dot stopped moving and Kit parked the car. He glamoured himself and got out, slamming the door behind him.

He was standing in front of a cheap club. Flashes of red and blue lights seemed to bleed from its entrance into the street, and Kit could feel the bass thumping through his bones. Two bouncers stood in front of the entrance. Kit slipped through, unseen.

Inside, the smell of cigarette smoke gave him nausea; he always hated it. The music was so loud that it made his lungs feel like mush. Over the roar of music, laughter and shouts rang in his ears. He wasn’t particularly fond of night clubs, partially thanks to fake-Noah, but mostly because Ty hated them and being in love with him made Kit see the world through his eyes more often than not.

Kit crossed the dance floor, pushing mundanes out of his way and leaving them confused, assuming that the amounts of alcohol in their blood made them stumble on their own. His Shadhowunter instincts kicked in and his gaze scanned the walls until he found two body guards blocking an exit. If they were there, it meant that there was something worth guarding. Kit walked pass them, through a dirty corridor, until he reached a staircase leading down. Kit followed it and found himself in a large underground lobby. He did a quick scan of the area; five smaller rooms were connected to the central one. One looked like a conference room, with a dark table in the center, surrounded by chairs. If a meeting was to take place, it would probably be there, he concluded. The only question was where he should be positioned when the person – or people – the mundane Ty tracked was supposed to meet arrived.

He was still pondering this question when someone kicked him, sending him flying into the conference room, and followed quickly. The door slammed shut behind them with a loud bang.

Cursing, Kit got up and swiftly pulled out the sword strapped to his back. How did he not hear this person approach him? He had his Hearing rune on.

The answer proved to be simple when he lifted his gaze to see a pair of enraged gray eyes.

“What – are – you - doing?!” Ty seemed to be making a huge effort not to yell.

“The mundane you put a tracker on,” Kit mumbled and put his sword back. “He’s here.”

“I know he’s here!” Ty looked beside himself with anger. “The question was WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

“I wanted to see what he’s up to,” Kit replied, not looking at his boyfriend.

“You were almost kidnapped twice, what – WHAT – do you think you’re doing here alone?!”

“I didn’t want to look after Paige…”

“We need to get out of here,” Ty hissed furiously. “Clearly, you didn’t think for a second about the danger you were putting yourself in!”

Still avoiding Ty’s gaze, Kit walked over to the door and turned the doorknob, but nothing happened.

“Open the door,” Ty groaned, still trying to control his anger. “We have to go!”

Kit took his stele out of his pocket and drew an opening rune on the door. It faded immediately. He tried again and again, to no avail.

“Well, about that,” he said carefully.

“Kit, we don’t have time for this. Open the door.”

“Unfortunately, this does not seem to be a possibility.”

He drew the rune again, and Ty watched as it faded.

“So, I guess there’s warlock magic preventing the runes from forming,” Kit said.

“Logical deduction.”

“We’re locked in here,” Kit continued.

“All available evidence points that way.”

“We’ll have to wait for someone to open the door from outside.”

“Elementary.”

“Will you stop that?!”

“I don’t know,” Ty said dryly. “Will you stop being a jerk?”

Kit gaped at him. “What…” he stammered. “Jerk?!”

“This can’t be news to you.”

“I’m not a jerk!” Kit insisted, not caring how childish he sounded.

“Kit, you chose to be in a relationship with me,” Ty said coldly. “That means you can’t just run away anytime you feel like it and put yourself in danger, completely ignoring the fact that I’m waiting for you at home and that I worry about you. So yes, you were being a selfish jerk, and let me be clear: if you plan to keep on running away, tell me now so I can break up with you. I want an equal and honest partner, not a selfish child.”

It was as if someone threw a bucket filled with ice water at Kit’s face. He had never heard Ty talk like that; it was terrifying. Kit realized, too late, that Ty was right. Kit _had_ acted like a selfish child, and Ty deserved better. The fact that Ty straight out told him the truth only made Kit appreciate him more; and feel ashamed of his stupid and reckless behavior. He had promised Ty that he would spend every day trying to make him happy, that he would be a person that deserved his love. He failed.

Ty walked around the room, scanning it. “Lift me up,” he said impassively. “We’re going to escape through this air vent.”

Kit looked at the air vent Ty referred to; it was barely wide enough to let them through, and it was located high on the wall. Swift as a cat, Ty climbed on Kit’s shoulders, reached the air vent and drew and opening rune on it. Luckily, this one did not fade. Ty climbed through then pulled Kit up, and Kit closed it behind them.

“I’m sorry,” Kit mumbled pathetically.

“Let’s get out of here.” Ty crawled along the narrow tunnel, then stopped. “We can’t keep going, it becomes too narrow.”

“You were right, to say those things to me,” Kit continued.

“We’ll have to stay here until someone opens the door.” He crawled in reverse back over to Kit.

“Please listen,” Kit insisted. “You were right. We’re a couple, and that means we are a team. I shouldn’t have done something so selfish, and I won’t ever do that again. I wasn’t thinking, but that’s not an excuse since you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I _should_ be thinking of you and of how my actions affect you. I love you, and I want to deserve you. I’m sorry. I promise I won’t ever run away. I know – “

Ty put a finger on Kit’s lips, shushing him.

Voices were heard from behind the door before it opened. Kit could not see the room; he was facing Ty’s back and turning around was not only impossible due to the narrowness of the tunnel they were inside, but it would make too much noise and attract attention.

Kit heard multiple people enter the room and take their seats around the table. For a while no one was speaking, until a man’s voice broke the silence.

“He followed the lost Herondale throughout the country,” the man said coldly. Kit’s stomach tightened.

“He tracked his location, until he settled down in LA,” the man continued. “He followed him through his school years, until he joined the institute. He gave you the perfect opportunity.”

“We will get him.” Kit heard a male voice. It was familiar, though he could not quite place it. Kit had no doubt that his boyfriend knew exactly who the speaker was.

“We _had_ him.” A female voice was heard.

 _Eija_. Kit’s heart beat quickened when he recognized the vampire that kidnapped him a few months back.

“You failed.” Kit heard another female voice, cold and raspy. It crawled under Kit’s skin and made his blood still in his veins.

“You have displeased him.” The original male voice said.

“We will succeed,” Eija said. “We have a new plan –“

“There is no more use for you,” the unknown woman’s voice was heard again. The words were said in a low tone, yet Kit felt as if she screamed them in his mind. His hands began to shake, and he bit on his wrist to regain some sense of control over his body. He didn’t know who the speaker was; but he wished he would never hear her hellish voice again.

“No, please, please,” another male pleaded. “We will accomplish the mi –“

The man’s pleading was cut off by the sound of flesh-tearing, followed by loud screaming of the other people present, choking and gurgling, and finally the sound of his lifeless body hit the floor. The speaker must have slayed him with a sword, or impaled him on a stake, Kit realized, feeling nauseated.

The screams that followed pierced Kit’s ears. People were running below him, trying to open the door, to no avail. He heard sounds of a fight, of metal clashing, panic, screaming, begging, bodies falling on the floor, and then silence. A terrible silence.

“Come,” the cold female voice returned, etching itself in Kit’s mind.

He heard the door open, and the speaker must have left through it. Without wasting a second, Kit opened the air vent carefully and threw a well-aimed dagger at the doorframe. The door closed again, but the dagger kept it from locking. Kit took a deep breath and looked down.

He threw up on himself.

Half a dozen bodies were scattered on the floor, which was red with the blood of the slaughtered. Kit jumped down and stumbled on a body. Distantly, he recognized Eija. Blood trickled from her red lips, and her dark eyes, which had looked at Kit with disdain and cruelty a few months back, were gazing upwards lifelessly.

Owing to their Angel blood, Shadowunters had a stronger stomach than mundanes, and were much less prone to long-term psychological effects, such as PTSD, from seeing horrific scenes like these. Perhaps Kit was a terrible Shadowhunter; but he didn’t think he could get used to this.

Ty landed on the floor and steadied himself against a wall, scanning the room.

“Caedmon, head of the clan,” he said. “Eija, second in command. Andraste, Caedmon’s personal body guard. Hugues, the mundane we tracked. Two more vampires, and another mundane, here below the table.” He looked at Kit. “They failed to kidnap you.”

Kit’s eyes widened, and his voice was not able to articulate a single sound. His brain froze, offering no course of action for his trembling limbs to take.

"Are you okay?" The baritone of Ty’s voice pulled Kit out of his shocked state, reverberating through his bones as Ty slide a strong arm over his shoulders. Kit wiped vomit from the corner of his mouth. He was covered with it, he realized.

"I'm fine," he piped.

“Let’s get out of here,” Ty said softly.

They stumbled outside, making sure the lobby was empty, and ran up the stairs until they reached the club. It was surreal; mundanes were drinking, dancing, laughing, oblivious to the mass murder that had just happened below them. Ty must have noticed that Kit still hadn’t regained his senses; he grabbed his arm and dragged him outside, not loosening his grip until they reached Julian’s car.

“How did you get here?” Kit asked him when Ty stopped in front of the car.

“Kieran’s horse. I sent him home,” Ty said distractedly. “Kit, you told me that you lived in LA your whole life.”

“Yes.” Kit handed him the car keys. Ty seemed more fit to drive.

“You remember spending your entire childhood here.”

“Yes.”

Ty opened the car, and both got inside it. “But they said that you settled here at some point.”

“So? They made a mistake.” Kit closed the door.

“I don’t think they did,” Ty said slowly. “Don’t you realize what this means?”

 “No...?”  Kit stared at him.

Ty started the car and adjusted the mirror – deliberately slowly, it seemed – before taking a deep breath. “Kit, you have blocked memories.”

“Blocked memories?” Kit repeated sheepishly.

“Yes.”

Kit blinked. “But… who blocked them?”

“I don’t know, but we need to call Magnus.” Ty stepped on the gas and the car surged forward. “If anyone can unlock them, it’s him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, hope you enjoyed it. Let me know what you think :)


	32. Kit’s Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have triggers with abuse, please stop reading after Alec's conversation with Kit.

Ty called Magnus immediately after they got home, explained the situation and asked him to come the following day. He then detailed the events to Emma and Julian. Since Caedmon and Eija, the first and second in command of the largest vampire clan in LA, were murdered, the Shadowhunters would have to be alert. Vampire political shifts are often brutal, and the they need to make sure no mundanes are hurt in the process.

While waiting for Magnus to arrive, they all spent their morning gathered in the library again, going through reports. All, except Paige, who was ordered to stay in bed rest following brother Azaryah visit last night. After the silent brother examined her, he detailed his findings to Ty. These confirmed the suspicions Ty had from the beginning, which were only intensified by the conversation he and Kit had eavesdropped on at the club. Now he knew he had to move fast.

He spent the morning going through reports, matching dates and locations, with Kit lying on the chesterfield sofa with his head on his lap.

Ty finished another report and glanced at his boyfriend; Kit was deeply focused on the report that he had given him. A crease appeared between his eyebrows and Ty wanted to kiss it away.

Then Kit yawned, stretching like a cat, and mumbled “I need a break”.

“I could use a break too,” Emma jumped in. “Let’s go to the training room. We’ll do a one-on-one, it will be fun.”

Ty felt Kit’s body tense as he said, “No.”

“Why the hell not?” Emma sounded cross.

“Because,” Kit exhaled - in exasperation, Ty knew - “Every time I train with you I break something. Plus also, brother Obadiah said that I still experience phantom pains from when you threw me out of the window, and that thanks to you I’m now dying.”

“He did not say that you were dying.” Ty felt the need to share the correct information.

“Ty, who’s side are you on?” Kit looked up at him and pouted. It was an adorable sight; Kit probably thought he looked furious, but he just reminded Ty of an adorable little lion cub trying to seem intimidating.

“I side with the truth,” Ty replied simply and returned to his work.

“Well since you’re not dying, you don’t have an excuse,” Emma said. “Let’s go.”

*******

Emma grabbed Kit by his wrist and pulled him away from Ty’s warm lap. She led him, cursing and wriggling, into the training room where they found Dru throwing daggers at a wooden doll.

“Needed a break too, huh?” she said while sending a well-aimed dagger right into the doll’s eye.

“Yes,” Kit replied, voice filled with dejection. “Instead I got this.”

“Less talking, more fighting,” Emma said impatiently. “On the mat. Now.”

Kit placed himself in a fighting stance and Emma yelled “go”.

She leaped forward, rolled on the floor, then kicked Kit’s chins and tripped him over. He got up to his feet, and Emma sent a series of jabs and uppercuts without wasting a second. Kit avoided them all but ended up backed up against the wall. Emma pulled out a wooden dagger and pinned Kit to the wall by placing the blade to his throat, putting pressure into the wall behind him. Kit raised his hands and opened his palms close to his Emma’s wrist. Using his left hand, he grabbed her wrist and drove it quickly down toward the ground, while simultaneously bringing his right hand up to strike her jaw.

“Nice one, Kit!” Dru cheered him on.

Although he managed to break free, Emma seemed completely unfazed by the attack. He aimed a straight punch at her, but that turned out to be a fatal mistake. She avoided the punch, grabbed his arm and used the forward momentum of his attack to pull him towards her, turned him around, and wrapped her right arm around his throat, her bicep and forearm on either sides of his neck, and her left hand behind his head.

“Damn!” Dru sounded disappointed. “So close. One of these days, Kit. One of these days.”

Kit tried to break free, but Emma squeezed her bicep and forearm closed and pushed his head forwards with her other arm, choking him.

The effect was immediate.

The sharp pain in his back returned, sharp like a million daggers cutting through his flesh right to his bones, gripping his brain. Kit collapsed to the floor, choking on a scream.

*******

“Kit, can you hear me?”

“Please wake up, I’m so sorry!”

“Where is he?! What happened?!”

“Jules, what do I do?!”

“Kit!”

“Please, please, please –“

“He’s still breathing.”

“Christopher, can you hear me?”

Kit’s mind registered the burn of an Iraze being drawn on him. A harsh, discordant mixture of sounds and voices filled his ears, lights flashed under his eyelids, and his head throbbed. Someone was holding his hand.

Ty.

He recognized the warm, dagger calloused hand. Kit was too weak to speak. He squeezed Ty’s hand to communicate that he was hearing him.

“You’re going to be okay,” Ty said gently. “I’m taking you to bed.”

*******

Cameron was sitting in an old armchair near the large window, going through the files Ty had given him, trying to match dates and locations. Kieran didn’t come today. Of course he didn’t. He was a king, why would he come here and help the Shadowhunters again? He had an entire kingdom to rule over. It would have been idiotic to expect him to come again.

Still, Cameron had hoped.

The tea-break he took with Kieran became a three-hour long conversation in which they talked about everything and nothing. Kieran was witty and funny, and Cameron had never felt so comfortable around another person before. His family resided in their manor at Idris most of the time, but Cameron hated it there. The Idris atmosphere choked him, the mentality of the people irritated him, the general techno-phobia of the place was exasperating to him. The Blackthorns shared his worldview; but they were a tight-knitted mesh, it was impossible to penetrate their circle. Kit Herondale succeeded, true, but he was much more outgoing and extroverted than Cameron. Unlike Kit, he found it hard to talk to people. Excluding Kieran. He was so… so… Cameron couldn’t find a word that would do him justice. He was Kieran. That was it.

Cameron looked from the window at the clear blue skies. He had thought about sending Kieran a message. But what would he say? “It was nice meeting you”? Kieran would undoubtedly find it pathetic. Also, how could Cameron even reach him? How does someone like him reach a king? It was stupid of him to even consider it.

Cameron’s reflections were interrupted by a small bang as a bluebird hit the window glass. Cameron gaped as the bluebird pressed itself against the glass repeatedly.

“Do you guys see this?” He looked around the room to find it empty.

 _When did they all leave?_ He must have been too deep in thoughts to notice.

The bluebird kept hitting the glass as if it… _wanted to enter_? No, it didn’t make any sense. But then the bird looked at him – actually looked at him – as if to say, “are you letting me in or what?” and only then Cameron noticed that it carried a small package. Hurriedly, he opened the window and the bluebird flew in, dropped the package to his feet, and flew out.

It was a small package wrapped in brown paper. Cameron opened it carefully to find a small silk bag and a note.

_The finest white tea grown in the Unseelie court. I am certain that it will make you change your definition of a “functioning adult”._

_\- Kieran_

 

*******

Kit was woken up by a baritone voice announcing, “My fabulous self is here!” following which the heard gleeful cries as the institute inhabitants rushed to meet him. According to his watch, he had slept for three hours. The pain in his body had disappeared completely. Slowly, Kit got up and went down to meet the warlock.

He found everyone in the entryway. Magnus came accompanied by Alec, and their presence seemed to fill the institute as if they were each twenty-feet tall. Magnus wore tight black jeans and a gold jacket, and his chest was bare, save for dozens of golden chains. On his nails he applied black nail polish and his fingers were covered with rings adorned with precious stones. Alec wore ripped jeans and an old sweatshirt that did nothing to take away from his beautiful face, with his sharp jaw and angular cheekbones, and his penetrating blue gaze. His eyes were a darker shade of blue than Kit’s were; they reminded him the ocean before a storm; mesmerizing and intimidating.

After exchanging warm hellos, the rest returned to the library, leaving Kit and Ty with Alec and Magnus. They went to the living room and took their seats.

“Coffee?” Magnus asked, then conjured some take-away cups filled with steaming coffee without waiting for an answer. Yes, they were slightly stolen. It was more of a gray area, really. Kit was completely fine with it.

“How are you, sweetie?” Magnus asked Ty with clear affection in his voice.

It was no secret that Magnus held Ty in high esteem. He had never seen a Shadowhunter so sharp and observant, he told Kit when he last came to the LA institute a year ago, then added “I hope you know how lucky you are to have him.” It was an odd thing to say about a friend, so Kit brushed it off as Magnus simply being his peculiar self. In retrospective, Kit realized that Magnus had recognized that they were more than friends. It wasn’t surprising; Magnus had centuries of experience with human emotions. Plus, if one is to believe Dru and Julian, Kit and Ty were not very subtle about their feelings.

“Can I see you alone for a moment?” Ty asked.

“Anything for you, darling,” Magnus grinned and led Ty out of the room.

Kit didn’t know what Ty wanted to say to Magnus in private, but it was the least of his worries. A more pressing one was the fact that he was left alone with Alec. An uncomfortable silence stretched between them.

“So…” Alec finally broke the stillness. “How are you?”

“Fine,” Kit replied. “You?”

“Fine. So, you and Ty, huh?”

“Yes,” Kit couldn’t help but smile. Just the mention of his boyfriend’s name made him euphoric. “How did you know?”

“Emma told Clary, who told Jace, who told me.”

“You guys are so gossipy.”

“I guess we are.” Alec grinned. “I am really glad to see you this happy. I know you had a rocky start in the Shadowhunter world. I imagine it was not easy to adapt.”

“It wasn’t, and it was, somehow,” Kit replied. “It became easy once I realized that Ty was my home.”

Another silence stretched between them - louder this time - and Kit knew what was coming next.

“Jace says you haven’t been returning his calls,” Alec said quietly.

This was precisely what Kit tried to avoid. Alec was not wrong; Kit did shun his cousin. There was just so much _pressure_ for him to get along with Jace, but whenever they spoke it felt awkward and forced. He always felt like whatever he said was wrong, as if Jace wanted to hear something else. Maybe Jace was disappointed. He was the best Shadowhunter of his generation, while Kit wasn’t even remotely interested in the title. Those aspiration belonged to Emma. Kit loved helping Ty solve mysteries, he loved quiet evenings with the Blackthorns, cooking with Julian, patrolling with Dru. Being the best in the eyes of the Clave was not only something he didn’t aspire to, but something he actively avoided.

Kit remained silent. There was nothing to say, honestly.

Alec, however, seemed to think otherwise.

“You don’t want to talk to him,” he said.

The thing with Alec was, he could make you answer questions he didn’t even ask. This trait is exactly what made Kit admit, “I don’t think he wants to talk to me.”

“He calls you.” Alec pointed raised an eyebrow.

“I mean, he wants to talk to someone else. Someone I’m not.”

Alec remained silent. That was another classical Alec tactic; he would remain silent and eventually you would feel compelled to fill the silence. Damn him. He was so good at this.

“The first time I met him, I was stealing daggers from the institute.”

“The first time I met him, I punched him in the face,” Alec countered.

Kit couldn’t help but smile at that.

“Two years have passed since you first met, though” Alec remarked.

“It’s just… Jace is the best Shadowhunter of his generation. And honestly? I don’t give a fuck about that. I don’t give a fuck if the clave would never throw a fucking parade in my honor for slaying more demons than other Shadowhunters or give me a shitty medal for impaling more vampires who stepped over the line. It’s all a show. It doesn’t matter. What matters is my family. The Blackthorns are my family. Ty is my family. He’s not a killer; he’s a detective, and a damn good one. The best that ever existed in Shadowhunter history, I have no doubt about it.

“I want to solve mysteries with him, I don’t want to be a glorified killing machine. But I don’t think that this is what Jace had in mind when he found out he had a cousin. He probably wants me to be more like Emma, and I don’t want to be someone I’m not just to please him.”

Alec’s grin became wider by the second. “You don’t give Jace enough credit,” he finally said. “He always wanted to be the best, that much is true. Even more so, he wanted everyone to _know_ he was the best. But it didn’t make him happy. Even when all of Idris was talking about the young New-Yorkian prodigy, he wasn’t at peace with himself.

“Then he met Clary, and she changed his life. She’s his top priority now, and he’s finally content with who he is.” Alec smiled, and Kit realized how relieved it must have made him to see his parabti finally happy.

“He wants to be part of your life,” Alec continued. “Why do you think he asks Clary to talk to Emma about you? He cares about you, and he wants to know that you’re happy. After Clary told him you and Ty were finally a couple – and I say _finally_ because we all knew. No, don’t look at me like that. I know what a man in love looks like; and you are not a good liar.

“Anyway, after Clary told him you guys were a couple he wouldn’t shut up for _days_. He kept telling me how glad he is that you found your place in the Shadowhunter world, and how great it is that you and Ty had each other. He keeps asking me if I think that Ty likes him, because he’s afraid he doesn’t, and that you wouldn’t want to bring him to New-York to visit. And when Emma tells Clary about the cases you and Ty solve, he details them to me like a proud mama hen.”

Kit looked at Alec. His eyes were so impossibly blue, as if he had his own ocean inside of him.

“Believe me,” Alec said gently. “He knows who you are, and he loves you _because_ of it.”

Kit looked down. Alec’s words made him feel warm, as if each sentence gave him a comforting hug. He’ll call Jace, he wanted to say, but when he opened his mouth the words were stuck in his throat. Damn Alec, making him emotional like a little kid.

“Bonding, are we?” Magnus’ cheerful voice broke the silence.

Kit smiled as Ty entered the room. He knew that he would never get over it; no matter how many days he’ll spend by Ty’s side, he’ll still be mesmerized by the way his mere presence makes the room feel warmer.

“Alexander, could you please leave me with these two?” Magnus addressed his partner. “You could go train with Emma, I am sure it will make her day.”

Alec gave him a small peck on the cheek before leaving the room.

“So, shall we?” Magnus asked Kit.

Kit nodded and lay on the sofa. He tried to take deep breaths to calm himself down as Magnus kneeled beside him, but the thoughts kept racing in his head as blue sparks shot from Magnus’ finger tips.

_What’s in those memories? Who blocked them? Why? When?_

His heart was racing. Maybe someone blocked those memories to get back at his father for exposing a secret. Maybe his father payed someone to block Kit’s memories of Shadowhunters so he wouldn’t want to join them. Maybe –

Ty took his hand, and only then Kit realized that it was shaking.

“It will be okay,” Ty whispered. “I’m here with you.” Kit relaxed a bit and closed his eyes.

Magnus began. It was a weird feeling; as if someone was taking a stroll inside his head, but every time Kit tried to look at him he would disappear.

After a few minutes, Magnus got out. “Your mind is resisting,” he said. “I can force it, but you need to consider this carefully.” He took a deep breath. “When one’s mind resists, it usually suggests childhood trauma.”

_Childhood trauma?_

Kit got up. “That’s not possible. I had a perfectly normal childhood.”

“I’m sorry,” Magnus said gently.

“No. That’s a mistake,” Kit said, trying to convince himself more than Magnus.

“I’m very sorry.” Magnus did not break his soft gaze, his cat-like eyes studying Kit’s face. “I know that it’s the last thing you wanted to hear.”

“No,” Kit mumbled. “No.”

“I need you to think about this carefully,” Magnus said quietly. “Are you sure you want me to unlock these memories? I don’t know what’s in there, but right now, as far as your mind is concerned, it’s as if those things never happened. Once I unlock them, you might have issues to address, and it can be painful to handle.”

Kit’s heart was racing. His childhood was not the one he remembered. Something dark lay there and Kit knew – he didn’t want to see those memories. He had lost his father two years ago. He had seen him being ripped in front of his eyes. Those sights still hunted him in his dreams; being exposed to his childhood trauma could break him.

He looked at his boyfriend. Ty’s beautiful face was blank.

_For him._

“I want to do this,” Kit said, voice trembling. “I have to.”

“No.” Ty put his hand on his shoulder. “You don’t.”

“There’s no other choice! I have the information about the person who’s declaring war on us. We need to access it.”

“We do,” Ty replied evenly. “But _you_ don’t have to go through this. Magnus, give those memories to me.”

“What?”

“I can channel the memories to Ty,” Magnus said. “So he will relive them.”

“No, Ty, I can’t let you do this for me. I don’t know what’s in there, but if my mind resists due to trauma, I know that it will be painful. I don’t want you to go through this.”

Ty caressed his cheek softly. “I want to.”

“I can’t let you do this. It’s my life, and my burden to carry.”

Ty took his hand. “We’re a couple, Kit. You don’t have to go through anything alone. Ever. Your burdens are my burdens, and I will carry them for you as long as I live.”

Tears formed at the corners of Kit’s eyes. “Thank you,” he muttered.

“Lay down on the sofa, darling,” Magnus said gently.

Ty did, and Magnus put one hand on his forehead, the other on Kit’s. “Ready?”

“Yes.”

*******

Ty woke up from the pain in his stomach. His lips felt dry and he involuntarily licked them, yet they felt dry again a split second later. His stomach growled and ached, and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to fall back to asleep. He had been bad again, mother said, so she didn’t let him eat today. Only good boys deserved to eat.

Ty tried to be good; he really did. He begged mother to forgive him. He tried to be better. Not be too loud. Not ask for anything. Do more things without mother needing to tell him what to do.

If he was a better son, she would have loved him. But he had never succeeded, and so Ty went to bed hungry almost every night.

His stomach would sometimes let him sleep, but he would wake up to excruciating pain, and once he did, he would not be able to sleep again. Not for a long while. Time seemed to move slow.

Once, dad tried to sneak him food, but he was caught by mother. She made dad scream and scream.

Ty got up quietly and tiptoed to the bathroom. He wasn’t tall enough to reach the sink, so he climbed on a step stool and looked in the mirror. His reflection looked back at him with large, watery blue eyes, and messy blond curls.

He drank tap water to cool his stomach down. It would only work for a while, he knew. The stomach pain will come back in excess, as if to punish him for fooling it into thinking it was being fed.

*******

Mother was yelling at Ty again for making too much noise. It scared him. She hit daddy sometimes. She made him bleed. Without thinking, Ty ran away but stumbled forwards and fell. He got up; his knees were scrapped and bleeding, and he started to cry.

“Shut up! Shut up, you stupid fuck!” Ty registered his mother yell, then at the blink of an eye he found himself on the floor again. It took him a few second to realize that mother had pushed him. “How many times have I told you –“

“Get away from him!” Someone jumped in front on Ty, blocking mother’s way. “Go to your room, Christopher,” Ty recognized his dad’s voice. “Don’t look back.”

Ty ran until he reached the staircase. He heard someone being picked up from the floor and thrown against the wall. His dad screamed in pain, and Ty froze in place.

“Go to your room!” His father tried to yell, but his voice cracked. “Don’t look back!”

Ty ran upstairs, closed the bedroom door behind him and pushed a heavy chest against it. He climbed into his bed and hid under the cover, then broke into sobs as he heard his father scream downstairs.

*******

Ty was lying in his bed, crying. The salty taste of the tears on his lips reminded him of the food he had eaten two days ago, when mother allowed it. His head ached, and his mind began talking to him. “You could steal,” it said.

“I can’t,” Ty wanted to answer. “I’m scared.”

It felt as if bugs were crawling in his mind, itching, forcing him to get up. He would only take some bread; or maybe even some leftovers from the garbage. He would steal so little; mother will not notice.

Quiet as a cat, Ty left his room and tiptoed along the corridor and down the stairs. The house was dark and quiet. It was reassuring; Ty felt safer in the dark.

He stopped in front of the kitchen; a large silhouette was lying on the floor. For a moment he was scared that mother _knew_. That she waited here to catch him steal. Now he wouldn’t get breakfast.

Ty remained frozen in place, too scared to move. As his eyes adjusted to the dark, he recognized the lying figure as his father. Ty exhaled in relief; dad was asleep on the floor. But he shouldn’t be; he should go to bed. The floor must be cold.

“Daddy?” He shook him gently. “Daddy, wake up.”

Johnny Rook did not respond. Ty shook him again. “Daddy?”

His dad was breathing, but he remained motionless, and Ty got scared. “Daddy! Daddy, you need to wake up!” He shook him harder, but Johnny Rook did not move. Ty placed his hand on his dad’s cheek – it barely covered half of it - and turned it towards him.

Blood was running down from a large cut on his forehead, his lips were parted, blood trickled from his mouth, and his eye socket seemed broken.

Ty began crying and screaming, begging for his dad to wake up. Suddenly, he was pulled back and everything went black.

*******

Ty hid behind the sofa. Mother was yelling at dad again.

“Athaliah, please.” His father’s voice trembled. He feared her. She could make him hurt easily; and she did. “He’s your son - ”

Mother slapped him.

“You can’t leave.” She said, flicking her long hair back, behind her pointed ears. “You know it as well as I do. He’ll transform and his powers will grow, and you will not be able to control him.”

*******

“Kit, wake up.”

Ty opened his eyes sleepily to see his father hovering over him. “Dad –“

“Shhh,” his father said gently. “We’re playing a game of hide and seek. Come.”

He picked Ty up gently, and Ty wound his arms and legs around him like a baby koala. He noticed that his dad had a large backpack on his shoulders.

Dad walked in silence and Ty tried not to breath too loud. Dad opened the main door carefully and walked outside. They reached the car and dad put him in his booster seat in the back before getting in himself.

Ty fell asleep a mere moment after the car surged forward.

*******

When Ty woke up he was laid on an old sofa, covered in his favorite blanket. Dad must have brought it with them.

“Did she hit you again?” an unfamiliar masculine voice asked urgently. “Do you need me to heal you?”

“It’s nothing. Just some shallow cuts,” his dad replied. “Came after me with a knife.”

“And the child?”

“I never let her put her hands on him. Not once.”

“I am sorry, Johnny,” the unknown speaker said sadly. “About everything.” Ty opened his eyes slightly and caught a glimpse of long white hair. He closed his eyes quickly.

“I know,” his dad replied.

“You shouldn’t have come to me. She’ll come and ask after you and I’ll have to tell her the truth. She’ll make me tell her the truth. I’m so sorry.”

“I know that too.”

“Then where will you go?”

“To the Shadowhunters.”

“The Shadowhunters?” The old man was taken aback. “They’ll want the child once they realize he has the sight.”

“It’s my only choice. If I’m surrounded by them, she might not come after us.”

“But what will you do?”

“There’s a Shadowmarket in LA. I will make myself seen. I’ll make the Shadowhunters know about me. Word will get to her that the Shadowhunters are near us and it might deter her. At least during his childhood years.”

“I hope so, my friend. I hope so… Why did you come here, then?”

His dad took a deep breath. “I need you to erase Kit’s memories.”

“This can’t be done,” the man replied. “No one can destroy memories.”

“Then block them. I don’t want him to remember. He deserves to have a happy childhood. I don’t want him to remember the starvation, the neglect, the verbal abuse. I don’t want him to remember seeing me bleeding and wounded. No child should see that.”

“And the prophecy?”

“I’ll tell him about it when he’s old enough.” His dad’s voice was broken, yet he sounded resolute. “He deserves to have a normal childhood. As normal as I can possibly give him. He’s my entire world; I live for him. I must try – Kit? Are you awake?”

*******

Ty opened his eyes to see Magnus and Kit hovering anxiously over him. He couldn’t stop shaking. Distantly, he realized that his face was wet with tears.

“Are you okay?” Kit looked pale and absolutely terrified. He stretched his hand to Ty.

Trembling uncontrollably, Ty tried to lift his hand to touch his boyfriend. But when he looked at those naïve blue eyes he saw the starving little kid who tried to drink water to forget how hungry he was. The little kid who shook his unconscious, wounded father and begged him to wake up. The little kid who truly believed that it was his fault he suffered neglect.

Ty broke down crying.

“Ty! What’s wrong?” Kit sounded panicked. “Say something!”

Magnus did not seem surprised by Ty’s behavior; just sad. He took a flask out of his bag and handed it to him. “Here,” he said gently. “Drink this.”

Ty’s hands were still trembling, so Kit held the flask to his lips and Ty drank what tasted like frozen violets. The world seemed to be brought back to focus immediately, and his body stopped shaking.

“Say something. Please. Talk to me,” Kit pleaded as he took his hand. “I’m here, baby. I’m here. Talk to me. Please.”

Ty choked on a sob and Kit took his hand and kissed it again and again, begging him to say something, anything, so he would know that he’s alright.

“The… the shapeshifter…” Ty choked on a silent sob.

Kit exhaled in relief at hearing him speak. “We can talk about it later,” he said. He wound up his arms around him and pulled him close. “I don’t care about that. I don’t care about anything. I don’t care,” he repeated frantically as he pressed his cheek against Ty’s, which was wet with tears. Kit held him closer and mumbled, “I just want you to be okay. Let’s not -”

“Kit,” Ty whispered. “It’s you.”


	33. Of Green Trolls, Wholesome Meals, Decisions, and Revelations (Part I)

_So, this is what experiencing a nervous breakdown feels like_ , Kit thought as he frantically paced back and forth in the library, the members of the institute all looking at him with concern.

“I’m freaking out, man,” Kit cried out. “I’m freaking out!”

“Calm down,” Julian said, completely unhelpfully. “Maybe it’s a mistake.”

“Yeah, maybe Ty got it wrong,” Emma added. “Ty, tell us what you saw. Maybe you didn’t understand it.”

Kit stopped his nervous pacing. “Seriously?” he raised an eyebrow. “When was Ty ever wrong? Please, do tell.”

Emma ignored him. “Ty, what did you see?”

“I’m not telling you,” Ty answered. “It doesn’t concern anyone but Kit. All you need to know is that Kit has a hidden ability, and I think the pain he feels when he’s under physical stress means it’s about to be expressed.”

“You have to tell us what you saw,” Emma insisted. “Because maybe you didn’t interpret it right.”

“Yes,” Dru said. “We need to know what was in there. How can we be sure that it was about Kit?”

“And how can we be sure that it means he’s the shapeshifter?” Mark added.

“I’m not telling you anything more that I already did,” Ty replied with such a firm tone that they all fell silent immediately. Had Kit not been in the middle of a panic attack, he would have probably melted at seeing Ty so assertive.

“What does it all mean?” Kit cried out for the twelfth time. “What am I?!”

“And how to get you there…” Emma mumbled.

“Can I do what Tessa can?”

“Maybe,” Dru said carefully. “And maybe you can do something else. No two shapeshifters are alike, from what I gather.”

“Oh, no.” Kit shook his head. “No, no, no. What if I transform into something disgusting, like a troll?”

“Maybe it will be something cool, like the Hulk,” Cameron mused.

Kit shot him a death glare. “Unhelpful, Captain America,” he said with contempt.

“Huh?” Cameron gaped at him.

“We all think you look like Captain America,” Emma explained. “Even Kieran. He told me so in his last letter.”

“He did?” Cameron blushed.

“Can we focus here?!” Kit cried out. “I might be turning into a green beast! What if I can’t turn back?!”

“I’ll still love you,” Ty said quietly. “Even if you’re green.”

Dru giggled then whispered loudly to Christina, “Hey, if Kit turns into a huge green beast, do you think his – “

“No!” Christina covered her ears with the palms of her hands. “Well, yes. But I don’t want this mental image of Ty and Kit’s –“

Kit hid his face in his hands and mumbled, “Oh god, I want to die.”

“Listen, maybe you’ll only change part of yourself,” Cameron said amiably. “Like Kieran. He’s considered a shapeshifter since he can change his appearance, but it only applies to his hair color.”

“Yeah, maybe you could change your… um… nail color,” Christina said. “It will be lovely. Like a constant manicure.”

Kit gaped at her.

“Or maybe you could grow your nails out, like Sabretooth from x-men.”

“See? Nothing to worry about,” Julian said happily. “You’ll be even cooler.”

“Is this your way of comforting me?” Kit mumbled. “Because it’s not helping.”

“Let’s focus on what’s important here you guys,” Dru said. “How do we get him to change?”

“There’s only one option, really,” Emma replied. “It all began when I threw him out of a window. So, come on, Kit. Let me throw you again.”

“No!” Kit took a step back. “I nearly died! I broke every bone in my body! Do you know how many bones that is?”

“Two hundred and six,” Ty said. “But I don’t think you broke _every_ – “

“I broke ninety percent of the bones in my body, and I don’t want to do that ever again, thank you very much,” Kit hissed.

“I know you don’t want to hear this,” Julian said. “But I think inducing pain is the best – and perhaps only – way to make you reveal your powers.”

“Are you serious?” Kit gaped at him, then turned to Ty. “Can you believe that nonsense?”

Ty’s gaze was fixed on Kit’s collarbone. “He’s not wrong. Pain is the most efficient method. I read Tessa’s letters to her brother when she was held captive; the physical pain triggered her abilities.” he replied, ever the man of facts. “Also, as Emma said, wasn’t it the pain from when she threw you out of the window what woke your dormant powers in the first place?”

Kit squinted his eyes, trying to remember. “No, actually,” he recalled. “The first time was when fake-Noah stabbed my thigh with a dagger.”

“There you go. Pain,” Emma said with glee, making Kit realize he just shot himself in the foot by sharing this fact.

“So, what, we’ll have to kick him until he transforms?” Dru asked.

“Don’t kick me until I transform!”

“Perhaps we should throw heavy objects at him,” Mark suggested. “Where is Emmanuel?”

“Maybe hit him in the face with a frying pan, Rapunzel-style,” Julian proposed.

“No! Let’s throw him off the roof!” Emma shouted.

“My god, you’re all animals!” Kit took a step towards his boyfriend; just in case he needed Ty’s protection.

“Perhaps we don’t need to afflict physical pain,” Cameron intervened.

Kit looked at him affectionately. “I knew you were my favorite the moment you walked through the door.”

“We can try emotional pain,” Cameron continued. “Ty, break up with him.”

“Don’t break up with me!” Kit turned to his boyfriend with a sad, pleading look.

“I wasn’t going to,” Ty assured him.

“So, what, you plan to punch me until I transform?” Kit asked him suspiciously. “Oh my god. You are, aren’t you?”

“No, Kit – “

 “Then what? Drown me? Set me on fire? You know what, don’t tell me. Make it a surprise.”

“Okay.”

“What _okay_?” Kit cried out. “I can’t… wow. Our relationship used to be all about mutual trust. What ever happened to that?”

“So, do you want me to tell you…?”

“No! Yes! No! Definitely not,” he decided. “God, I need a mango.”

“Wait… Are you hungry?” Ty asked, alarmed.

“Um… I guess I could eat,” Kit mumbled, perplexed at Ty’s reaction. “But – “

“We should feed you,” Ty said, grabbing Kit’s elbow and dragged him out of the room.

Too confused to speak, Kit let Ty steer him to the kitchen.

*******

Ty pushed Kit into a chair and opened the fridge, looking for the mushroom risotto that Julian had made yesterday. He opened the container and poured its entirety on a plate, then heated the small mountain of rice in the microwave.

He placed the plate in front of Kit, put a fork in his hand, and sat down next to him.

“Eat,” he said.

Kit just sat there, gaping at him, and Ty couldn’t bear the thought that he might be hungry, so he managed his most menacing tone and said, “Eat, or I’ll spoon feed you.”

He could feel Kit’s eyes on him, probably wondering what was wrong with him, yet he didn’t argue, picking up his fork instead and taking a mouthful of risotto.

Ty was not fine. Seeing Kit’s memories had been so painful, he wondered if he would ever be able to look at his boyfriend without seeing the starving kid who tried to wake up his unconscious, bleeding father.

Kit had told Ty once that he knew his father never loved him like Julian loved Ty. Now, Ty knew he was wrong. Kit didn’t know about the sacrifices Johnny Rook made for him. He stayed with Kit’s mother and suffered her abuse, so he could protect Kit. She didn’t need Johnny; he could have run away. He could have lived the life he wanted. Instead, he stayed. He protected Kit as well as he was able, until he formed a plan; until he found a way for them to survive. Instead of leaving his kid behind, Johnny Rook ran with him to LA, where he knew the Shadowhunters presence would deter his mother from coming after him.

“Ty,” Kit’s voice cut off his thoughts. “Whatever you saw… you can talk to Julian about it.”

 _He knows_ , Ty realized. Kit always knew when something was wrong with him; and he usually also knew why – even when Ty didn’t know it himself.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yes,” Kit said. “I don’t want to know what happened during my childhood. Not now, at least. I don’t think I’m ready yet. But I know it was traumatic, and I don’t want you to deal with this alone. You can talk to Julian about it, just make him promise he won’t tell.”

That was Kit. Always taking care of Ty, always thinking about what’s best for him. Always making him his top priority.

“Kit… I don’t deserve you,” Ty mumbled.

Kit kissed his cheek. “Yes, you do. There’s no me without you.”

Ty cupped his face and gently pressed their lips together, then broke the contact and said, “Eat”.

Kit ate obediently until the mountain of rice Ty had put on his plate was almost gone, and Ty stared at him the entire time. If Kit thought it was weird, he didn’t say so.

“Do you want something else?” Ty asked, concerned. “I can make you something.”

Kit laughed. “Ty, I ate an entire rice field just now.” His brows furrowed. “Wait a minute… is this related to the shapeshifting?” he asked suspiciously. “Is _this_ your plan? Feeding me until I transform?”

“No, I just… I love you.” Ty held back tears. “And when you love someone – you feed them.”

 _When you love someone, you don’t starve them for days until they cry and try to steal leftovers from the garbage_ , the dark thought filled Ty’s mind.

“In that case,” Kit said as he took a spoonful of rice and shoved it in Ty’s face. “Here. My love for you.”

Ty chuckled, then opened his mouth and let Kit feed him like a toddler.

“Yeah, baby. Eat my love. Eat it.” Kit wriggled his eyebrows seductively and Ty choked on his rice with laughter.

“Stop it!” he coughed. “I’ve got rice in my windpipe.”

“No,” Kit whispered. “You’ve got _my love_ in your windpipe.”

Ty burst out laughing again. “You’re terrible.”

Kit got up and turned Ty’s chair towards him, then sat in his lap and passed his fingers through Ty’s hair.

“Terrible?” he whispered in his ear.

“Irredeemable, even.”

“Oh, am I?” he gently bit his earlobe.

“Incorrigible,” Ty breathed.

“Are you sure about that?” Kit asked before gently sucking Ty’s neck.

“Absolutely hopeless,” Ty panted.

“Is that so?” Kit pulled him by the nape of his neck and pressed their lips together. Ty opened his mouth under his, and Kit slipped his tongue in, meeting Ty’s. Their kiss grew heated and desperate, and soon Ty had his hands in Kit’s shirt and Kit had his on Ty’s cock, stroking him above his jeans.

“Bed,” Kit moaned into Ty’s mouth.

Ty hummed in agreement before picking his boyfriend up and carrying him to his room.

*******

“Could you get that?” Emma asked Cameron when the doorbell rang.

Cameron got up from his chair and walked to the institute entrance to get the door. He opened it and froze, staring at the tall man leaning on the doorframe, wearing equestrian riding boots, breeches, and a white linen shirt billowing out at the cuffs and collar. His long hair, blue like a midwinter evening an hour before the dark, fell gracefully over his shoulders.

Cameron swallowed.

“Kieran,” he managed to mumble. “How are you?”

“Cameron.” Kieran smiled at him and Cameron’s heart skipped a beat. “I’m well, thank you. And you?”

“I’m great.” Cameron’s voice was embarrassingly high-pitched.

Kieran stepped inside and Cameron closed the door behind him, trying his best no to stare too much. They walked to the library in silence.

“Kieran!” Emma shouted when she spotted him. “How’s the best king in the history of forever?”

After exchanging warm salutations with Mark, Christina, Julian, and Tavvy, Kieran turned to Emma.

“Are you not doing research today?”

“We were – “ Cameron began.

“So, Cameron, here’s the deal,” she cut him off. “Kit had a nervous breakdown, so we let him and Ty take a night off. Dru went to see her girlfriend, and we four need to get down to the larger vampire clan. Their leader was killed, and we are meeting with the new one. Do you see where I’m going with this?”

“Not really,” Cameron replied.

“Someone needs to watch over Tavvy.” She gestured at the youngest Blackthorn who immediately hid behind Julian.

“I don’t think – “ Julian began.

“It’s going to be fine, don’t worry,” she said. “We’re going, okay? Bye.”

With that she dragged her husband outside. Mark and Christina followed, and soon Kieran and Cameron found themselves alone, staring at Tavvy. He stared suspiciously back.

“Do you know how to babysit?” Cameron whispered to Kieran.

“Of course I know how to take care of a child,” Kieran sniffed. “I am extraordinarily paternal.”

“Yeah, so am I,” Cameron said hastily. “I’m paternal as fuck.”

“All things youngster-related come as second nature to me.”

“Me too. It’s like, I’m a natural. I can keep a child alive while simultaneously doing… um… whatever else I need to be doing. I’m multi-taskical, if you will.”

“True,” Kieran nodded. “So very true.”

They glanced at each other, then at Tavvy, then at each other again.

“I have no idea what I’m doing,” Cameron admitted.

“Neither do I. No clue.”

“So…” Cameron said slowly. “What do we do with it – I mean _him_ – now?”

“It’s simple,” Kieran said and turned to Tavvy. “Child, do you require nourishment?”

“Huh?” Tavvy stared at him.

“Nou–rish-ment,” Kieran repeated slowly. “Do you require it?”

Tavvy shifted his gaze from Kieran to Cameron, clearly confused.

“Let me,” Cameron said confidently, then turned to Tavvy. “Do you want food inside your mouth?”

“Um… I didn’t have dinner yet if that’s what you’re –“

“Great!” Cameron said. “Let’s make dinner.”

Tavvy looked at him suspiciously. “But Julian – “

“Worry not, little one,” Kieran told him. “You shall have nutrients in your body in no time.”

Cameron picked Tavvy up and followed Kieran into the kitchen. He placed Tavvy on the counter and asked, “do you have any homework to do?”

“I have a text in Latin to translate,” Tavvy answered slowly. “But I –“

“Great, go get your homework and sit down next to us.”

Obediently, Tavvy went to get his homework, and Cameron turned to Kieran. “What do kids eat?”

“I believe they eat what we do, only less,” Kieran said thoughtfully. “Because they’re smaller, you see.”

“This makes sense,” Cameron agreed. “So… do you cook?”

“I’m a king, so… I am not allowed in the kitchen.”

“I don’t enter the kitchen either. But that’s by choice.”

“Then what do you eat all day?”

“Honestly? Pizza.”

“Mmm… healthy.”

Cameron laughed. “I suppose we’ll have to make a wholesome meal for him, won’t we?”

“I suppose so.” Kieran smiled.

“Okay.” Cameron took out his phone. “I’m googling _wholesome meal_ … Let’s see… first result I got is tomatoes stuffed with brown rice and feta.”

“Sounds reasonable.”

Tavvy returned to the kitchen holding a heavy book, some pencils, and a notebook. “I brought everything.”

“Way to go, buddy,” Cameron said encouragingly, then turned to Kieran. “It’s important to give children positive reinforcement for good behavior.”

Tavvy looked at him with pity in his eyes. “You’re really good at babysitting,” he said.

“Aw, thank you!” Cameron smiled.

Tavvy turned to Kieran. “It is also important to give adults positive reinforcement for good behavior,” he said solemnly, and Kieran burst out laughing.

Cameron turned away so Kieran wouldn’t see him blush. “I’m preheating the oven to one hundred and eighty degrees Celsius,” he said.

“Your pre-planning skills are very impressive,” Kieran said, and Cameron elbowed him.

“Could you take out tomatoes from the fridge?”

Kieran did as he was asked and put a dozen tomatoes on the counter.

Cameron looked at his phone. “We need to cut the top and remove the flesh from the tomatoes.”

“Sounds gruesome,” Kieran commented as he took a knife. “Does this look alright to you?”

Cameron looked at the tomato Kieran had just butchered.

“It looks like someone ate it, then threw it up,” Tavvy commented from his seat on the counter.

“Back to your homework, young man!” Cameron said in what he hoped was an authoritative tone but based on Tavvy’s chuckle was a failed attempt.

“Let’s try another one,” Camron told Kieran.

They began cutting the tops and removing the center of the tomatoes and placing them in a large bowl. They worked in silence, and Cameron enjoyed their proximity; each time Kieran leaned over to add another tomato to the bowl, his hair would brush Cameron so he could smell Kieran’s gentle musky scent. He wondered how soft Kieran’s hair would feel if he were to pass his fingers through it.

“Moving on to the rice,” he finally said, forcing himself to tear his eyes away from Kieran’s face and focus on his phone instead.

Kieran looked in the fridge. “I don’t think they have any feta. Only cheddar.”

“Then let’s put it instead. I mean, cheese is cheese, right?”

They ended up replacing the feta by cheddar, the shallot by champignons, and the mint by basil – because it _looked_ similar, so why not?

“It doesn’t smell that good,” Cameron commented.

“Maybe it will smell better after we bake it,” Kieran mused.

“Julian says that after baking, the food - “ Tavvy began.

“Stop! No spoilers!” Cameron said. “I want to see what happens.”

Tavvy shook his head, exasperated, and returned to his Latin.

Kieran and Cameron divided the rice mixture among the tomato shells before putting them in the oven, then turned to clean up the mess.

“Oh, sorry,” Cameron mumbled when his fingers brushed Kieran’s.

Kieran lifted his gaze to look at him, and for a moment Cameron was mesmerized by the color of his eyes; the left black as an onyx stone, and the right a deep silver.

“Did they really call you to babysit today?” he asked.

“They didn’t – “

Kieran’s answer was cut off by a _ding_ sound, indicating that their food was ready.

*******

Ty was lying on his bed on his side, facing his boyfriend. He studied Kit’s face; his eyes were closed, and he seemed relaxed, surrendering into Ty’s touch, to the fingers he passed slowly through his blond curls.

“What do you want?” he whispered.

Kit’s opened his eyes and his lips parted.

“I want you to make love to me,” he said, and Ty choked.

*******

“I want you to make love to me.”

It wasn’t an impulse decision. I wasn’t a spontaneous idea. Kit knew he was ready; he wanted to share this intimacy with the man he loved. He wanted – _needed_ – to feel Ty, to connect with him, to be part of him. He wanted to know that he belonged to Ty, he yearned for Ty to make him feel _his_.

He wanted to feel Ty inside of him. He ached to know how Ty’s cock would feel like if it penetrated him, stretched him open, moved inside him. He wanted to feel tight around Ty, wanted Ty to feel his warm body around him. He hungered to hear Ty moan as he stretched Kit wide, enjoying the friction.

He watched Ty’s expression, waiting anxiously.

“No.” Came Ty’s reply.

He wasn’t ready, Kit realized, but –

“You’re not ready,” Ty stated.

_What?_

“I am!” Kit objected. “I want this. I want you. Inside of me.”

Ty caressed the nape of his neck. “I know you want it. Now.” He passed his finger over Kit’s jaw. “But you’re stressed, you had a rough day, and I don’t want you to ask for something and then regret it.”

“I won’t regret it! I though about it. _A lot_ ,” Kit emphasized. “I’m ready for this. I’m ready for _us_ to share this.”

Ty bit on his lower lip.

“Don’t you want this too?” Kit asked, his voice an intentional whisper. “Don’t you want to feel me around you? Don’t you want to pin me to the bed and move inside me, while I moan for you?”

His words had the desired effect; he could feel Ty’s cock swelling.

“Don’t you want to cum inside me?” he murmured in Ty’s ear, pushing him further.

“I do,” Ty paned. “God, I want this so much.”

Kit passed his fingers along the waistband of Ty’s sweatpants, then slipped his hand inside and began stroking his boyfriend. Ty let out a small moan before grabbing Kit’s wrist and stopping him.

“I want this,” he said. “But only when I’m sure you’re ready. I want you to be absolutely sure.”

“I am,” Kit insisted.

“Then you’ll be just as sure tomorrow,” Ty replied. “And if you’ll ask me to do it tomorrow, after you had twenty-four hours to calm down – I will.”

Kit grinned. “You’ll make love to me?”

“Yes,” Ty smiled back.

“Say it. Say you’ll make love to me.”

Ty bit his lower lip. “I’ll make love to you.”

Kit’s heart skipped a beat. Those words sounded so beautiful in Ty’s mouth. Like molten gold.

“You like hearing me say that, don’t you?” Ty smirked. “Do you want to hear more?”

“Yes, please,” Kit panted.

“If you still feel the same way tomorrow,” Ty whispered. “I will pin you to the bed and rim you until you start whimpering and trembling under me, and then I’ll slip my finger inside of you and curve it until I reach your prostate. You’ll moan for me. You’ll beg for more.

“I’ll slip another finger, and then another one, and when you’re finally stretched out wide for me, I’ll spread your thighs and - ”

“Stop,” Kit dug his nails in Ty’s bicep, panting. “I won’t be able to control myself if you keep talking like that.”

Ty laughed and planted a soft kiss on his temple.

“Since when did the dynamics of our relationship change so much?” Kit complained. “I thought I was the one taking care of you and making sure we don’t take things too fast for _you_.”

“I don’t know,” Ty replied. “But I like taking care of you.”

“I don’t particularly enjoy the fact that you won’t give me what I want, though.” Kit grimaced.

“You can choose anything else,” Ty said affectionally. “I won’t top you tonight, but is there something else you want?”

Kit took a moment before answering. “I want to feel _yours_ ,” he said shyly.

Ty kissed his forehead and Kit gained the courage to express how he felt. That was the thing about him and Ty; they were honest with each other. Open.

“I like it when…” Kit took a deep breath. “I like it when you’re assertive with me. I like it when you tell me what to do. I like the way you make me feel that I belong to you... And the way it makes me feel _free_.” Kit felt slightly embarrassed at his confession. “Does that make sense?”

“It does. When you give me control you are liberated from everything, and you can simply enjoy the moment,” Ty said softly. “And I like it too.”

“You do?”

“Yes,” Ty whispered in his ear. “You’re always so cocky and sarcastic with everyone else, and I like that I can make you so submissive and docile… begging for my touch.”

 _Fuck_ , Kit took a deep breath.

“Is there something else you want?” Ty asked him, as if he already knew.

There was, but Kit was too embarrassed to ask for it.

Ty kissed his hand. “You can tell me anything,” he whispered. “I love you, and I want you to enjoy it. Tell me what you want – please - because there’s nothing I want more than to give you everything you need.”

Kit buried his face in Ty’s neck, embarrassed to look at him, and whispered in his ear, “I want you to treat me like your sex toy. I want you to use me, and I want you to talk dirty to me.”

Ty kissed his forehead. “How dirty?” he asked.

“Very, very dirty,” Kit answered, feeling himself turning crimson red.

“I want that too. But, my middle name, remember?”

Kit nodded.

Those had become their agreed upon safe words; if Kit called Ty Nero, or if Ty called him Jonathan – they would stop what they were doing immediately. They have yet had to use those safe words, but having them enabled them to explore their limits, reassured that the other could communicate immediately if he was uncomfortable.

“I swear I love you more with every second that passes,” Kit whispered.

“As do I,” Ty kissed his boyfriend. “Now, get off the bed.”

Kit was so excited he practically jumped of the bed and looked at Ty, panting. Waiting.

Ty got up as well and came to stand in front of him. Kit loved the way Ty was slightly taller than him; how Ty’s lips were grazing his forehead when they hugged.

Ty took Kit’s shirt off and threw it on the floor, then placed two fingers under Kit’s chin and tilted his face up. He pressed their lips together into a gentle kiss, then pulled him by the back of his neck to a rough, passionate one. His teeth nipped at Kit’s lip, his tongue pressed deeper into his mouth. Kit could get lost in a kiss like that; in the taste and the feel of Ty.

“Get down on your knees,” Ty commanded, one hand firm on Kit’s shoulder, pushing him down.

Kit did as he was told. He looked up at his boyfriend; the last time he knelt like this before him was after they had spent an entire night on the roof, talking, and then Kit noticed that Ty’s shoe lace came undone and without thinking he knelt before him and tied it, then felt like a complete idiot. It seemed that an entire life time had passed since then, and only now Kit knew that Ty had felt the same way he did.

Ty passed his fingers through Kit’s hair. “Take out your tongue.”

Kit did, and Ty pulled down his boxers, letting his hard cock bob free. He pulled Kit by the back of his head and Kit flicked his tongue over the slit.

“Good, keep going.” Ty’s coarse voice sent shivers down Kit’s spine.

“Now be a good boy and open your mouth,” Ty ordered him.

Kit did, and Ty pulled him by his hair and pushed his cock inside his mouth. Kit let out a moan as Ty’s thick cock filled him and began sucking.

“You are so beautiful like this,” Ty said. “On your knees, choking on my cock.”

 _Fuck_ , Ty’s words made Kit’s cock twitch. He cusped Ty’s shaft and sucked the head of his cock, slipping his tongue on his frenulum. He pulled his head backwards, letting Ty’s cock slide out bit by bit.

“You gorgeous slut.” Ty moaned as he pushed Kit’s head forward. “You like cocksucking, don’t you? Down on your knees for me. You look so good like this.”

Kit felt his cock stiffen at Ty’s words. He moaned around the head of Ty’s cock, his fingers pressed gently over the shaft.

Suddenly Ty pulled his back by his hair. “Now I want you to listen to me,” he said, and Kit trembled with anticipation. “I’m going to fuck your mouth.”

“Yes,” Kit panted.

Ty’s hand was still in Kit’s hair, pulling gently. “I’m going to use you like a sex toy until I cum. Is that what you want?”

“Yes, please,” Kit begged.

He opened his mouth to take Ty’s cock again, his fingers digging into his boyfriend’s hip bones. Ty held his head in place while pushing inside, filling his mouth. Kit moaned around his length and tried to take Ty even deeper, his hand stroking the base. He heard Ty’s breathing getting heavier as he began fucking his mouth.

“You’re such a good boy, Kit. It feels so good.” Ty praised him. He caressed his hair as a slammed into his mouth again and again. “I’m close –“

Kit moaned around him, sucking and licking, until he felt Ty quiver. He squeezed Ty’s hip once, to let him know he wanted him to cum, and Ty quickened his pace and let out a small whimper.

He pushed Kit off his cock just in time, and Kit felt his warm come dripping down his chin and chest. He was too flustered to look at his boyfriend in that moment, so he just listened to him moan, digging his nails deeper in his hips.

Ty pressed fingers under Kit’s chin and made him look up. For a fraction of a second, Kit met his eyes to see something predatory in his look.

“You’re such a good cumslut.” Ty praised him again, then wiped the come from his chin with his thumb. “I love you.”

“That was amazing,” Kit whispered. “I love you so much.”

Ty pulled him back up. “Go lie on the bed,” he said. “It’s my turn to make you cum.”

*******

Kieran and Cameron’s ‘wholesome meal’ turned out to be a disaster, yet Tavvy seemed to like it. He even asked for a refill.

“What do we do with the leftovers?” Cameron asked.

Tavvy looked at him thoughtfully. “Kit says Julian has secret porcupines. Maybe we can give it to them?”

“The child has been fed, and his homework is finished,” Kieran said. “What now?”

“Maybe we should let him play?” Cameron suggested.

“Yes,” Kieran agreed and handed Tavvy a spoon. “Have fun.”

“How?” Tavvy stared at him.

“Play with the spoon?” Kieran seemed unsure.

“A spoon is not a toy,” Tavvy said slowly, as if he was talking to a toddler.

“Do you want to play with Emmanuel?”

“Who’s Emmanuel?” Cameron asked, confused.

“It’s Kit and Ty’s baby,” Tavvy explained.

“They have a baby?!”

“It’s a baby-rock, you see,” Kieran contributed.

“Can we build a fort and declare Emmanuel as king?” Tavvy asked excitedly.

“Sure,” Cameron said, then turned to Kieran. “I’m sorry, but it seems your status does not hold in this institute. We have a new king now.”

They raided the institute, taking light blankets and bed sheets from every available room, and gathered them all in the living room.

Kieran brought chairs from the dining table and Cameron pushed the sofa to the center of the room. Tavvy then draped them with blankets and put soft pillows inside the fort.

“I don’t understand,” Kieran said. “Our fort is completely unprotected. A hostile kingdom will conquer us easily.”

“There are no hostile kingdoms.” Cameron smiled. “It’s a utopia.”

“Sit down, I’m going to get Emmanuel from the library,” Tavvy said excitedly.

“After you,” Cameron said. “You are the king, after all.”

“I thought Emmanuel was the king.” Kieran raised an eyebrow.

Cameron laughed. “Fine, I’ll go first.”

He sat down inside the fort; it was soft and cozy.

“There’s no room,” Kieran complained. “You take too much space, with your – your biceps and… the rest of your muscles.”

Cameron laughed. “I’m a Shadowhunter. We are one hundred percent muscle.”

“This doesn’t sound anatomically correct,” Kieran muttered as he tried to sit down next to Cameron, only to realize that it was not physically possible, and half-falling on the red-haired Shadowhunter.

“Here, I’ll make some room for you.”

Cameron shifted slightly, and Kieran lost his balance and fell into Cameron’s lap. His skin felt soft in Cameron’s arms and he smelled faintly of musk and cinnamon.

Kieran swallowed, and Cameron watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed. Slowly, his hands found themselves in Kieran’s hair. He tangled blue strands between his fingers, mesmerized by the way the color changed into sky blue in his hand.

“Your hair is soft,” he whispered.

Kieran breathed heavily, and Cameron moved his hand and placed it at the nape of his neck, not breaking his gaze from Kieran’s full lips.

“I’m back!” Tavvy’s joyful cry made them jump. Kieran got up, nearly knocking down the fort in the process.

*******

When Emma, Julian, Mark, and Christina returned, two hours later, the house was a mess and Kieran and Cameron were exhausted. Tavvy, on the other hand, was as energetic as always.

“It was the best day ever!” he told Julian excitedly. “Can they watch me again sometime? Please?”

Julian laughed and hugged him. “We’ll see,” he said before turning to Kieran and Cameron. “Thank you.”

“Did the meeting go well?”

“Very well, actually,” Emma answered. “Their new leader is super chill.”

“I have to go now,” Kieran said. “I have a kingdom to rule over.”

“Doesn’t it, like, rule itself?”

“Sometimes.” Kieran smiled.

“I’ll walk you out,” Cameron said hastily.

They walked in silence until they reached the front door.

Kieran opened it. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said. “Ty asked me to come in, apparently he has something to say to us all.”

“Great, so – so I’ll see you tomorrow,” Cameron stammered.

They looked at each other for a moment, then Kieran turned around to leave.

“Wait.” Cameron heard himself say.

Kieran turned around with a questioning look.

“Why did you come here today?” Cameron asked. “Not that I’m – I mean, it's great. Super great. I- I’m really glad you did. I was just wondering why… As in, was there any specific reason? You know... any particular motive?”

 _Just shut up already!_  Cameron yelled at himself internally. _Oh god, he probably thinks you're an idiot._

To his relief, Kieran smiled. “To see you,” he said simply.

He then leaned in and brushed his lips over Cameron’s cheek, then turned around and walked out. He mounted is horse and before Cameron’s mind could process what had happened, he was already gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to break this chapter down to two parts again, as it was getting too long ^^
> 
> Also, thank you all for your kind comments. You guys are the best <3


	34. Of Green Trolls, Wholesome Meals, Decisions, and Revelations (Part II)

The sound of Dru’s alarm clock made her groan and curl into her blanket, trying to block out the cruel and completely unnecessary ray of sunlight which clearly existed only to torment her.

Jael shifted closer and wrapped an arm around her. “Good morning, beautiful.”

“Mmm.” Was all Dru managed to say in return.

“You need to get to the institute,” Jael reminded her. “Ty has something to tell you.”

With a frustrated groan, Dru kicked off the blanket. “I’m up.”

She slid off the bed and headed to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. “Can I borrow a clean shirt?”

“Sure.”

“I should keep more stuff at your place. I can’t keep stealing your shirts,” Dru commented as she dried her face with a towel. “Can I get a drawer or something?”

“What about more than a drawer?” Jael said quietly from the bed.

“What?” Dru let go of the towel and turned to stare at her.

“What about more than a drawer,” Jael repeated, voice quivering slightly. “What if all of your things were… here?”

Dru gaped at her. “What are you –“

“Move in with me.”

Dru gaped at her some more. “Are you serious?” she finally asked.

“I am,” Jael said quietly. “This is my last semester at school, and it’s time for me to think about my future.” She took a deep breath. “And _you_ are my future.”

Dru came to sit on the bed next to her girlfriend. “But… how? A werewolf and a Shadowhunter…?”

“If a warlock and a Shadowhunter can make it work – why can’t we?”

Dru smiled. “We can,” she whispered. “I love you. I want to move in with you.”

*******

Early morning was Julian’s favorite time of the day. Even though he and Emma were married for two years at this point, waking up next to her was still magic. He studied his wife’s face; she looked beautiful with her hair spread on the pillow, her body angled towards him, her eyes closed, and her long lashes brushing her cheeks.

“Morning,” she mumbled, her eyes still closed.

Julian planted a soft kiss on her temple. “I keep thinking that this is a dream,” he whispered. “It’s weird, it’s like I’m realizing every day anew that you are actually mine. I still can’t believe it.”

Emma opened her eyes slowly and focused her gaze on him, and Julian forgot how to breath for a moment.

“Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me?” he asked. “I love you. So, so much.”

“I love you too,” Emma said as she tangled their legs together. Now shhh let’s go back to sleep.” She passed the palm of her hand on her husband’s face.

“Nice try,” he laughed. “We need to get up.”

“Noooo,” Emma protested. “Just five more minutes.”

“Learning to refuse you was the hardest thing I have ever done.” Julian shook his head. “Come on, get up.”

Emma let out an agonized grunt that vaguely sounded like “coffee”.

Julian passed his fingers through her hair. “Yes, love. I’ll make you coffee.”

*******

When Christina woke up, Mark’s head was resting on her chest and his arm was wound around her. It felt right, to wake up like this. Yet somehow it felt very wrong. As if something – someone – was missing.

“Do you think Kieran is happy?” she whispered into the quietness.

Mark’s eyes were still closed, and he took a while to answer. Finally, he took her hand in his and squeezed lightly. “He made his choice,” he finally said. “It’s what he wanted.”

“But it he happy?” Christina insisted.

“I think he’s healing,” Mark said. “Like we are.”

Christina bit her lower lip. “He will be, though. Right?”

“He will.”

*******

“Good morning, Kit.”

Kit curled into his blanket in irritation. “There’s nothing good about this morning.”

“I love you,” Ty said in an appeasing tone.

“I love you too,” Kit grumbled. “But I hate this morning.”

Kit felt the mattress sinking slightly as Ty sat down next to him and passed his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “You know it’s the only way.”

“I hate this, and I hate everything, and I’m not leaving this bed. Ever.” Kit buried his face in the pillow in protest.

“Don’t make me throw you out.”

“You say that every morning.”

“Do you really want to test me?”

Miserable and angry, Kit kicked off the blanket and got up. He put on black jeans and a t-shirt that belonged to Ty. It was slightly too big for him, but he didn’t care. It smelled like his boyfriend and it made this morning a little less terrible. He then went and brushed his teeth so violently he spit blood.

When he stepped out of the bathroom, Ty was waiting for him with an anxious expression on his face. Kit walked past him, but Ty caught his wrist and made him stop. He turned Kit to face him and pulled him into a hug, his chin resting on Kit’s forehead.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered again.

Kit shrugged and pulled away. They walked to the library in silence, their steps echoing in the stone corridor.

“Here you are,” Dru said with a disapproving expression when they entered the room. “Care to tell us why we’re all here?”

Kit’s eyes scanned the library. The members of the institute were all present, as well as Cameron, Kieran, and Kieran’s advisor who liked inventing terrible nicknames for him.

“We have something to tell you,” Ty said solemnly.

“Kit is pregnant!” Emma shouted.

“Dude, you seriously need a biology tutor.” Dru shook her head. “I would ask Jael, but she’s still terrified of you because of how you stared at her the last time she was here.”

“I just found out the she was your _girlfriend_ ,” Emma replied, dignified. “What was I supposed to do? _Not_ stare?”

“For example, yes,” Dru replied. “Or you –“

“Stop it,” Julian cut her off. “Ty?”

Ty took Kit’s hand in his.

“Kit is moving to New York.”

*******

The noise that followed Ty’s announcement threatened to tear Cameron’s eardrums. Amidst Dru’s “what the hell?”, Emma’s “what the fuck?!”, Kit’s angry cursing, and the general protests of the Shadowhunters, Ty raised his voice.

“Kit is not safe here,” he said. “Magnus will come tomorrow morning to open a portal, and Kit will stay at the New York institute until we have found the person who’s after him.”

“But it might take months!” Dru said.

“Or years,” Mark mumbled.

Cameron glanced in Kit’s direction. The expression on his face was so dejected, it broke Cameron’s heart.

“I want to keep Kit alive. It’s the most reasonable course of action,” Ty replied decisively, and no one dared to argue further. “Now, I need you all to keep this quiet. No one outside of this room can know that Kit is relocating to New York. Is that clear?”

There was a slow murmur of agreement around the room, followed by an awkward silence.

“I’ll go pack, I guess,” Kit finally mumbled and left the room in a hurry.

“I should go too,” Kieran said, making Cameron’s heart jump. Kieran had only arrived to hear Ty’s announcement per his request; there was no reason for him to stay at the institute. Cameron knew that; but he felt disappointed nonetheless.

He watched as Kieran left the room, his head held high and a haughty expression on his face, his advisor following him quickly.

“So, Ty, where do you propose we start?” Emma asked.

Cameron did not wait to hear his answer. He darted out of the room.

He opened the institute door and ran outside, where he came to a halt in front of Kieran’s entourage. A dozen of fairies - Kieran’s bodyguards, advisors, and courtiers - all stared at him with expressions varying between contempt and animosity.

Cameron swallowed.

“Your highness.” He bowed nervously. “May I request a private audience?”

He dared to look around and saw that the courtiers all turned their heads abruptly to look at their king. For a split second Kieran looked surprised, but he quickly regained his composure. “You may,” he said unemotionally.

He led the way back into the institute and Cameron quickly followed. Before he could think about what he was doing, he closed the door behind them and pinned Kieran’s back to it. Kieran let out a small sound of surprise and watched him with wide eyes as Cameron pressed his thumb lightly on his bottom lip.

Kieran swayed forward slightly. “Cameron,” he said softly, his voice barely louder than a whisper. It might have been a question, Cameron wasn’t sure, but before he could process this they were kissing.

He didn’t know who kissed the other first; and he didn’t care. All he knew was that Kieran’s lips felt soft under his and the noises he made when he pressed in close sent a shuddering warmth through Cameron and made his stomach flip. Then Kieran made a sound like a soft, happy sigh, and Cameron knew that he was ruined for kissing everyone else ever again.

“What are we doing?” Kieran mumbled into him.

“I don’t know,” Cameron panted. “Go on a date with me.”

He had no idea were this confidence came from; but he didn’t even falter when Kieran pulled away abruptly and said, “what?”

“Go on a date with me,” Cameron repeated.

Kieran shook his head. “I can’t,” he said, not meeting Cameron’s eyes. “It’s bad enough that I come here so often on business, I can’t possibly leave the court to go on a date with a Shadowhunter.”

Gently, Cameron placed two fingers under his chin and turned his face towards him. “Then come here on business, and I’ll whisk you away,” he said. “It will be romantic. Like Aladdin and Jasmine in ‘A whole new world’”.

Kieran blinked. “Like who in _what_?” he asked, confused.

“Perfect,” Cameron smiled. “Now I know which movie we’ll be watching on our date.”

“I haven’t said yes,” Kieran pointed out.

“But you will.”

Kieran lifted an eyebrow. “Will I?”

Cameron pulled him into another kiss, more feverish and desperate than the first. “How about tomorrow?” he whispered as he pulled away.

“No,” Kieran answered, and Cameron stopped breathing. “Friday is better,” Kieran finished, and Cameron laughed with relief.

“Come to the institute at seven,” he said. “Tell your courtiers that you have a meeting with Emma and Julian.”

“And you’ll whisk me away?”

Cameron smiled. “Yes, your highness.”

*******

Kit was tossing clothes and books into his suitcase in irritation, not bothering to arrange them neatly and creating a small pile inside the suitcase instead. He hated the thought of leaving for New York. He hated the thought of leaving Ty. He had spent every night with him for the last two years; and he hoped to spend every night with him for the rest of his life. Being away for Ty – for who knows how long – was unbearable.

He didn’t turn around when the door opened and closed softly again.

“Are you still mad at me?” Ty’s deep voice sent shivers up his spine.

“I’m not mad at you,” Kit replied. “I just… I hate this!”

“I know. I hate this too,” Ty admitted quietly. “I hate sending you away.”

Kit turned to face him and took his hands. “Then don’t,” He pleaded. “Let me stay. We’ll figure out –“

Ty yanked himself free. “Kit, we went over this.”

They have. A few dozen times.

Frustrated, Kit opened Ty’s closet, picked a pile of t-shirts, and threw them in the suitcase. If he must spend months without his boyfriend, he’ll cuddle at night with his t-shirts like some miserable puddle of sadness.

Ty didn’t comment on Kit stealing his shirts. Instead, he came behind him and wrapped his arms around Kit’s waist and rested his head against his.

“I love you,” he whispered in his ear. “It will all be over soon.”

Kit felt his stomach clench as Ty’s fingers slid inward, upward, until they settled against his throat. Kit tipped his head backwards and rested it on Ty’s shoulder. “But what if it won’t?”

Ty turned his face, his nose rubbing against Kit’s jawline, his breath fanning out against Kit’ neck. “It will,” he replied. “I promise.”

Kit tried to pull away. “I love you. I can’t be away from you for that long,” he said, but Ty tightened his arms and Kit stayed were he was. “I think I’m about cry.”

“Don’t,” Ty said softly. “We have until tomorrow.”

Kit turned around and put his arms around Ty’s neck. He leaned in closer until their mouths were only a breath away. “I don’t want tomorrow to come.”

Slowly, Ty lifted his hand to touch Kit’s cheek. “Christopher,” he whispered.

Kit stopped and sucked in a startled breath. He stood there, chest pressed against Ty’s, his arms around his neck, his fists slowly clenching, and tried to force the shudders from his body. The sound of his name in Ty’s deep voice was the most beautiful sound in the world, he was sure of that.

“What do you want?” Ty asked.

Kit knew the answer to that question.

“Make love to me,” he whispered.

Ty kissed him, his mouth warm and slick against Kit’s own, his hands running through Kit’s blond curls. Then he broke the contact and picked Kit up and carried him to bed.

He lay him gently on the mattress and straddled him.

“That’s a yes, right?” Kit asked, voice trembling slightly. “I need to make sure.”

Ty smiled, then leaned in and kissed him. “That’s a yes,” he whispered in his ear.

Kit’s heart was beating so fast he was sure that it was going to break out of his ribcage. He felt slightly nervous and impossibly aroused. Ty was going to make love to him. This is it. It’s finally happening.

“But you’ll have to promise me something,” Ty said solemnly. “You have to tell me if it hurts.”

Kit raised an eyebrow. “Ty, I’m a Shadowhunter. In the past two years I fought hundreds of demons, got stabbed, burned, cut, punched, thrown out of a window – yes, I’m _so_ not letting this one go – I broke nearly every bone in my body. Do you seriously think I can’t handle this?”

Ty deadpanned. “Just because you got hurt in the past doesn’t mean I want to hurt you now,” he said quietly.

“You won’t.”

He pulled Ty to him and let his arms come up and reach backwards to tangle his fingers in his soft black hair. Ty moaned and licked a trail up Kit’s neck, then kissed him harshly and desperately, like he’d been waiting to do it for ages. Kit moaned into it, feeling himself unravel, letting Ty destroy him bit by bit.

Ty stopped and nipped at Kit’s ear. “I love you,” he said before taking off Kit’s shirt and his own and throwing both on the floor.

“You just made a mess.” Kit smirked. “I’m bad influence on you.”

Ty laughed. “It took you so long to realize that?” he asked, his fingers coming up to toy with Kit’s button fly.

“I think I’m always a bit slow when it comes to you,” Kit mumbled as Ty’s fingernails grazed the skin above his waistband, torturing him.

Ty pulled down Kit’s pants and his boxers, then his hands returned to his skin, running along his thighs and the back of his knees. Then finally his hand slid up and warm fingers closed around his shaft. Ty stroked him painfully slowly, and Kit arched his back and moaned his name.

Finally, Ty leaned forward and wrapped his mouth around Kit’s cock, a predatory look on his angelic face, and Kit nearly came right then and there.

“Fuck, Ty,” he panted, not really in any state of mind to form any coherent thought.

Ty didn’t stop. He worked Kit’s cock relentlessly, until Kit was sure his heart would give out at any moment.

Kit’s fingers clenched in Ty’s hair. “Please, I – “ he gasped.

He felt Ty smile around him before his fingers curled possessively around his hipbones. One slid down and then he felt it teasing his tight hole. It didn’t occur to him to wonder when Ty had managed to lubricate it – he lost any notion of time and space – and then Ty’s finger slid inside him, curled over his prostate, and Kit let out a whimper.

Slowly, Ty eased out of him. “Do you trust me?” he asked.

Kit opened his eyes, blinking slowly. “Of course I trust you,” he whispered.

“Turn around.”

Kit did as he was asked. He turned around, lying on the bed on his stomach, naked, his face pressed into the pillow to hide his flushed cheeks, his heart fluttering violently.

“Do you want me to continue?” Ty asked him softly.

“Yes, please,” Kit panted, unable to contain his excitement.

Ty placed a kiss on his ass cheek, then leaned up and reached for the lube, coating his fingers again. He he circled Kit’s rim carefully, and when Kit’s breathing calmed down he gently pressed two fingers inside and Kit choked a moan into the pillow. Ty kissed the small of his back, fingers still inside of him, waiting for Kit to get used to him. When Kit’s breathing evened out again, he nodded for Ty to continue stretching him open.

Ty worked a third finger inside. Kit arched his back in pleasure as he brushed the tip of his fingers against his prostate, his hands clutching the sheets.

Ty retreated his fingers slowly and Kit’s hole twitched loosely as he tried to regain his breath, and he looked back over his shoulder at his boyfriend. He watched Ty slide off the bed to get rid of his pants and boxers. Kit bit his lower lip unconsciously while his gazed trailed over Ty’s body, admiring his abs, his runes, the v-line to where his cock was standing up against his stomach, precome glistening at the tip.

 _It’s happening. We’re doing this. Me and Ty._ The thoughts ran through his head as he watched his boyfriend.

Ty moved back onto the bed, stretching his body over Kit’s as he leaned down to kiss the back of his neck, before moving up on his knees and reaching for the lube to coat his hard cock, one hand still pressed gently against Kit’s lower back. Slowly, Ty lifted Kit’s hips and placed a pillow underneath him, then spread legs for better access.

“I love you, Christopher.” He leaned down to kiss Kit again. “I’ll go slow. Tell me if it hurts”, he said, and Kit nodded, then he inhaled as he felt Ty’s tip brush against his entrance.

He pressed his eyes shut as Ty entered him slowly, breathing into the faint burn. Then Ty pressed in deeper and sharp pain shot through Kit’s body, focusing underneath his shoulder blades and he winced, a whimper escaping his throat. He refused to acknowledge the pain. He was _not_ going to let his stupid shapeshifter DNA ruin his and Ty’s first time.

“I’m inside you,” Ty finally whispered in his ear.

The feeling of Ty filling him up was overwhelming, and Kit clutched the sheets, his breath coming out shallow and in short puffs, as Ty gently massaged his lower back.

“Are you okay?” Ty asked, concerned.

He reached to brush the damp hair out of Kit’s forehead, kissing his neck soothingly as he held back, legs trembling slightly until Kit nodded.

“You can move, it’s fine”, he whispered and bit his bottom lip as Ty pulled out again.

Ty moved back and then pressed forward and inside again, hitting his prostate this time, causing Kit to scream something that was more sob than English. Kit moaned as Ty repeated the movement, setting up a slow rhythm.

Kit whimpered as Ty sped up a bit, trying to ignore the pain stabbing in his back like daggers, determined not to let this ruin the moment.

Ty must have noticed it, though. “Do you want me to stop?” he asked.

“No, don’t,” Kit panted.

“Are you sure?”

Kit nodded frenetically.

“Then take a deep breath for me, okay?”

Kit did, and Ty pressed slowly inside him again. The burning sensation was fading away, and as Ty moved inside him in a slow, rhythmic motion, Kit felt waves of pleasure coursing through him.

“Yes, Ty, fuck, it’s so good,” he panted. “Don’t stop. Don’t stop.”

Ty sped his movements and Kit yelled into the pillow, then suddenly Ty pulled him up so that Kit was on his hands and knees and slammed inside him, making him scream Ty’s name.

Kit felt Ty’s hand curling around his cock, and then he was stroking him while still moving inside him. Kit’s mind was filled with fog. The friction on his cock, the feeling of Ty inside him, the sharp pain underneath his shoulder blades – it was too much to handle, and in less than five seconds he was coming with a shout, thick white spurts of come dripping on the mattress, when he suddenly felt the flesh on his back being ripped apart and his vision went black for somewhere between a millisecond and a year.

The next thing he remembered was standing on the floor – with no idea how he got there – and Ty standing in front of him, eyes glistening.

Kit’s balance felt off, as if it was shifted back, and his whole body hurt. He tried to take a step towards Ty, hearing an unfamiliar whooshing sound as he moved, only to stumble back. Ty caught his shoulders and steadied him.

“What… is happening… to me,” Kit mumbled, exhausted and disoriented.

Without a word, Ty guided him around the room until they both stood in front of the mirror, and Kit let out a cry. From his back, huge and white and feathery -

“Kit,” Ty whispered. “You have wings.”


	35. Whisper (Part I)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,
> 
> I'm so sorry for keeping you waiting. I have tons of work lately. I didn't have time to finish the chapter, so I decided to break it into two parts and publish the first instead of making you wait another two weeks. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

“You have wings.”

Kit turned to his boyfriend and his eyesight blurred. Around him, everything became unfocused until his consciousness was floating through an empty space. Throughout the dark, his heartbeats pounded loudly in his ears until everything went still.

When he woke up, he was lying on Ty’s bed on his stomach. His chest was still bare, but Ty seemed to have put sweatpants on him while he was unconscious.

“I had a weird dream,” Kit mumbled into the mattress, trying to open his eyes. His eyelids seemed to resist. “I dreamt that I had wings.”

Ty patted his head soothingly. “That’s real.”

Kit’s eyes opened wide. “I have wings?”

“You do,” Ty confirmed.

Kit reached his hand back and it met feathers. “Huh,” he said.

“You’re taking this better than I thought you would,” Ty commented matter-of-factly. “I was ready for you to – “

“WHAT THE HELL?!” Kit yelled. He lifted himself up and tried to push his wings away from him. Their color was so white, it burned into Kit’s retinas, nearly blinding him. “Take them off me!”

“Ah, there it is,” Ty mumbled to himself. “Kit, I need you to calm – “

“NO!” Kit yelled again, trying to wriggle his wings off. “TAKE. THEM. OFF. ME!”

He felt more panicked by the second. These foreign _things_ were enormous and feathery and strange. They each measured almost Kit’s height; a fact that was disconcerting to say the least.

“Christopher,” Ty tried his most calm tone. “Listen – “

“Wings? Seriously? WINGS?!” Kit struggled to breath in between shouts. “What the hell?”

“Kit – “

“Take them off me!”

“Kit –“

“What the fuck? What the actual fuck?” Kit passed his hands through his hair nervously. “Can I move them?!”

“If you train, then I would assume that you can,” Ty replied calmly.

Kit pulled his hair in frustration. “Can I fly?”

“That sounds reasonable.”

“But I don’t want to fly!”

“You’ve never tried it,” Ty countered. “You might like it.”

“Ty! It’s not funny!”

“I’m not laughing.” Ty kept a serene tone.

“Am I stuck like this?! Do I have wings forever?!” Kit panicked. “I don’t want them! Ty, make them go away!”

“I can’t,” Ty said. “Calm down. Listen to me, you –“

But Kit did not wait to hear him out. Scared and disoriented, he jumped off the bed and picked a dagger that was resting on the bookcase. Without thinking, he reached back to cut off his wings.

The cold metal barely grazed the feathers when Ty knocked it out of Kit’s hand and strained him in a tight hug.

“Let me go!” Kit yelled as he tried to break free. His wings flapped around them in a swirl of white feathers, as if a snow storm was raging around them both.

“Christopher, listen to me,” Ty said calmly. “Listen to my voice. I’m here. Everything is going to be fine. Focus on my voice. You’re going to be okay.”

Ty’s deep voice and his warm body pressed against Kit had a grounding effect. Ty continued to mutter softly in his ear, and after a few minutes Kit could breathe again. He melted into Ty’s embrace until his wings flapped and soon he felt his balance shift again as they retracted back as if they never were.

“They’re gone.” Ty came behind Kit and studied his back. “There are two cuts left under your shoulder blades. Does it hurt?” he asked gently.

“A bit,” Kit replied. He hadn’t even realized that it hurt until Ty asked.

Ty took his stele out of his pocket and Kit swallowed a groan as he felt the familiar burn of an Iratze being drawn on his skin.

“Will they be back?” he asked, feeling like a scared toddler.

Ty finished drawing the rune and wrapped his hands around Kit’s waist, pressing his stomach on Kit’s lower back. “They’re part of you,” he replied softly, resting his chin on Kit’s shoulder.

“I hate them!” Kit tried to wriggle himself free again. “I don’t want them!”

“I love them,” Ty said, and Kit stopped. “I love you. All of you. And they’re part of you, so I love them.”

Kit turned his face and buried it in Ty’s neck, breathing in his scent. “Did you know that I would grow wings?” he asked quietly.

Ty kissed his forehead. “You told me you felt pain under your shoulder blades. It was the logical conclusion.”

Kit had a flashback to two and a half years ago, when Ty drew the Voyance Mark on his because he knew that it could make Kit see Jessamine; but he didn’t say so then.

“You also knew that it would happen if we had sex,” Kit realized. “Admit it!”

“I did,” Ty said honestly.

“We seriously need to work on your communication skills,” Kit grunted. “Why wouldn’t you tell me something like that?”

“Because if you had known, you would have wanted to have sex with me to get this transformation over with,” Ty said quietly. “And I wanted our first time to happen when we were both ready and because we truly wanted it, not because you needed to cross something off your list.”

“Damn it,” Kit mumbled. “I hate how right you are all the time.”

Ty hugged him tighter. “When you’re in New York, I need you to ask Jace to train with you,” he said. “You need to learn how to control them. Do you understand?”

Slowly, Kit nodded.

“I love you,” Ty whispered. “You’re my everything, Kit. My number one priority is keeping you safe.”

“I know,” Kit replied. “I love you and I trust you.”

“Good.” Ty hummed. “Can I ask something else of you?”

“Anything,” Kit replied without hesitation. “Always.”

“I’m going to miss you so much,” he said quietly, his voice shaking. “Can you cuddle me until morning?”

Ty’s request, sweet and innocent, melted Kit’s heart. “Of course,” he replied.

They spent the night tangled in each other, talking softly, relishing on their proximity, until the sun rose in the velvet sky and Magnus’ voice was heard in the hallway. Kit took his suitcase and stood in front of the portal that Magnus opened, and for a moment he felt that this is it, and there will be no tomorrow for him and Ty.

“I’ll see you soon,” he promised and left with one last look at his boyfriend. His love. His best friend.

*******

When Kit stepped through the portal, he was greeted by a blur of people. He barely registered Clary hugging him tight, Isabelle patting him on the back, Simon throwing an arm around him, or Alec ruffling his hair affectionately. Then it was Jace’s turn and they stood in front of each other for a moment, and Kit studied his cousin’s face, his golden eyes, his blond curls, so similar to Kit’s own. When he first met Jace, he seemed big and intimidating; but now they had the same build and height, and Jace looked at him almost timidly, as if unsure how to approach him.

Without thinking, Kit threw an arm around him and pulled him into a hug - being practically raised by Julian had affected him, that’s for sure – and said, “I missed you”.

“I missed you too,” Jace replied warmly as he patted his back. “So, what’s going on?”

“Ah, so, here’s the thing…” Kit mumbled as he drew back. “I sort of have wings now.”

“You _what_?”

“I have wings,” Kit repeated.

“I never understood the Herondale humor.” Simon shook his head. “How is that funny? What am I missing?”

“Sadly, I’m serious,” Kit replied solemnly.

“So, where are they now?” Isabelle asked him suspiciously.

“They kind of… retracted,” Kit replied.

“And how did you get them to… come out?” Clary asked gently.

“Um… Acute physical stress,” Kit avoided a direct answer. He sure as hell was not going to describe what he and Ty were doing _exactly_ when it happened. He turned to his cousin. “I need your help. I need to learn how to control them.”

Jace grinned. “I’ve seen some messed up shit in my life, but this right here might be one of the craziest things I’ve heard,” he said. “To the training room.”

*******

Cameron was pacing nervously around the institute entryway, waiting for Kieran to arrive. He was equal parts amazed that he managed to get Kieran to agree to go out with him, and terrified that he might completely screw up their date. While waiting, he managed to regret his outfit (black jeans and a red t-shirt), change his mind and decide that it was decent after all, and then regret it again at least five times. He then had enough time left to stress over the date he had planned and suffer a mini melt-down, until finally Emma came behind him and tripped him over.

“Ow! Why did you do that for?”

“It’s going to be great, stop worrying,” she said as she reached out a hand to help him get up.

“Yeah.” Julian joined them. “It will be… um… magical.”

Julian’s awkward way of trying to encourage him actually made Cameron laugh, and for a moment he forgot that he was about to go out with the king of the Unseelie Court, and that he was absolutely mortified. That was another good thing that stemmed from Cameron’s mad idea to ask Kieran out; Julian seemed to have warmed up to him.

The doorbell rang, and Emma opened it to find Kieran, unusually underdressed, with a white shirt with puffy sleeves and black trousers. Behind him stood Felicius, the advisor that took pleasure in announcing Kieran using strange nicknames, and a few feet back Cameron saw half a dozen fairies on their horses, advisors and body guards, each dressed in a long travel cloak. 

Felicius opened his mouth and Cameron couldn’t help but smile, knowing what was coming next –

“Father of light, commander of –“

Emma pulled Kieran inside and shut the door in his advisor’s face. She then turned to Cameron. “You’re up, tiger.” She clapped him on his back, then left with Julian.

Cameron glanced quickly at Kieran, hoping that he wouldn’t notice just how nervous he truly was, and was temporarily fazed by the way Kieran’s eyes seemed to shine; a black diamond and a silver moon.

“Hi,” Kieran said softly, and Cameron scolded himself for keeping quiet like some awkward –

“Are you whisking me away?” Kieran smiled.

Cameron reached and touched his lips with his ring finger, savoring the pleasant kick of his heartbeat caused by Kieran’s proximity. “Yes, your highness.”

*******

Cameron set a picnic for them, complete with the movie Aladdin played on a projector. Kieran seemed to enjoy it and shifted closer to Cameron as the movie went on. By the end of it they were cuddled together.

“More wine?” Cameron asked when the credits began to roll.

“Yes, please.” Kieran handed him his glass and Cameron poured sparkling white wine for both.

Slowly, he took Kieran’s hand in his, asking for permission in his eyes. Kieran interlaced their fingers and Cameron stroked the back of his hand with his thumb. Kieran’s hand was white and delicate, and it fit perfectly in Cameron’s tan and dagger calloused hand.

“I was thinking about something,” Kieran said quietly. “You live in LA. How come I have never seen you before?”

“Well, firstly, I only returned to LA a few months ago,” Cameron replied easily.

“Your travel year,” Kieran realized. He must have been familiar with the Shadowhunter custom of young adults travelling to other institutes to learn new skills and fighting techniques.

Cameron nodded. “I did two years in Argentina. One in Buenos Aires and one in Córdoba.”

“How was it?”

“Amazing.” Cameron smiled.

Kieran smiled back at him. “And secondly?” he asked.

“What?”

“I asked why I didn’t meet you until recently, and you said: firstly, I only returned to LA a few months back,” Kieran recited. “What is the second reason?”

“Oh, that,” Cameron mumbled. He felt his cheeks coloring. “Never mind that.”

“Still. Do tell.”

“Well…” Cameron shifted uncomfortably. “The truth is, in a way, we kind of - sort of - already met.”

Kieran cocked his head to the side. “We have?” he asked.

“Twice,” Cameron admitted.

“Are you quite sure?”

“Absolutely.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t recall meeting you.” Kieran studied his face as if it was the first time he was seeing him.

“It’s alright, I knew you wouldn’t,” Cameron replied, the corners of his mouth curving up. “You were busy,” _with Mark and Christina_. “You barely noticed me while I –“ he stopped abruptly, feeling himself blush.

“You what?” Kieran studied his face with interest.

“Nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. Tell me.”

Cameron reached his hand to the picnic basket and took out a strawberry. “Do you want one?”

Kieran lifted an eyebrow. “That is a poor attempt at changing the subject.”

“Worth a try.”

“A terrible one.”

“The best character in Aladdin is the genie.”

“Better, but incorrect. The best is clearly Iago.”

“What?” Cameron gaped at him. “Were we watching the same movie?”

“I believe we have.” Kieran smirked. “I also believe that you are avoiding the question. Go on, tell me.”

“Fine.” Cameron bit his lower lip. “We met twice, before I left for my travels. You barely noticed me, but I… I was smitten, okay? I was. Your eyes, your laugh, your wit – the first time that I saw you I couldn’t break my gaze for the world. I kept staring at you until Dru elbowed me and I snapped out of the trance. But I knew then that I would not be able to forget your face. The second time that I saw you was even worse. I exchanged a few words with you and you… bewitched me. By the Angel, I’ll shut up now.”

He put a hand over his mouth and glanced sideways at Kieran, to see that the tips of his hair were sky blue. The color seemed to travel up and Cameron was mesmerized. Without thinking, he took a lock and twisted it between his fingers; the blue strands seemed to shimmer in his hand.

“You’re happy,” he whispered.

Their eyes met, and Kieran’s mouth rose into a smile, as if he couldn’t help himself.  “May I kiss you?” he asked.

Cameron’s heart skipped a beat. “Yes,” he whispered.

And so, Kieran did.

*******

Kit’s alarm clock woke him up to another day at the New York institute. Yawning, he forced himself to a sitting position and rubbed his eyes. He was wearing one of Ty’s old t-shirts. It was soft and worn out and on it was printed Arthur Conan Doyle’s famous quote “Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth” in typewriter letters.

A week without Ty had passed – and it seemed like an eternity. He woke up every day and had breakfast with the New York institute members. Usually Simon and Clary oversaw breakfast, and Kit sometimes joined them, finding solace in cooking as it reminded him of home. On one terrible morning, which Kit was sure he would remember until the end of his days, Isabelle volunteered to help. They were all too scared to refuse her, and Kit had discovered that the impossible had happened: somehow a worst cook than Emma was discovered on God’s green earth. In under ten minutes, Isabelle had managed to set Simon’s shirt on fire, break two mugs, confuse sugar with pepper (“HOW?” Alec cried out. “They’re not even the same color!”), microwave a tomato, and then set Simon’s shirt on fire again, for good measure.

After breakfast Kit would follow Jace and the rest into the training room, and the real torment began. Having realized that “acute physical pressure” was the key to getting Kit to take out his wings, they were all disturbingly enthusiastic about trying to make them come out. Kit had suffered countless one-on-one fights, mostly with his cousin, until three days after he first came to New York Jace nearly knocked him out with one well-aimed uppercut. The pain in his jaw was nothing compared to the pain under Kit’s shoulder blades as his wings spread out, vast and heavy, their color a white so brilliant that it could make new snow look grey. “HOLY. FUCK.” Was all Jace managed to say. The rest just gaped at him. Ever since then, Jace set a new goal for Kit: to be able to take out his wings at will. So far, Kit had not even managed to come close.

He yawned again and dragged himself out of bed to another day of pining after Ty. Since the moment Ty entered his life, he had managed to make himself the center of Kit’s universe; long before Kit fell so hard for him he nearly crashed his entire being. Being without him was like missing part of himself. The members of the New York institute were kind and welcoming, but they weren’t Ty, and Kit missed him so much it felt as if a Ty-shaped hole was drilled into his heart and left him bleeding. Ty did not even allow Kit to call or text him for fear someone might be intercepting their calls. Kit didn’t even take Emmanuel with him; Tavvy was terribly upset that Kit should leave for New York and wouldn’t stop crying, and Kit’s heart broke. So, he had given him Emmanuel to take care of while he’s in New York. “I trust you to keep my baby safe,” he said as he placed the rock in Tavvy’s hand. Tavvy smiled and held it close to his heart, promising to take good care of Manu.

After a quick shower, Kit headed down for breakfast. When he got to the kitchen the rest were already there, eating unburned toast – which indicated that Isabelle sat this one out.

“Good morning,” Clary said joyfully as Kit sat down.

“Is it, though? Is it a good morning?” he mumbled tiredly.

“Still no progress?” she asked empathically.

“None whatsoever.” Kit sighed and grabbed some toast. “Maybe I just can’t control them.”

“See, that’s your problem.” Jace yawned in his general direction. “You need to stop using the phrase _I can’t_. It’s what’s holding you back.”

“Oh, I’m _sorry_. Let me rephrase that,” Kit grunted. “I am unable to can.” He smirked at his cousin, pleased with himself.

“Hilarious,” Jace said sardonically. “Do you practice your jokes in advance or do they come naturally to you?”

“My humor is spontaneous,” Kit sniffed. “I’m gifted.”

“Such an inspiration,” Jace smirked.

“I thought their physical resemblance was uncanny,” Simon whispered loudly. “But the way they talk… it’s like he’s having a dialog with a mirror.”

Jace ignored his comment. “Come on Kit, take out your wings!”

“You know I can’t.”

Jace threw a raisin at him. It hit Kit’s forehead with a soft _plunk_.

“Hey!” Kit exclaimed. “What was that for?”

“Take out your wings!”

“I can’t!”

Jace aimed another raisin at him.

_Plunk._

“Stop that!” Kit yelled at him. This Ty-less morning was unpleasant enough even without his annoying cousin being a prat, and Kit was already on edge.

“No,” Jace replied lazily before throwing another raisin.

_Plunk._

“I’m serious, cut it out!” Kit said, irritated.

“Not until you take out your wings.”

_Plunk._

“For the hundredth time,” Kit cried out in exasperation. “I can’t!”

_Plunk. Plunk. Plunk._

A volley of raisins came hitting Kit’s forehead, sparking his temper.

“Jace! Stop antagonizing your cousin,” Clary said, using an annoyed elementary teacher’s tone.

“Nah,” Jace replied nonchalantly.

_Plunk. Plunk. Plunk. Plunk. Plunk. Plunk._

“I said, CUT IT OUT!” Kit’s yell was swallowed by a loud whooshing sound as his wings spread, knocking Simon to the floor in the process, until they were fully stretched out. It hurt, still, though less than the first few times it happened.

“That’s so cool,” Isabelle stared at him, bright-eyed.

“Would be cooler if I wasn’t forced to change my spatial location so abruptly,” Simon muttered as he got up.

Kit was too shocked to say anything; he was certain the wings could only be forced out of him by physical means. Yet, Jace had just managed to make him do it on his own.

“See?” Jace smiled at Clary. “I’m such a great cousin.”

“That was your idea all along? To hassle me until my wings come out?”

“Yeah. I’m a genius.”

“Wonderful. Will you stop throwing raisins at me now?” Kit lifted an eyebrow irritably.

“For now, yes,” Jace replied casually. “Come on, let’s go to the training room. I think I can antagonize you there even better.”

*******

Two weeks since his arrival to New York, Kit was perched on a rafter in the training room next to Jace.

“I need you to concentrate,” Jace repeated.

“I’m trying!”

Kit made progress; he was able to spread his wings at will. However, that was way less anticlimactic than one might have thought, as Kit was only able to _spread_ them, but he couldn’t control their movement, let along fly. Basically, he had a pair of very pretty but completely useless feather-covered chunks.

Jace had the brilliant idea that if he were to climb on a rafter and jump down, his instincts might kick in and he’ll be able to fly. So far, Kit had managed to dislocate his shoulder and sprain his ankle, but his wings still refused to function.

“They might still be useful,” Simon commented from the floor where he was practicing with Alec. “You can spread them and wriggle around really fast and slap your enemies with them.”

Kit screwed his face. “Simon, I swear to god.”

“What? I’m being helpful.”

“You’re not,” Kit and Jace said in unison.

Simon shrugged and placed himself back in a fighting stance.

“Hey,” Jace said quietly. “What’s going on?”

The thing was, Kit felt broken. Ty goes so deep inside him, rooted inside his heart, that going to sleep alone every night, waking up without seeing his face, not being able to even talk to him, make sure he’s alright, was tearing Kit apart, leaving him raw.

“It’s just… I’m not me without him.” He avoided Jace’s gaze. “It’s like part of me is missing, and I don’t have the strength to do anything.”

Kit was ready for Jace to snort, or laugh, or say that he’s being melodramatic. Instead his cousin put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“I understand,” he said. “There was a time when I had to stay away from Clary, and it killed me. I felt as if my strength was draining away with every day spent without her by my side.”

Kit lifted his eyes to study Jace’s face.

“Don’t ignore those feelings,” Jace continued. “Use them. Channel them. Use your love for Ty, draw energy from it. Be determined to do this. For him.”

Kit turned to look at his cousin, studying the determined expression on his face. Then suddenly his expression softened, and Kit glanced down to see the reason. Clary had just entered the room. _Of course_ , he smiled to himself. Jace jumped down from the rafter, doing a somersault clearly meant to impress Clary, and ran to her, grinning like mad. They looked so happy it was almost painful.

Kit’s heartbeats repeated Ty’s name. _Do it for him._

He closed his eyes and thought about his first kiss with Ty. How Ty pressed their lips together and in one instant all of Kit’s stars were out of alignment. He thought about how easy their friendship is, equal parts comfortable silent and never lacking things to see to each other. He reflected on the first time that Ty had told him that he loved him in the abandoned hospital. Kit’s whole word had shifted then; the heavens set on fire.

He felt the dull ache under his shoulder blades as his wings spread.

*******

“And how did you get this one?” Kieran traced his finger over a thin long scar in the shape of half a moon that drew across Cameron’s hip.

“A Hydra bite,” Cameron replied. “We found a pack of them in Buenos Aires.”

Kieran kissed a trail along the scar and Cameron drew him closer to him. They were lying naked on Cameron’s bed, curled under the covers, having spent the most intense and passionate couple of hours Cameron had experienced in his entire life.

“And this one?” Kieran traced his finger over a small contracture scar on Cameron’s bicep.

“A Drevak venomous needle.” Cameron shuddered. “I was certain my life was ending that night.”

Kieran passed his fingers in Cameron’s hair, looking at him with those eyes Cameron could live and die in, and Cameron’s heart sent tremors through him.

They had been dating for three weeks - three beautiful, chaotic, passionate, perfect weeks – and in the middle of the beautiful storm that Kieran had brought to his life, Cameron fell in love.

He did not know when or how it happened, but somehow, he was left stumbling through the unknown territory of being in love for the first time. He still hadn’t told Kieran, scared that the fairy would not reciprocate his feelings. It was cowardly, Cameron knew, but he was too afraid to mess up what they built together.

“Cameron, there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about,” Kieran said suddenly, and Cameron’s heart flailed frantically, like a caged bird. “I know we’ve only been dating for three weeks,” he continued, and Cameron was grateful that they were lying down because he was positive that otherwise he might swoon.

That was it; Kieran was feeling the same. Cameron might have been too scared, but Kieran was about to take the leap and tell him that he loved him. It made Cameron brave as well, the fear sinking, and all that was left was his love for the man lying next to him.

Kieran took a deep breath and Cameron bit his lip, waiting.

“I can’t keep sneaking out to see you,” Kieran said.

“What?” Cameron chocked.

“I can’t keep dating a Shadowhunter in secret. My advisors are getting suspicious, and I have a court to rule over. I can’t keep doing this.”

 _No. This is not happening._ _This is not happening._ Cameron could swear he heard his heart shatter. _Please. Please, don’t do this. Stay with me. Just stay_ , he wanted to beg, but instead he froze, unable to utter out a single word.

A tap on Cameron’s window made Kieran turn around. A bluebird was standing on the window sill, a letter in its beak. Kieran opened the window and took the letter. His eyes scanned the page quickly, then he crumpled up the paper and it set itself on fire.

“I have to go,” he said, looking for his clothes. “A conflict between two cities has escalated. I need to prevent a second civil war.”

“Wait,” Cameron said weakly, already knowing that it was pointless.

“I have to go.”

He left, and Cameron lay alone on his bed, silent and frozen and absolutely in pieces.

*******

Three weeks had passed since Kit first arrived in New York, and he had enough.

Enough of training with Jace to the point of exhaustion. Enough of missing Ty. Enough being locked inside the institute. Enough of wishing Ty was here with him. Enough of being surrounded by moony couples while he was alone and tired and irritated and in constant pain.

Enough.

He slammed the institute door behind him and quickened his pace. It felt so liberating to finally see the sky above him, to breath air that didn’t come out of Simon’s mouth, to see faces that did not belong to Isabelle or Clary, to hear cars and birds and people that were not Jace or Alec.

He decided to walk around the city for a couple of hours, maybe more. It was night time and the streets were not as crowded as they were during the day. Still, Kit had glamoured himself to guarantee he would be left alone with his thoughts.

He had been walking for an hour, relishing on the peace and quiet, when he heard quick footsteps behind him. He turned around abruptly, drawing out a dagger and ready to attack. The street seemed to be empty. He turned back to see a hooded figure hovering over him. Before he could react, he felt a prick as the hooded figure stabbed him with something black and opaque. Kit swung his dagger around, but his gestures were heavy and unprecise, and around him the world stared to ripple like the center of a flame.

 _God fucking dammit, not again,_ Kit thought as time turned distorted and everything went black.

*******

Kit opened his eyes slowly. He was sure he was dreaming; he was staring into a dark, seemingly infinite earth fissure. The sound of a waterfall filled his ears and the smell of fresh water seemed to surround him. On the rocks around him, dozens of fairies in golden chains looked up at a tall figure in a velvet robe. Said individual had pointed ears and sharp, defined features. His long inky hair fell and his shoulders, contrasting with his porcelain white skin, the tips turning bright red. A shock of recognition passed through Kit.

He felt a prick again, realizing that he was stabbed with the needle again. As the world faded into a dark haze around him, his mind formed one last coherent thought. _What is Kieran doing here?_


	36. Whisper (Part II)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is our last chapter. It's quit long, and honestly - a bit of an emotional roller coaster. So free some time for yourself, make some tea, and come see how our story unravels... :)

Kit opened his eyes and immediately regretted this decision. Around him, the world was blurry and way too bright. He tried to focus. He had to gather information about his surroundings and form an escape plan. It seemed that he was laid on a wooden table inside a cave. He could make the sound of a waterfall – was he _behind_ the waterfall? He couldn’t bring himself to think clearly; it felt as if his brain cells had been randomized.

“A very good evening to you.”

Kit blinked, and his gaze focused on Felicius. A grin was plastered across Kieran’s _creative_ advisor, as Kit came to call him in his head on account of the original nicknames he kept coming up with to introduce his king. He had never, to Kit’s memory, shown such excitement. Kit grunted in return.

“Feeling unwell?” Felicius asked.

Kit made another feeble grunt. He tried to lift his hand to rip Felicius’ idiotic face off, but his body did not seem to cooperate with his brain any longer.

“On a more positive note,” Felicius continued. “This will all be over soon. Once we drain your life force, I mean.”

A faint movement registered at the corner of Kit’s eye, making him realize that they were not alone. He strained his eyes, trying to look as far to the side as he was able without turning his head, and saw Kieran standing there with his arms crossed, looking at him with great interest, as if seeing him for the first time. Through the haze in Kit’s mind, Kieran looked strange. His face seemed thinner, and the tips of his hair were bright red.

“Oh, yes,” Felicius continued, as if to answer a question Kit didn’t ask. “Sadly, you are about to die.”

Kit thought about the Sherlock Holmes stories that Ty loved so much. Told from Watson’s point of view, they were filled with seemingly random events and occurrences, and everything seemed confusing and obscure. But these stories all had happy endings. Sherlock Holmes would monologue and explain how he puzzled together clues and evidence to solve the mystery.

But Ty wasn’t here to do that.

*******

Dru was nearly done with her five minutes of jump rope, which she had recently adopted as her favorite warm up routine. It was a quiet morning. The rays of early morning sun beamed through the large windows, piercing through the stained panes of glass, bathing the dark wooden floor in a crisscross of iridescent colors. Julian and Christina were lifting weights in one corner of the room, Mark practiced the nunchakus in another. In the center of the room, Emma was altering between sets of push-ups and air squats.

The doorbell rang. “I’ll get that.” Dru wiped her face with a small towel and headed out of the room. It was irrational, she knew, but every time the doorbell rang a small part of her hoped that she would open the door to find Kit standing there, with his wild blond curls and his cocky grin. Three weeks had passed without a word from him, and Dru missed her adoptive brother terribly. They all did. Kit was part of the family and life just wasn’t the same without his sarcastic humor and his cheeky attitude. Even more so – with Kit gone, it was as if Ty was gone as well. Ever since Kit left, Ty had his headphones on constantly and he barely uttered a word. He looked pale and miserable, as if every reason to smile left when Kit did.

The doorbell rang again. “I’m coming!” Dru opened the door to find Cameron leaning against the door frame, looking pale and haggard. His eyelids were red and swollen and his clothes looked like they needed a wash.

“You look like crap,” she commented as he passed her.

“Wow, thanks. Just what I wanted to hear.”

He headed to the training room and Dru followed quietly, glancing sideways at him and trying to puzzle out his behavior.

“Yo, Cameron!” Emma stopped her push ups when they entered the room. “Why do you look like you were run over by a bus?”

Cameron grumbled something inaudible.

“What was that?” Emma yelled.

“I asked where you keep your punching bag,” Cameron said. “I need to kick something.”

“We all do sometimes,” Julian agreed easily, gentle and tactful as he was. He took out a punching bag from the storage closet and hung it on a metal hook for Cameron to use.

“Are you going on a date with Kieran again?” Emma asked him. “Because if you are, I would seriously suggest a change of clothes.”

Cameron delivered a series of roundhouse kicks, sending the punching back flying back and forth. “No,” he finally said. “Thank you for the fashion advice, though.”

Dru let out a small laugh at that. Cameron looked at her for a moment without smiling before turning back to the bag and began a series of punches. He _did_ look terrible. The dark circles that formed underneath his eyes stood in contrast to his pale and worn-out face, and his hair was a mess - the copper tips haphazardly intertwined into chaos. Dru’s heart ached for him. For three weeks she had watched him waiting for Kieran to come to the institute - allegedly to meet with Julian and Emma – so he could take him on dates. For three weeks she had studied his expression when the door opened, and Cameron would lay his eyes on Kieran and give him a shy smile that seemed so genuinely sweet, that it was clear to everyone that Cameron was falling for him. Hard.

“Good morning.” Ty’s deep voice seemed to have sent vibrations through the air, snapping Dru out of her reflections.

She turned to her brother; his raven black hair was ruffled, strands falling over his eyes. It has been a while since he last had a haircut. Dru wondered if Kit liked his hair better when it was longer. Knowing him, he probably thought Ty looked like a gift sent by the gods regardless of his hairstyle.

“Cameron, you look unwell,” he stated, matter-of-factly, before putting his headphones on and starting a set of burpees to warm up.

“Does anyone else want inform me of my bad appearance?” Cameron asked irritably.

“Your hair needs a comb,” Mark commented, keeping his gaze focused forward as his hands moved so quickly, the nunchucks merged into a blur in front of him.

“Mark!” Christina sounded scandalized. “It was a rhetorical question!”

Mark looked mortified. This momentary distraction caused him to hit himself on the forehead with his nunchucks.

“We’re just worried about you,” Dru said gently.

“Yes, exactly,” Emma said. “If Kieran sees you like that, he might change his mind about dating you.”

“It’s already too late for that,” Cameron grumbled. “He ended things with me.”

“Oh,” Dru muttered.

“I’m sorry,” Christina said softly, before throwing a confused glance at Mark.

“What?! Why would he do that?” Emma cried out.

Cameron looked almost amused. “Ironic that you should ask that. If I recall correctly, you broke up with me on no less than four separate occasions.”

“I guess I did, huh?” Emma smiled at him sheepishly.

“Maybe that’s my thing,” Cameron said miserably. “Maybe I’m the guy that everyone breaks up with.”

“Oh no.” Emma stared at him with wide eyes, clearly at loss as to what to do - she had never been good at these sorts of thing.  She patted Cameron’s shoulder awkwardly. “There, there,” she said in what she probably considered a soothing tone.

Dru was debating with herself whether to offer him ice cream – the classic break-up food – or hot chocolate – which she preferred – when Ty took his headphones off and joined them.

“Cameron,” he said quietly. “Do you know where Kieran is?”

Dru inhaled through gritted teeth. With his headphones acting as a shield between him and the rest of the world, Ty had clearly not heard the conversation the rest were having during the past few minutes.

“As already established – no, I do not,” Cameron replied in exasperation.

Ty did not understand Cameron’s irritated tone or dejected expression; he rarely recognized emotions that were expressed non-verbally. “I asked him to come today. I don’t understand why he’s not here yet.”

******

Kit glanced around miserably. Felicius had tied him at a standing position to an odd machine composed of large rings. If Ty were here, he would have known what it was, Kit was sure of it.

Behind him, Kit could see, through the waterfall, Kieran standing on a large rock.

“Faerie water,” Felicius said lazily. “Sound and light only travel from outside but standing on the other side you won’t see or hear anything that happened inside. Which, incidentally, would be very convenient should you regain some strength and decide to yell. Though, honestly, I don’t think you will.”

Kit saw hundreds of faeries, gold chains around their necks and wrists, bowing to Kieran. Between him and them stretched a wide chasm.

“The abyss,” Felicius said, answering Kit’s soundless question. “The bottomless pit of hell. When you die we’ll throw your body in there, where it will keep falling for eternity. Now, your hands, if you will.”

Kit couldn’t resist if he tried, and Felicius tied his hands so that his palms were resting on a large greenish stone.

“I designed this machine myself,” Felicius said with pride. “It will open a portal to the Sheo’l. Would you like to know how?”

Kit managed an affirmative blink.

“The Leopardskin Serpentine.” Felicius gestured at the stone he tied Kit to. “You are familiar with the mundane legends surrounding it I am sure.”

Kit was, of course. Ty had taught him the legends surrounding every stone and crystal on earth, in Seelie, and in all known dimensions of hell. The Leopardskin Serpentine is a Shamanic crystal, the stone of the shapeshifters.

“Your blood, having the exact combination of demon and angel blood, makes you a shapeshifter. The stone will channel your life force, which I will then use to open the gates of the She'ol. We will raise an army of the undead.” He laughed maniacally. “But not any shapeshifter could do, you see. We needed the exact combination of shapeshifting blood. Yes, your birth was planned. Your _blood_ was planned.”

“I’ve spent ten years constructing this machine,” Felicius said with pride. Kit watched with horror as Felicius connected hinges and wheels. “This next step is a bit delicate,” he added. “Try not to move.”

That was an unnecessary request, since Kit was chained hand, head, and foot, and completely unable to move anyway. He tried to think about Ty. If he were to die here, in this dark cave at the hands of Kieran’s advisor, he wanted Ty’s face to be the last thing he sees.

“Now all I do,” Felicius said very loudly, hoping Kit could hear him over the sounds of his machine roaring to life, “is push the lever forward, and we should, if my calculations are correct, be in full operation.”

As the lever moved, Kit took his mind away, and when Felicius began draining his life force, Kit was stroking Ty’s raven hair, tracing his red lips, touching his velvet skin and… and then his world exploded, because the pain had reached everywhere and his will left him. His ears could not hear Ty’s gentle loving whisper and his mind was not his to control, sliding far from Ty’s love into the darkness. Inside and out, Kit’s world was ripping apart and he could do nothing but break. In pain and humiliation, in desperation so great it consumed him, Kit broke down crying.

Felicius laughed hysterically. “It works! Soon the gates will open and the undead –“

His excited speech was cut off by a commotion on the other side of the waterfall. The life was leaving Kit slowly, and he was certain that his sanity was leaving him as well, because he was hallucinating –

“Fuck off or I’ll cut your head off!” Emma yelled, waving Cortana around menacingly. Next to her - surprisingly calm given the fact that the pair of them were surrounded by hundreds of armed fairies – stood Kit’s everything.

Kit hadn’t seen Ty in three weeks – if that really was him, and not Kit’s imagination. His hair was ruffled, and his muscular arms covered with recently drawn runes. Two swords were strapped to his back and a dozen of daggers and knives hung from his belt. He didn’t seem to mind the fairies that quickly surrounded him and Emma, or the swords and spears they were pointing at them. Instead, he studied Kieran curiously, probably wondering at his odd appearance.

Kit wanted to yell; to tell Ty to run away. As good a warrior as Emma was, there was no way that she and Ty could take down hundreds of faeries all by themselves.

“We just want to talk,” Ty said calmly. “Your highness, Princess of the Unseelie Court, twin of the King.”

_Kieran’s twin sister._

Kit must have been dreaming. Kieran had fifty brothers, but not one sister. Let along a twin.

The fairies closed the circle tighter around Ty and Emma, and with the last of his strength Kit wriggled, trying to set himself free. Run to Ty.

“Stop!” Kieran commanded. But his voice was different… higher… But still... _familiar_. “Let them approach.”

The fairies cleared the way, and Ty advanced confidently forward. After sending defiant glances around, Emma followed.

Kit tried desperately to catch their eyes.

“Don’t bother,” Felicius said, looking bored. “They can’t see you through the fairy’s water, remember?”

In front of them, Kieran’s twin studied Ty with great interest. “What do you know of me, Shadowhunter?” she asked.

Her voice crawled under Kit’s skin. He knew her. He knew her.

“I know who you are,” Ty replied. “And I know what you want.”

Kieran’s twin smiled. “Do tell,” she said playfully.

“I know that the former king of the Unseelie court had fifty sons from different women; but since he had no use for daughters, he had any female offspring killed,” Ty said. “Among the… _partners_ of the king, one was a water faerie. She gave birth to Kieran. The king was informed of his son’s birth. He took him and sent his mother away. Due to court politics, he gave Kieran away to the Wild Hunt.

“But the king did not know that the water faerie gave birth to twins. The obstetrician, aware that the king will kill the baby girl, hid her – you – and raised you as his own.”

“Correct.” The princess looked almost pleased by Ty’s display of knowledge.

“You think you deserve the crown,” Ty continued. “You want to take it away from your brother.”

“Correct again,” she replied. “You’re not stupid, are you? That is rare among Shadowhunters.”

“Don’t gush over him just yet,” Emma said coldly.

“We’re here to stop you,” Ty added, determined.

Kieran’s twin seemed unfazed. “Shadowhunters do not involve themselves in fairy politics.”

“Our job is to keep the peace,” Ty did not falter.

“You lie.”

“I never lie.” Ty seemed almost offended.

“There is more to it than keeping the peace,” she said. “You speak as if this is a personal matter to you.”

“It is.” Ty lifted his gaze. “I cannot live without your son.”

******

For the first time, the princess seemed taken aback. The tips of her hair turned coal black.

“How long have you known?” she asked.

“A while.”

“Explain.”

Kit studied his mother’s face with shock. He didn’t recognize her. At all. But Ty must have seen her in Kit’s memories.

“You grew up knowing the truth. Knowing that you were a princess – the only princess – of the Unseelie court. You felt that the throne was stolen from you, and you spent your life planning to take over the court. You planned to open the gates of the Sheo’l and call the army of the undead, slaughtering all that oppose you.”

Kit tried to wriggle again, but he became weaker by the second. _I’m here_ , he wanted to yell, but the words did not come out.

“Like Kieran, you have shapeshifting abilities,” Ty continued. “Being a faerie, your blood is part angel and part demon. You needed more angel blood. So, you found Kit’s father, an unmarked Shadowhunter, and you gave birth to Kit. You planned to sacrifice him even before he was born.”

Emma looked disgusted. “Fuck, at first I was rooting for you. I was all like yeah, girl power,” she said. “But now I realize that you’re just a crazy ass bitch.”

“Kit’s father ran away with him, and came to LA to live among the Shadhowhunters, knowing that you would not follow him there,” Ty said. “But you didn’t care. You had no use for Kit until he reached adulthood and developed his powers. So, you waited. Time moves differently in the mundane world. You kept watch on Kit and in the meantime, you kidnapped fairies and enslaved them.

“You sent vampires to kidnap him. I didn’t know it was you then. I believed it was a declaration of war on Shadowhunters made by the vampires. Then, you send a demon to kidnap him –“

“And at that point we all thought Kit was getting kidnapped so much on purpose,” Emma said. Had Kit not been dying quite so much at the moment, he would have thrown something at her.

“You put a curse on the faeries that you enslaved so you could prevent them from disclosing any information about you or your plans. You even made them call you ‘he’, for confusion. But one faerie escaped and warned us that someone is coming after the shapeshifter. Even though he could not tell us anything about you, he was still able to speak, and so – as I’m sure you already know - we used a Shibboleth and determined that he was a native of the Unseelie Court.

“We called Kieran. I didn’t know it then, but you had a spy, and you knew everything that was going on in Kieran’s court. But your spy made a mistake.”

Kit heard Ty’s words as if they were said from far away. The world became darker around him. He tried to keep his focus on Ty and hold on to life.

“When Kieran came to the institute, accompanied by his courtiers, he required to speak with us Shadowhunters alone. One of his advisors, Felicius, objected, saying that this is highly unusual. I immediately suspected that something was wrong; it is well known that king Grgur of the Unseelie Court used to set private audiences with Shadhownuters in the fifth century, and king Arnfinnr was known in the fourteenth century as the ‘Shadowhunter Healer’, having frequently met with Shadowunters and procuring medicine to help them fight the Black Plague.

“Such a high ranked advisor should have known that a king having a private audience with Shadowhunters is, in fact, not unusual. Therefore, I realized he must have had a different motive for saying so: he wanted to be present during the meeting, so he could gather intel. Still, it was only a suspicion, and even if it turned out to be true - I didn’t know who he reported to.

“But the enslaved faerie that managed to run away and warn us gave me a lead: the faeries you enslaved couldn’t have gone missing unnoticed. I assumed that you targeted fairies from broken homes, ones without a family, that no one would raise too many questions if they were reported to be missing or dead. So, I asked Kieran to procure all reports of fairies that were killed or went missing during the last few months.

“The faeries came back with the reports. Felicius, your spy, carried them. I noticed that he was wearing gloves. None of the other faeries wore them – wearing gloves is an uncommon practice in the Unseelie court. Also, the previous time I saw Felicius, he did not wear any, so I suspected that this was not a habit of his either. I realized that he must have poisoned the ink on the reports.”

Despite herself, Kit’s mother looked impressed.

“I instructed everyone to use gloves when handling the papers, but I did not tell them why, since I didn’t want your spy to know that I was suspicious of him.”

Kit had a flashback of Ty telling them to use gloves so they “wouldn’t leave fingerprints on the papers”. They all thought he was being unreasonable, but no one dared to argue.

“I sent a piece of paper to our Silent Brothers, but they could not find anything,” Ty continued. “It meant one of two things: either I was wrong, or he used a cursed ink that manifested its power only at the touch of angel skin. My suspicions were confirmed when one of us began behaving strangely. She held the papers without gloves.”

Kit had another flashback. Paige, studying her nails, laughing hysterically. How had he not noticed then that she was the only one without gloves?

“That night, we tracked another one of your agents. Kit and I followed the mundane you used in your second kidnapping attempt to a nightclub. We hid inside an air vent and listened to your conversation. We heard you murder the ones that have failed you. I couldn’t see you, but I recognized Felicius’ voice.

“You said that you followed Kit to LA, but he remembered living here his whole life. I realized that someone must have blocked his childhood memories.

“I called Magnus Bane. He gave Kit’s childhood memories to me. I saw you. I heard Johnny Rook call you by your name, Athaliah. I recognized your voice from the club. I saw your dark hair and pointed ears, and I knew that you were a faerie. I saw the night that Johnny Rook ran away with Kit. I saw him asking your adoptive father to block Kit’s memories.

“I tracked him down, and he told me everything. He told me that you lived your life planning revenge. He told me that you went to see a prophet that told you that with enough angel blood, you could open the gates of hell and raise the army that you need. I knew everything. I just had to find you.”

Kit’s mind was breaking apart. His mother was standing right in front of him, only separated by faerie water. She was planning to sacrifice him and take over the court. Ty knew everything. It was too much, it was too late, and Kit was slowly dying.

“In the reports of the missing faeries I found suicide notes – but these were fake. The mental state of suicide is similar to a kind of tunnel vision – as extensively discussed by the mundane psychologist Shneidman who studied the subject in 2004. Linguistically, you can think of the language of a suicide note as an insider language, while fake suicide notes use a language that reflects an outsider status, referring to their acts of suicide as crazy and cowardly. Any basic forensic linguistic book could have told you what an authentic suicide note would look like, and how to detect a fake one. Which is exactly what I did. I gathered all the fake suicide notes and I found out where you were operating. You kidnapped faeries in the area and covering it up by faking them jumping to the abyss.”

Ty gestured to the chasm behind Kit’s mother.

“And so, here we are,” Ty concluded his speech.

Kit’s mother seemed impressed despite herself. “Very impressive, Shadowhunter,” she said.

“Ty is a bit of a genius,” Emma said. “Also, in case you missed it – he’s dating your son. So, we’re not leaving here until you give him back to us.”

The princess laughed. “And you’re going to stop me? The two of you, against hundreds of faeries? Against the army of the dead that is soon to come? I can feel it. I can feel them coming.”

Kit could feel them too. His skin was cold, his heart was beating weakly in his chest. He was half dead already, he knew. Soon the portal will open.

“It’s not just the two of us,” Ty said matter-of-factly.

As he said so, dark figures came from behind the rocks. Dru and Julian with drawn swords, looking resolute. Mark, carrying a crossbow, glancing around threateningly. Christina, with her butterfly knives, a determined expression on her face. Cameron Ashdown, with a heavy axe. Simon and Clary with seraph blades. Isabelle with her whip, looking fierce and angered. Jace with Piandao, his golden eyes dark and menacing. Alec, carrying a bow, his gaze focused. And lastly, Magnus, blue flames shooting out of his fingertips.

“I sent Kit to the New York institute, and I made sure your spy was in the room when I informed everyone he would be leaving,” Ty explained calmly. “You thought that we were unaware of your knowledge about Kit’s whereabout. I knew that you would be waiting for him to be alone and kidnap him again. So, I told him to wait three weeks and then leave the New York institute alone and let himself get kidnapped by you.

“The phouka only lets small groups pass through into the Unseelie court. Emma and I came here first. We weren’t sure if you were planning on killing him instantly or slowly, so we had to act fast. We came here to create a distraction. So, I made this long speech telling you how I pieced the clues together to find you.”

“Yeah, seriously, Ty just talked more than he ever had in his entire life,” Emma said. “At some points I was like, dude, what are you even saying.”

“I am going to ask you one last time, Athaliah,” Ty said. “Release him.”

“Get them!” Kit’s mother commanded her slaves without a moment of hesitation.

The faeries and the Shadowhunters leaped at each other, weapons drawn. In front of him, Kit saw faerie after faerie being stabbed and cut.

“Don’t kill them!” Ty cried out. “They are cursed, they can’t disobey her!”

“I’ll do my best,” Emma yelled in the middle of a sword fight with two faeries. “But it’s kind of hard, since, you know, they’re trying to KILL ME!”

“Kieran can break the curse,” Magnus yelled, placing a shield of blue flames between a faerie and Alec. “He’s their king, a command from him will break the curse. Where is he?”

“Doesn’t Ashdown know? Emma told me they were dating,” Jace shouted, then cut off the hand of a faerie. “Oops sorry about your hand, man! You shouldn’t have tried to stab me, though!”

“He broke up with me!” Cameron cried out, then took his frustration out on a faerie, giving him an uppercut to the jaw.

Kit didn’t hear the rest. The world went dark and silent around him. Death is calm. Death is wuiet. Death is peaceful. He could just go to sleep now. He got to see Ty one last time. He got to hear him one last time. He can go to sleep now -

“Kit! Come back to me!” Ty’s voice pulled Kit out of the darkness.

Kit’s mind focused on Ty’s voice. Distantly, he realized that he was lying on the ground. His hands were wrapped by something warm, and the life was not being sucked out of him anymore.

“Don’t leave me! Please, Kit, I need you,” Ty begged. “I love you. Please, come back to me!”

_I’ll always come back to you._

Slowly, Kit opened his eyes.

“Thank the Angel,” Ty exhaled in relief. “For a second I thought that I was too late.” He was drawing Iraze after Iraze on Kit’s skin.

“When have you ever late?” Kit gave him a faint smile.

Behind the curtain of faerie water, the battle was raging, but Ty smiled. “You are not getting kidnapped ever again, do you hear me?”

“I promise.” Kit whispered. He tried to lift a hand to touch his boyfriend’s face but was still too weak to do so. “Oh fuck, Ty,” he remembered. “There’s a gate! There’s an army coming! There’s – “

“I took care of it,” Ty said calmly. “Look.”

Gently, he turned Kit’s head. The machine build by Felicus was broken, and Felicus was lying unconscious next to it.

The sound of Isabelle’s whip was heard, and the body of a faerie collapsed on the other side of the waterfall. Ty flinched. He couldn’t bear to see faeries dying in vain.

“Wait here,” he told Kit. Before Kit could stop him, he ran outside, sword drawn. Kit watched as he disarmed faeries, careful not to hurt them. He realized, too late, that Ty stood too close to his mother.

“Stop!” A yell was heard above the chaos of the battle. “I command you to stop!”

The effect was immediate; the faeries all dropped their swords and dropped to their knees, bowing. Kieran stepped forward, followed by courtiers and body guards. Kit watched in amazement as the golden chains of the slaves dissolved as if made of air following their king’s command.

“Get her!” Kieran commanded.

Before anyone could react, Kit’s mother leaped forwards, grabbed Ty by his neck, and held him above the bottomless pit. As if in a dream, Kit saw his father being thrown against a wall by someone with inhuman force. He saw his father bleeding. He saw his father pushing himself in front of Kit, protecting him from his mother’s rage.

“Drop your weapons or I kill the Shadowhuner,” Kit’s mother said coldly.

Kit’s heart seemed to have stopped beating. The love of his life was hanging above the bottomless pit, at the mercy of his cruel mother, and he could not – he could _not_ – lose him like that.

“Do as she says,” Kieran said.

His courtiers all dropped their weapons.

“Don’t do this,” Julian begged the princess. “Please. Let him go and we’ll leave.”

Kit knew that she would kill him. She would throw him to the abyss out of anger, then run away. She would murder Kit’s love, his everything, the purpose of his life. He felt the sharp pain underneath his shoulder blades as his wings spread out and with the last of his strength he flapped his wings and took flight, soaring into the air, passing to the other side of the faerie water and into the view of everyone. He heard cries from below, he saw his mother’s eyes widening as she saw him approach, and then she let go of Ty and he fell down, down, down… and Kit caught him. Quickly, he flew up with Ty in his arms and placed him on firm ground before soaring again and catching his mother by the arms, swinging her like a puppet.

“You won’t let your mother die,” she cried.

He remembered.

He remembered the starving. The cursing. His father’s blood. His father, that stayed for him. That shielded him. That wanted him to have a happy childhood.

“You don’t know me,” he said, before flying over the chasm and letting her go.

He heard her yell but did not look back. His gaze was focused on Ty.

He flapped his wings slower and landed next to him. He cupped Ty’s face in his hands. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Ty mumbled.

“Good,” Kit said. His wings retracted, and he collapsed next to his boyfriend, exhausted. “By the way, I meant to tell you - that was way better than any monologue Sherlock Holmes had ever made.”

“That is the most romantic thing you have ever said to me,” Ty said, then placed a soft kiss on his temple.

*******

“What the hell took you so long?” Paige yelled in their faces when they returned to the institute, bruised and bloody.

“Oh, joy, you’re up,” Kit grunted. He still looked pale, Cameron noticed, and Julian and Ty had to support him because he couldn’t stand by himself. “I guess that with my mother dead, the spells she asked warlocks to cast all broke.”

Paige looked at them all accusingly. “I was practically in a comma for a month, thanks to you guys!” she yelled. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Ty told you to wear gloves,” Cameron tried to reason with his sister.

He should have known that it wouldn’t work. She kept yelling, accusing them of negligence and stupidity, so they all left her at the entrance by herself.

Cameron planned to follow Dru to the kitchen to ask for an Iraze, when he saw Kieran and Emma leaning against the counter, deep in conversation. Camron froze. Kieran noticed him and gave a polite smile. Cameron’s heart shattered in his chest. He gave a small nod, then turned away.

_I need to get the fuck out of here._

The institute was located near the beach. It was a tactical decision - enabling the Shadowhunters to serve as the first line of defense against sea demons which where common in the area – and now it served Cameron as an escape. He walked along the water, the breeze ruffling his hair. He stopped for a moment, breathing in the smell of the salty water, then took off his jacket and threw it on the sand behind him and kept walking. After a few more steps he took off his boots and socks as well, threw them on the send and kept walking, not caring anymore. The sand, still wet from the retreating tide, felt soft under his feet. Ahead of him, the waves overlapped each other, crashing to the shore, spreading themselves like lace over the beach.

What was it about him that made people leave? There must be something wrong with him, he thought, that made people run away. He was good enough to date for a few weeks, and that was it. After that he was not worth the trouble.

But the thing was, he truly believed that he and Kieran had something special. For the first time in his life, Cameron fell in love. He would have left the entire world behind for Kieran, and for a wild moment, as they lay in bed together, he even thought that Kieran felt the same way. For a moment he thought that he meant something to him.

Exhausted, Cameron sat down, gazing at the water.

_Kieran. Kieran. Kieran._

Cameron never knew true happiness until Kieran walked into his life; and he never understood what pain really was until he walked out. Cameron never knew he could feel such unbearable misery, yet still be so much in love with the one person causing it. How can you love someone, but still go on? Get up in the morning, get dressed, eat, speak to people, fake a smile… How to do that?

He needed to get away; to get a fresh start. There was nothing keeping him in Los Angeles. His parents and sister resided mostly at Alicante. Staying at the LA institute meant seeing Kieran on a regular basis, which was the last thing he wanted. He needed to forget about Kieran. He needed to forget someone who gave him so much to remember.

Cameron watched the waves come, rising and falling, present and passing, always and never the same. He’ll move to Europe, he decided. He will keep going. He will heal. He will wait. Until one day his shattered heart will be put back together in a way that is stronger, more beautiful than before.

Deep in thoughts, he only noticed the sound of footsteps when they were close. He didn’t turn around to look, already knowing that Paige must have followed him there. He would tell her that he’s moving. He won’t mention Kieran, he’ll just tell her that he needs a change. She’ll be supportive of him, he knew.

Without a word, she sat down next to him.

But it wasn’t her.

“I think you dropped these,” Kieran said as he handed Cameron his jacket and boots.

Just the sight of him made Cameron’s chest hurt like he had been stabbed. He turned his gaze quickly to the water, wishing that Kieran would leave, and the rain inside Cameron’s heart will drown away every memory of him.

“I’m sorry for the way that I left,” Kieran said quietly.

Cameron remained silent, staring at the ocean that had been so blue a moment before, and now somehow turned dark and frightening.

“You might be glad to know that I did manage to prevent a second civil war,” Kieran continued in a light tone. “Turns out, the mayor of one city called the wife of the mayor of the neighboring city fat. The latter took offence and declared war. But using my sophisticated diplomatic skills I convinced him that it was, in fact, a compliment.”

Camron stared at the water through narrowed eyes, watching the waves overlapping one another.

“I thought you might find it amusing,” Kieran said sheepishly.

Cameron bit his lower lip. “It is,” he said, his voice hoarse.

“I’m sorry,” Kieran mumbled. “I had to go.”

“Yeah.”

There was nothing to add, really. He just hoped Kieran would leave so he could let himself fall apart. Then he could try to pick up the pieces and rebuild himself.

“I didn’t finish what I meant to tell you, the other day,” Kieran continued quietly, his gaze focused on the water. “I need to tell you... Cameron, I can’t keep sneaking out to see you, and –“

“Stop.” Cameron knew that Kieran was trying to be decent and let him down gently. But he did not need to hear that. “You already broke up with me once. You don’t have to do it again. I know that you don’t want me. It’s alright.”

“What?” Kieran looked up at him. “No! I’m not… I’m trying to tell you that I love you!”

Cameron’s heart seemed to be uncertain if it should keep on beating.

“You… what?”

“I’m trying to tell you that I love you and I want you to move in with me.” Kieran let out a frustrated groan.

“Are you fucking with me right now?!” Cameron yelled.

“No!” Kieran looked thoroughly confused. “I had a whole speech prepared! I have been practicing it in my head for days! I waited for the right moment, and I _tried_ to tell you when we were at your place, but then I got this letter and I had to go and –“

“You had an entire speech prepared?” Cameron gaped at him.

“I did. And you ruined it.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes! Couldn’t you have been patient for just two minutes and let me get on with it?”

“That was a crappy way to start it! You said you couldn’t see me anymore, what was I supposed to think?!”

“You were supposed to be patient and listen!”

Their eyes met, and the corners of Kieran’s mouth rose into a smile, and then Cameron was smiling as well, and Kieran’s smile grew wider. For a few moments they stood there, grinning like mad, and the whole world could burn around them and Cameron wouldn’t mind it even slightly.

“I was going to say that I can’t sneak out to see you anymore,” Kieran finally said, not quite meeting his gaze. “And I know that it has only been three weeks, but these three weeks meant everything to me. So, if you wanted, you could maybe come with me to the Unseelie Court. And… stay.”

Cameron’s mouth hung open, but no sound came out. Kieran locked eyes with him, and for a few moments they stared at each other; Cameron in utter shock, and Kieran in nervous anticipation. Finally, Kieran broke the silence, apparently not able to tolerate it any longer.

“I don’t mean to pressure you,” he said gently. “I know it’s a big decision. It’s just that… I know you. I know how you feel about the Shadowhunter world. How you never found your place there. And I - I didn’t find mine either. But then you came, and suddenly everything seemed to fall into place.”

He looked at the water, then back at Cameron. “If you want me to walk away now and leave you be – I’ll respect your wish. But if you feel the same… come with me. We’ll invent a title for you – you could be the Shadowhunter delegate at my court -”

“The Clave will love that.” Cameron laughed.

“So will I,” Kieran whispered. “I want you, Cameron. I cannot give you up. Please, come with me.”

Camron stared at him. Part of him thought that Kieran must be making some twisted joke. But the king’s expression was serious. Slightly nervous, even.

Cameron turned to him and wound both arms around Kieran’s waist and pulled him closer to him, pressing their chests together. “I’ll come with you,” he whispered.

In front of his eyes, Kieran’s hair turned the color of a blue moonstone.

“I love being the one who makes your hair do that.” Camron smiled.

“I love it too.”

They were dancing around the words; neither saying the specific three that will expose them raw. Cameron looked into Kieran’s eyes - a black diamond glistening in the sun and a silver winter moon. He was not going to let this moment slip away. He took the leap.

“Kieran,” he murmured. “I love you.”

Kieran pulled him into a kiss, soft and gentle, then slipped his tongue into his mouth and Cameron’s entire being was wrecked by the feeling. He quavered when Kieran pulled away.

“Was there something else that you planned to say in your speech?” he grinned.

“Oh, right.” Kieran breathed. “I am also very much in love with you.”

*******

After a much needed shower, Kit headed to the kitchen to make him and Ty some tea, hoping to cuddle with him under a blanket and watch a movie, or talk, or sleep. Anything, as long as it was with Ty. And as long as it didn’t require too much energy.

Julian and Emma were sitting at the counter with Tavvy, eating chocolate chips cookies that Kit was sure Julian had made himself. He felt a rush of affection towards them.

“Kit,” Julian said gently when he saw him enter.

“Kit!” Tavvy yelled and flung himself at him. Kit lifted him up and hugged him.

“We missed you, little buddy,” Emma said warmly.

“ _Little_?” Kit gaped at her. “I’m taller than you!”

“I took good care of Manu,” Tavvy informed him.

“He better not like you more than me now,” Kit fake scolded him and Tavvy giggled.

Julian gave Emma a look which Kit didn’t miss. “Let’s go get him,” she told Tavvy and guided him away.

“Cookie?” Julian asked when they were alone.

“Thanks.” Kit took it and sat next to him.

“Ty told me,” Julian said carefully, and Kit knew what he was talking about.

“I know,” he replied. “I told him he could.”

“Listen, what you did today,” Julian continued slowly. “My brothers don’t know, but I… I had to, too. My dad... he turned. I had no choice.”

Ty had told Kit that his dad died during the Dark War. He had no idea that it was in Julian’s hands.

“If you need to talk… I’m here,” Julian said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Thank you, Julian. For everything. I –“

“Kit!”

Both turned to see a flushed Dru.

“Kit,” she panted. “Paige was whining and saying that we left her in a comma on purpose – which, when I come to think of it, is exactly what I would have done given the choice – but anyway, I was sick of it so I told her that you had wings to distract her, and I guess she remembered that she has a crush on you because she then went to talk to Ty and – and I think you should come.”

“If she insults him again, I swear to god,” Kit jumped from his chair and followed Dru to the living room. He saw Ty, a distressed expression on his face, while an angry Paige was practically yelling in his face. Ty was too gently to tell her to stop. He flinched at her words, his hands fluttering at his sides, his eyes dark.

Kit approached them. “What’s going on?” he asked sharply.

Ty glanced at him, and for a second Kit thought he saw fear in his eyes. Then Ty looked away, saying “I need some time alone” and walked away.

Kit didn’t stop him; if Ty needed space he had no choice but to give him that. But his heart clenched painfully inside his chest. Something was very wrong.

“What did you say to him?” He turned angrily to Paige.

“Nothing.” She feigned innocence.

“I’m only going to ask you once more, and then I’ll get very – _very_ \- angry,” Kit said slowly. “What did you say to him?”

Paige just smirked.

“That’s it,” Kit yelled, letting his temper get the better of him. He pulled Paige by her arm, opened the window, and pushed her through it. He jumped after her, spread his wings, and caught her before she hit the ground. He flew with her to the roof and practically threw her on top of it, then landed in front of her.

Paige got up, looking dazed. She stared at his wings, wide-eyed.

“What did you say to him?!” Kit yelled.

“Nothing he didn’t already know before. Or at least – _should_ have known before,” Paige replied haughtily.

Kit clenched his fists to stop himself from leaping at her and wrapping his hands around her throat.

“What. Did. You. Say.” He repeated through gritted teeth, each word escaping painfully from his lips.

“I asked him if you ever talked about your travel year. He said you didn’t.” Paige smirked. “I told him that I’m not surprised, seeing as you are not planning to stay with him by then.”

“What?” Kit stared at her.

“What?” Paige feigned innocence. “I had to be honest with him, since you aren’t. I told him that you weren’t seriously considering a future with him. Otherwise you would have planned your travel year together.”

“I didn’t bring it up because I didn’t want to pressure him!” Kit shouted. “I was going to wait for him to tell me what he wants!”

“Please.” Paige chuckled. “Don’t give me that crap. The least you can do is be honest with the guy. Which is what I did for you, so you should thank me, really. I told him he couldn’t possibly think that you see a future with him, since, you know, he’s weird. I mean he’s hot and all, but _weird_. So, he was a bit upset. But it’s better that he should get a reality check.”

Kit was livid. He had wanted to strangle Paige on many occasions in the past; but never so much as now. His wings flapped around him in a violent swirl, pushing the air around him and nearly knocking Paige backwards.

He forced himself to take a deep breath and calm down. There was no point in committing murder right now. The only thing that mattered was getting Paige to leave Ty the fuck alone, and then run to him and make sure he’s okay.

“I _am_ planning a future with him,” he said angrily. “And I’m taking it slow, because that’s what he needs, and I want what’s best for him. I’m in love with him, get this into your stupid –“

“Sure you are.” Paige cut him off, unfazed. “ _Now_.”

Kit’s temper was rising dangerously. He forced himself to tear his eyes away from Paige and look around, taking deep, soothing breaths. They were alone here, no one was there to stop him from kicking her nose deep into her skull.

_No. Calm down. Don’t give her what she wants._ “What -”

Paige snorted. “You’re not seriously going to stay with this guy forever. Soon enough you’ll realize he’s too much work. You’ll get tired of him and find someone with whom you can actually go to places, and meet people, and share a life with. Someone _normal_.”

“I… _am_ staying with him forever,” Kit could barely express himself, he was beside himself with anger. “Get this in your head, Paige. I’m in love with him. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. And honestly? My biggest wish is to marry him someday, because I _know_ that this is it for me. There has always been Ty, and there always will be, and if it were up to me I would have married him yesterday so take your –“

He was cut off by a coughing sound. Both turned their heads to see Ty standing there, hands in his pockets and his gaze averted down.

_Oh no._

_Oh no no no no no no._

Paige let out a small, malicious laugh.

“So much for taking things slow and not pressuring him,” she said, then turned to climb back down. She stopped for a moment and glanced at Ty. She smirked, then turned away and climbed down.

_No._

_This isn’t happening._

_No no no no no no._

_Fuck fuck fucking fuck no no no fuck no._

_No no no no no no no no no no no no no why?!_

Ty still hasn’t lifted his gaze, and Kit retracted his wings and took two slow steps towards him, lifting his hands carefully.

“Please don’t run away,” he pleaded.

*******

“Please don’t run away.”

Ty lifted his gaze and studied Kit’s face. “I wasn’t going to.”

They remained silent, studying each other. Finally, Kit broke down.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…” Kit didn’t know where he was going with this. Because he _did_ mean what he said; he just didn’t mean for Ty to hear it that way. He planned to wait, to give Ty time to adjust to being in a relationship. He meant to wait for Ty to realize what he wanted. He meant to go with Ty on a travel year, and spend some time together away from everyone else, and let Ty figure out where he saw himself in ten, twenty, thirty years from now; and if he saw Kit in this mental picture.

He meant to go down on one knee, and give Ty his Herondale ring, and recite an entire speech telling Ty how much he meant to him and that he couldn’t imagine life without him.

Kit closed his eyes and passed his hands over his face in exasperation. Ty clearly wasn’t in the same place as he was, and now all that was left to do was to explain that he wasn’t trying to pressure him into doing anything, and that whenever Ty felt ready – if he ever felt ready – and oh god, how can Kit make this right again? Ty must think he’s insane; or maybe even a stupid child. Please, if the Angels are looking down upon them right now, make Ty _stay_ because Kit was not sure how he could get himself out of this mess.

“I’m sorry, Ty, I didn’t mean to pressure you. I know that you’re not… I know that you might never be… and that’s okay. That’s okay. I didn’t mean… I just want to be with you. On your terms. However you want this to be, that will be fine by me. And if ever… if ever… I’ll do it the traditional way – “

To his surprise, Ty burst out laughing. “Traditional?” he chuckled. “Kit, nothing about our relationship is traditional. We met when I held a knife to your throat. We became best friends when you saved my life. I told you that I loved you when we were both chained and locked in an abandoned hospital. We spent months acting like a couple of idiots, not realizing that we both wanted the same thing. The first time we made love - you grew wings. And that’s not an expression - you actually grew wings.”

Kit burst out laughing at that.

“You’re my best friend, and I love you more than anything,” Ty continued. “Ever since you pushed me against the wall in the weapons room and basically screamed at me that you wanted to give this a chance - ”

“Not my fault.” Kit pointed defensively. “I had to say it fast before you could walk out on me again.”

“True.” Ty smiled at him. “And ever since then, I have known that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Kit’s heart rate shot up at Ty’s last sentence. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself down.

When he opened them, Ty was down on one knee in front of him.

***********

Kit’s heart was not even beating anymore, just fluttering weakly in his chest, and he was sure he was about to faint.

“Kit, my heart belongs to you.” Ty’s voice trembled slightly. “Every piece of it is yours, and always will be. You complete me. You make me see the world from a completely different point of view. You’re my best friend. You’re the Watson to my Sherlock. You’re the only one that truly understands me. You’re the only one that makes me laugh, you’re the only one that I feel comfortable around. You’re my everything. I want to go to sleep tangled in you every night and wake up to your smile every morning. I want to travel the world with you. I want to learn, and see, and _live_ with you. I want to grow old with you.”

Tears were forming in the corners of Kit’s eyes and he began shaking, but his mind didn’t register any of it; all that was to know about was Ty.

Ty took out a small red box from his pocket. He opened it and Kit saw a silvery ring, glistening in the rays of the setting sun.

“Christopher Jonathan Herondale,” Ty whispered, voice trembling uncontrollably now. “Will you marry me?”

Kit sunk to his knees in front of Ty. He wrapped his arms around him, pulled him close, and buried his face in his neck, letting tears fall down his cheeks and wet Ty’s shirt.

“Yes, Ty. Yes. Yes. Yes,” he whispered into him. “I will marry you.”

They held the embrace for a few long minutes, and Ty hugged Kit tight against him, until his shirt was drenched with Kit’s tears. “I love you. I love you so much,” he repeated again and again.

Finally, Kit let him go. He wiped his face on his shirt, half-crying and half-laughing. Ty was still holding the box. He took out the ring and gently took Kit’s left hand.

“May I?” he asked quietly.

Kit nodded, and Ty slid the ring on his finger.

“I don’t have a family ring to give you,” he whispered. “So, I got you this one, and I asked Magnus to put protective spells on it, to keep you safe, and a tracking spell that calls the ring to me, so you could always find me.”

“Wait a second – is that why you asked to see Magnus privately when he came here? When you left me alone with Alec?”

“Yes.”

“So, you’ve been planning this just as long as I have?”

“Longer, probably.”

Kit placed a gentle kiss on his lips. “My turn.” He took off his Herondale ring from his right hand. Ty gave him his left hand, and Kit slid the ring on his finger, then stared at it. It looked perfect on Ty’s hand, as if it found its place.

Ty took Kit’s hand and kissed it, and when he let it go Kit took a closer look at the ring Ty had placed on his finger. It was silver and on it was engraved an undulating line. He looked at Ty questioningly.

“It’s the soundwave of me saying the word _whisper_ ,” Ty said with a smile.

Kit was transported back to a dark night, standing with Ty in front of a stone bird, and Ty murmuring under his breath.

_“What are you saying?” Kit asked, unable to help his curiosity._

_“Just words I like. If I say them to myself, it makes my mind – quieter. Does it bother you?”_

_“No! I was just curious what words you liked.”_

_Ty bit his lip, and for a moment Kit thought that he was not going to answer. But then –_

_“It’s not the meaning, just the sound. Glass, twin, apple, whisper, stars, crystal, shadow, lilt.”_

_“Whisper would be one of mine, too,” Kit said, taking a step towards Ty and touching his shoulder gently._

“That night,” Kit’s voice trembled uncontrollably. “That was the night I realized that I was never running away again. That you are my home.”

Ty brushed a strand of hair out of Kit’s forehead. Around them, the whole world froze. Nothing was left but him and Ty. Ty and him. Forever.

“I know,” Ty said softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they all lived happily ever after <3
> 
> I might publish a short epilogue when I'll have time to sit down and write one :)
> 
> If you need more kitty in your life, you can check out "The Bet", and the more recent story "Today I Learned". Here's the summary:
> 
> “What’s _that_?” Kit eyed the notebook suspiciously.  
>  “It’s a diary,” Ty replied. “To help you with your Shadowhunter studies. You can put a new entry each day, describing what you learned.”  
> And so, Kit began writing in his notebook.  
> Entry 1: TIL how to stand in a fighting stance.  
> Entry 15: TIL that Ty’s favorite musical instrument is the piano.  
> Entry 59: TIL how to draw an Iratze.  
> Entry 74: TIL that Ty smells like the ocean.  
> Entry 95: TIL how to throw a dagger.  
> Entry 217: TIL that Ty’s favorite tea is Lady Gray.
> 
> Yes, many of his entries are about Ty. So what? It’s normal. Ty is his best friend.   
> While Kit loves to drink, party, and have one-night stands, Ty prefers reading quietly or go on long rides alone on his motorcycle. Although they are seemingly opposites, they have the best friendship and everything is great. That is, until Ty meets Sam Firedork, um… sorry, Sam Fire _dart_ , and everything goes to hell.
> 
> Meanwhile, two years into their marriage, Julian and Emma are still acting like love-crazed newlyweds; Perfect Diego came back to LA and no one knows why; Mark embarrasses himself every time Kieran comes over; and Jaime came back to be with his brother and it has nothing to do with Dru of course.


	37. Of Starfish, Bean Bag Chairs, Permanent Runes, and Porcupines Again (Part I)

**Four months later…**

Kit was pacing restlessly in his room. Back and forth. Back and forth. He only stopped every few seconds to glance at himself in the mirror; Ty had replaced the one he had broken a few months back.

Dru was sitting on the windowsill, wearing a deep purple gown that cascaded down, looking ravishing. She watched him with a huge grin plastered on her face.

“I’m getting married today!” Kit cried out. “I can’t believe it. Can you believe it?”

Dru grinned wider still. “Yeah, I can believe it.”

“I’m getting married!” Kit was yelling now. “Wow. I’m nervous. Dru! I’m so nervous!”

Dru studied his face thoughtfully. “Are you having second thoughts?” she asked gently.

He lifted his gaze and met her eyes. They stared at each other for a few moments.

And then they started laughing hysterically.

“That was a good one,” Kit said as he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye, still laughing.

“As if you could ever have second thoughts about marrying Ty,” Dru said, gasping for air.

“As if he’s not the best thing that has ever happened to me,” Kit coughed. “Agh, my abs hurt. Stop making me laugh!”

“Lucky you’re not wearing any makeup, it would have been ruined,” she pointed out.

“Okay, seriously though,” Kit said solemnly. “Do I look okay?”

He was wearing a navy three-piece suit with a waistcoat, paired with a gray tie that matched Ty’s eyes – a deliberate choice - and a colorful pocket square. Kit came to stand in front of the mirror again, passing his hand through his hair and checking his reflection anxiously.

Dru deadpanned. “Honestly Kit, you can stand at the altar wearing a kilt and a Superman cape and Ty won’t even blink. He keeps saying that looking at you is like staring at the sun, so bright it almost hurts.”

Kit turned to her. “I think I’m going to cry when I see him walking down the aisle,” Kit said quietly. “No, I’m _definitely_ going to cry.”

Kit and Ty had let Julian and Christina take over the wedding planning. Technically, Emma was also part of it, but in order for her not to ruin anything Julian let her be in charge of picking out the chairs. There was no way she could mess _that_ up, he argued. Ty didn’t mind, and Kit didn’t either; his only request was that he should be the first one at the altar, so he could see Ty walk down the aisle with Julian.

“Are you hyphenating your names?” Dru asked.

“No.” Kit smiled.

“Are you -?”

“Yes. I was Kit Rook, and I was Kit Herondale, and both were okay. Just okay. But being a Blackthorn feels _right_. Ty is my home, and you are my family.”

“So, we really _are_ family now, huh? No way to get rid of you.”

“Not a chance.”

Dru jumped from the windowsill and came to hug him. “I’m really, really happy.”

“I am too.” Kit hugged her back.

“I’m glad you’re my brother. Even though you’re weirdly obsessed with rocks and mangos.”

Kit chuckled.

“I wonder what Ty’s doing right now,” he said. “Probably busy being all pretty and perfect.”

*******

Ty was pacing restlessly in his room. “I’m getting married today! Julian, I’m getting married!”

“You are.” Julian smiled at him.

It was hard to grasp. His baby brother, the one he had taken care of for years, explained idioms to, kissed goodnight, taught how to fight. His baby brother was getting married.

“I’m so happy,” Ty said, and Julian felt a rush of affection towards him. “I never thought a person could be so happy. But I am.”

“I am too,” Julian said honestly.

“Do I look alright?” Ty asked nervously. He was wearing a gray suit and a blue tie that matched Kit’s eyes. It was a deliberate choice; Julian was certain of it.

“You look great, Ty-Ty,” Julian replied. “Though honestly, you can walk down the aisle wearing a trash bag and Kit won’t even notice. He keeps saying that you’re so beautiful you make angels jealous.”

Ty smiled. “Thank you,” he whispered. “For everything. I am here today because of you.”

Julian pulled him into a tight hug. “I love you,” he said. “Now come on.” He tried to keep his voice steady, even though he was sure he would start crying any minute now. “It’s time.”

“It’s time.” Ty grinned.

They were about to leave the room when there was a knock on the door, followed by Emma peaking inside. “Can I come in?”

“Yes,” Ty said.

Julian’s amazing wife came in, carrying a large fish tank.

“What’s that?” Ty raised his eyebrows.

“Kit told me you liked starfish, so I brought you one as a wedding present,” she said.

Julian looked at the tank. On a bed of rocks and corals lay a large, black, monstrous-looking starfish.

“What’s wrong with it?!” he yelled in horror. The starfish moved closer to the glass, opening something that resembled a mouth with hundreds of sharp teeth. “Oh no, Em! It’s possessed!”

The demonic starfish jumped out of the tank and grabbed Ty’s hair, trying to bite through his scalp.

“Ow!” Ty yelled. “Get it off me!”

“Oh my god!” Emma paled. “Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck!”

“Take it off!” Julian shouted. “He can’t get married with a demonic starfish in his hair!”

Emma tried to pull the starfish, but it held firmly onto Ty’s hair.

“Okay, so, I don’t want to alarm you,” Ty said slowly. “But I think it aims to crawl under my skull and eat my brain.”

“Fuck!” Julian yelled. He pushed Emma aside, grabbed the starfish, and began pulling. “Emma! Go tell everyone that the ceremony is being slightly postponed.”

*******

A knock on the door made Kit finally let go of Dru.

“Hey.” Tessa smiled as she opened the door followed by Jem.

She was wearing a green velvet dress and wore her usual pearls bracelet on her wrist. Jem stood behind her, wearing a vintage suit.

Kit had invited Tessa and Jem to his and Ty’s engagement party and ever since then they kept in touch, visiting each other when occasions presented themselves. It was as if everything was falling into place, and from an orphan with no family – Kit now had two. So, when Tessa asked him, voice trembling slightly, if he wanted her and Jem to walk him down the aisle – Kit grinned and said yes; absolutely.

“Are you ready?” Tessa asked.

“I am.” He smiled.

Dru walked out the room, followed by Tessa and Jem, and Kit checked himself nervously in the mirror one last time before he walked out as well.

“So, there’s a delay, you see.” He heard Emma tell Tessa. “The ceremony is postponed, I need you to keep Kit occupied.”

Kit’s heart began racing. He rushed over to them. “Emma, what’s going on?”

Emma’s eyes widened when she saw him. “There’s a… um… _situation_.”

Kit was starting to panic. “What kind of situation?”

“Don’t worry,” she replied. “I’ll try to get Ty to walk down the aisle.” She then hurried through the corridor.

“What do you - He doesn’t want to come?” Kit yelled after her. “He doesn’t want to marry me?!”

*******

Julian was still pulling the starfish. “I know it hurts, but if I stop pulling it will start gnawing on your skin.”

“That sounds probable,” Ty replied, trying to keep calm.

Emma burst through the door and locked it behind her. “I notified Tessa,” she panted. “Now, let’s get rid of that starfish.” She took out a sharp dagger from her belt and hurried towards Ty.

Someone knocked on the door.

“Ty, it’s me.” He could hear Kit on the other side of the door. “Open up.”

“No, I – I’ll see you later,” Ty replied, trying to keep steady as Julian pulled his hair along with the starfish.

“Ty, please. Open up!”

Emma was now pulling as well.

“I can’t!”

“Why the hell not?” Kit sounded distressed.

“Because it’s… it’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding!”

“You’re not a bride!” Kit shouted. “Please, Ty, you’ve got to open the door.”

“I really, really, can’t do that.”

“I know you’re having second thoughts!” Kit yelled. “Emma told me.”

Julian stopped pulling for a second and mouthed angrily “why would you say that?” to which Emma replied by shrugging and mouthing something incoherent.

“Please open the door,” Kit begged. “I love you. I love you so much. Just let me see you.”

“He’s such a great kid,” Julian whispered contently. “Best son in law ever.”

“I love you, too,” Ty said, trying to ignore the weird feeling of having a cursed starfish crawling on his scalp.

“Please, open the door,” Kit sounded desperate. “I understand that you’re having second thoughts, but if you’d just let me in… Please, I love you so much.”

“Wow, Ty, I think he likes you,” Emma whispered. She tried stabbing the starfish with her dagger.

Julian gaped at her. “Babe, have you seriously just realized it?”

“I’m not having second thoughts,” Ty tried to use a reassuring tone, which turned out to be quite hard to do whilst a demonic starfish was trying to chew his brain out.

“I know you have. And I know why.” Kit voice was muffled. “You’re only marrying me because you never saw what else is out there.”

“That’s – not – true,” Ty let out the words in between gritted teeth, while Emma tried to slash the starfish. “Ow! You stabbed me!”

“I did what?” Kit sounded confused.

“Like cupid,” Ty said quickly, trying to save the situation. “With his arrows. You stabbed me with a love arrow.”

“Okay…” Kit didn’t sound convinced. “But I feel like if I hadn’t latched on to you so early, you would have ended up with someone else.”

Emma cut a strand of Ty’s hair. “Damn, he really wants to marry you,” she whispered, her dagger much to close to Ty’s eye than he would have liked it to be.

“You would have probably dated some genius dork,” Kit continued. “Like… a biologist. Or a forensic analyst. Someone who would have taken you to museums and written scientific articles in your honor.”

“And then I would have realized that I want to belong to you, and only to you,” Ty said. He looked down at the floor that was now being covered with raven black hair as Emma was cutting strand after strand, trying to get the starfish out.

“Or maybe you would have left to travel Europe for years without me,” Kit continued. “And you would have come back with a new haircut or piercings or something, only to taunt me with your beauty before you left again.”

And suddenly having a demonic starfish biting his flesh, Emma waving her dagger in his face, and Julian looking at him with concern, didn’t matter anymore. All that was left was his future husband.

“Kit, listen to me,” Ty said. His voice quivered slightly. “I would always choose you. In any universe, in any version of reality, in a thousand lifetimes and facing a thousand struggles. I would always choose you, and I would always stay.”

For a few moments no sound came through the door. Then finally Ty could hear Kit’s voice again, trembling like his own.

“Promise?”

“Yes,” Ty said, his heart pounding so heavily he was certain Emma could hear it. “I promise.”

“Okay,” Kit said, sounding calmer. “I’ll… I’ll meet you at the altar.”

“I’ll meet you at the altar.” Ty smiled. “Five minutes.”

“Just so you know,” Emma said when the sound of Kit’s footsteps died out. “If you two wouldn’t have gotten together, I would have made a game out of it. I would bet Christina that I can make you realize your feelings before she does. And I would have won, obviously.”

“Babe, while I am certain that this is true, could you _please_ focus?!” Julian cried out.

Emma sighed. “I keep cutting Ty’s hair but that damned thing is faster than me, it just moves on to the next strand! I think it’s best that Ty goes bald.”

“I can’t be bald!” Ty protested. “First, because I’m getting married in exactly four minutes. Second, because if the starfish doesn’t have hair to hold, it will grip my skin!”

“Good point,” Emma said. “But I don’t –“

Another knock on the door. “It’s me! Mark.”

Julian rushed to open it.

Mark stepped into the room and stopped immediately when he saw Emma pulling Ty’s hair and waving a dagger at his face. “What are you guys doing?”

“Trying – to – get – rid – of – a – possessed – starfish,” Emma panted.

“It’s not possessed.” Mark pulled a face. “It’s a common fairy starfish, named _Stichaster pullejaceus australis_.”

“That’s super useful, thank you,” Emma replied. “Do you happen to know anything about its habitat, or perhaps its circulatory system? I’d like to write a paper.”

Mark ignored her. “But why are you trying to stab it?”

“It’s trying to eat my brain,” Ty explained. “We are hoping to prevent that outcome.”

“That’s not the way to do it,” Mark said, exasperated. “You just need to tickle it. Here.”

He reached his hand and tickled the starfish, which immediately folded on itself, trembling slightly as if it was giggling. Gently, Mark took it in his hand.

“Wow, it’s gold now,” Ty said, amazed. “You’ll have to tell me more about this species. Later though, because right now I am going to marry the love of my life.”

He bolted out of the room.

*******

Kit walked outside, Tessa and Jem on either side of him.

“Wow!” he said, amazed. “It’s beautiful!”

The entire area surrounding the institute was transformed. Leading from the back door to the beach was a long stone paved path, with trees and rose bushes on either side. The trees themselves were covered in thousands of fairy lights, twinkling in the sunset lighting.

“Magnus and Tessa did this,” Jem said proudly.

“Christina and Julian planned it,” Tessa said. “We just executed their requests.”

The path ended, and Kit stopped walking. He could see the sun setting on the ocean, coloring the sky with hues of gold and orange. A red carpet was spread in front of them leading to the alter on which stood brother Obadiah holding a scroll. On either side of the carpet, behind rows of low candles, sat the guests. Soft sounds of piano filled the air. Kit smiled when he saw Jace playing it.

“Ready?” Tessa asked. She gave him her arm.

“Ready,” Kit said, trying to keep his voice steady. He linked his left arm in Tessa’s and his right in Jem’s, and they began walking.

“Why are half of the chairs normal, while half are bean bag chairs?” Tessa whispered.

Kit smiled. “Emma was in charge of chairs.”

“Ah.” Tessa nodded. To his right, Jem chuckled.

Kit’s mind registered a few faces as he walked past them. Clary, sitting on the piano stool next to Jace, smiling at Kit as he walked past them. Jace, with his usual smirk. Simon sitting next to a very pregnant Isabelle. Magnus, sitting next to Alec and the children, winked at him. Christina, her face radiating with happiness, sitting next to a grinning Mark. Dru and Jael, looking almost as excited as he was. Kieran, his hair the same color as the sky, sitting next to Cameron who beamed at Kit as he walked past them. Helen, Aline, Diana, Ty’s annoying aunt from England, members of Kieran’s personal guard, other extended family members Kit had never met… They all became a warm, comfortable blur as Kit came closer and closer to the altar.

They stopped in front of it, and Kit hugged Tessa and Jem before climbing the three steps and standing in front of Brother Obadiah.

He stood there, waiting, his heat beating so fast he was sure it would rip out his ribcage, his breath fast and shallow.

And then he finally saw him.

Ty walked slowly down the aisle, Julian to his left side and Emma to his right, looking more beautiful than ever. He was wearing a gray suit and a blue tie, the color of Kit’s eyes, and Kit could already feel the tears forming. He had been worried that all those people might stress Ty; that he would shut down, overwhelmed by the colors and sounds. But Ty seemed serene. Happy. He walked steadily, his gaze focused on Kit’s shoulder, a smile on his face. He looked like an angel. He looked like a dream. He looked like everything Kit had ever wanted, and everything he will ever need.

Ty stopped in front of the alter and hugged Emma and Julian. He then turned to look at Kit, meeting his eyes for a brief second, and smiled. Kit’s cheeks were already wet with tears as Ty came to stand in front of him.

Brother Obadiah opened his scroll.

“It is with joy and happiness that we gather on this occasion to celebrate the union of Tiberius Nero Blackthorn and Christopher Jonatan Herondale in the holy bond of marriage.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :') 
> 
> The epilogue should have one or two more chapters (depends if I have time to write everything I want). 
> 
> btw the variations of reality Kit and Emma are referring to in the demonic starfish scene are (as some of you have probably guessed) my other kitty stories [Today I Learned](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16105877/chapters/37620374) , [The Moon Howls](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16942497/chapters/39811722), and [The Bet](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14940314), respectively. 
> 
> Also here's a snippet from the next chapter:
> 
> “They won’t stop singing Disney tunes!” Paige complained. “And no, Kieran, I don’t care that you’re an _actual king_ , that’s still not a good enough reason to sing Simba’s song.”


	38. Of Starfish, Bean Bag Chairs, Permanent Runes, and Porcupines Again (Part II)

Brother Obadiah read the wedding invocation from his scroll, calling for the Angels presence and their blessing to be upon the service.

“Angels of God, our guardians, we ask you to accept the shared treasure of their life together, which they now create and offer to you. May your blessing be on this wedding service. Protect, guide, and bless this couple. Surround them and us with your love now and always. Amen.”

Kit didn’t take his eyes away from Ty. “I love you,” he mouthed.

“I love you too,” Ty mouthed back.

Jace began playing another hymn, a soft tune, and all eyes turned to the aisle. Tavvy walked along it, holding a velvet cushion on which sat Emmanuel and the golden ceremonial stele.

“Our baby is the stele bearer!” Kit whispered.

Ty let out a small chuckle. “That was my only request for the ceremony. I thought you might like it.”

Tavvy handed brother Obadiah the stele and sat down next to an already weeping Julian. Kit felt a rush of affection towards his soon-to-be father-in-law.

He took Ty’s hands in his.

“I charge you both, as you stand in Raziel’s presence,” Obadiah began. “To remember that love and loyalty alone will serve as the foundations of your shared home. If the solemn vows which you are about to make are kept permanently, and if you seek to do the will of our heavenly guardians, your life will be full of peace and joy.

“Christopher Johnathan Herondle, do you take Tiberius Nero Blackthorn to be your husband?”

Kit’s voice was trembling when he answered. “I do.”

“Do you promise to love him, respect him as an equal, sharing joy as well as sorrow, triumph as well as defeat, and keep him beside you as long as you both shall live?”

“I do.” His heart beat so fast it almost hurt. _I do. I do. I do._

“Tiberius Nero Blackthorn, do you take Christopher Johnathan Herondle to be your wedded husband to live together in the covenant of faith, hope, and love according to the intention of our guardian Raziel?”

“I do.” Ty’s deep voice was heard, loud and clear.

“Do you promise to stand by him faithfully in sickness and in health, preferring him above all others for as long as you both shall live?”

“I do.”

“You will now exchange your vows and marital runes.”

Kit squeezed Ty’s hands gently.

“Ty,” he began, his voice shaking. “Loving you was never an option for me. From the moment I met you, it was my reality.

“I always wanted you. Even when I didn’t know what I wanted. Even when I didn’t know you. But when I finally met you, I knew I was home.

“You have taught me love, you have taught me hope. And I am yours. With every ounce of love instilled in me, I am yours. With every thought that slips my mind, with every drop of my blood, with every part of my soul, I am yours.

“I give you my heart. It is yours to keep, yours to love, yours to hold. I give it to you, along with everything I am.”

He let Ty’s hands go. Trembling, he unbuttoned the top buttons of Ty’s shirt, then pulled back his sleeve. He took the stele from Obadiah’s hand.

“I, Christopher Johnathan Herondle, take you, Tiberius Nero Blackthorn, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward. No matter what happens. No matter what you’ve done. No matter what you will do. I pledge you my eternal love and faithfulness.”

Ty gave him his arm.

Kit had been practicing it for weeks on pieces of papers; he drew a perfect marital rune on Ty’s forearm. When he lifted his gaze, he saw that Ty was smiling. “It’s beautiful,” he whispered.

Ty pulled his shirt and Kit put his left hand on his shoulder, and with his right he drew the second marital rune, right above Ty’s heart. He caressed the nape of his neck gently before letting him go.

“Kit,” Ty began. His voice was trembling like Kit’s was. “I used to think that I was never going to find my place. That I didn’t belong. I used to think that was never going to find my way.

“Now I know that I wasn’t lost; it was just the feeling of my heart searching endlessly for you to complete me.

“You have replaced my nightmares with dreams, my worries with happiness, and my fears with love. You always saw the best in me, and you made me see the best in myself. I never thought that happiness like this was possible; but every day you prove me wrong.”

He took the stele from Obadiah’s hand.

“I, Tiberius Nero Blackthorn, take you, Christopher Johnathan Herondle, to be my wedded husband. I promise to love you in your weakest moments to your strongest ones. I promise to love you when you’re happy, and I promise to love you when you’re sad. I’ll always be here, by your side. And I’m never, ever, going anywhere.”

Kit gave him his forearm.

Ty was the first person to draw a rune on him; the Vision rune, on the back of his right hand. Kit had gotten other runes over the years; but the permanent ones were only drawn by Ty. Kit wouldn’t let anyone but him mark him forever.

Just Ty. Only ever Ty.

He stood still as Ty unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it to reveal his chest. He drew the marital rune right above Kit’s heart.

“Now that Christopher and Tiberius have given themselves to each other by the promises they have exchanged,” brother Obadiah resumed. “I pronounce them, in the name of Raziel, to be lawfully married.” Through the stiches covering his mouth, Kit could swear he was smiling. “You may kiss your husband.”

Ty pulled Kit by his tie and pressed their lips together. Fireworks were dancing under Kit’s eyelids as he heard the guests cheering around them. Ty pressed their lips together again and again, and Kit wound his arms around him and kissed him back, barely able to process that this was real; that all of this happiness belonged to him.

“I love you,” he whispered when Ty pulled away.

Ty's smile lit up his whole face.

“I love you,” he said. “Kit, my beautiful husband.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I still owe you guys the reception <3 Also, for more kitty you can join me on my ongoing story, [The Moon Howls](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16942497/chapters/39811722))


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